Way off OT, need love advice

[African Tiger]

Ok, I'm friends with this Romanian girl who has a little boy. She's 5'10" about 120lbs, and absolutely hot.

We've been spending a lot of time together lately, and her kid is crazy about me. At this point, I'm starting to feel like she likes me as a really good friend, but of course I want more. There's a bit of a time issue though; as I've known her for a year, but we just started getting closer this month.

I guess raising a kid on her own is part (or most) of the reason why she doesn't date much, so I was blessed to find her unattached.

So, how the hell do I proceed? I'm worried that in Los Angeles, some rich jac-koff will steal her from under me (not literally of course ;) ) before I can make my move, so I don't want to wait too long. Any advice?

Oh, and if you read my earlier post about the Deer Exercise...heh heh heh... do the arithmetic :D However, that's not all I'm after.

[ewallace]

Do not, I repeat DO NOT get too involved with this girl unless you can realistically see yourself raising this boy. Ultimitely that is what it will lead to. You cannot have one without the other. This can be very harmful and unfair for the child. There is a reason she doesn't date much. I have had experience in this arena.

[Water Dragon]

Three Month Rule: Never, ever, ever-ever-ever-ever-ever tell a girl you want to be serious with her until you've been dating 3 months. Otherwise you look like a pathetic, klingy, loser. Since she has a kid, add another 3 months to the above rule.

Be cool with her. Explain you want to go slow. And don't play head games with the kid. You're not his Daddy so don't develop a close relationship with him until you know for a fact you're gonnaq stick around (It's OK to explain that to your girl, she'll appreciate it.)

That being said, be cool with her, be cool with the kid. Let it happen if it's gonna happen, but don't force it.

[Merryprankster]

Whatever you do, be honest. Don't screw with the heart of a single mom. The Karma points to blowing this will wind up with you being reincarnated as that stuff at the bottom of the septic tank.

[ewallace]

Or one of those big-ass turtles that lives to be 100 years old and takes 3 hours to move 18 inches. Talk about cruel and unusual.

[wushu chik]

EWallace and WD: Good answers, just not completely...

African Tiger:
You like the girl? You like the kid? What's the prob? Tell her man. She's getting closer to you as you are getting closer to her. Obviously, she isn't afraid of anything with you, so just TELL HER. I mean, you don't have to propose marriage or anything, just tell her that you like her, and would like to see more of her! That's all. Sheesh, not that hard guys.

I do agree with the fact that you don't want to get too close, and end up hurting the KID because that's whats going to mean the MOST in this relationship! How you are with her child, then her!

If she doesn't date much, she's not out looking for a dad (which is a good thing). She's looking for someone that she feels comfortable with! And, if you are lucky, it will be you!

So, in short......JUST TELL HER MAN!!!

~Wen~

[Sharky]

Turtles aren't so bad.

[rubthebuddha]

not sure about the 3-month thing. just do what you feel is natural.

as far as MerryPrankster's words? you're **** right. you screw over a single mum, and God, Thor, Allah, Zeus and i think even Shiva are gonna be waiting for you with the most painful objects they can dream up.

[Water Dragon]

Never; Ever; ever-ever-ever-ever...
neglect the 3 month rule. How the hell you gonna date a girl for a month and tell her you're in love?

[ewallace]

Turtles aren't so bad.
Strap 100lb weights on all four of your limbs and move on all fours for the next 6 months and see if you have the same attitude.

[African Tiger]

Hey, thanks for all the great advice all. Uh...you too sharky?

I'll take it all into consideration. Especially since she gave me a really big hug yesterday for cooking, watching the kid for her, taking her shopping, etc. I'm just a bit scared that that may be all she wants. Someone to hang with? Who knows.

Oh, I was raised by a single mother. To sckrew her over would elicit a proper thrashing from my own mother, and my sister, who is a single parent as well. Screw karma, I'd get mine on earth before I died! I totally love her kid, and I'm trying to restrain myself from getting too close. But you know how 3 year olds are. They want to love and play with everyone, until the first time they get hurt. I'd rather sing "I'm Black and I'm Proud" at a Klan rally than hurt any child. ;)

BTW Wushu Chik - YOU ARE FINE, WOMAN!!! Good God almighty! Hey, if this doesn't work out...ah, yer too far away :( Anywho, thanks. Your advice seemed like the best course of action.

[Knifefighter]

AT:
You need to find out if you have been relegated to the "friend zone", or if she is also interested in you as more than a friend. The best way to do this is to approach her and tell her you are having some additional feelings for her and are wondering about the possibility of your relationship progressing further than the friend stage.

If she is into you, she will give you the affirmative. If she makes any kind of excuse (she's not ready, her kid, work, etc.), she's not into you, end of story. If this is the case, you're only choice is to figure out whether or not you want to continue only being her friend.

[ewallace]

Good way to start the conversation would be asking her if she would like to help spot you during your deer exercises. :)

[wushu chik]

THAT PIC IS NOT ME. That's a chik from Final Fantasy. IT'S ANIME!! Obviously realistic too! I am of course, much MUCH finer!!

~Wen~

[Water Dragon]

Yeah right. I still want to see the pic. :D

[African Tiger]

(Embarassed, sounding a bit like Emily Latella from SNL)

Nevermind! :o

[Sharky]

Tutles man, they cool. I mean, they just chill all day, do nothin, just chill. Stop dissin turtles man.

Man, you can't lose. You have an afro for gods sake. I mean, if it were the 70's, you'd have no problems, what the hell is wrong with the world now?

Pfft. Just tell her mate.

[fa_jing]

If you like her and you like the kid I say go for it. I'm married to a woman that already had two young sons. I didn't expect it to work out, but in the end it did! You never know, life is funny. It helps that the kids are cool and needed a father. I've known them for 4 years now and the relationship with a kid builds much slower than the relationship with the mother, but at this point they are more like my own sons. One thing though - being a dad is a lot more demanding than I thought. It's not like being an older brother, you really have to be a man about it. Just let things happen naturally. I have to think she is interested in you but your the one who's right there.
You can e-mail me later if things start to develop and you want advice.

-FJ

[African Tiger]

Actually the afro is braided in cornrows like D'Angelo. And the Romanian girl digs it!

Now if I only had abs like D'Angelo, and could sing that well....

[Sharky]

You pimp you. Grow a goatee, i beg you.

[norther practitioner]

A friend went about an almost identicle situation...except I think the girl was estonian....anyway, they had been chillin' for awhile, and one day she was fealing stressed, he was just like, listen, how bout I pay for a sitter, and take you out for the evening.... badabing badaboom, baby got a new daddy...just kidding. You don't really nead a elaborite plan, just be like, yo lets do this, then what ever, see the reaction, feal the mood, back off and deny everything if she is all about being friends (just joking). Tell her whats up though, don't let this go on too long, or else you will be stuck in the friend zone.

[Daredevil]

"I'd rather sing "I'm Black and I'm Proud" at a Klan rally than hurt any child."

That's so hilarious that I want to come sing too.

That is, if you don't mind since I'm not black (hey! you try even getting a tan in dark ol' Scandinavia ... *smirk*), but I do hate them cone-heads. :)

[wushu chik]

Originally posted by African Tiger
Actually the afro is braided in cornrows like D'Angelo. And the Romanian girl digs it!

Now if I only had abs like D'Angelo, and could sing that well....

D'Angelo......now THERES a hot brother!! WOOOOO HOOOOO.

~Wen~

[African Tiger]

Gasp! And I'M NOT HOT? I'll have you know I just set my carpet on fire (I said hot, not flamming, honey chlid ;))

Just 'cause I got abs of pillows...well I can't be too down on my abs. I have a 4 pack at least.

Hey, my friend who is 28 thought I was 27. She almost fell off her chair when I told her that I'm turning 33 this year.