Attn: Ryu

[Ray Pina]

I noticed your post and wanted to start fresh because I am in a similiar situation and I thought some dialogue mught help -- both of us.

I was dating someone in college and I was happy enough but she gave me hell everytime I went surfing. With time I realized she was not the one, and I was with her most liely because she was around when my mother got sick and then dies and perhaps understood my pain at that time.

Then I was single for a long time and gave up hope for women, seeing most as wanting a man only to take them to the mall, movies and dinner. Lacking passion.

Then I met my present girlfriend. She at least liked the beach -- a start. Then I taught her to surf. Then I needed to move out of my house -- having graduated, a home can not share two men (my father and myself). SO we moved in together. Been together now for four years.

I love this girl, but at the same time I feel grosly unaprciated. She's still in school (third time back but doing well this time) so I pick up most of the bills. I don't care about that, but I', always looking out for her intrests and it seems mine always fall to the wayside. I feel like the friend that always drives, but no one every says thanks, offers gas money or even offers to drive once in a while.

Now my situation: I'm strating to see that perhaps she's not the one either. Though I've learned a lot from her. What makes it complicated is that I think I'm falling for someone else. A martial artist. Someone I really respect. Very complicated because I am in a relationship and pride myself on honesty and loyalty. So I'm wrestling with this sort of thing myself.

I'm a quiet person believe it or not. I just want to train, surf and write. But at the same time I'm a hopeless romantic and would like to share a long life with a woman I love, so we can drink lemonade on the porch someday and watch the kids train in the yard sort of thing.

Women ... what can be done?

I guess this was no help. I just understand that not being apreciated. But most people don't apreciate what they have until its gone ... but with me, by then its too late.

Hope you're as strong as I believe you are and know that its all transitory as I believe you already know and that things change ... for the betterment of all involved.

Peace
Ray

[Ryu]

Hey thanks. :) That was a nice post.
Well being unappreciated is not that big of a deal at times UNLESS you are getting it from the person you're in a relationship with. I don't think it's a healthy environment because what happens is that it starts boiling and the feeling and resentment becomes stronger. My advice is to TELL her how you feel.
Never keep those kind of feelings secret (believe me) that when all the problems start.
I'm okay, that post last night was just a venting post since it happened a few hours earlier. I'm not about to fall on my butt and die over a woman who is not the person I thought she was. It's her loss and not mine. So I'll just keep moving forward.
I would tell your GF how you feel. If you can't have open dialogue and understanding in a relationship...get out of it.

Ryu

[Ray Pina]

Yea, I bring this topic up a lot -- apreciation. When one takes and takes, the other can't help but feel a little empty handed having given it all.

I realize she won't change, its her nature. I've wrestled with it for some time, hoping it would get better. We are best friends, and we have a lease on our place till september.

In my mind I am evoluating the situation and will take enventory at that time. I care for her and can't toss her out while in school, but, at the same time, I can't be so intimately connected to someone who does not apreciate me.

I too am not hung up. My feelings hurt? Yes, some what. Strong and independant enough to move on? He|l yes. Learned? Definitely.

OK, enough of the mushy mush and back to martial endeavors.

Peace

[Highlander]

Originally posted by EvolutionFist
What makes it complicated is that I think I'm falling for someone else. A martial artist.

Is it someone we know?

Is it someone on KFO?

If it's Stacy, we gotta talk. (Stacy's a guy) ;)

[Ray Pina]

Funny.

[Nexus]

Go get what you want, the only thing thats holding you back is doubt.

[Yung Apprentice]

If you think something can turn into a long term sort of thing with the MA chik, you should go for it. If you truly pride yourself in honesty, then be honest with yourself. But first maybe you should talk to your current girl if you hadn't done it already. If you have and she still hasn't change, well c'est lavie.(french for, thats life) But the longer you stay with this girl, and ultimately you know she's not the one, and it's going nowhere, it will be harder on both of you when you finally do leave her. Best thing to do, in my opinion, (and take it with a grain of salt) is do some soul searching, find out if she is the one, if not let her go. Unless you HAVE to have a girl all the time.(I have some friends like that) Who knows maybe the MA chik maybe the one. Never know till you try.

[Stacey]

Sure give me shisse for claiming to be female, but your the ones crying, "I don't feel appreciated in my relationship."

Now who's the female?

To quote Reece, "Just because your in a relationship with a girl doesn't mean you need to act like one.


You should do your own thing, retreating makes them follow, its the same way you tame a horse.

many of the old fairly tales involve women that have to go on a quest to find their prince charming. They don't just tan and do tae bo to get him, hell no, firey cliffs, mountains of ice, women need a challenge.

[Yung Apprentice]

Since you finally admitted that your a man, does this mean your gay or would like to be a female?

[Yung Apprentice]

On second thought, I really DON't want to know.