Kungfu Forum Movie!!!

[The Willow Sword]

yes its an all star cast featuring your favorite KFM celebs.

starring: the sultry high heels wearing ball bashing WUSHU CHIK

the mysterious yet predictable punching bag :The Willow Sword .
the master of the forum and honorable wise gong GENE CHING
The Shaolindo school actors league.
ashida kim and his merry band of renegade midget circus fighters.

directed by diego,,and produced by PEPSI Co.

we need more writers ,,,add your ideas.

Many Respects,,,The Willow Sword

[norther practitioner]

OK, the final fight scene should be filmed on the top of Kachina peek.

[diego]

and the whole scrap is about northernpractitioner won't Give me his? freakin hopga scrolls!!:) :mad:

[JWTAYLOR]

If Deigo writes it, can we have the movie subtitled?

Just fu(kin with ya brother.

Oh, and go ahead and cast me in as the master of the ancient "donkey punch" style.


JWT

[Black Jack]

Can I be one of the evil round eye that comes over for adventure and exotic asain women.

Can I have a musket.

My stats are

Name: Raw Head Rex

STR:18/00
DEX:16
CON:18
INT: 15
WIS:5
CHR:18
Hit Points: 16
Level: 1
Armor Class: 5
Class: Fighter
Weapons: Broad Sword, dagger, Long Bow
Armor: Scale Mail, Cloak with a jade brooch, Ring of Protection +1

[The Willow Sword]

EPISODE 1:

THERE IS UNREST IN THE KFM FORUMS,,, ASHIDA KIM AND HIS MERRY BAND OF MIDGET CIRCUS FIGHTERS ARE CAUSING CALAMITY WITHIN THE GUILD.

TO COUNTERACT THIS INCURSION THE SD REPUBLIC HAS SENT AN EMISSARY TO STEAL I MEAN TO EXAMINE THE SITUATION
AND PROVIDE A SOLUTION(not really)

THE SENATE QUEEN WUSHU CHIK HAS BUSTED A NAIL AND IS IN PERIL BECAUSE THE PEDICURE STORES ARE CLOSED.
MEANWHILE THE EVER WISE AND KNOWLEDGABLE GONG GENE CHING HAS BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THE SLIGHT RASH HE DEVELOPED AS HE SPILLED ABUNCH OF TONER ON HIMSELF WHILE TRYING TO RESUPPLY THE LASER PRINTER AT THE MAGAZINE WITH INK.
WHAT CAN OR WHO CAN BRING ABOUT BALANCE WITHIN
THE STRUCTURE OF THE KFM FORUM GALAXY
.................................................. ........................
.................................................. ..............
.................................................. .........

[African Tiger]

Just make sure I have my Orange Soda, and NOBODY messes with the 'fro :cool:

I say we make Ralek the goofy sidekick :D

[Royal Dragon]

I can be a good Emperor, or a bad one, does not matter to me.

Better yet, make me an evil Emperor, as I am already a good Emperor on Dragon list's "Story line" thread.:D :eek: :confused:

[Qi dup]

man I was just thinking about this. It would be really cool if we all got together and made movie! We could do Outlaws of the Marsh. All 108 caracters. I've been reading the latest issue of KFQG. but that would be really fun to do in real life, I'm sure btween all of us e we could put it together. My only line in the movie would be 'Kick ass!'

[logic]

Who the heck would go see this movie, besides us?

Crash and burn this movie will.:D

I'll be the logical one with the hooded cape, offering wise wisdom to those who seek knowledge, with simple honest neutral clarity.

Screw that!

Better yet, I'll just kick freaken @$$ through out the whole movie:rolleyes: :p ;)

[Royal Dragon]

If not, I want to be a bad guy :D

[joedoe]

I'll be an anonymous extra in the background of a nondescript scene.

[yearofdragon76]

I would like to be cast as a soft spoken Wandering Shaolin monk with a tiger tattooed on my back and I'm in search of another monk with a dragon tattoed on his back:D

[NorthernMantis]

ooOOOoo I'll be the feisty northerner that starts trouble with the southern folks and egomaximus (a.k.a goktimusprime) can be my sidekcick.

Don't forget a guest appearance by Ashida kim and some astral spies to make things interesting. Kwan Sin The' can be that wise old master that everyone seeks.

[Xebsball]

You guys im a great dramatic internet actor, but its been hard to get a job this days so im acepting this kung fu action movie role.

Let me know what you want me to do.

[Serpent]

I'll be the guy standing just behind JoeDoe with my back to the camera.

Don't forget to have SifuAbel wander through the occasional scene in horse stance with a couple of guys balanced on his legs.

GunnedDownAttrocity can make cameos, swiftly appearing to rape any corpses.

Rogue can interrupt every other scene with a reminder about how bad the 911 attacks were.

Man, there's a role for everyone!

[straight blast]

Can I be the guy whose mouth keeps moving for five seconds after the dubbing stops?

I have always wanted to say:

Your Kung Fu is obsolete, old man... .


Pleasepleaseplease!!!

[ewallace]

On the set I would like to be responsible for restraining the midgets from assulting the other cast members. I will also keep the female body doubles uhhh...occupied between scenes.

As for a role in the film, I will leave that up to the directors to place me accordingly.

[Wu-Xing]

You people talk too much; train more.

:)

[Sum Sing Wong]

I want to be the reoccurring-borderline retarded lackey. That serves tea to all of the masters.

[Gabriel]

I want to be the happy go lucky dude who flies the red biplane. :D

[GeneChing]

... I think the real question here is who is cast as who? I've always felt Nicholas Cage could play me well...

[NYerRoman]

Can I have a light saber?

[fa_jing]

I'll be in the big bong scene.

peace

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

"GunnedDownAttrocity can make cameos, swiftly appearing to rape any corpses."

hell yeah!

and put me in charge of the gore. i gots ideas ya know.

[Chang Style Novice]

...with a special appearance by Ron Jeremy as Chang Style Novice!

[KC Elbows]

Can I be the anonymous martial artist who spends too much time trying to post reasonable messages on internet forums in defense of liberal politics?

I swear, I'll do a good job.

If not, I'll do a cameo, but no nudity.

[JWTAYLOR]

Two words for my charater:

Full Frontal.


Yeah baby.

JWT

[Kristoffer]

Screw the Kung Fu scenes! I'm gonna be the next Leon :cool: My manager has already signed me a contract, wich gives me the right to kill atleast 342 of you :D OH! And the Kristoffer Theme song is in the works.

[NorthernMantis]

Pfft! GDA can have he dead ones. I like my women alive, it's more fun that way.:D

[wushu chik]

Since I am the Ball Bashing B!tch, not to mention QUEEN of KFO Land, I feel that I SHOULD HAVE THE SAY SO IN WHO DOES WHAT!!! So, I will start putting the cast together accordingly!

If you have a problem, you will have to take it up with my bodyguards. African Tiger, Ryu, Gary, Watchman, and a few others take care of my "Dirty Work" and those are who you will be complaining too!

I will be back later with the characters and those who will go with them!!!

~Wen~

[diego]

hehe lofl, wen thats a tite-lineup :p

Garys the skinny genious dude with the notouch delayed grappling death-touch, today he's sporting green, with a brown vest and cape, AT's the cliche wassup negro with a pruple headband and a notti fro, he's dipped in your latest fly pink spandexwear, :D **** pee is on my shoe...Watchman is the midget dude slash genious who rides on ryus back who is a phat/greasy linguini goat eating greek warlord slash barbarian who likes to wear karate gis at the top cut off american cool style
Now dont get me wrong by the description they are really strengthened:cool: it's just wen had them so whipped it ends up they really tuff however quite gaye!!~

[rubthebuddha]

****, diego, i think i actually understood you that time. :cool:

can i be the short, skinny chinese guy who hits young students for no reason, then tells them to "do it again, this time wif feewing?"

:D

[logic]

wushu chik

Is that complaint department open?

OHHHH please say it is.

and where can I physically go to complain?

CUZ
I'm am complainin.

[greendragon]

bickering Taiji schools, impersonaters, a greendragon starting arguments to see who's who, It's a SOAP OPERA ! it would be interesting to see the real people behind the keyboard wouldn't it ! I will volunteer to be an invisible dragon.

[meltdawn]

okay, I claim ......

FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER!!!!!! All I need is a trampoline and a bunch of gullible KFOer's. So who's bringing the trampoline?


I also want to be the taichi girl who does chicken style.

Angela Mao's dub over in kung pao when she goes "mew mew mew mew MEW!"

Wing Chun with boobs (and no, I DON'T think that chest protectors for women should be mandatory, where's the fun in that? c-c-c-c-cat fight!).

Hey, by the way, can I be tall and blonde too? That would be a nice change.

Oh sheesh, I can't believe I forgot... I want to be the girl who opens up Sui-Few's sternum with a shoehorn. They have those in China, right? Shoehorns, I mean, not Sui-Fews.

[rogue]

Ryu can be the Anakin character. He gets set on the dark path by Asian gals stepping on his heart. MerryP is Obi Wan. Old Jong as Yoda.

I'll be the evil senator Palpitine raising my army of G Gordon Liddy clones. Black Jack as Darth Tyranus, JWT as Darth Maul and Watchman as the mysterious Skippy Fett.

Serpent can be Jar Jar.

[NorthernMantis]

Ruy"." can be Jabba the hut

[Royal Dragon]

The Emperor (Me of course) gets a full nude sex scene with the Chick from "Dark Angel" right?

I'd ask for Wushu Chick, but I'm not up to fighting off her body gaurds:p

[wushu chik]

Guys, it will be a few days before I have everything. I have a personal emergency to attend to, and because I am NOT going to dampen the fun of this thread...I will leave it at that!!

Love you guys!!

~Wen~

[logic]

Wushu Chik
I can understand personal emergencies, I've had this already.
Hey,crap happens.
Alright, take care:) :)

Northern Mantis
"Ryu as Jabba the Hut:D
You hit the nail right on the head!

Green Dragon
("Real people behind the keyboard")

Everything in my profile is 100% correct.

[IronFist]

Can I be a ninja who totally cuts off peoples heads without even thinking twice, while two guitars totally wail in the background?

Man, that'd get me so pumped that I would almost kick my mom right in the face.

Cuz ninjas are totally sweet!

IronFist

[Xebsball]

Thats totally sweet, then the guitar is wailing and you get a boner, the biggest meanest boner ever.

[NorthernMantis]

Logic I meant Ryu "."<----

If wu shu chick is Asian I'll take her:D

Hey Xebs like you forgot ninjas flying around on their spare time and tottally uppercuting kids who open windows.

[greendragon]

I Have two wailing electric guitars and can do sound track !!

[HopGar]

As a Hop Gar guy, I have to demand a bad guy role, expecially if its in the Qing Dynasty. Diego can be my side kick and disciple. We run around kicking the crap outta anyone who ****es us off.

[diego]

Oh Joy...Gee thanks:) just put a Yellowflag with reflectors on my bike and call me special!!!:D

[Xebsball]

lol, theres gotta be pirates too.

[diego]

Now the actual plottwist is ralek is the only one with good kungfu.

[Leonidas]

ooh ooh i wanna play

I wanna totally be the Blind Samurai of the movie, the one that defies all the laws of reason by killing like 20 men in one sword slash. I wanna ride around in full body armor on a giant ostrich and always drinking sake. I wanna be played by Pat "Mr Miyagi" Morita, he had an Oscar calibur performance in Karate Kid IMO. Exactly what is the goal of the movie though. Are you trying to kill an ancient evil or find some type of hidden treasure. I'm leaning towards the ancient evil thing, more fight scenes against evil minions. No one will complain about killing them, there evil and expendable. Thats what a film needs, pointless gratuitous violence. Its needs sex and huge explosions too but i dont know where that fits. I would suggest car chases, but you'd have to scale that down to horse chases which works too.

[Leonidas]

You should totally cast the evil tai chi master and even his evil dog fang, he proved his worthiness after defeating Gi-puke, what would it be without him.

I also think everyone should die at the end of the movie in a giant 'chi' explosion ala DragonBall Z.

Oh yea and I want my sword to be magical like the one in Thundercats. It can grow any size and i can shoot purple laser beams out of it. That would kick a$$.

[Kristoffer]

Hu-HRHM *cough* *cough*.. :D So anyway, In the end Leonidas have to fight Ryu, Old Jong (in a eight armed Yoda- like character with huge nostrils) and corpse-drippin´ GDA. THEN I kill you all. yeah, that's it, that's what we need.....

[Leonidas]

No way..........Who decided that you get to kill everyone anyway?

My character is too **** cool to be killed off except by a giant explosion.

[The Willow Sword]

I have already commissioned RALPH MACHIO to play the part of The willow Sword. oh and as for me personally i will be in the actors trailers eating the food and sleeping with whomever female is available at the time.

as for the shaolindo actors guild they will eventually be fired and not paid for thier time as they were just not REAL enough in thier choreography.

uhh where is wushu chik's trailer at?:D :cool:

Many Respects,,The Willer soward:p

[Crimson Phoenix]

I was offered a role I cant' refuse from Wushu Chick: become a member of her bodyguard crew heheheh.
So my role is set, and ya'll better watch yo' steps :-)

[wushu chik]

My Trailor?? Who said I would have a trailor? I am going to have HUGE personal bus, with living room, huge kitchen, bed, bathroom, etc. And all my bodyguards are going to be there WITH ME to make sure I don't get violated in the middle of the night!!!

~Wen~

[The Willow Sword]

you know i can never figure out why fighters and martial artists need body guards. take mike tyson for instance,, he is a fighter,,why does he need a body guard? he could just as easily body guard himself. NOW WENDY,,you are a exquisite specimen of a kick a$$ female martial artist with an attitude to boot. why on earth would you need a body guard(s)? besides my commissioned actor; Ralph Machio (who is playing the willow sword) is cute and harmless,,,,,hee hee so am i. ;)

Many Gerbledeespects,,the wallow slurd.:p

[ewallace]

Willow Sword,

It can be hard to defend yourself after a "roophie" or two has been slipped into your drink. Especially if W.C. is as hot as everyone says/thinks she is.

And I know a lot of folks would try to jack her for that mean Accord she likes to roll in :)

[Badger]

I have you know Ryu"." is a lean, mean fightin' machine!



Badger

[The Willow Sword]

well now i would think that little girls would be taught by thier mothers not to accept drinks from strangers;)

[Kristoffer]

Ok the movie so-far: :D

1. EPISODE 1:

THERE IS UNREST IN THE KFM FORUMS,,, ASHIDA KIM AND HIS MERRY BAND OF MIDGET
CIRCUS FIGHTERS ARE CAUSING CALAMITY WITHIN THE GUILD.

TO COUNTERACT THIS INCURSION THE SD REPUBLIC HAS SENT AN EMISSARY TO STEAL I
MEAN TO EXAMINE THE SITUATION
AND PROVIDE A SOLUTION(not really)

THE SENATE QUEEN WUSHU CHIK HAS BUSTED A NAIL AND IS IN PERIL BECAUSE THE
PEDICURE STORES ARE CLOSED.
MEANWHILE THE EVER WISE AND KNOWLEDGABLE GONG GENE CHING HAS BEEN
STRUGGLING WITH THE SLIGHT RASH HE DEVELOPED AS HE SPILLED ABUNCH OF TONER
ON HIMSELF WHILE TRYING TO RESUPPLY THE LASER PRINTER AT THE MAGAZINE WITH
INK.
WHAT CAN OR WHO CAN BRING ABOUT BALANCE WITHIN
THE STRUCTURE OF THE KFM FORUM GALAXY


2. African Tiger and his sidekick Ralek has to fight Logic, the emperor Royal Dragon (sporting a yellow parot and the goofy ninja squad- pocket sized), a gay monk with tatoos and joedoe, the anonymous extra in the background of a nondescript scene.
This is a 20 minute battle rated pg13. The first one to die in a pool of blood and testicles is the fun-lovin´ sidekick Ralek. The sight makes joedoe, Royal Dragon and the ninja squad puke their brains out, leaving them in a confused mannered way, singing the Kristoffer Theme Song !!

3. Meanwhile in the KFO galaxy far far away.. Wushu Chick has just kicked Ashida Kim and his noisy band of astral spies in the head. The only one left standing is the feisty northerner and his companion Xebsball. The three starts to drink tea. Then the galaxy starts to tremble, the skies turn red, GDA appears!! Swiftly, he bites Xebsball in the ankle! He starts to bleed!! GDA takes a kick to his rotten balls by the feisty northerner and turns and grab Wushu Chick in her hair, throwing her to the ground. (In the backround we see SifuAbel wander through the scene in horse stance with a couple of guys balanced on his legs.)
GDA stands over the dizzy Wushu Chick who's clothes have been ripped apart in the fall, he's just about to start eating when straight blast apears from the shadows and says; Your Kung Fu is obsolete, old man... .
GDA responds: 'Nope', and eats his brain.

4. GeneChing and his retarded lackey Sum Sing Wong wanders the village where Ryu was borned. This scene is supposed to be estetic and beautiful, 'arty'.

5. Chang Style Novice, JWTAYLOR and KC Elbows taking a bubble bath, full frontal french style scene. This is suposed to build up the horror before the last horror esque- ending! This is just plain disgusting


6!!! I kill everyone and become thy God. I turn japanese.

[Ryu]

Hey, Wushu gets in trouble, and STRAIGHTBLAST comes to save the day?? I'm insulted! ;)

I stay peachy clean all day, something the undead GDA cannot stand.....so instantly he is repelled by my squeaky cleanedness. I am able to confuse GDA long enough with my benevolent heart technique, and as GDA's eyes water at the thought of someone in the world being sincere and understanding to him, I cut his head off when he's not looking, thus slewing him, and rescuing Wushu. :D

....... ( uh... of course if Wushu does not LIKE the notion of being rescued, she can simply kick the hell out of everyone and rescue yours truly. :D )

Ryu

[Kristoffer]

right :D

[Ryu]

:D Just ask her. YOU'LL see. ;)

Ryu

[rubthebuddha]

willow sword: tyson et al have bodyguards to keep them out of trouble. tyson can pay someone else to be patient with morons and not worry about it himself. picture this:

guarded tyson gets harassed by drunken moron at club. guards slowly nudge moron away until cops are called and drunk guy is escorted of to the pokey. all the while, tyson enjoys his meal with low-self-esteemed beauty pageant winner.

unguarded tyson gets harassed by drunken moron. moron pitches tyson ****, maybe even touches/bumps tyson (legally considered assault), and tyson clocks said drunk when harassment becomes too much for him to take, and the guy either winds up with his face uglified from the right cross or three broken ribs from the body hook. either way, guy sues. says tyson instigated the whole thing, etc. etc. doesn't matter how many witnesses say tyson was being abusively harassed by a drunken moron -- tyson's rapsheet woud take up an entire roll of butcher paper. considering that the guy would probably sue on CIVIL grounds, the verdict needn't be unanimous for the guy to win a few million.

so if the guy pushes by tyson's bodyguards and tyson clocks him, the argument of self-defense applies. if tyson has no guards, then his quick temper and uppercut WILL get him in trouble.

basically, body guards are just big, dumb cushions to keep rich people out of trouble.

now where do i apply?

[Kristoffer]

"basically, body guards are just big, dumb cushions to keep rich people out
of trouble."


Bodyguards rocks :D

[Kristoffer]

I wish I was rich enough to have one too :D
I'd order him to beat random people up

[Leonidas]

When do i get to decapitate someone?

[Royal Dragon]

"Royal Dragon and the ninja squad puke their brains out"

Ok, I can handle having miniture Nnja's (Kinda like danny divitio's puppet actor 's union from the "Brisk" commercial)

BUT, I'm not "Puking", uh uhhhh, no way sorry, ain't happening pal!!!!!


I'm suposed to be an EVIL Emperor. Evil Emperor's laugh at violenc and death, and infact cause quite a bit of it if they can, not puke at the site of it. Unless of course I am to be a bumbling evil Emperor, in which case I will want Mike Myers to play me as his "Dr. Evil" Charecter:D

[The Willow Sword]

on the body guard thing,,,, well then i will be commisiioning wushu chik to body guard my commissioned actor RALPH MACHIO
(who is playing my character the willow sword in this movie)

but wait i havent even popped up on the scene yet. hahahahahahaaaaaaaa or maybe i am just lying in wait in a crane stance ready to jump kick any body who happens to walk into the broom closet of the movie set.


Many weespects,,,the wildered sod.:p

[wushu chik]

Guys, we are REALLY going to have to RETHINK this whole movie!! I am thinking more along the lines of a horror flick. Right now, it seems more like a **** comedy flick! Well, after my Grandpa get's out of the hospital, and I have been releived of my granddaughterly duties, I will be back to write the REAL movie!!

It will be TIGHT!

And, just one thing I want to say for now....TWS, i will NOT ever use my body to guard Ralph Machio. Now, if you had said DANNY NUCCI or something like that, we might be able to talk, AND DON'T EVEN CHANGE IT NOW, IT'S TOO D@MN LATE!

~Wen~

[Royal Dragon]

I supose I could still have Dr. Evil play my part in a horror movie too??

[Serpent]

Rogue said:

Serpent can be Jar Jar.



Oh! Meesa takin big offence to dat!

[Gabriel]

Don't forget the red biplane! Its key a component. :P

Gabriel


P.S. serpent, you didn't just do that..i hate Jar Jar. :rolleyes:

[rubthebuddha]

word on the street is that johnny bravo wants to shave his head and play my part. what an honor! :D

[Kristoffer]

:D Wats-a matter huh? Don like ma movie eh?
It's the best oscar work EVER.

[Leonidas]

Theres like 50 characters, way too many to be a horror flick. Besides, i wanna blow stuff up :D and that can only be done with any believability in an action/adventure flick. I say we have a huge battle scene with not 2 but 3 opposing armies. I can play a believable warlord and leader of my own army. The scurge of the fabled KFO City (insert evil laugh).

[Royal Dragon]

Sounds good, but one evil army should be playing the other two, and back stabbing them at the same time:D

[Leonidas]

The plot for my character is that i lead an army of evil killhappy nomads that go pillaging minus the raping. Sorta like the golden horde but shinier. My plan is to take over KFO City and its huge store of gold and jewels and all that other cliche crap, you know......become emperor and control its vast territory after usurping Queen Wushu and destroying her mortal enemy RD who is my only competition blah blah blah. My advantage is that i carry around huge amounts of gun powder and cannons all the better for me to obliterate anything in my way. Ill be unstoppable Muwhahahahahahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa................haha ha HA. :p

[wushu chik]

You guys, it's a movie...it's going to be a huge thing!! And there are going to be many battle scenes, and lots of back stabbing, and it's not going to be a horror flick, it's going to be everything rolled into one! So, don't worry, everyone will get what they wanted!! I PROMISE. Leo, you are going to get your chance to blow tons of stuff up. It's going to be kewl!!

~Wen~

[Leonidas]

Originally posted by wushu chik
Leo, you are going to get your chance to blow tons of stuff up. It's going to be kewl!!

~Wen~

HOORAH, I'm gonna kick ass and take names.

One question though. Exactly what century is all of this taking place in. Everyone seems to have something different in mind. Someone mentioned a biplane, another a cadillac (thats obviously the 20th century). I'm thinking it's the Middle Ages and I'm sure someone else thinks its about 2000BC or where on another planet/dimension completely.