Kfo Movie Casting Assignments....

[wushu chik]

OK peeps...here are the casting assignments. If i missed anyone, you are going to have to live! Because I already have my hands full with what I have! Anyways, If you don't like your roles in the movie, DEAL WITH IT, because i am the QUEEN, and what I say goes. GOT IT?? GOOD!!

~Wen~

THE WILLOW SWORD-Queens Court Jester
KRISTOFFER- Guy that sings his own theme song thru the movie
ROYAL DRAGON- Evil Emperor
DIEGO- Hopgar’s Sidekick and Disciple & Takes the short bus to school & Likes beans and Franks
NORTHERN MANTIS- Keeper of Hot Women
WUSHU CHIK- Queen of KFO Land whom everyone loves and adores
LEONIDAS- Blind Samurai
RUBTHEBUDDHA- Kung Fu Instructor and Wing Tsun Clan Lord
LOGIC- Extra that kicks ass the whole movie & Constant complainer
XEBSBALL- Ninja Merc Clan Found and Leader
SERPENT- Extra that NEVER looks at the camera
RYU- Wushu Chiks Bodyguard & Right Hand Man!!
GABRIEL- Pilot of Red Biplane??????????
EWALLACE- Midget babysitter
JWTAYLOR- Master of the Donkey Punch Style & Guy who runs around butt neked
IRONFIST- Part of The Ninja Merc Clan
QI DUP- One Liner
CRIMSON PHOENIX- Wushu Chiks bodyguard
BLACK JACK- Evil White Guy that plays too much D & D
NORTHERN PRACTITIONER- Royal Dragons Lead Fighter
CHANG STYLE NOVICE- Part of Xebsballs Ninja Merc Clan
STRAIGHT BLAST- Confused Person in lots of scenes
JOEDOE- anonymous extra in a nondescript scene
ROGUE- Secretary of Defense totally obsessed with the life of Napoleon
YEAROFTHEDRAGON76- Wonderer with tat looking for long lost brother
AFRICAN TIGER- Undercover Brother
GENE CHING- KFO Land Mayor & just happens to be the local drunk
MELTDAWN- Fight Choreographer
WU-XING- Constant *****er about more training
GUNNEDDOWNATROCITY- Necrophiliac and Gore Master
FA JING- Herbal Shaman =)
HOPGAR- Hop Gar guy who runs around kicking the crap out of people
NYERROMAN- light saber maker
KC ELBOWS- The Political Guy
KUNGFUGUY!- Tae Bo master
CLAMPS- Props, Costumes and Weapons & Fabled Hermit (keeper of T.C.)
PJO- The Evil Liniment Vendor
SILUMKID- Kills PJO/spends half of movie looking in mirror and flexing pecks/spends other half of movie trying to convince people he doesn’t like to fight & Herbal Shamans bodyguard
TAO OF WUSHU- Evil Demon Master as seen in the monkey king Beijing opera play
PAUL- guy who Kills TWS
CHRIS McKINLEY- King of Bagua & Rock Collector
ILLUSIONFIST- Evil Hung Gar Gestapo Furher
ASHIDA KIM & his merry band of Renegade Midget Astral Spies- Ever see Beverly Hills Ninja?? You get the idea…..”Did you ever hear the story of the great White Ninja?”
RALEK- uh, he will be a retarded sidekick of Undercover Brother that everyone hates
SIN THE'- McMullet Grandmaster
SUM SING WANG- Tea pourer & Mentally unstable slave
BRASSMONKEY- KFO Tourney Promoter
GARY- Grappling Death Touch Guy
ROC DOC- Homeless voiceover kung fu actor
NORTHERN SHAOLIN- KFO Librarian & Keeper of Ancient Shaolin Scrolls (NOT Jimmy Woos)
GREENDRAGON- Soundtrack guy
KUNG LEK- Old Canadian French Wh.ore =)
SIFUABEL- Tree Hugging, Hippy Loving Zookeeper that gets along with everyone
TRISKELLIN- In love with Evil Demon Master, even though she knows it could never be so!
TAE LI- Silumkids groupie and body oiler
PRANA- Buddhist monk (best friends with the Herbal Shaman) and wisest man in all of KFO Land
WUFUPAUL- Royal Dragons assistant
DEZHEN2001- Evil Chi Ball thrower
FELIPE BIDO- Semi-Good Wizard...helps the Queen and her loyal people
EVOLUTION FIST- Aquarium Cleaner and Crap Talker

[prana]

Hey WushuChik, errr wot do I gotta do ?

*lost* :confused:

[straight blast]

STRAIGHT BLAST- Confused Person in lots of scenes

I laughed my ass off when I read that 'cos I have had a running joke with my wife for nearly six years about me being confused. She'll crack up when she reads this! How did you know? HOW DID YOU KNOW!!!!! :D

[wushu chik]

SCENE 1~

Inside of Wushu Chik’s Fortress:
It’s midday, at lunchtime. Wushu Chik is lying on lounge chair in the courtyard, while Ryu feeds Wushu Chik grapes and Crimson Phoenix is massaging her feet. To the left, you see the Court Jester enter the courtyard. Wearing his usually lime green and dark green striped uniform. You can hear the bells loudly chiming from his ridiculously green hat, while Roc Doc and Triskellin play the Lion Drums to his entrance.

“I have a joke for you my queen” says the jester. She looks at him and rolls her eyes “Do you have to tell me?” “Why yes my queen, it IS my job, whacka, whacka whacka”, the jester proudly announces. With a dismissive wave of her hand “Oh, If you must, BUT, if it’s not a good one this time, Ryu will kick you in the chin again. Proceed….” With a flair that nobody else can quite master, he tells his joke “There are two shepards comparing their sheep. The shepards begin to examine the first sheep. “Wow, look how beautiful this sheep is. The fleece is beautiful, and the eyes are clear, and look at these exquisite gums and teeth. Truly a fine sheep.” They walk over to the other sheep and begin the examination of that one. “What the h3ll is wrong with this sheep? This is the ugliest sheep I have ever seen. Look at the fleece, and the catterax and these HORRIBLE teeth. Truly the ugliest sheep in the land.” As they turn away the sheep says “Hey, no I’m not!”, and the jester smiles and proudly says “Whacka, Whacka, Whacka”.

Before the last of the Whacka’s could finish echoing off the walls of the silent courtyard, you hear the sound of Ryu’s boot cracking the jesters chin. “What did I tell you? How many times does he have to kick you before you’ll learn a funny joke?”, yells the angry Queen. She looks at Ryu, who has a strangely happy grin upon his face.

Ryu and Crimson Phoenix leave the Queens side and walk straight to the fallen jester. The next sounds you hear are stomping boots and jingling bells. Between the sounds of the boots falling and the bells jingling, you can slightly hear the jester breathlessly calling Sin The’. “McMullet Grandmaster Sin The’, please savvvvve me. PLEASE SAVE ME”, whispers the jester. With that, the Queen grants him his last chance of life. “You have 72 hours to find me a funny joke, or you will die, horribly and painfully….NO MERCY.” With a wave of her hand, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix return to their previous duties.

For the next hour, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix prepare for the Queens outing to her city of KFO Land, while the jester lies on the floor and bleeds. Sum Sing Wong, the tea pourer and mentally unstable slave, comes to the jester’s aid. He hands him his mop and says “You gonna clean that up, ain’t ya?”. The jester just lies there and looks at Sum Sing Wong. He then grabs the end of the mop and says “Grand Grandmaster Chewbaka, why have you come for me? Where is my McMullet Grandmaster, Sin The’?” Sum Sing Wong cracks the jester over the head with the handle of the mop, and yells at him, “Get over it boy, and get your ass ready for town. The QUEEN is waiting for you. And she told me to remind you that you have 71 hours to find a funny joke, so you’d better be looking everywhere.” With that, the Court Jester crawls out of the courtyard, while the mentally unstable slave Sum Sing Wong cleans up the puddle of blood.

END OF SCENE 1

[Kristoffer]

My manager will flip if I don't get to kill anyone and make out with the queen :D Just letting ya know

[wushu chik]

SCENE 2~

On the road to KFO Land:
Queen Wushu Chik, and her bodyguards Ryu and Crimson Phoenix walk toward her town. There are many fields and sheep along the sides of the road, up ahead you see a man standing in front of an orange grove.

The Queen and her bodyguards walk towards the town of KFO Land. In the distance, they are faint cry, “I am NOT ugly, NOT UGLY……waaahhhhhhhh.” Queen Wushu Chik, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix all share blank looks. “JUST KEEP WALKING”, orders the Queen.

Not too much further up the road, there’s a shadowy figure in front of the Orange Grove. He’s dancing suggestively, slowly tugging his shirt out of his pants. Faintly, you can hear the singing coming from that direction, “It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone……”. Closer, the Queen and her bodyguards get to the Orange Grove, and suddenly Crimson Phoenix realizes it’s everyone’s favorite Tree Hugging, Hippy Loving Zookeeper, Sifu Abel. “Hey, Abel” yells Crimson Phoenix, “What the h3ll are you doing?” Sifu Abel turns toward the Queen and her bodyguards and merrily skips towards the group, “Crimson, Ryu…two of my favorite people…Queen Wushu Chik, my don’t you look LOVELY today? How is the Queenship doing? We have so missed you. You have not GRACED us with your presence in KFO Land in quite some time. I am hoping that all has been well, and that you are doing well!” “Abel, are you wearing MAKEUP?”, asks the Queen. “Oh yes, I always do when I am “tending” to my trees.”, replies Abel. The Queen and her bodyguards share ANOTHER blank look, “Just KEEP walking”, demands the Queen.

They finally enter the gates of KFO Land. Walking into the town, the Queen, Ryu and Crimson all hear this funny song coming from behind one of the shops. When walking by, Kristoffer pops out singing the Kristoffer theme song. “WALK FASTER” says the Queen. Ryu and Crimson walk towards the nearest shops, leaving the Queen all by herself. The Queen turns behind her and yells “Hey Jester, hurry your ass up, we don’t have all day”. The jester has been lagging the whole time, due to a severe limp and open wounds. “You now have 69 hours to find a funny joke, or you will still DIE” she yells at the Court Jester when he FINALLY catches up.

There’s a rumbling that could be heard for miles away. Coming towards the town, the sound got louder and louder. Suddenly, a wagon drawn by 4 horses come bursting into the town. It’s an oddly colored wagon, Yellow, Black, and Red. On the front of the Wagon, all that was painted was “PJ OINTMENT- Miracle Cure”. Off of the top jumps a curious little man. He climbs into a little door on the side. The wagons side panel BURSTS open, and the curious little man screams as loud as he possibly can “PJ OINTMENT, MIRACLE CURE…made from the sacred Dragon Blood Ointment will help you cure ANYTHING that possibly ails you. And ONLY I have the TRUE recipe.”

You hear many ooohs and ahhhs coming from the crowded streets. People start pushing and shoving towards the wagon. You hear women screaming, and men crying, others curiously laughing. Those laughing would be the herbalist and his bodyguards. Fa Jing, Silumkid and Prana quietly talk amongst each other. “There’s something curious about the little man”, Silumkid says quietly, as to not be overheard. “I don’t think this guy is legit”. Fa Jing, the Herbal Shaman, agrees, “Yes, there is something quite fishy about this PJ Ointment that he seems to be advertising.” “I think I will have to go and check this guy out for myself”, replies Silumkid. Silumkid starts walking towards the wagon, and the crowd gets restless, and people start whispering to each other. All the gatherers begin moving away from the wagon, as the whispering gets louder. Suddenly Silumkid stops in the middle of the crowd. “OK PEOPLE, how many times do I have to tell you, I DON’T LIKE FIGHTING”, he yells, “Now where the hell is my mirror?”

This curious little man is making a killing with all the money he is raking in from the poor dumb, unsuspecting people he is stealing from with his lies. Still hurt from the beating he received earlier, the Court Jester goes up to the front of the line and demands that he the FIRST to actually try the liniment. Due to condition that he appeared to be in, the people of the town had NO problem obliging to him! The court jester grabs a bottle of the PJ Ointment and opens it right up. He proceeds to rub the ointment into his wounds, and almost instantaneously he starts telling everyone how GREAT he feels. Even though he’s still bleeding, and walking with a limp, he’s telling everyone how fantastic that this “miracle cure” must be to make him feel this great so fast. So, half the town runs and buys this “miracle cure” and starts rubbing it on their bodies. The Queen Wushu Chik, Ryu, Crimson Phoenix, Fa Jing, Silumkid and Prana all stand there looking at the scene.

END OF SCENE 2

[respectmankind]

nice script so far, i enjoy it

[wushu chik]

More to come tomorrow...i am writing it, so DON'T ADD TOO IT!!!

Have a good night and day all!!

~Wen~

[scotty1]

Very assertive isn't she?

Fixed your links yet?

[dezhen2001]

Wen: what about me? :confused: :( I guess i'm an even more plain and nondescript exatra than joedoe :D Or maybe i can organise (read: eat) the Food? :D

Prana: seems like you're just being yourself lol :)

david

[Royal Dragon]

The evil Emperor (Played by DR Evil) from the next Kingdom over the mountian, across the plains and around the block secretly plots to kidnap Queen Wu Shu Chik and force her to watch Barney reruns in her underwear.

[SevenStar]

I know I haven't been around in a few months, but I wanna be in it too!!!

[Royal Dragon]

Your with me, you are my #1 assistant and right hand man, similar to Smithers from the Simpsons.

Oh, anyone else that is forgotten by "Queen" Wu Shu Chick is also with me to help plot their revenge for being forgotten, ignored and neglected!!!!:D

So just sound off,and write your self in to the plot!!!

I need:
An herbalist to formulate the drugs I will use in the kidnapping and powerful love potions that will allow me to have my way with Wu Shu Chick
Body gaurds
Military generals
a cook who's good with Italian food
Some one to play "Mini Me"
Someone Wu Shu Chick trusts to be a double agent working for me
Advisors to help me hatch my evil scemes
Senator's in Queen Wu Shu Chicks kindom that are actually on MY payroll.
Black smiths and weapon makers.
A band of midget Ninja puppets
many,many,many Full sized Ninja's
A lot of fully brainwashed followers.
A lot of fully brain washed and naked FEMALE followers
evil Jedi's to be in charge of the Ninjas
Anything else I have not thought of yet.

[Leonidas]

I'm sure it was an oversight RD, but Smithers is a complete brown-nosing fairy, he's as gay as they come. Worse yet is he's in love with Mr. Burns who's ATLEAST 100 years old and could pass as Satan's son.

Anyways, when do we get to the fight scenes?

[ewallace]

As for my actual role in the film, I would like to drive around in an '83 Lincoln Towncar and run people over.

[Felipe Bido]

Originally posted by Royal Dragon
Senator's in Queen Wu Shu Chicks kindom that are actually on MY payroll.



YEAH!, That's ME! BUAHAHAHA!!!....


:cool: The Senate is being controlled by the Dark Side... We, Evil Mofos Incorporated have clouded their vision....

DEZHEN & WUFUPAUL...you must join Royal Dragon too...and together, we can nutbar this sh¡t...
:mad:


Ta-da....:D

[Crimson Phoenix]

Faaammmmmmeeeeee...I waannnnaaaa lliivvveee ffooorrreeevvvveeeerrrrrrr...oops, sorry, I got carried away...it's my first role you know hehehehe
I couldn't have hoped better: kick some azz, and massage Wushu Chick's feet *dreamy smile of admiration*

[wufupaul]

Since that snotty Queen Wushuchicky left us out, we'll have no choice but to ruin the movie by sackfacing and nutbarring everyone in the surprise ending! :D

[Badger]

I want to be in the sequel:
KFO Episode II: Attack of the "."s





Badger

[NorthernMantis]

NORTHERN MANTIS- Keeper of Hot Women

Looks like I got the best job wether the movie is good or not:D

LOL @ Badger:D

[JWTAYLOR]

JWTAYLOR- Master of the Donkey Punch Style & Guy who runs around butt neked

Not to complain, but I believe I'm being type cast.

I would appreciate an actual "role". I'd much rather play a character who does not simply reflect my own personal lifestyle.

LET ME ACT D@MNIT!

JWT

[Royal Dragon]

Who was the guy that ran Dr, Evil's empire wile he was frozen?? Maybe that would be a better choice for dezhen2001's charecter format.

How about this, every on pick their favorite Number 2 man and list them, and then dezhen2001 can decide who to modle his charecter after.

Se, I may be evil, but I give my flollowers more choice in thier roles than Wu Shu Chick does Muuuuahahahahahahah!!!

Who's Evil now huh Chicky poo???:D

[dezhen2001]

Smithers? RD, i think you have me confused with someone else :p I also don't run around like a headless chicken... i would make a better Mr Burns - i have already gopt the hairstyle for it (at 22). Also cold and calculating - with an accent like Sean Connery ;) As for being ur right hand man... as long as i get to look after the 'brainwashed NAKED female followers' it's ok :D

Felipe and Wufupaul: i'm down wid ur crew :cool:

Crimson: what if they smell that day??? Still so dreamy? :D

NM: d@mn you :p

this is funny, where r we filming it? lol good script so far Wen, but when do we come in??? (as in RD and his 'terra squad' :D)

david

[Royal Dragon]

Since I'm planning on having a lot of brainwashed naked female follwers, you may have your pick, except for my favorites, it's hands off on them!!!

So, Anyone got any Idea's on how we, as an Evil Empire, can make Wu Shu Chick's life miserable?

[norther practitioner]

Thats OK JW....




NORTHERN PRACTITIONER


thats all I get....a billing, I guess I am infamous enough to not have to do anything, just have my name there....that way it'll be the next summer blockbuster.

Or, I'll take one of these 3 roles. The double agent (always love the double agent), a general (but got to be da dude, you know like powell or something), or the herbalist.

[dezhen2001]

NP: is it a stereet herbalist? A well paying role :p

RD: what about like 'Bolo' in enter the dragon? I'm not muscular enough but can still look just as mean :mad: The idea of breaking people has a certain appeal to it. Also i want a remake of the foot massage scene in Enter The Dragon (can't be Wen so...Tae? anyone? [has to be female]:D)...

What other no2's are there?: Face form the A-Team... not pretty enough, Darth Vader... couldn't see out of that d@mn mask... hmmm... anyone? :D

david

[Royal Dragon]

How about a General who retired and became an hebalist who's also a double agent?

[Chang Style Novice]

I downloaded "Black Belt Jones Theme" from Audiogalaxy last night, and it is essential that Dennis Coffey compose and perform the soundtrack.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN THAT SH!T IS FUNKY!

[norther practitioner]

Another thing missing......anyone who is big into kung fu movies should be able to tell you....the drunken begger...aka the old dude with the red nose in all these movies. Anywho, this guy should be harassed alot, then kick some major ass buy falling on them and stuff.

[Chang Style Novice]

That sounds good for me. In my Manhog/Ron Jeremy persona I'd be ideal for kicking ass under the influence.

"Sam the Spliff" - that's me!

[The Willow Sword]

Ralph Machio(who is playing the part of the willow sword and the queens court jester) is REAL P!ssed off!!! he has had to go to the hospital to get stiches in his chin because ryu didnt pull his kick to his chin. COME ON NOW . we need better stunt coordination now. RALPH is not too happy,,i have only so many hostess cupcakes to give him as payment for playing me in this wonderful film. REMEMBER that RAlph may look like he is 16 but he is in fact 57 years old.

so far the scenes are great:D

[Chang Style Novice]

Hmmmm...okay, so my scenes are

1 - Get bullied by villains and then kick ass without them realizing it. This is probably where I should meet our hero and help him kick ass as he thinks he's helping me.

2 - Some goofy training scenes involving an enormous waterpipe and the hidden garden in an herbalist's shop.

4 - When the main villain shows up, I get killed in a protracted, melodramatic fashion, reaching the hero just in time to tell him "don't fight him - he's too powerful for you."

Let me know when my scenes are going to be shot so that I can get myslef properly dirtied up and practice my Weeded-Style Shuai Chiao.

[wufupaul]

I have a good idea on how to make the EVIL Wushuchik angry..we stop her supply of seahorses going to her. She has pet seahorses and likes them for one reason only...the males give birth and she likes to watch them wriggle in pain! She's pure evil! She must be stopped! Of course, the evil sackface submission wouldn't work on her, she'd like it too much. And of course Felipe's famed nutbar wouldn't work, at least I hope it wouldn't, haha. So, we'll have to come up with some great moves that would work on her and her evil army.

[wufupaul]

http://www.apollo-sports.com/Environment/BTB/Videos/SeaHorses.mpg Watch this video guys! It's a clip of a male seahorse giving birth! As a man, I feel his pain. The evil Wen enjoys this stuff, she must be stopped!!!!

[GeneChing]

If I'm in this movie series of yours, my character must be portrayed by a cgi effect (forget Nic Cage) and in a later sequel, I must be played by a muppet.

[wushu chik]

Guys Guys Guys....I have missed some of you, but you know I can put you in. It was late, and I was tired, and i am sorry!!! Wufu, Dezhen, and others.....I am definetly going to be adding you to the story. You really think I would leave some of my fave people out?? I am going to be redoing some of the casting as I go along. Most of that was just a rough draft!!!!

Everyone Chill. We get to the fight scenes soon!!!

Gene-
Silum and I were seriously thinking of making you anime, and more like the Mayor in Powerpuff Girls :D .

I will be writing some more soon, as soon as I wake up from only 5 hours of sleep. You do know I worked on this all night dont you? WHERE's MY APPRECIATION??? Ha Ha, just joking.....

~Wen~

[Royal Dragon]

Hm sea horse ehyy......I think sea horses are imported right???? maybe the queen's senators (the ones on MY payroll) can get together and attch an ammendment to the next peice of legislature that raises the import teriff on sea horses so high no one will be willing to export them to the queens kingdom!!!

As for GENE Ching, he MUST be an 3d animatron of one of KFQG magazines own comic strip charecters. Nothing less would suffice!!!

Oh Gene, I noticed that although the KFQG comic strip charecters are still employed in the marketing department, the magazine has noticably been misssing thier commic strip, what's up with that?

[Royal Dragon]

you said
"Guys Guys Guys....I have missed some of you, but you know I can put you in."

Evil Emperor's reply]
Too late Chicky Poo, out of feelings of rejection and having been forgotten, they have all joined my Evil Empire and swore allegance to me in order to "Get their revenge" Muuaahahahahahahahahah!!

Now where's Mini Me disapeared to, anyone see him?:p

[dezhen2001]

Hmmm.... but is Wen's 'powers of persuasion' (TM) greater than your 'dark force' (TM)? Now THAT would be an epic battle of the FORCE! :D

david

[Blackspear]

I know i don't reply much but I am always busy guarding the golden gates of heaven. But I have gotten bored now and decided it is time for Blackspear to join the battlefield once again and destroy all who have forgotten me. I am a double agent and am a member for both forces RD and the chicky poo Wu shu chick but whos side am I really on. BUAAHAHA , BUAAHAHA, BUAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[Blackspear]

By the way mini RD is squatting by that tree over there.

[dezhen2001]

BAAAAAAGGGGWAAAAAA! <--- just wanted to say it (RD: can that be our war cry?) :D

david

[ewallace]

No human can imagine the fear of being confronted by an '83 Lincoln Town Car packed with midgets on a rampage of fury. You can escape the car, but you will never flee the midgets.

[Royal Dragon]

Can we use that 83 Lincolin Town car flled with little Danny Devito midgits to attack Chicky Poo's sea horse suppliers?

As far as the Battle cry BAAAAAGGGGWWWWWWAAAAAAa!!! YES, I love it!!!

Oh, on Mini Me, I told him a thousand times NOT to do that!!!

[ewallace]

The car yes. As far as danny devito, no. I think you have been caught up in all the hype. Lipton has done a very good job to comercialize midgets.

However, just like good kung fu, the highly skilled, most ferocious and dangerous midgets remain underground. You can meet and train with them by invite only. I am the only non-midget ever to receive training in the ancient Midgetian form of grande Assassanation. The credits at the end of the movie must read midget #1 played by midget #1. Midget #2 played by midget #2. It's kind of like slipknot only for midgets see.

[Royal Dragon]

Ohhhh, IIIIIII Get it.

Hey, why can't Midget #1 play Midget #2, and Midget #2 play Midget #3 etc????? That way they gte to act, instead of just be themselves.

[ewallace]

Midgets know not how to act. They only know how to attack. They are not in it for personal glory. Midget #1 playing midget #2 is a betrayal to the Midgetian code and would be viewed as working outside of the team for personal benefits. The repercussions for this are hideous. Upon betrayal to their assigned team, they immediately increase in height by approximately 1.78 feet. That results in not being a midget anymore, and being a really **** small regular person. They are then forbidden to contact anyone within the Midgetian community for that would mean death.

[The Willow Sword]

a natuarlly blond woman is tired of being stereotyped as the typical stupid blond. so she decides to change her look COMPLETELY. she dyes her hair jet black and goes back to college to get re-educated and buys herself a black convertable mustang. she is loving he r new look and new life.

one day she is taking a country drive and spots a shephard tending his sheep in the pasture. she pulls up along side the fence and says to the shephard"uhh excuse me mr shepard,,i have a deal for you,,if i can guess how many shepp you have in your pastuire will you let me have one of your baby sheep?"
the shephard thinks for a moment and then says "sure why not? have a go."
the woman looks and looks and looks and with a confident smile on her face exclaims" You have 267 sheep in your pasture"
the shepard is suprised for that is the right amount he has in his pasture" well young missy a deal is a deal,,pick your sheep"
the woman goes out and picks a sheep and puts ity in her convertable,,,just then the shephard says to the woman" uhhh excuse me miss but i have a deal for YOU"." if i can guess the true color of your hair ,will you give me my DOG back?"
wacka wacka wackaaaaaaaaaa :D

[African Tiger]

Ok, Ok, enough screwing around. When does Undercover Brother get to make out with White She Devil???

[The Willow Sword]

a tiger in africa? A TIGER IN AFRICA???????????:p

[ewallace]

And why does the She-Devil gotta be white huh? That's so racist. I cannot believe the nerve of some people. I bet my white ass that.... ahhh **** there I go too. My fault. :)

[NorthernMantis]

Originally posted by norther practitioner
Another thing missing......anyone who is big into kung fu movies should be able to tell you....the drunken begger...aka the old dude with the red nose in all these movies. Anywho, this guy should be harassed alot, then kick some major ass buy falling on them and stuff.

Oh yeah the old drunken beggar. What is it with that guy anyway?

[fa_jing]

Whoa! Like, I'm in the movie? Coming down from my herbally assisted meditation...actually taking a break from it this week, it appears that reality is stranger than fiction...the altered state is now the normal state, and the normal state the altered....

Cool, I get a bodyguard, and a best friend who is well versed in ancient philosophy. Someone who shares my belief in Chi.

Humorous Interlude... Chang Style Novice, the stay puffing much-mellow man, in his kwoon busy conducting secret training, with a giant glass-blown pipe in the back... a team of friendly worker-midgets, loading the herb-receptacle and manning the bellows.
The entire room becomes filled with a smoky haze, as students perform the pot-tea ceremony, offering a steaming cup of bhang to Chang. Herbal Shaman (me) stops by with his two side kicks. "Ah, Herbal Shaman, so glad to see you!" shouts Chang. "Can you assist me today conducting the meditation?" "you gonna hook me up?" I ask. Chang Style says "Yeah, see me after class." I and Prana lead the students in performing the Sun Salution, 12 movements, 12 times, breathing in and out through the nose. Then we sit in the lotus pose, and begin to meditate. As I focus on my Hara Chakra, a strange rumbling and gurgling sound begins to be heard in the room. "Hold the bellows, fellows!" I shout to the midgets. "I'm trying to concentrate!" Suddenly, and group of ex-college wrestlers who are taking boxing lessons, bursts into the room. "Herbal Shaman!" they shout. (Everybody shouts in this movie.) "Come outside and demonstrate your Shamanic Chi!" "But it's just a term, " I answer. "Then your CMA is no different than Western MA!" they answer. This is too much for me to sit there and take, so I gather up my philosophical friend and bodyguard, and we head outside, stepping over a group of students that have crashed out in front of the door. When we are outside, I demonstrate my stomach rumbling technique. "Trickery!" the wrestlers shout. Wing Chun has no groundfighting, and thus we will defeat you! My bodyguard offers to take them out, but I demand to engage their leader. He throws a high jab, but does not fool me as I read his intentions. He shoots, I kick him hard in the stomach, he almost loses his lunch but hides it well, as he does 400 crunches a day. He falls on top of me. "****, he took my best kick!" is heard as if I am speaking, but I am only thinking it. He tries to mount me but I manage to get him in my guard. He pulls back his hand to pound me in the head, but I pak his punch and grab, swing my leg up kicking him across the face, then put my foot against the side of his head and lever his arm against my thigh. "Uncle!" he shouts, writhing in pain. My philosophical friend advises me to let him go. "Two wrongs don't make a right," he says, quoting the ancient Indian Monk Suddhawarthamurtinan. So I let him go, and wrestler-guy and his group ask me to teach them Wing Chun principles. "you kick like a mule," he says. "yes, but I won't show you the secret techniques, I reply." "Well, you cheated cause you used a grappling move to defeat me," he shouts, then makes it a requirement in his future challenge matches that his opponent only know patty-cake dry-land swimming Kung Fu. (sorry to mix characters, no offense to anyone!) I take my associates back inside, where we fire one up with Chang Style Novice. I ask if I can take one of his students along to be my official bone-roller, but to my surprise, CSN himself decides to accompany me. "I will stay with you until you reach your goal," he says, and we all take a nap.

[Kristoffer]

Ey Wen, start writing! Or Ryu will start nag :D

[DelicateSound]

Wen?

Where am I? :(





Can I at least do the musical score?

I can play a mean guitar.







And I can make f arting noises with my armpits.






Isn't that enough for you?

[Felipe Bido]

Can you play Vivaldi with your armpits?...I can join you in the allegro score.

[DelicateSound]

Tricky one isn't it.

I'm still trying to master Handel's Water Music......

[Leonidas]

I want Disturbed, Fear Factory, Mudvayne and or RATM (yea, i said it) as my background music. Do you know how to play 'Edgecrusher' (you know what im talking about dezhen) or 'Dig' Delicate? I'm makin' requests. Perfect battle scene songs.......

[DelicateSound]

I can give you RATM's Bombtrack if you like.

The bass riff at the start is da mn hard, but I figure I can play that either armpittally [:D] or probably f art it anally, leading straight into the nice drop-D guitar work.

I'd probably need to gouge out my throat with a rusty spoon for De La Rocha's vocals though.....




"Burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn........"


:D



Communists :rolleyes:

[Leonidas]

You know, Mars, The Bringer of War or Sacrificial Dance would be pretty **** cool too if your going down that route. Sort of like the classical played in, dare i say it............Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Gave great mood to an otherwise.................lets leave it at that

[Kristoffer]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOMB TRAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

nanananana

[DelicateSound]

Landlords and power wh ores
On my people they took turns
Dispute the suits I ignite
And then watch 'em burn.

[Leonidas]

Originally posted by DelicateSound

I'd probably need to gouge out my throat with a rusty spoon for De La Rocha's vocals though.....


LMAO, your prolly right. You would need a tonsilectomy to sing most of the crap i listen too. :D :D :D

Bombtrack sounds like a song i would play in my lowrider. (well, if i had one) Not exactly a song you would charge into battle and maim and kill to, if you know what i mean :D .

[Xebsball]

LOL Wen, i love it, its great :D

[DelicateSound]

I'd play Freedom during the battle scenes.


Tune.



Or Lostprophets' Shinobi VS Dragon Ninja.

[Leonidas]

Oh sh!t, how could i forget.

'Bodies' is the perfect battle scene song.

Then again, 2 horribly bad movies have already used it. Its cursed.

Then again i dont think anything could of saved 'Jason X' and 'The One'. :D

[wushu chik]

OK guys & girls.....the next few scenes will be up by late tonight! I am working out a few minor "quirks" with the script, and then I will continue to write write write!

~Wen~

[KungFuGuy!]

Very cool so far, WC!
I can't wait to show you kung fools what a tae bo master can do! :D

[Gabriel]

H e l l s yeah!

I always wanted to fly a red biplane! I can have authentic cracked WWII style bomber leather, and a scarf, and really styling flight goggles! And....and.... :D

If necessary, I will enlist as a pilot against the evil empire!

[wushu chik]

Sounds good to me Gabriel. I am still working on the next few scenes so that I can post them! It's definetly interesting to try to put EVERYONE in here....there's SOOOO MANY PEOPLE...but I know what everyone is doing! WOO HOOO...

~Wen~

[straight blast]

When the evil double agent is finally unmasked the music playing has to be RATM: Know your enemy!!!!


KNOW YOUR ENEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

[Serpent]

Man, I want out. Wen's far too self-obessed and swollen with ego for my liking!



*whispers* Royal Dragon, you still need a double agent? I got a good position in just about every scene and no-one's ever seen my face!

[Royal Dragon]

No problem, I'll have a contact meet you, so keep your eyes peeled.

[Serpent]

But how will they know me? :confused:

:cool:

Don't worry, I'll know them. How many Danny DeVito Ninjas can there be wandering around looking for someone they don't know!

:p

[meltdawn]

I have a trampoline and a Springfield 1911 with a Vadecki speed trigger. Where are these lead actors I have to teach how to movie fight? Let's cut the script and get to the action.

Wires? We don't need no stinking wires!

Silumkid, I got yer mirror...

[SevenStar]

Will I get to kill someone?

[wushu chik]

It's going to have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry!

~Wen~

[Serpent]

Hey Sevenstar, you can kill me.

But be warned. I'll come back again stronger than you could ever imagine!

[NorthernMantis]

In order to make this thread more interesting I suggest we turn to the "Ultimate Street Fight" writing format; improvise as you post and take turns. :D

[Royal Dragon]

Sea horse scampe
Fried sea horse
breadded Sea horse
Frikasied Sea Horse
Sea Horse skewers
Buttered Sea Horse
Sea Horse Alfreado
Sea Horse and Calimari
Sea Horse dipped in Spagetti sauce
Barbaqued Sea Horse
Grilled Sea Horse
Sea horse with Samon and Lemon juice
Sea horse and Honey Mustard with fries or onion rings
and custom recipies at your discretion.

[wufupaul]

Man, I really hate seafood, but I'll gladly eat those just to help put an end to Wushu Chik's evil empire. We can adorn ourselves in dried out seahorses, too, I know for a fact that the evil queen would hate that! :D I already have my seahorse handle sword ready to go, haha.

[ewallace]

Smoked Sea Horse in charbroiled Honda shell.

[Royal Dragon]

Pepered Sea Horse
Sea Horse Gourdon Blue
Boiled Sea Horse
Smoked Sea Horse
Sea horse and Borccolie
Cheese and Sea Horse
Rice and Sea Horse
Sea Horse and noodles

[wushu chik]

NorthernMantis,
I think you are on to something....OK, it's someone elses turn to write the next scene!

Sorry guys, I just have too much personally going on to do the movie script right! Guys, just remember to KEEP IT CLEAN, otherwise it will get shut down in a heartbeat! So, if you wanna have fun, go ahead, just keep it on the straight and narrow, if ya know what i mean!!! PLEASE!!!

~Wen~

[Ryu]

As Wushu's right hand man, I'd like to add that we should strive to keep it relatively well written :D

AND also keep in mind that I am indeed Wushu's bodyguard/servant in this film. If she is ever in trouble it should be ME and not (ahem... straightblast) who comes to her rescue. ;) That is...... if she wishes to be rescued at all during the film.

Also, watch how you do the scene. If I take offense to it (and I most certainly will :D ) you will all get kicked in the chin.

That is all.

Ryu

[Royal Dragon]

I think it's time to kidnapp Chickie poo wile she is admirining her last few Sea Horses. First we must Kill Ryu and that "other guy".


What do you say guys, who's up to the mission?

[wufupaul]

Evil henchman reporting for duty! Mhh..I'm hungry..time for flambe a la seahorse? Kidnap Wen? Nah..we'll just get Chris to use some of his nlp on her..make her come along willingly, hehe.

[David Jamieson]

I take offense to that "french" remark...

No offense Old Jong and the rest of our Quebecois friends here. ;)

peace

[Crimson Phoenix]

Speaking of French, I am the official other body guard heheheheh
So you'll have to withstand my palm and wrist angle strikes and kill me before you can touch her heheheh

[Kristoffer]

I'll go Leon on ya... :mad:

[NorthernMantis]

Right wu shu chick I'll begin. Once upon a time in a land far away named kfo land a young martial artists, who imitates bugs, set out on a journey to find some women (as you all kow northern mantis is the keeper of hot women as wushu chick said). Our dear little break dancing bug friend traveled for days unitl he met a bjj student and uddenly finds himself in....


[take it away guys]

[MightyB]

NIGHT INT. SCENE B. THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

Nondescript THUG #2 played by MightyB. (In Slow Motion) Leaps out from behind some boxes pulling his trusty duel 1911s shooting John Woo style at everything that moves. At a range of less than 12 feet, all of his bullets fail to hit their mark. Wushu and her gang combine forces creating a devastating Chi Ball hurling it at the nefarious MightyB. Narrowly dodging the Chi Ball, MightyB drops his guns, grins, and stands back up in the Mantis fighting stance. Two doves fly through the foreground.

(MUSIC: "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting")

[dezhen2001]

Using the patented 'chi blast' (TM) technique... Wushu and her cronies fire, hitting the 2 doves :D Dezhen just watches...

david

[MightyB]

INT. NIGHT SCENE B THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

Ryu pulls out his Katana and walks up to the nefarious MightyB and cuts off his head.

WushuChick:
That was really unimpressive, what the heck.
He has the coolest action figure, and he goes
out like that. What the... that was worse than
Janga and Boba Fett's deaths combined. He
didn't even try to dodge the blade. I--- I'm pretty
dissapointed. The fans aren't going to like that.

[NorthernMantis]

..jut as that is said SifuAbel passes by with two guys on his legs and suddenly..

[dezhen2001]

Northern Mantis gets attacked by some Mini-Me's... narling and biting at his calves :D He tries to shake them off, but with those vice like jaws, they don't let go... :D

Dezhen just watches form the Shadows... everyone unaware of his presence :cool:

david

[Felipe Bido]

Hear ye, hear ye:

The only thing I know is that I've put three tons of laxative in the waters of Wushu Chick's mighty kingdom...so...if you feel a little funny in your tummy, you know who to blame.

I think that will finish the threat of the ninjas, and we can have a clear way to attack the kingdom as desired.


Senator Felipe Palpatine hath spoken. :p

[MightyB]

NIGHT INT. SCENE B. THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

MightyB's son holds his fallen fathers head. It's a gruesomely touching scene. But, as Wushu and her clan leave, we realize that it wasn't the MightyB at all. It was his clone. All part of a clever ruse designed to allow the MightyB and his son a clean getaway from the battle. There is yet hope that the MightyB will return in KFO's Online Movie's Sequel.

[Royal Dragon]

"Chickie Poo" thouht she was safe, a small army of Mini RD's attacks and totally over powers her and her army of lustful bodygaurds (They were too busy looking at Chickie poo's tushy, and got caught off guard). With the body guards defeted, the Mini RD's drag the now Kicking and screaming Queen "Chickie Poo" off to the dark and Evil (not to mention scarry) Palace of the Evil Royal Dragon.

[dezhen2001]

Dezhen just watches the action from the shadows... Wherever there are shadows, there is Dezhen... :cool:

LMAO :D

david

[Felipe Bido]

Dezhen, step out from the shadows and help me pour this laxative- Xebsball and his company of ninjas have already ordered a full pack of toilet paper.

[MightyB]

Royal Dragon is in for more than he bargained for. Wushu woke up and realized that she was alone with a man is his room. The ravenous lusty Chick attacks RD, removes his clothes, and steals his virtue. At first, RD enjoyed the lust of Wushu, but was soon overwhelmed because there is no limit to Wushu's appetite for sex. RD is fighting for dear life trying anything to retain his precious semen. For, if he loses one more drop to Wushu, she will have stolen all of his Chi "becumming" nearly omniponent with many new found super chi powers.


RD:
(repeating, with his eyes closed) Grandma,
naked, cold, in the shower...


Again, Dezhen just watches the action from the shadows... Wherever there are shadows, there is Dezhen...

[MightyB]

Dezhen has a video camera. And, for some reason, keeps pinching his crotch and giggling...

RD is in agony. The thought of sweet relief is becomming stronger as Wushu rides him like a pony. He knows that he must hold on. He also knows that, if he can, he will have the worst case of blue balls in all of the history of mankind.

[Ryu]

Not to be a wet blanket or anything, but be careful of offending her for real, you know what I mean? She asked you guys nicely to keep it clean. Gene's not gonna leave that kind of thing up.

[MightyB]

(Forgetting for a moment the "rules of KFO", the Nefarious MightyB gets a little carried away with the keyboard as he attempts to tie in some of his favorite KFO threads from the last two months into the KFO Movie... But, he must finish the scene...)

As RD nearly loses his strength, Ralek bursts through the door wearing nothing but oil in the classic Greek grappling fashion. He then grapples Wushu off of RD. Wushu is at first thinking that she has a new victim for her ancient vampiress chi stealing techniques, but RD sees the glint in Ralek's eyes and knows that in the ancient greek way, Ralek is not there to make babies. Ralek, using superior grappling techniques, forces Wushu to submit. Dezhen, not liking what he sees, for once decides to join the action. In a blinding flash of Shaolin movement, RD catches the blurr of Dezhen's form as he performs the most basic Kung fu and proceeds to kick Ralek's ass. Dezhen and RD then join forces to throw Wushu out the door and begin their search for her cronies...

[MightyB]

RD and Dezhen realize that throwing Wushu out would be a mistake, so they lock her in the tower. They then help Ralek up so that they can kick his butt again. They have fun with this for awhile, but quickly grow bored. Dezhen rejoins the shadows and dissapears. RD prepares his army for the battle ahead as he is sure that Wushu's bodyguards will soon come for her.

(Someone else take it from here.)

[Royal Dragon]

Actually, I pack my "Nether reigons" with ice, and collapse from exaughstion first. Chickie poo was more than I bargained for, best to keep her locked in the tower.


One of the now many Mini RD's brings the Emperor a HUGE jug of Ginseng to help him regain what was lost during the encounter with Queen Chickie Poo. RD turns on the big screen, and relaxes with his Ginseng and Sienfield re runs.:p (Ok, Ok Star Trek, shhh don't tell anyone!!!)

[dezhen2001]

Hey that's cool - i get to kick Raleks ass :D
Of course i am everywhere - i'm an astral spy (read under my name), and also a multimedia student ;) lol

As RD recuperates, he sends his numer 2 (moi) out on a mission to find Chikas henchmen... A dark and dreary quest... After many days of travelling, he comes across an old drunk man on the road. Lo and behold it's GDA - one of the 8 drunk Immortals!

'can you help me on this dastardly quest oh Drunken One?' Dezhen asks...

david

[Ryu]

Much better :D

Now remember to give me a cool scene. I'm the "hero" of the forum after all :D

Ryu

[dezhen2001]

thought u were her bodyguard and henchman? I'm trying to find ya man!

Actually... where r u hiding? It would make it easier if u just told me :D

david

[Ryu]

I'm her bodyguard/henchman AND secret hero... :cool:

Can't tell you where I am...... the person you see before you in only a hologram..... hurry! Follow the setting sun to the east..... to.....

*Ryu's spirit hologram fades away, leaving Dezhen to continue his dreary search. However, knowing that the warrior/protector known as Ryu is within reach gives hope to the astral spy.*


Hey :D This IS fun!

[dezhen2001]

As Dezhen is an Astral Spy, he follows Ryu's spirit on the Astral plain... but gets lost :( Chika has some Astral Spies of her own that mislead me...

david

[Ryu]

Hey wait. Poor Wushu's not the villian of the story here. :D

Who's who again? :confused: What's the name of this forum? :confused:

[dezhen2001]

Ryu: It's all part of RD's ever so EVIL plot to turn everyone to the dark side... How did they do it in episode 2? They made everyone think the Emperor was good ;)

david

[MightyB]

(Ryu, a few messages back, you got to chop off my clone's head. That was kind've cool).

[Volcano Admim]

i will wait only a few hours until someone comes up with a VERY GOOD explanation why i am not in this movie.

[Royal Dragon]

As the movie closes for commercials, the pro mo flases to a scene of tens of thousands of Mini RD's in white armor in formation doing military drills.:eek:

[Royal Dragon]

Since Queen Chickie Poo forgot to write you in, that means you are with me, the evil Emperor. Your current mission is to think of something diabolical to do to her or her kingdom. We meet in the hugh over sized board room to discuss our evil plans in 2 hours.

MUHAhahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rolley es:

[Lice]

Don't mind me.. just an extra.

[Volcano Admim]

RD, its settled. We shall rulling together world as father and son!! muahahahahah

[MightyB]

Wushu finally regains consciousness after Ralek's brutal rear mount choke. She was furious for letting her guard down and letting a little troll attack her from behind. She knows that it will never happen again and that, if she sees Ralek again, she will destroy him. Wushu has grown strong after receiving a portion of RD's chi. A few moments more, and she would have absorbed RD giving her the power she needed to finally vanquish all that is evil in Kung Fu Land. The trolls are gaining strength and need to be crushed. Some have even confused the citizens of Kung Fu land so much that they have even the good citizens against her. Now, at her time of greatest need, she summons one of the great spirit guides of KFO.

Wushu Chick:
Prana, can you hear me. We need your help. Come back to the human realm please.

Wushu is in great despair. She doesn't know if Prana heard her.

Prana:
Need much from me you do. Hmm, Hmm, Hmm...

WC:
I need you to reach Ryu. Only he can save me.

Prana:
With you the answer lies. Need him you do not.

WC:
I don't understand.

Prana:
Strong you have grown. The chi is within you.

Prana fades back to the astral realm, but WC can still hear her.

Prana:
Not dead the mercenary is. Plots against you he does. Ryu will come. Strength you have, but better weapon your mind is.

Wushu drops into deep meditation and focuses on the thought of Ryu. She sees him killing hoardes of mini RD's. She feels the air begin to open and the tower is replaced with the void of the astral plane. As suddenly as she becomes aware of the astral plane, the feeling leaves her, she is not yet strong enough to tap into her Chi's full potential, but it was enough to transport her to Ryu.

Ryu:
Wushu your here!--- How?

WC:
I'm not sure. I think I entered the astral plane.

Ryu:
That doesn't matter. You're here now and we have much a$$ to kick!

WC:
Rock on! We have a new enemy. That one who attacked us in the abandoned warehouse.

Ryu:
That Beitch? I killed him.

WC:
I don't know how but he still alive.

To be continued...

(Prana:
Begun this KFO war has!)

[Royal Dragon]

are seen leaving the secret back room snickering and laughing as they turn off the sound system and movie projector that was secretly aimed at the celling of Queen Wushu Chick's (Chickie Poo) cell tower room.

[Ryu]

:D
Rock on! This one's coming alive :D

[MightyB]

MightyB and his son walk up to the bar to talk to Black Jack.

Black Jack:
Bee, long time my friend-- Long time. How's the little one.

MightyB Jr. flips him the bird.

MB:
Has he paid?

BJ:
He's paid up.

MB:
It's working. The wars on.

BJ:
Have you seen this bootleg video of Wushu railing Royal Dragon?

MB:
You got that! Sweeeet. She's a nice piece of tail.

BJ:
Tell that to Royal, she about killed him. I got the new Ralek fighting video too.

The three of them kick back and drink a few brews. After the bar closes, Black Jack takes the Bee to a secret room. Inside there are tons of guns, knives, and body armor.

BJ:
Time for phase two. I know how you like guns.

MB:
Chi is for hippies. I need a couple of 45's, tons of ammo, that M205 over there, how about that 50 cal BFG sniper rifle, and-- oh yeah, that pair of bunny slippers.

BJ:
Guns are for pu$$ies.

Black jack slips an arkansas toothpick into his boot, puts a KBar on his side, and then slings a 2 1/2 foot Bowie knife onto his back.

BJ:
These are the ones that I'll show you, wait till you see what I've got hidden. (Black Jack says with a grin) The rest of the mercenaries are ready. All kinds of slime, your type of people. We've got knife fighters, bikers, commandos, royal marines, you name it. If they work for money, they're here. Somebody's paying big.

MB:
Who's paying?

BJ:
Does it matter?

Both laugh.

MB:
Lett's go kick some as$. Little B. Go back to the fortress. Daddy's got work to do.



(Who's paying Black Jack and the B? Who's side is the mercenary army on? Why the heck did MightyB feel the need to write himself into this story? Who's on who's side and what is the plot to this story anyway? Will the Emporer convert Ryu to the Dark side? Tune in to KFO to find out.)

[Royal Dragon]

says Yeaaaaaaaaaah Baby!!!!!!!!!

[The Willow Sword]

AS all of this is going on yet another plot is stirring across the KFM forum galaxy:

TWS: played by ralph MAchio is indeed in dire straits. after being kicked in the chin and humiliated by RYU TWS slinks off to plot his revenge against the whole and heart of the KFM forum galaxy. YES HE SEEKS GUIDENCE FROM THE DARK LORD REEMUL AND HIS BAND OF BRUISING PUMMELING JUGGERNAUGHT KNIGHTS.
"teach me oh teach me so that i may take my revenge on that midol popping tart and her pretty boy body guards" says TWS

REEMUL" i have a better idea,,,lets instead give you the beating that you truly deserve,if you survive you will be an honorary punching bag for the JUGGERNAUGHTS and WE WILL PROTECT YOU(not really).

TWS(played by ralph machio) proceeds to get pummeled within an inch of his life. but miraculously he survives!!!! yayyy!!!

"you have learned a valuable lesson" exclaims Reemul " take here this honorary rubber chicken and carry out your revenge, this is a VERY special rubber chicken,,it will smithe and spite your foes"
bright eyed and excited TWS(who is played by ralph machio) quickly takes the sacred rubber chicken and goes to meet his destiny.
(the dark juggernaughts snicker and do the best they can to retain thier laughter) "yes yes fellow juggernaughts,,yet again we have sent another emissary on his way to meet his destiny" exclaims REEMUL.

scene 34 ends.:D :D

[fa_jing]

ttt- back in the day this forum was funny.

[norther practitioner]

****, this is a blast from the past.....


good dig fa

[BibitClerus]

RD, its settled. We shall rulling together world as father and son!! muahahahahah

man, volcano rocks

[Vash]

and that ******* doesn't even look like me.

[Kristoffer]

*Makes out with the queen*

*Watch as Rolls trolls Ryu from behind*

*Makes Royal Dragon my ******

*kills everyone imitating bugs*

*sings the theme-song*
















There you go

[fa_jing]

Prana, Braden, BlackJack, Badger, where you at where you at?

[SevenStar]

blackjack still posts every now and again - I dunno what happened to the others tho. I was wondering what happened to braden.

[MasterKiller]

Tom Cruise can play me, but we'll need Ron Jeremy to stand in for the money shots.

[SevenStar]

Tom Cruise can play me, but we'll need Ron Jeremy to stand in for the money shots.


PLEASE tell me that he isn't a male pron star, but if he is, PLEASE tell me that you had to search for his name and that you didn't have it committed to memory...

[MasterKiller]

PLEASE tell me that he isn't a male pron star, but if he is, PLEASE tell me that you had to search for his name and that you didn't have it committed to memory...
Dude, everyone knows The Hedgehog.

[BibitClerus]

Prana, Braden, BlackJack, Badger, where you at where you at?

Prana: has left, basicly/probably i think hes got better to do, and besides he had stopped doing MA long time before. Prana was a very cool dude.
Braden: i know where he is foundable, but im not telling :D I chat with him and others sometime
BlackJack: no idea
Badger: he was a right winger, who cares

[BibitClerus]

Tom Cruise can play me, but we'll need Ron Jeremy to stand in for the money shots.

Yeah and im gonna need Peter North for that
You lame ass sucka.
North > Jeremy

[SevenStar]

Braden: i know where he is foundable, but im not telling :D I chat with him and others sometime



empty flower?

[SevenStar]

Dude, everyone knows The Hedgehog.


I don't. I can name off females from my old pron surfing days left and right, but the only male I know off hand is peter north, simply because you couldn't download anything that didn't have his name on it somewhere.

[ewallace]

You can pretty much get any male patient at a state-run psychiatric facility to play my role in the KFO movie.

However, it will require heavy computer graphics work as the visitation/interview chambers have unfavorable background scenery and lighting. I would also recommend covering the camera lens and microphone with plastic during interviews. And make sure their crazy-ass' knows how to spell sammich correctly with or without meds.

[BibitClerus]

empty flower?

yeah man and on the chat too
but aparently i cant go to EF since the admin disagrees with me about wich are NIN's best and worst album.

Braden, or someone like Braden, might still be around here though still,
but i wouldnt know that...

[BibitClerus]

I don't. I can name off females from my old pron surfing days left and right, but the only male I know off hand is peter north, simply because you couldn't download anything that didn't have his name on it somewhere.

dude, Ron Jeremy is an old schoo pr0n man. From the late 70s, early 80s thing
He is a fat dude and have a mustache.

[Oso]

*kills everyone imitating bugs*

I don't be thinking so Cow Boy.

{something like a hairy brown bug looms menacingly above you}



Ron Jeremy has been on one of the lesser 'reality' shows lately. Pretty funny for a second....

[David Jamieson]

yeah man and on the chat too
but aparently i cant go to EF since the admin disagrees with me about wich are NIN's best and worst album.

Braden, or someone like Braden, might still be around here though still,
but i wouldnt know that...


come come now maestro, you still hang there, lurking in the shadows like a feeling that dissapears beneath the stains of time. :p

[SevenStar]

dude, Ron Jeremy is an old schoo pr0n man. From the late 70s, early 80s thing
He is a fat dude and have a mustache.


Oh, the fat guy! I've seen him, but didn't know him by name. I actually saw him on an infomercial recently - he's pushing a shaft enlarger... I think it was called extenze

[rogue]

7* -7 street cred just for knowing that, additional -2 penalty for posting that information.

[fa_jing]

Actually I've had a strong feeling that Braden is Christopher M, but they seem to have philosophical differences. At least in their online persona. The type of poster is nearly exactly the same, though, canadian, well-spoken, etc.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i miss the old days ... way more traffic.

[Mr Punch]

Actually I've had a strong feeling that Braden is Christopher M.That's what I always assumed.

Badger may have been a bit extreme at times but he was generally a funny individual. BlackJack is a complete Nazi, but again, I had a kind of respect for him, and he comes back every now and then to post some of his inexhaustible source of links to reality bare-knuckle, WW2 combatatives and quick ways to skin and hang liberals every nows and then.

I, on the other hand must be the biggest f'n nonentity on the board. I've been grumping around on this dumpstation for a few years now, and I've never been in a list of 'people most likely to', this poxridden movie or any honourable mention list! A grand total of two people have PMed me on a birthday. Moneyfunsters.

:cool:

[Kristoffer]

Nah, Mat you're the guy I'm most likely gonna contact if I ever get off my ass and go to Tokyo.

[ewallace]

I miss Wendy.



Who the hell is Mat?


Black Jack had excellent info and was a real no BS guy. Regardless of his stance on topics there was no gray there and I respect that. Plus he lives in the town next to where I grew up so I'm biased.


And badger sent me a chik-fil-a calendar a couple years back so he too is aiight in my book.

[FuXnDajenariht]

only reason i was involved at all was cuz i knew wendy. since the whole "fu" thing. she was a firecracker to say the least :D. xebs knows where she is i think.

[Mr Punch]

Nah, Mat you're the guy I'm most likely gonna contact if I ever get off my ass and go to Tokyo.Great, so I'm reduced to running a flop-house for ne'erdowell itinerant cow-killers! :eek: Did I say I wanted sympathy? Friendship? Houseguests? :mad:





:D

[Kristoffer]

c'mon everyone knows you shooters are cuddly as hell. aaaand you got you're own flop-house! our friendship is now in session :D

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i miss the old gda ill tell you that.

the only other forum i frequent is ogrish and they got their fill of shock posting (though none have made quite the art out of it that i did) so i dont even bother there.

sure i could make another alt, but i made a promise to keep it much tamer than before and i've been pretty good about that thus far. maybe ill go stir up some of those prettyflower people.

[BibitClerus]

the original xebsball was much cooler than me i think, too
im way too sarcastic
but its nothing to worry, like all things that be, they cease to be one day

i miss wendy too... but i dunno where she is... havent seen her on AIM or MSN lately and as a fact i havent been able to be much on AIM or MSN like the old days in old times... cos i gotta get up early in teh morning etc etc etc

i dunno this Mestre_da_Morte you speak of is, mr. Jamieson
ooh what the hell, i can make a new one anytime i want :D

[BibitClerus]

Who the hell is Mat?

hes a dude that has lived with several models on his apartament
he is one of my heroes

[uki]

uki smashes down with a keg of celestial wine, only to be attacked by a drunken gene who is easily defeated(or so it seems) until the monsterous and mighty dale "the dugas" erupts into a beserker rage of a frenzy and subsequentially loses his kilt while pulverizing the hordes of cowardly and rabid mouthboxers who are drooling horredously at the mouth... meanwhile, a sexy taryn p. steals dales lost kilt and drapes it over KC's head as he is attempting a 100' flying kick at the mischievious lkfmdc... unfortunately for uki, gene had feigned his defeat and stolen the wine keg as uki was distracted by a legion of renegade monks armed with bars of aromatic soap...

*scene cuts to a prison*

scott r. brown is attempting to defeciate in his pants while running from a deranged sanjuro ronin... LOL... who has mistaken poor scotts buttocks for a set of silicone boobs...

to be continued... :D

[taai gihk yahn]

if there was ever justification for resurrecting a 4 y/o dead-thread, this would HAVE to be it!

[uki]

if there was ever justification for resurrecting a 4 y/o dead-thread, this would HAVE to be it!i just happened to catch someone viewing it... LOL... i was shooting from the hip like always. :D

[taai gihk yahn]

i just happened to catch someone viewing it... LOL... i was shooting from the hip like always. :D

going out now, eagerly awaiting the next scene from the Director's Cut...

[Pork Chop]

Punch -
hard to believe that i've been around these parts about 11 years now, under the names:
Pork Chop
Jowbacca
Bmore Banga
Lost Disciple
and i still never make any of these lists

[IronWeasel]

IronWeasel as: Cab driver #2

[TenTigers]

Ten Tigers as "The Lady in Red" NO! I meant, "The Man with the hat"

[uki]

a happily drunken gene has finished off the keg of celestial wine, but little does he know that one of uki's secret ingredients is an extract derived from magical mushrooms... gene lets out a hearty laugh as he begins to see golden nachos growing out of a nearby tree trunk...

*scene cuts to prison*

due to scott r. browns healthy diet, he is unable to make a doo-doo in his pants... with his back to the wall, his mind is racing for a solution to his dilemma as sanjuro ronin creeps eerily closer - suddenly scott produces two paper mache spears made from toilet paper and potatoes... sanjuro hesitates momentarily before he realizes that he has his magazine armor on - with an evil smirk, the ex-canadian special forces sniper once more begins to slink his way towards his intended prey...

*scene cuts*

dale "the mighty" dugas has wrapped the hide of a beaten mouthboxer around his waist to cover himself as he watches the shaolin master, KC, struggle to get the sweaty kilt off of his head... meanwhile, the nortorious lkfmdc has begun handing out free copies of his famous dvd collectors set to a bunch of japanese tourists who were passing by in a taxi cab driven by iron weasel... nearby, taryn p. is sniffing her armpits and marvelling at her womanly aroma.

*scene cuts*

uki has been taken hostage by renegade monks who have successfully doused him in patchouli oil and scrubbed him with soap to ward of his sickening stench...

*scene cuts*

high in the mountains, a taoist master known as taai gihk yahn, has watched the battle down below from his lofty perch... unfortunately for him, his mind is lost in primordial chaos of establishishing an order to all this - the battle below is no exception... it makes no sense at all to him when he does come to understand it - one thing is for sure though and that is that there is no sure thing...

to be continued... again...

[Taryn P.]

Rofl.......

[uki]

Rofl.......you better be sexy... i'd hate to be incorrect in my assumptions. :p

[Taryn P.]

you better be sexy... i'd hate to be incorrect in my assumptions. :p

Yeah, it's those bananas in the armpits that really boost me from a 9 to a 10.
:cool:

[Mr Punch]

And the way you pick em and peel em with just your mouth?

[Lucas]

lol, i go away for 10 days and this is what happens???

:p

[uki]

one of the renegade monks that has apprehended uki has revealed himself to be an impostor... claiming to hail from the descended lineage of the tibetan lamas, a certain sifu lame pie *smirk* has begun hurling all over the place due to the sheer strength of uki's body odour... even though it was this sifu lame pies' idea to scrub uki down with aromatic soap, it did little to alleviate the stench that has caused this poor soul to vomit all over the place - the other monks(who are relatively immune to the stench from their own endeavours of periodically not bathing) having begun laughing at their own misguided judgement in believing this impostor, have decided to bury him upto his neck in the sand... instead of pouring honey on his head, they instead have collected some of uki's secretions and gave him a nice gummy and poured the rest over his head - leaving him to rot all alone(having discovered his proposterous assertations, his former students have deserted him as a TRUE lama would never charge for a lesson)

*scene cuts to a mountain pass*

taai gihk yahn has decided to help his long lost sibling, scott r. brown, from the vile clutches of the deranged sanjuro ronin, who is locked in mortal kombat - vigorously trying to get thru scotts highly effective paper mache techniques; having already lost most of his magazine protective armour, sanjuro is furious that he cannot get at scotts buttocks... just as sanjuros rage might seem to smash thru scoots defenses, taai gihk yahn appears from over the wall(using the ancient lung gom techniques) dressed in a sexy dress complete with a set of firm knockers(half coconut shells) - immedietly sanjuro forgets about scott and begins drooling over his next intended victim!!!

*scene cuts to the golden nacho tree*

gene has apparently lost it... uki's celestial wine has oliberated his perception of reality - what was once perceived as golden nachos turns out to be a nest of fuming honey bees whom are incredibly p!ssed off that gene has begun to tear apart and eat their nest.

*scene cuts to a bedroom somewhere in oregon*

lucas is enjoying an orgy of women who are enraptured in the scent of true manliness, yet one of them is really a spy for a corporate pharmecutical company seeking to synthesize lucas' scent for profit... her job is to collect some sweat and bring it back for research.

*scene cuts back to lkfmdc*

having handed out all his copies of sanda fighting, lkfmdc is waiting for the hordes of japanese tourist to bow down and praise his accomplishments - only he is highly devasted when he learns that they intend to use clips in the highly successful internet sensation "epic fail". holding back the tears, lkfmdc mangages to hold his head high while sniffling his nose in the true warrior spirit.

*scene pans to dale the mighty dugas*

dale has regained his sweaty kilt from an asphixated KC. LOL... walking up to taryn p. dale "the mighty" dugas grabs a handful of bananas from her underarms and begins to chow down, thanking her between mouthfuls and swigs of single malt scotch-ginseng... taryn, unable to control herself, takes another big whiff from her armpits...

*scene cuts outer space*

monitoring the situation on earth, the orbiting annunaki platform alerts the council of anu that if they do not interfere with mankind once again, that the species will inadevertly destroy itself thru sheer ignorance... the council grants authority to intervene and a ship is deployed to the task... commanding the ship is none other than drake, who was disguised incognito as a conspiracy theorist debunker and tinfoil hat eater... he inserts a language program in order to effectively enhance his communication and language skills - the name of the program is "ABC's with bawang"

to be continued... hopefully. :p

[Taryn P.]

And the way you pick em and peel em with just your mouth?

Dayum, every little thing you do these days winds up on Youtube... is nothing sacred? :mad:

[uki]

Dayum, every little thing you do these days winds up on Youtube... is nothing sacred?well they say... if you don't want someone to find out about something, don't do it. :)

[Lucas]

I have the best roll!!!!!

[uki]

I have the best roll!!!!!ummmm... you mean role... LOL... i am sure you don't look like sifu lame pies students. :p

[Lucas]

no, i meant roll. ;)

like a roll in the hay, where i lay today.

i admit, a horrible play on words....

[uki]

i admit, a horrible play on words....yet you managed to keep the ball from going across the foul-line. :)

[uki]

as sifu lame pie's tears continue to stream down his face at his dire situational circumstance, a passing stray dog comes to lick his nose before lifting his leg to urinate on the poor guy's head...

*scene cuts to gene*

in a psychotic frenzy, gene is tearing the swarming bee nest apart - he is unfazed by the countless stingers in his body... thinking of only one thing only. NACHOS. there must be a whole tree full of them. as he is stuffing his face with the marvelous honeycomb(believing it to be nachos), he feels a tug on his ankle... looking down he sees a small yellow bear with a red shirt on who is holding a jar labelled "hunny".

*scene cuts to lucas*

enjoying himself immensely in a sea of beautiful women, lucas lets out a sigh of exhiliration as he is being fed pomegrante seeds by a small slender hand attached to a beautiful pygmy woman, another two petit asian woman are fanning him with large tropical leaves to cool down his boiling blood. LMAO!! :p

*scene cuts back to prison*

BOOBIES!!! thats the only thing on sanjuro's mind as he begins reaching for taai gihk yahn's firm breasts... yet this clever daoist master is full of neat little hat tricks - as sanjuro gets within inches of his seemingly wonderful prize, taai gihk uses a whacky ancient breathing method to balloon himself up to a very large and apparently obese woman. sanjuro lets out a yelp at the horrid figure before him, which at the same time, has removed the wig of donkey hair only to reveal his bald knob... sanjuro clutches his chest and falls over face first into the dirt. grateful for his rescue, scott r. brown begins reciting an endless supply of old words of praise, which he has meticulously studied and repeated for such a time as this!!! yet, taai gihk yahn all too well knows that if he does not get away from the man, he might go deaf from the long, drawn out droning of the simple wisdom made complicated... turning back to the mountains, the daoist master rushes off once again, only this time being followed by scott, who is still in a long drawn out charade of thankfulness.

to be continued...

[Lucas]

it just gets better and better for me!