Martial Arts Fiction on-line!

[Wu Lung]

www.cyberkwoon.com has got it's new Martial Arts related fiction section up and running! The first published story is on-line now.

Click the Martial Fiction link in the Articles menu on the left of the www.cyberkwoon.com homepage. Our first Martial Arts Short Fiction story is posted now and we'll be publishing a new one every month.

If you think you can spin a good yarn, check out the Submission Guidelines and have a go yourself. You could earn US$50.00 and get free membership to the cyberkwoon.com Members Section for a year.

Also, please feel free to post any comments about any of the stories you read, as our contributing authors would certainly appreciate constructive criticism.


:)

[Xebsball]

Cool, ill read it tomorrow.

I see you are so pumped you posted it 3 times :D


Now seriously, dont you think this forum is kinda slow right now or is it just me?

[prana]

well if you are ready.

1. When I shut a window, I want it to shut, not pop open another window. Because I usually have 4-5 windows from your pages open simultaneously, when I go to shut them , suddenly I have about 15 windows open. Some people call it spam. People even design softwares to stop these intrusions.

2. No one likes to sign-on just to get some pictures, it feels like they are bound to a contract, or worst still, judging by the design of the pages (pop up windows on shutdown) it seems likely that one would be likely spammed. It gives me the impression of signing on to an Adult site.

well, errr you asked for constructive criticism, hope you didn't get too offended :o

[Wu Lung]

Prana - I'm really not sure what you're referring to. Could you clarify your problem? If you follow the link from the Articles menu, each next page should open in the same window. It does for me.

Thanks for the heads up anyway - if you can clarify your problem, we'll certainly try to sort it out. And sorry about the multiple posts - I didn't realise!

However, constructive criticism was more a request for the stories than the site, but feel free to air any gripes you have about the site too! ;)

[prana]

excellent, they are all gone :)

Well done... nice looking site too !

[Wu Lung]

Thanks. In fact, the thanks should really go to Fabien Sena - he's the man behind cyberkwoon. We just help out. But hey, if ya like it, tell your friends! ;)

[dwid]

The story wasn't very impressive to be honest. It's called "The Bout," which implies that that is where the essential conflict of the story lies, but the reader isn't even told what the brawl is until the last page of the story.

Also, setting like 7 and a half pages of an 8 page story in flashback is pretty awkward. When the dramatic present of the story only exists to give context to the flashback, it makes the whole story suspect. The flashback is dragged over such a long period, that it's impossible to offer enough detail to make it engaging on its own, so the whole story is being held up by these fragments of present tense at the beginning and end. Further, there are like two flashbacks within the flashback, which is cumbersome in any work of fiction, let alone one so short.

The characters are more caricatures than actual characters. We have the computer geek, the fretful mother, and the jock. In order to make us care about these, they need to be more lifelike. People have characteristics, but real people (and well-written characters) are not defined by single characteristics.

The story really pays no attention to what would promise to be its most engaging elements. Namely, the conversion of the main character from someone who reluctantly takes up kung fu to a person who is apparently very dedicated to it for its own sake. Dramatic elements like these are where readers see themselves reflected in a story, and are the points where it is possible for a good writer to subtly suggest universals about people.

The story hangs too close to the main character's head. The reader is never really allowed to stray too far from here. This would be fine if the main character would occasionally open his eyes, or in some other way give us sense details/details of scene that suggest mood and tone, instead of the author telling us what to think in a given passage.

In good fiction, the story almost seems to tell itself. The writer shows you a lot, but doesn't tell you so much. The telling is inferred in the circumstances of the story.

I think this has a lot of potential. Once I figured out what it was about (on page 8), I wanted to know a lot more.

Just my 2 cents.

[Wu Lung]

Thanks for the comments. This kind of constructive criticism is extremely useful to writers. Be sure to check back often as we'll publish a new story every month.

And feel free to have a go yourselves. You could make fifty bucks and get free membership!

[Budokan]

My story, "Flight Wind" will be up next month, or so I'm told. Give it a look and let me know what you think.

[Wu Lung]

Budokan's story will be up from the 1st April (+/- a day or two - you know how it is!)