Emotional control...

[Open Stance...]

RAGE!!!!!!


Im driving along at the end of a long day and some **** cuts me up causing me to swerve to avoind a collision....

Inside me is a burning rage building up to chase him,Give him a mouthfull of abuse and if needs be pull over and let my fists do the talking....

The problem?

How in a fight or flight situation can you control and compose yourself to think clearly and untense your body from anger....

I find this quite difficult and find in these situations my heart ponds like a sledge hammer and my muscles tense up so tight im gunna blow a fuse...(no good if i need to defend myself!!)

deep breathing,focus,meditation practise????

I have only been training for about 6 months in an external form of kung-fu, and find i cant detatch myself emotionaly from a fight situation (especialy if it were to involve loved ones).

All responses greatfully recieved!!!

[jon]

I could take up pages and pages or i could give you one simple sentence...
Im going to go the easy way and ask that you read a little between the lines of what i say...

How to deal with the addrenalin dump?
Get used to it!
Practice there is no other way, you need to find ways to practice that recreate this feeling. Its not easy and proberly will involve getting smacked around.

[No_Know]

Is the person at whom you are directing your upset actually in charge of changing what you would like to be different?

Even if yes, does winning against, losing to, hurting or killing this person matter to the results that you would like? Does any of those convince the person to honestly help?

[LEGEND]

OPEN...
This is something u need to think about in terms of self defense...do u think within that anger can u calmly throw mulitple strikes or were u thinking I will kill him with my right cross??? U see...this is the reason why boxers in real fight throw one punches and no combos...there emotions control them. You can try to train your adrenalin dump to be colder and launch combo attacks...but if u're a very emotional person like myself u'll can't do it. U're gonna then have to focus on one attack...like a really hard right cross then try to grapple or something else.

[yenhoi]

Meditate.

And remember not to use your skills, no matter how refined or not refined, to hurt other people unless its 'necessary.'

[shaolinboxer]

I turned to aikido. I have never practiced a more infuriating martial art.

But, after a while it helped me control my hot temper, and has helped me have much more success (and enjoyment) in sparring.

[Tae Li]

ok, i train and tke all my anger out on perfecting my fighting techinque... apart from that i talk and talk and talk with the fastest pace anyone has ever witnessed, telling some unlucky person how p!ssed off i am... that could do the trick:)

Tae Li;)

[Black Jack]

In my view it is important to control ones emotions but its even more important to learn to harness those emotions into a controlled rage for the prupose of fighting, don't learn to get rid of them, just learn to bring them up and focus the primal heat of them on your attacker.

[Aramus]

I teach trainees at work to expect certain things so they won't get upset when it happens. Here is how it works. I expect to get cut off in traffic everytime I travel on I-270. When it happens I say, I've been waiting for you all day (to myself) laugh and chalk it up for that one person that cuts me off (or does something stupid on the road). If more than one, I might even point at the person, wave and smile.

Realize that someone may not even know they are doing wrong. It may not be your place to tell them, unfortunately. You cannot save or help everyone. Try to view things through their eyes. Maybe their wife is having a baby and they really feel the need to get their fast (my car goes 120 mph...found that out after my wife said, "it's time" for the baby).

Smile, it will be OK.
Coincidently, the fight/flee reaction comes up in relationships quite a lot. This is something to master.
Peace.:)

[Ray Pina]

Interesting question.

I found myself ina similiar situation just the other day. Someone did something so stupid I just really wanted to be the $hit out of them, but I was in my car. I wish to God he would have given me the finger for beeping and giving him alook like, "Are you freaking retarted?" Instead he never turned around, and enjoyed the position he gained by cutting me off like a moran.

So i figuered, better off that way. Do I really want to kick an old man's face in, he was probbaly already in his forties, but not a martial arts forty, a regular Joe smhoe, go home and eat chocolate cake and have a beer fellow.

So that was that. But at the time I was raging.

A few months ago some roid head, no shirt, trying to look tough on the dance floor, grabs my shoulder. His girlfriend, which no one knew it to be since she was dancing alone because he was too busy looking tough, was near by. I noticed him noticing her being noticed by me -- and about ten other guys. It was 5:00 a.m., she was on E ... and everybody was getting down.

So this guy, about 6'2 230 (not exagerating, and comfortable enough with his body fat percentage to be topless) digs into my shoudler. As soon as it happned, inside, I was like, "What the ****! Who the hel... I never finished. My left hand shot up ala' "Paint the fence Danialson" right on his bicep from underneath -- the soft spot.

He pulled his arm back like he touched a live wire.

Hand removed.

He stepped back, talked to his weight lifting buddy, there was three. And I kept dancing.

He came back again like trying to come talk to me. He reached to get close, I stepped to the side. "Hey, is this your girl?" Didn't let him answer. "So why don't YOU dance with her."

He was drunk or something. Confused. He stepped back again.

I could have dropped him. I had outside position leaning right up onto him -- talking into his ear over the music -- a million things. OK, at least 10 things I could have done without thinking. Maybe 5 or 6. Four, I promise four. Like the wind though. Just like that.

So, I notice him noticing his friends notcing me notice them. I notice this happned in the middle of a rave's dance floor. Noticed know use staying there, nothing good would happen. Held my ground like the the pain in the a$$ I could be for about three minutes (Cuban pride), and then shuffled a long.

The difference in stories was that in the car I was fuiling my anger. I was ****ed, thinking about the idiot in front of me and how I wanted to beat his a$$. Truth is, if he pulle dover I would have beeped again, smiled, and waved as I passed. Maybe even given him the finger. I'm not going to fight an old man on the side of the road.

Maybe if he was 20, talking smack at a stop sign, not even most likely.

The other one was 100% reaction on the first grab. Then I became very aware just out of knowing people. I knew he had friends, I was a little concerend but it was a club, crouded, I could have manueved away from 3 guys easy enough. Get to the open, by the bar, by security. Maybe see a friend on the way.

But I really checked him out, and somehow I just knew there'd be no trouble. He was big, but he wa s apunk from the Jersey suburbs who did roids and pumped up to make up for some insecurity. Just like that, I knew nothing would materialze. And I walked away. He won. He got to stand there with his friends. I walked off and found someone else to dance with, or just had fun on my own.

When you need to rteact you'll react. If you find yourself fueled wih that anger, walk away and take some deep breaths to calm yourself. You're all right. It's not worth it -- whatever it is.

[Justa Man]

**** Ev...that was YOU? you're lucky my girl told me to chill or else i'd have 'painted the fence' wit yo a$$ all over that mother f'er. :D
seriously, nice reaction and nice way to handle the situation. that "why don't YOU dance with her?", sounds like it caught dude off guard and that's all you needed if you wanted to stick a palm through his chest.
but this post is about controlling that impulse of ' i wanna rip your head off' rage. meditation works wonders. that and laughing (smiling) every time something really sh!tty happens has helped me deal with alot of these types of situations. i look at it like some other dude is controlling my feelings if i get ****ed off at some sh!t. i take a few deep breaths while smiling and refocus on the moment. that usually works! :)

[red_fists]

Hi.

Here is my take.

Before you can control your emotions, you first need to understand them and understand what causes them.

Secondly, ask yourself if it is really worthwhile for you to get upset about those things.

Does it REALLY matter, and if you do react what will the permanent changes be in your life.

Ex.: Some Guy bumbs into me in the store and mumbles something. I can either ignore him or fly into a rage and use my Ma to wipe the floor with him. (hopeful wishing)

Question here is: What would I gain/loose from either reaction?

My Guess is that in most cases there will be no real gain or loss.

[Open Stance...]

Your right!

its all about attitude......

If i cant change theirs gotta change mine!
Sometimes hard to do though!!!!

Maybe i need to explain more..............

When i mentioned that i have trouble control my rage, it is also a mixture of fear and my body getting ready for a fight...

this is when sometimes i get the shakes,sweaty palms....etc.

If this feeling was mere anger and rage with no feeling of fear then i have nothing to worry about.(though dangerous as this would be!!)
Example: couple of guys walking along brush past and bump my wife....( No problems there...a little miffed maybe..) then say they stop, we pass them and they come past us again, bump me or my wife again and laugh amongst themselves.......
THAT is when my anger kicks in......when you know that is is done on purpose.......

Suddenly i cant hear anything,And can only set my eyes on them....everything else dissapears..........

The last thing i want to do is initiate the fight.................

i train only to defend as a last resort ie life or death...........
This situation isn't, but do you let them have their fun and wear it, or call out to them and have them swing round and start a scene?

I have no problem with a life or death fight,i have great confidence in my traing and believe i can handle most street fights , my concern is as always the after math of the legal battle...

I might save my self or family from a beating but could end up in jail for the rest of my life without them...


Maybe i need to start a new thread!!! lol

Thanks once again...


Open stance...

[red_fists]

Hi Open stance.

A certain amount of fear is healthy & natural when getting into a fight situation, this is what keeps you alive.

I can understand what you are saying and think some meditation might help.
The main objective for me in a fight is to remain in control of both my faculties and my opponents.

Hard do say what I would do, it really depends on the situation and what levels of agression I can feel of them and also my surroundings.

If I am with my wife or my Family my first priority will be to get them out of the danger zone, and preferably myself along.

But this again requires you to remain in control and not give in to your anger.

One thing that helped me a lot was a
course that we had to take at one Company where I worked:

"Self-Assertivness"
This course actually shocked me and what it taught about me and how I handle situations. The other shokcing thing was that it helpd people that were over-assertive and people that couldn't assert themselves at all.

Hope this helps.

[Open Stance...]

Thanks red_fists!!!

Thats got me thinking!!

I saw an ad in the paper for a similer course and would now be keen on trying it!

I think the more confidece i attain through traing the less fear will seep into my emotions...


Thanks again!!

Open stance...

[xiong]

I think this is the key thing here, and particularly important in terms of controlling your rage.

I think about scenarios where people might be rude to my wife and the thing that always comes up in my mind is can I guarantee my wifes safety if I get in a fight. This sticks in my head from a fight I saw growing up in New York where a guy hid behind his girlfried and she got clocked with two by four.

Now that guy was a *****, but how much control do you have in a fight to 100% ensure that you can protect your loved ones.

Also remember that the Hockey Dad was ostensibly protecting his kids. Better to just take them home, away from the situation.

[SurgiKill]

Hey,
you may want to try the free 'searching within' course given at
http://www.mysticweb.org/phps/netclasses/

it is really fantastic. gives you a great understanding of how these emotions manifest and how they can be overcome.

it is very practical. it also talks about practices to increase external awareness (sharpening your senses) and also internal awareness (to see thoughts and emotions coming up so you can overcome them).
Part of this internal awareness focuses on the 'motor centre' or body movement so my body awareness is increasing from it.

It seems that my ability to learn martial arts has improved since I have been pushing for the awareness that they describe. Training in awareness seems to have made me understand movements faster and improve my memory for learning forms etc.

heh, I sound like an advertisement. sorry everyone.
i'll shut up now...

SurgiKill

[Akhilleus]

LOL I'm wondering why I've never heard of any of the people on this thread and then I see its 3 years old...

[Becca]

I could take up pages and pages or i could give you one simple sentence...
Im going to go the easy way and ask that you read a little between the lines of what i say...

How to deal with the addrenalin dump?
Get used to it!
Practice there is no other way, you need to find ways to practice that recreate this feeling. Its not easy and proberly will involve getting smacked around.

I have to agree with jon on this one. The only way to overcome this issue is practice, and it is probably going to hurt... Alot... But it is also as vital a skill in real life as it is in sparring. You slow begin to recognize that a situation is going to annoy or anger you. That split second of understanding gives you the chance to descide how you want to respond; gives you the chance to make a calm desision before the adrenalin rush hits.