What would you do about this friend? (MA's related)

[NorthernMantis]

First thing I want to say is that you're in for a bit of a read so if you don't have the time you might want to come back to this thread when you do.

My main point is that my friend is a good guy but is rude as heck and it gets on my nerves at times.:mad:

The thing is that I have a friend (Vietnamese) who took kung fu a while back and was very serious about it, or so I heard from his family as his dad was an instructor at the kwoon, until there was a tradgedy at the school. Needless to say he refused to study there anymore for whatever his reasons were. However he did keep up with as much training as he could by himself though not like he used to.

After knowing the guy for a year I found out that he knew kung fu. After going over his house for a while we started comparing forms just to see how each others style looked like. Right off the bat he tells me that my moves are fancy and that all my forms are for show. That didn't bother me much but I should have known that would have been the start of it...

I asked if he wanted to touch hands and he agreed later finding out that he interpreted touching hands as if it were very very light point sparring. On the very first enconter I put him in an arm bar and he got mad claiming that I was trying to break his arm. Every time he punched I used a simple parry and hook to catch his attack. Other times I just trapped his hands and sometimes I followed with a feint eye poke which I stopped right in front of his eye to let him know that he would have gotten hit(mind you I was and still am a beginner which says what his abilty was).He get's mad and says "what's wrong with you that's not kung fu". My response was like well what do you think kung fu is like? He starts telling me how I am supposed to used my style and that it is not honorable to use elbow attacks and simultaneously attck the knees as you punch at the face when he can't even handle a basic straight punch. The he says that his style is just like a realistic boxing style like you would see on the street and that they don't do fancy stuff like in my style. That tells me that he's saying that my style is unrealistic.

After some time passed he lost his interest in kung fu alltogether because as you know some people have lives :work,school, girlfriend etc, but that wasn't the end of it.

Sometimes when I would go over his house he would start talking to me about kung fu and would want to know what my oppinion of it was. As soon as I opened my mouth he would interrupt saying "whatever whatever. I don't care , I don't want to hear about it.I don't care about kung fu anymore." I was like what the heck is wrong with this guy? First he ask me a question and then doesn't let me even open my mouth by interrupting me in a rude manner. Later he would do the same thing again and again. At other times when I was over at his house he would tell me that my style is all flash and that I do complicated movements. Hmm let's see... hook, grapple, and puch...rriigghtt.

This went off and on for about a year and it started getting worse and worse. At one point it got to me and I lashed out at his style. My friend and another friend (who also knows kung fu) and I went to this Japanese restaurant that he worked in,which was supposedly filled with guys who know kung fu were working there as well. So we were sitting down as I am eating some soup and he tells me that wah lum guys are stiff and awkward. I looked him dead in the eye eye and I said said oh yeah well you guys are wide open and your footwork sucks. That was the end of that and he got quiet. I admit I am not proud of it but after a year of calmly taking all of that it can set you off..:mad: :(

Just when I thought it could't get worse it did. Later on he started to want to sparr and by how it felt he wanted to prove something. Then it finally hit rockbottom. One day he asked me me to sparr and I was reluctanct becuase I knew what he was up to as a foreign exchange student was satying at his house (yes, Ryu, she was Japanese :D) .At that point I was sort of sick plus I was starving and a bit weak. I reluctantly agreed and the guy starts being aggressive and does a really hard push right on my throat. I took the blow and and regained my balance. At this moment Akane (the foreign exchange student) was angry as she knew that he was just trying to impress her but was not showing it,she told me later on. At one point he even grabbed me and did some kind of hip throw in which I landed right on my left knee causing not only and abbrassion but a sreious bruise that put me out for two weeks. I figured he learned that from his future brother in law since he knows some san shou.

Right there and then he pushed me past my limits. I can't take it anymore. I decided the next time we ever sparr I am going to literally break his pride because I have always held back on him. If he even tries to sparr me in front of people I'm gonna floor him right away.:mad: Funny thing is ever since that day he never wanted to sparr again because he says I'm too aggressive and I take it to seriously.

Now he's claiming that he's learning wing chun from one of his work buddes who's from "south China". At first he told me his friend took hung gar, wing chun, pak mei, know's groundfighting and even took wah lum, my styl,e and that his friend said that wha lum was stiff and awkward. I was like oh really? I asked who his sifu was in wah lum. He was reluctanct to say and responds with "I don't know, do I look like his boyfriend? I don't stalk people like you". As you can imagine most people wouldn't put up with that. He completely idolizes his friend and is in awe of his fighting abilty. His friend has been practicing for 15 years and is the best fighter blah blah blah and could take on this high level wing chun sifu who I know that has been practicing for 30+ years.

3 days ago I asked him how long has his friend practied wing chun. He said only 2. I was like hey didn't you say he practiced for 15 years? My friend hesitated and said no. He also told me me that he didn't take wah lum, that his friend does choy lay fut. I wanted to test this deadly super fighter out and I told him that I wanted to touch hands with this guy and he says I don't think he's going to want to fight you. Who said anything about fight? Who has ever heard of a wing chun guy not wanting to touch hands with another stylist? He avoids me meeting the guy most of the time and tells me that I have to go by the restaurant at 12 a.m. if I want to meet him,which I'm tempted to to one of these days. Heck for a while a couple of my kung fu buds wanted to meet this unstoppable south Chinaman.

Why all the avoidance of his friend? One word McSifu!! Come on, you got win chun, choy lay fut, wah lum pai (supposedly), groundfighting (style unknown), bak mei, and possibly kickboxing. Thy guy probably only did like one year of each. My friend also told me that his friend aske him not to let anyone know that he's teaching him win chun and he's only been doin it for 2 years! Umm can I have a lap sao with a flying triangle and a side order of tam tui with hooks please?


[getting near the end]

Why do I put up with all of this you say? The thing is I'm a real good friend of his family and they have been real nice to me. I don't want to have any trouble with them. Plus my hung out with with me when I had girl troubles.

However you can't take abuse forever. Enough is enough. I don't know wether knock him flat on hiss butt next time we sparr or to talk to him about it. What would you do?

[guohuen]

Smile, take him aside and say "first point I like you so lay off, OK. second, You really don't want me to hurt you in front of your friend do you? Remember, I like you."

[NorthernMantis]

Thanks man I really need some advice right now but I have already done that ans he just smirks and thinks I'm acting ****y. Tot ell the truth he thinks I'm full of myself when even Akane told me that she thinks hes the best at everything.

P.S.

****y = c o c k y

[BAI HE]

I think you'd **** him off if you started dating Akane.

[NorthernMantis]

Tried that but didn't work.:D She' back in Japan now but we still keep contact since we became goodfriends when he started being a real jerk to her. She told me me that she'll hook me up with one of her friends if I ever visit her in Japan :)

[chingei]

Originally posted by NorthernMantis
Tried that but didn't work.:D She' back in Japan now but we still keep contact since we became goodfriends when he started being a real jerk to her. She told me me that she'll hook me up with one of her friends if I ever visit her in Japan :)


so forget this jerk and move to Japan!

[Qi dup]

Originally posted by NorthernMantis
Tried that but didn't work.:D She' back in Japan now but we still keep contact since we became goodfriends when he started being a real jerk to her. She told me me that she'll hook me up with one of her friends if I ever visit her in Japan :)

Hell yeah man!

[fa_jing]

some people only respect you if you let them know what's up, if you sting them.

-FJ

[Spirit Writer]

I think it begs the question, How did you handle him O' so easily the first time, but then had him throw you and throat strike you against your will the second time? Regardless of casual friendship, you shouldn't let someone do that to you, should have been able to stop it, or increase your level of intensity. This happens all the time when chi sauing. Someone loses so they pick up the intensity. Best way to handle this, slam them good once, and say AFTERWARDS, if you pick up the intensity so will I.

[KC Elbows]

Also, don't assume this guy you never met is a mcsifu. Remember the source, sounds like your friend has honesty issues. For all you know, he's telling this other martial artist that YOU studied for 49 years under wong fei hung, and that YOU are saying that wing chun is stiff.

There is a time honored tradition for handling these sort of things, a sombre ceremony saved for the most extreme cases. It's called the melvin with a full twisting swirly. If that doesn't work, duct tape him to the wall and feed him some jabanera salsa, then put a glass of milk just out of range.

Really, it's what reasonable people do.

[TenTigers]

One, I think your friend is insecure and partly embarassed about his lack of skill, possibly pretty frustrated as well. He is acting out of frustration. yeeah, pretty immature-he should get back into training at a real school, he'd feel alot better about himself.
and two, I think spirit writer has it backwards. Yes, I know he started it, and he did some low down dirty cheap shots, but it is best if before you start, you say, "You set the pace" that way, if he hits you hard, you give it right back, and say, 'Remeber, YOU'RE setting the pace." they usually calm down after the first few exchanges.

[shaolinboxer]

This could get ugly, as it seems your pride and his are both on the line.

Let's say the next time you spar you beat the crap out of him. Then what? He'll make excuses, he may continue to haunt you with challenges, maybe he'll go nuts and scrape one of your retinas or fold back your elbow in a rage.

What is the point of all of this?

I only spar with people I can trust to not get personally upset. There are thousands of people who you can spar with powerfully and safely (meaning they will not go to far on purpose to prove a point).

You've been instigating argument, and embarrassing him. Treat him like a kid who is a bit confused and don't take his ignorance personally. If you beat the crap out of him, you may have an enemy for life. If you are nice and try to help him even when he is arrogant, eventually he may realize the debt he owes you.

[dbulmer]

Don't believe what he tells you - he might be stirring up trouble - the other guy might be thinking the same as you do.

Walk away and grin but if he does try to humiliate you in front of others - teach him a little lesson if you get the chance move around him and kick him up the backside gently - it won't hurt him physically but he will have lost face. If you value him as a friend he'll come round - if he doesn't then is he worth knowing.

Your friends family most likely won't hear of it - I mean to be kicked in the rear is not something people want to admit to :)

[Aramus]

I'm guessing I'm a bit older so my perspective is a little different. People who lie have no place in my life (or at least personal life). Keep in mind your friend may be telling you stories as well, as KC and others pointed out.

I agree with a few others that sparring may not be the answer although setting the tone if you do spar would be helpful. Talk to him, tell him how you feel and don't let him right you off. If he starts blow you off, stop him. Tell him that this is important to you and he is not treating you with any respect or this isn't how he would want to be treated about X (whatever that would be), ask him to describe things in detail (why he is saying what he is saying, what makes _____ this or that weak, what he would do, etc.).

Oh, well, good luck.

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
Warren Buffett

[LEGEND]

Ahhhhhhhh VIET PRIDE! Since I'm vietnamese I can relate!!! He has the NAPOLEON complex...u see...vietnamese are small men( I myself am only 5ft 7inches ). Now that's small! So in terms of IMPRESSING others( especially chicks ) we have to do the EXTRAORDINARY! In other words...bullying peeps! Bruce Lee I believe had this problem also. Guess what??? S H I T doesn't work when u try it on someone that can play the GAME also. Skool this KID NORTHERNMANTIS. Skool him BAD! You don't have to say anything...just mention that u have been training with some BAD MEN lately. U seem to be a nice guy but this guy is taking advantage of your friendship...and u need to even it out! No more giving in to his ehhhhhh kung fu skillz. I have met several Viet guys around the MD area who train in NORTHERN SHAOLIN. Great standup but once I took them down...they were clueless. They got HUMBLED quick. PAIN destroys PRIDE!!! Like u said u don't want any trouble from his family...but I doubt he'll be crying to mommy and daddy once u wax him. Teach a BULLY a lesson. Rather he learn it from you then someone he doesn't know on the street!

[PaulLin]

Originally posted by shaolinboxer
This could get ugly, as it seems your pride and his are both on the line.

Let's say the next time you spar you beat the crap out of him. Then what? He'll make excuses, he may continue to haunt you with challenges, maybe he'll go nuts and scrape one of your retinas or fold back your elbow in a rage.

What is the point of all of this?

I only spar with people I can trust to not get personally upset. There are thousands of people who you can spar with powerfully and safely (meaning they will not go to far on purpose to prove a point).

You've been instigating argument, and embarrassing him. Treat him like a kid who is a bit confused and don't take his ignorance personally. If you beat the crap out of him, you may have an enemy for life. If you are nice and try to help him even when he is arrogant, eventually he may realize the debt he owes you.

I really agree with this statement. If you think beating him up can get any where, better rethink.

If you plan to beat him up again, better just leave him be and ignor him.

If you still want to maintain kungfu friendship. I am thinking that don't touch hand with him, since it will lead no where, you already tried that. Instead, maybe you can both find some one else to touch hand with. In another kwoon or even in tournament.

When people compete with each other, it will be easier to hurt the relationship, but if people are facing the same challenge together, they would build more relationship.

And touching hands are not so lightly taken subject. You shouldn't touch hand with any one without carefully considered the person.

It would be better to have a fixed situation as the topic when discussing kungfu. Free hand touch hand to some one you don't really know is not a good idea(maybe you thought you know him already).

[NorthernMantis]

Well I do plan to take a trip to AJapan in the future;)

Spirit Writer-

Well the first time was easy because he hasn't sparred since he left his school like 2 or 3 years earlier plus were both young. I'm 20 and he's 19 but at the time it was more like 19 and 18.

The incident with the throw wasn't the second. We had sparred eveyone in a while before he lost his interestest and stated wising up to my methods but it wasn't the reason why that happened. Like I said I was somewhat sick plus I had not eaten anuything all day so I felt drained and irritated plus his future borther in law is living in his home and know's some san shou.

KC-

Heard ya loud and clear.

TenTigers-

It might be true as he is telling me that he's always acting the way how he thinks that people want him to act.


shaolinboxer-

Your posts makes sense but his attitude goes beyond martial arts. He acts rude to people and acted like such a jerk to Akane. I've seen him argue with her like he was going to hit her. A while back we went to the movies with some of my friends (girls) and they both said that he was rude. I asked him why he is so rude to girls and he told me that I have my way of treating girls and he has his way of treating girls. Then he wonders why girls don't like him. One time I even heard the guy cuss at his mom in front of me. I felt bad for her becuase I knew that she was embarrassed for him saying that infront of me. This guy is a real hole to his mom. I tried to tell him not to act that way in front of me with his mom but he tells me that he doesn't want to hear any of thist sh*t.

LEGEND- I am very well aware of Viet pride since I have Vietnamese friends (both hue and nam). The girls are pretty but Viet guys hate it when you talk to their girls. My friend doesn't have it as bad. However he's been pushing my buttons lately. By the way I loooove phô. Can't get enough of it. Ever since I went to a Vietnamese restaurant I fell in love withthat big fat bowl of noodles with hoisin sauce:) Don't like the mint leaves though.

Hey since your Vietnamese check my friends site out. She's a rising Vietnamese singer and I'm doing some promo for her andgroup. Their sites can be seen at



My friend Vivian's singing page (http://geocities.com/viviansupastar/) and her groups page (http://www.asianavenue.com/Members/index.html?LAUNCH_PAGE=http%3A//www.asianavenue.com/Members/Me/personalpage.html%3FMEMBER%3Dvivian_xclusive)

[NorthernMantis]

Paul -

I have known the guy for a while already and like I said it's not just about the kung fu he act's like a real jerk at times. I never really thought about him as kung fu buddy just a friend.

[LEGEND]

Northern...ahhhhh she seems like a nice girl. I really don't date viet girls often...only flips. LOL. Had some bad experiences with viet girls so I quit. But your friend needs to be put in his place! If he's a REAL friend than he'll let it go...if not then "F" him cause he's just a PUNK. I was put in my place years ago by several skilled martial arts everytime I acted up. You learn from it or you can turn tell and bum out! In terms of him acting mean to his girl...well like he said that's his way...and guess what...they'll be turning to YOU! hahaha. But nahhhhhhhhh...that's too much. The fact is if he's sparring to hurt you and impress other than u need to escalate it! Like I said the BOY got to learn RESPECT...better to learn it from a friend than to learn it from someone else on the street! If he doesn't hid the lessons so be it.

[PaulLin]

Originally posted by NorthernMantis
Paul -

I have known the guy for a while already and like I said it's not just about the kung fu he act's like a real jerk at times. I never really thought about him as kung fu buddy just a friend.

I see. So if you want to be the one to teach him the lesson or you want to leave it to some one else to teach him the hard way? Just becareful next time when you consider to touch hand with some one. Take care now.

By the way, my favorit one in a 79 Pho restaraunt is the ox tail. Only that place has it around the nighborhood.

[The Willow Sword]

Seems like you have a good friend and ally there. its hard to gage what to really do in times like these. i guess it would be safe to be honorable and not stoop to the level of your friend. remember these encounters are only for exhibition and friendly exchange of hands. its not a fight,,its not a life and death situation. take comfort on what your abilities are and do not allow yourself to be knocked off center, for you never know that this guy might be better than what he lets on to be and if you take your sparring with him to the next level he will probably do the same and then you have a situation where an enemy might be made. do you really want that to happen? people are people and will act how they act,, if he is a rude and brash personality then just accept this about him and be his friend regardless.
on the other hand: sometimes you need to swat the mosquito if it is buzzing your ear too much.
Many Respects ,,The Willow Sword

[NorthernMantis]

Paul Lin-


I understand what you are trying to say but you misunderstand. I'm not going to fight the guy to teach him a lesson. I just said that so you knew that his behavior isn't only present in his kung fu.

I got no real problems with the guy, it's just that he keeps throwing insults at me and quite frankly I'm getting tired of it. I'm sorry if I seemed that I want to hurt my friend, I guess my anger was doing all the talking.

I see your into phô also :D

[LEGEND]

Hmmmmmmmmmm...try BOON TIT NHUNG. I can't spell so it's like a soft stuff pasta like food with fish sauce. It's ok! God I eat viet food like PHO etc...I just don't eat it no more.

Slap the **** out of ya friend then spray paint him USA when he's unconscious!

[PaulLin]

There is this thing for handling cases like insulting: be like Buddah in the temple. If you swear at it, insulting it, it will still remain respectful calm face and ignor you. Unless there are physical attackes to wore off. If he thinks that the insulting things he did can work on you, it definitly work on him. So if that didn't work on you, then you have shown you are greater than what he expected.

Did this friend of yours has any believe system?

[PaulLin]

Originally posted by LEGEND
Hmmmmmmmmmm...try BOON TIT NHUNG. I can't spell so it's like a soft stuff pasta like food with fish sauce. It's ok! God I eat viet food like PHO etc...I just don't eat it no more.

Slap the **** out of ya friend then spray paint him USA when he's unconscious!

with or without shirp?

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i had a friend like this up until about 6 moths ago. most of the time he was one of the coolest guys you'd ever know and then out of no where he'd start acting like a real *******. it would eventually get to the point where i'd end up telling him to fu ck off. he'd fu ck off for a couple weeks or so and then he'd come backl and either apologize or act like nothing happened. this went on for about 6 or 7 years. like i said, most of the time he was a hell of a guy. but this last time i'd had enough. he rocked the boat for the last time and i have nothing more to do with him. you just have to be persistant and not mind being an ******* yourself when neccessary. as far as the family goes, they will have to understand their son/brother in law/etc isn't worth talking to. i still talk to this guys wife on occasion, but i have to keep reminding her that i never want anything to do with her husband again. she drops it and we continue talking about whatever. if this kid is a ******* all the time i can't imagine why you're still hanging out with him. fu ck him. life is too short to be wasting time with people who tend to do nothing more than suck it out of you.

[Ryu]

"yes, Ryu, she was Japanese "

Yattade! :D

Challenge him to a grappling match in front of her and beat him with a ude garame. :D I did it once. It's fun!

LOL, sorry..... (I'm dead tired, and haven't gotten much sleep... and yeah I know she's back in Japan.)

Honestly it sounds like he's somewhat intimidated by you, and needs to try and prove his manhood and skill to himself. If you spar and go all out..... rest assured it might turn into something bad, and you may lose that friendship if you guys aren't careful.

Like anything else, I'd talk it out and see his side of the story. But to me it sounds like he was frustrated that he got beat the first few times.

Ude garame :) Remember it! :D

Ryu

[Shadow Dragon]

Personally, I would tell him that you want a chat.

Tell him to either listen to you or if he doesn't want to that your friendship is not worth enough to him.
Tell him?in clear words how you feel about his behaviour and that continuing/repeat of that behaviour = end of friendship and possible ....

From what you said it sounds like he doesn't care much for anybody around him, and personally I think you should tell him that you don't want to see his face anymore and why.

I had a similar problem once with a friend that decided he didn't like me no longer, but still wanted to be buddies with my fiancee.Came around being all nice to her, while ingnoring me in my own house.
I bassically told him to close the door from the other side and never to approach it again, unless we was willing to be treated as an uninvited person in my house.

Peace.

[Serpent]

Screw him, dude, the guy's baggage. He's a tool. You know it and we all know it. He can't get over his own insecurities to you and that's his problem. You've shown great wu de so far with how you've handled the situation. Now walk away. This world is so full of dickheads that every once in a while you have to clear out your closet and remember the people that are important to you. He's taking up time that you'll never have again.

[awakenwired]

Okay. With Friends like that, who needs enemies? I had a couple friends like that once in highschool. And I'll tell you right now, more than likely what ever you do will back fire in your face.

1) If you spar him, and beat him, from what you've said about him already, he'll likely turn the whole thing around, call you over-aggressive, and turn the whole thing in to a big controversial thing no matter how clear the rules were in the beginning ultimately making YOU look like the bad guy in the end.

2) I suppose you could just take it, like you always have been, try to be diplomatic but it didn't work in the past, he doens't take you seriously, and in the end, he may wind up learning some decent Kung Fu in the furture and you'll simply wind up being his emotional, and physical punching bag.

3) and then there's you final option. Just leave him be. Alone. Almost "shun" him if you will. You're better than he is, you know it and that's all thats important. If he ask why you're not hangin' around tell him the truth. "Your pretty much a jerk man. To me and to most other people that are around you. I don't want to get mixed up with you anymore. I'll see you around." Then walk away. If he finds this as an insult and wants to fight, then MAYBE it might be payback time. But hopefully you can walk away peacefully, and in a few months you'll wonder why the heck you didn't do that a long time ago.

[PaulLin]

Adding more info. and you may find it useful if you see the situation fit.

If he claim to know kungfu, ask him to define so called "wu de" the martial moral. And the 10 rules of teaching kungfu. If he don't know, tell him to research on his own. At the way he behave, his master should be shamed to teach him since he clearly violated many rules.

[NorthernMantis]

Ryu-

Right, I got it Ude Garame. Now if I only knew what it was. Hopefully knowing the name is enough to scare the pants of people ;)

Paul Lin-

The guy has no wu de at all because he says "Chinese have no honor" or something like that. He even went as far as saying that he only respects style not the person. That to me said a lot about him. His views on what martial vitue are a combination of the karate kid and what normal people think how wu de should be. To tell the truth he prefers the social life of the Samurai in the feudal era, back when being a wealthy merchant was shunned by military class because it was considered low.

Unfortunately his master (who's name I will not mention in respect to him and his school) had an unfortunate death. I don't think his master would have approved of his behavior at all. It's sad really, since his master is very well respected was really famous in Hong Kong and south east Asia for being a good fighter. Actually some of the students of his school are on kfo so they'll know what I mean, but I have chosen to leave the school and sifu out of this.

It's strange really. He practices kung fu but considers Japanese to be of a higher class. Sometimes he even goes as low as to challenge me in video games to show that Japanese are better fighters than Chinese :confused:. A while back we were playing Soul Calibur and he told me that this one Japanese character had superior sword skills because he knew the Mitsurugi [sp?] sword style made by Mushashi:eek: :confused: . Whatever your reaction you have right now is the same way I reacted at that moment. Guess who got schooled by the guy with the staff? Same thing happened when we went to the movies with my friends. We were playing Tekken 3 in this mini arcade and he picked this guy that does Goju, I think, and he asked me to pick a Chinese character. He won his matches in the game and then was walking around like he was like the king or something. I'm like what the heck man, if you like Japanese martial arts better why don't you go take Karate or Judo?

Now that I'm thinking about it he has some serious problems going on. He doesn't get along with his family, he actually told me this. He treats his sister bad. The way he talked about leaving his baby niece around a couple months back was horrible and disturbing, although he's gotten to like her now. He shows no understanding or compassion towards children at all. He seems to forget that he cried a lot also when he was a child, needed attention when he was a child,drooled and anything else that a normal child does.

I'm considering my options and it seems that his friendship is not worth it. However he is being nice to me at the moment, like he sparingly does, at I feel guilty about considering ending my friendship with him.

[guohuen]

"Nothing is forever" Sounds like your friend has some problems to iron out. Applied physical phycology would definetly be in order, but being a friend this is not your place. I would suggest giving him a lot of space and let nature take it's course.

[Chang Style Novice]

Hmmm....put roofies in his drink, drive his car to a busy railroad crossing and drag his unconscious body into the drivers seat.

But don't let anyone see you.

No charge.

Actually, I'd just ignore him for a while until he grows the f#$% up.

[Cipher]

Don't let it bother you personaly. If he acts this hateful to you and everyone then it's not your fault, your just someone he thinks he can take his anger out on. Chances are he will never have any kind of good friendships with anyone because he will most likely do the same things to them. It's not worth it to let someone take advantage of you just because they can.

[PaulLin]

Originally posted by guohuen
"Nothing is forever" Sounds like your friend has some problems to iron out. Applied physical phycology would definetly be in order, but being a friend this is not your place. I would suggest giving him a lot of space and let nature take it's course.

From what you have said, it sounds really serious. I agree with guohuen's opinion, he need help, professional help. It sounds not far for him to committing serious crimes or accidents. You better taking care of yourself and becareful with him.

[LEGEND]

Sounds like a VIET LOSER to me...he might have been dogged out by some chinese girl or tagged by some chinese peeps! HAHAHA! I wonder what he thinks about his own nationality...the vietnamese??? Hmmmmmmmmm...might see some self hate there bro! Regarding the chinese vs. japanese thang...he likes the technology...prob. why...plus he prob. into the car racer thang( fast and furious )! I met a few CMA guys that admire MUSHASHI etc...that boy is just living in a dream world. We'll see what type of man he becomes when he's parent kick him out the house!

[NorthernMantis]

I'm planning to talk to the guy at the end of the week. Yeah he told me he doesn't like Viets,or Asian girls as a matter of fact, and he prefers Spanish. I'm like what? Here I am ,a Hispanic guy that gots a thing for Asian women, and he, a Viet, prefers anything other than Asians :D It's pretty funny.

So you like flips huh? I thought Viets and Filipinos didn't get along? Better watch it though, those Pinay are are hearbreakers and crazy too. I haven't met a Filipine girl yet that was normal. Well except this one that had really really good kung fu. Gave me a run for my money.:eek:

lol he's not one of those rice boys but he is into cars. His brother is into it though ( I imagine). Cool guy. It's not technology wise it's more like the social structure.

[NorthernMantis]

Now I feel even worse. The guy aske me to come to a party at his house tomorrow and I couln't say no.:( On the plus side there will be Vietnamese ladies there:D

[Ryu]

;) Don't worry, Asian people basically hate each other with a passion anyway. ;)

Ryu

[gazza99]

ditch him..he doesnt have tits does he?

[LEGEND]

Viet girls are difficult bro! They ain't easy to get POONTANG!!!

Flip girls are easyyyyyyyyyyyy but dramatic! I love flip women but yeahhhh...they are heartbreakers...but they make u a stronger man! Most flip girls like they're men tough so as long as u're nice but not soft, u'll keep them. LOL.

Northern I wouldn't really talk to him...just if he acts up again...put him in his place. I feel him cause he's probably having problems at HOME. So he's trying to take it out on OTHERs. U know...trying to be HARD! Anywayz...enjoy the party.

[gazza99]

..:)

[straight blast]

This happened to me too, only in this case it was my best friend who I had been through a lot with. We'd always trained...him in the arts like Aikido or Hapkido, and me in Muay Thai. One day out of the blue he just started putting crap on MT over and over again.

I took it for a couple of months until he decided to be a big man and start bagging it and me in front of other people. I invited him along to see my training hall (I had a key) to "look around". When we got there I told him to pad up (or not if that was his preference) and spar. It didn't take long before he was bowing out and apologising. We've never been the same friends since, but at least I don't have to put up with his sh!t anymore. It's worth doing sometimes.


) If you spar him, and beat him, from what you've said about him already, he'll likely turn the whole thing around, call you over-aggressive, and turn the whole thing in to a big controversial thing no matter how clear the rules were in the beginning ultimately making YOU look like the bad guy in the end

Who cares? You're not out to look like a hero in a movie. Put him in his place and develop your relationships with the rest of his family if they are that important to you. I'm sure they've noticed his behaviour. What it comes down to is you teach people the way to treat you. If you let them treat you like sh!t, they'll keep doing it. It's up to you, but in my experience it was worth it to defeat my friend's ego and lack of self confidence to preserve some level of self respect. I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me like that. Good luck.

[NorthernMantis]

Well he did it again. This time I wasn't even surprised at all as he has done this before (many times). I call him up about half an hour ago and asked him if the party was still on and he joyfully told me that it was called off because he has to burn 200 cds. You could just tell by his voice that he enjoyed telling me that it got cancelled.

Now I understand that yes somethings do come up unexpectedly but he's done this to me a lot. He even asks me to come over his house and when I come over he leaves to his neighbors house and stays there all day.That's how I got to know his family better than him. They wonder why he brings me over and leaves me there.

That's the last starw. I'm not going to talk to him again.:mad:

[joedoe]

**** man you are better off without him. Sounds like a whacko.

Does he have a sister? If so you could nail her just to **** him off :D

[NorthernMantis]

I couldn't do that. She's too nice to me plus she's engaged with another friend. She's in one of the two the links I put on this thread. I'll leave you to figure out which one is her.

[joedoe]

I was only kidding about boning his sister.

Bone his mother instead

Just kidding again. :D

[LEGEND]

**** dood...he's NO FRIEND...that's fuked up...what a loser! OH WELL...it's his lost! But keep in touch with the other viet girls!

[NorthernMantis]

Trust me I will:D

[Mr Punch]

He thinks you want to nail his sister anyway. I think that's the cause of all his ****ed up identity crises. Maybe he wants to nail her!!

Leave him 20 years and let him grow up.

[Serpent]

Actually, kudos if you can nail the sister AND the mum! Double kudos if you do 'em both together!

;)

[Mr Punch]

That's gotta be like, whoa, exponential infinity kudos dude!

[Serpent]

If he pulls it off he should just change his name to Kudos! ;)

[joedoe]

Even more if he gets it on video and posts it here :D :D :D

[NorthernMantis]

No way guys.
I can't see her like that she's like a sister to me plus I can't disrespect my friend like that (her fiancee not her brother).

[joedoe]

Come one man, get a sense of humour :).

We wouldn't expect you to nail his sister. We'd be happy if you nailed his mother :D

[NorthernMantis]

Oh ok , get Ego up in here and we'll have a good laugh:D :D

[Serpent]

Let's see how much we can raise.

I got ten bucks towards a video of NM boning his mate's mum!

[dezhen2001]

man i came to this thread late :D

Sounds like you're having a tough time there mate :( Don't worry, things will all blow over soon. Hopefully sort themselves out one way or the other. I would say if you still value your friendship hang in there, maybe he's having a tough time and that's when friends are important. If it's not like that and the guy is just an ass, then it's not good...

Hey, Soul Caliber is a great game - the pole guy and the gal with the halberd are the best :cool: but my mate keeps beating me with the giant with the huuuge axe :(

Keep in touch with those gals! U can never have 2 many lady friends :D Been trying to figure out which one is ur mates sister... but doesn't really matter as all of them are HOT :D

keep ya head up,
david

[NorthernMantis]

Well I told him. I'm not proud of it but I did it. I feel like I got something off my back. Now that I look back going through all that wasn't worth it.

[PaulLin]

Originally posted by NorthernMantis
Well I told him. I'm not proud of it but I did it. I feel like I got something off my back. Now that I look back going through all that wasn't worth it.

It would be so good if we can spot out the unworthy things before they started.

[longlo]

I would suggest that you just don't spar with him. In fact, I wouldn't even talk about kung fu at all with him. If he talks about it and you figure it could go bad, change the topic, or directly tell him, if he's a real friend and if it won't damage the friendship. I think Bruce Lee said something to the effect that "friendly" sparring starts out great, but it quickly goes sour and in the end its no good. There's also a lot of pride and resentment. My point isn't that MA competition is bad, but I think discretion is necessary. I had a situation a bit like that, and I just stopped any mention of martial arts at all, and any discontent quickly evaportated. Proverbs says that sensible people are patient and hold back their anger.

[SaMantis]

Well I told him. I'm not proud of it but I did it. I feel like I got something off my back. Now that I look back going through all that wasn't worth it.

Having to tell someone like that to **** off is always very tough, even though in theory it seems easy. Just remember that his problem was always HIM, not you or anything you did.

I don't think going through all that crap was totally worthless. If nothing else, you'll be able to recognize and avoid people with that personality trait (I call 'em "soul-suckers" -- they take everything out of you and offer nothing in return).

He'll probably try to win you back over at least a couple of times. Just tell yourself you know his game, and walk away. He may call you names or trash-talk you to others, but don't react. You'd be surprised how many people know the real score, and you don't need to prove anything to this loser.

Can you tell I've dealt with this personality type before? :D It's not really a Vietnamese thing, he's got problems you can't solve for him.

Peace,

SaM

[NorthernMantis]

It think it's best to no tjust deal with him at all anymore. Having held so much back from the two past years hs really affected me and I eralise it's not healthy psychologicaly.