Space Monkeys Like Soup [Archive] - Kung Fu Magazine Forums

kungfu cowboy

07-06-2002, 04:38 AM

Space monkeys like soup. The world is strange. I glance at the space monkey clock on the wall. It's basking in the hazy sun that is leaking through the space monkey blinds I put in last week. Hmmm. Space monkeys like soup.

I groan, and roll out of bed. Blearily, I stumble into the kitchen. I stub my toe on that da mn nail that has somehow worked itself out of the floorboard. It reminds me that Space Monkeys like soup.

I open the cupboard. I grab a can. With rehearsed precision, I maneuver the can onto the electric opener. I heat it and eat it.

As my eyes wander while I am spoonfeeding myself, with horror, I finally notice the label on the can.

It is soup.

Space Monkeys like soup.

Mr Punch

07-06-2002, 04:40 AM

yes they do.

mmm...

yes they do indeed.

Mr Punch

07-06-2002, 04:41 AM

does this not belong on the 'pot or not' thread?

kungfu cowboy

07-06-2002, 04:43 AM

Space Monkeys Like Soup

Budokan

07-06-2002, 01:20 PM

Put the bong down. Put it down. All right, now step away, slowly, and keep your hands in sight so we can watch you. There. Now, take a seat, don't be scared.

You realize of course you've unlocked one of the seals that will bring about Armageddon, don't you? The fact that space monkeys liked soup was a fact hidden within our species' natural consciousness ever since we strode the African savannahs. Now, here you are blasting this information over the internet -- particularly KFO -- which will insure it gets worldwide view.

You are obviously too unstable and dangerous to be allowed to continue. Even though you have released this information you must be made an example of. We must try to control the contamination. Your entire worldview will be erased and we will download a new memory compiled from an AI used by the CIA. You will continue with your life, but you will forget that space monkeys like soup, and all the horrific philosophical changes that statement implies.....

We're sorry we have to do this, but the fate of the entire world is at hand. And you've gone too far.....

Royal Dragon

07-06-2002, 01:26 PM

Today's lunch consisted of home made beef barley soup with parmasan chees in it, does that mean something?

kungfu cowboy

07-06-2002, 02:04 PM

Budokan---It is something that must come to pass. It is your memory, as well as all of those here and also those residing within the Center of the Earth, that will be thusly tampered with.

Nobody else but me will know that Space Monkeys Like Soup. I alone shall hold the key to the ancient wisdom that shall mean perdition to some, and quite a nice tax break to others.

RD--It means that:
Space Monkeys Like Soup. (We hear you, and will begin operations soon...fellow soup lover.)

So it begins...

SevenStar

07-06-2002, 03:10 PM

Even cream of mushroom?

kungfu cowboy

07-06-2002, 03:20 PM

Hmmm. A weighty question. We must consult with the 'Space Monkey's Guide to Good Soup and Gee Golly! Even Better Living', the revered spiritual tome of the Space Monkeys. We will find you when we have made our decision...

IronFist

07-06-2002, 03:25 PM

That's funny, a space monkey once told me that he didn't like soup.

IronFist

kungfu cowboy

07-06-2002, 03:34 PM

Traitors! Renegades! They are a small band of soup hating freedom fighters, trying to uprise and crush the alliance! We vow it shall never happen! NEVER! We have ways of turning soup into stew....

Royal Dragon

07-06-2002, 05:21 PM

Just curious :D

Felipe Bido

07-06-2002, 07:26 PM

A few hours ago, I saw a space monkey munching on a taco in our local burrito place...

Royal Dragon

07-06-2002, 08:06 PM

Any bets??:cool:

Felipe Bido

07-06-2002, 08:09 PM

Almost now. Wait till you get this sign of the Apocalypse:

Members Online: Kung Lek

:D

guohuen

07-06-2002, 09:30 PM

Exextentialism is an illusionist ploy to confuse the conspiracy theorist. Or maybe I just want some soup.

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 07:33 AM

Originally posted by guohuen
Exextentialism is an illusionist ploy to confuse the conspiracy theorist. Or maybe I just want some soup.

Hmmm, 'extent'. 'Ex' (no more) extent.

'Exextentialism' sounds a little narrow to me!!!:D

Did you mean 'existentialism'?

It'll never happen...:cool:

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 07:40 AM

By the way, I can't believe you all being so daft. Suddenly everybody's convinced themselves that these space monkey things exist and that you've seen them eating and interacting in some way.

Grow up!!!:mad:

Kung Lek, please get rid of this nonsense immediately!

.

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 07:42 AM

:D.

guohuen

07-07-2002, 08:07 AM

It's bad when you can't spell your own gibberish isn't it?

kungfu cowboy

07-07-2002, 08:35 AM

Mat--I checked my PM. There was nothing there.

Has there been a breach in security?

I will wait for further instruction.

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 09:24 PM

I'm sorry Mr Cowboy, I have no idea what you are talking about.

TjD

07-07-2002, 10:20 PM

youve been mislead my friend

space monkeys like clam chowder, not soup. the white kind, not the red

kungfu cowboy

07-07-2002, 10:28 PM

Mat---Dude, that was pretty slick!:D

SevenStar

07-07-2002, 10:33 PM

What's the verdict, on cream of mushroon?

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 10:36 PM

I'm sorry Mr Cowboy, I still have no idea what you are talking about. In fact I've never even heard of you.

Xebsball

07-07-2002, 10:44 PM

Mushroom tea?

kungfu cowboy

07-07-2002, 11:04 PM

:confused: Heeeeeey! It's me, Mat! Kungfu Cowboy! Don't you remember all we've been through? Going through the training at the Academy, where we had a friendly but serious rivalry to steal top honors in our class? Or that bitter feud that ended rather terribly over that fiery lass whose name shall go unmentioned? I always knew she fancied you more, and in the end felt things worked out for the best. What about all that fun we had with unusual pharmaceuticals when we worked together at that soup kitchen?Dude, man! Tell me you are kidding around, please!:(

Serpent

07-07-2002, 11:09 PM

KungFu Cowboy. Mat's brain has been turned into the soup that the Space Monkeys crave! That's the secret, you see! That's why this secret must never be revealed! The soup is

LIQUIFIED HUMAN BRAINS!

Arrgghh! The Monkeys!

The Monkeys are coming!

Serpent

07-07-2002, 11:10 PM

Look out!

*......then I saw her face!.... Now I'm a Believer!....*

Aaarrrgggghhhhh!

kungfu cowboy

07-07-2002, 11:14 PM

Dear God! Mat! What are we gonna do guys! Mat might very well be in grave danger now that his brain has been liqui....no, wait!

How do we know we can trust you or your sources for this info, Serpent?

Or rather, is it S.E.R.P.E.N.T?

Mr Punch

07-07-2002, 11:35 PM

This time.

This message has been deleted for your own safety.

You will never know.

Serpent

07-07-2002, 11:42 PM

KungFu Cowboy, please report to HeadQuarters. Your chip needs replacing.

Mat....

What? Mat who?

Please look at the tip of this instrument.....

*FLASH*

Thank you

S.E.R.P.E.N.T.

kungfu cowboy

07-07-2002, 11:43 PM

Deliberation on the nature and categoization of Cream of Mushroom soup has concluded.

Through the magic of Space Monkey Technology and the spiritual teachings of their Intro Outro Existential philosophy:

Yes, even Cream of Mushroom

As a technical aside, mushroom tea, and teas of any vegetable are considered soups, although strict adherence to this rule is not enforced.

Serpent

07-07-2002, 11:49 PM

In which case, Mushroom Soup (Tea) could be considered responsible for this entire thread!

kungfu cowboy

07-08-2002, 12:05 AM

****! There really was a countdown! Fortune has spared us this time our fate. Be vigilant.

kungfu cowboy

07-08-2002, 12:56 AM

Uh-Duh. Mushroom tea. Me stoopid-o.

KC Elbows

07-08-2002, 07:01 AM

Ironicaly, space monkeys detest bananas, unless in soup.

All members please report to your pods. Thank you,

Yours truly

The Space Monkeys

ewallace

07-08-2002, 07:26 AM

greasepaint and space monkey brains. Very good meal. Balanced. Low fat. Will keep a man regular for seven days.

Instructions for Space Monkey care:

1. Do not feed bananas. When exposed to zero gravity, bananas cause bone spurs to float into the eyes, giving the appearance of a hangover. Please reference care item number 3.

2. Space monkeys must never ride in modified import vehicles, sometimes refered to as "Type-R" or "rice boy" cars. The high pitched sound of the exhaust or "**** can" will rupture the monkey's ear drums. The overuse of the color yellow and the unreadible japanese characters on the vehicle exterior can damage the monkey's retina as well as confuse the monkey. The tin or aluminum rear spoiler can interupt the brainwaves of the monkey, and when placed in excess of three feet above the trunk of the car, reflections from the sun may cause damage to the monkey's rear eyes.

3. Do not provide alcoholic beverages to space monkeys. They may only consume alcohol intravenously. Intoxicated or "hungover" monkeys may not return to home base for 36 hours from time of initial intoxication. Phyical examinations are performed prior to takeoff.

4. Never refer to a space monkey as a "dirty hippie". They will become highly offended and place numerous rants on KFO.

5. This is the most important rule. Never spank a space monkey.

KC Elbows

07-08-2002, 08:09 AM

Everyone breaks rule 5 above.

dezhen2001

07-08-2002, 08:27 AM

KC: haven't seen u post much 4 a while then u come out with all this Space Monkey stuff... what happened? Were u abducted by theem or something? :D

Or is it coz the Li Lian Jie thread was finally moved, your brain flipped out and u no longer know what to do? :D

david

KC Elbows

07-08-2002, 08:34 AM

I was momentarily stunned by the move of that accursed thread. At first, I thought Kung Lek, in a moment of wisdom, had deleted the abomination. Then I realized he had just moved it in an attempt to appeal to myself, and at the same time play to the lower elements that frequent that thread. I found this offensive, and intend to send him a rotten ham on his birthday.

And yes, I have been abducted by the soup eating space monkeys. They stole my chowder, but at least I didn't get the probe.:eek:

dezhen2001

07-08-2002, 08:40 AM

are you accusing us of being lower elements sir? Remember that you 2 have posted there many times ;)

Actually i admit that i was dam shocked one day to find it gone :eek: (accursed time difference). I thought it had been deleted also, but Li Lian Jie lives on! :D Rotten Ham - u really know how to look after ur friends ;)

What kinda soup do they like? Better keep some handy incase they come after me... Also, what the heck is Chowder? (for us non American speakling ppl) :D

david

KC Elbows

07-08-2002, 09:01 AM

Clam Chowder is the chowder I was referring to. As to what makes it chowder, I'm really not sure. I just eat it. Don't make me think about it, I'm not sure I can handle the truth.

guohuen

07-08-2002, 09:10 AM

Choudere, A French iron pot.

guohuen

07-08-2002, 09:13 AM

Oh yeah, the soup is pronounced chow-da with an anoying nasal twang. As in "Deyuhave cle-ammm chow-da"

KC Elbows

07-08-2002, 06:49 PM

I'd just like to point out that this whole thread is either genius, or something off of a bottle of Dr. Bonner's peppermint soap, which is, in fact, genius. Unless they're serious. Then it's just crazy.

Serpent

07-08-2002, 08:02 PM

There's a fine line between genius and deletion!

kungfu cowboy

07-08-2002, 09:18 PM

from the Space Monkeys Like Soup! Your Guide to Intergalactic Soups and Such!* :

Technically, a "chowder" is any thick soup, but in practical usage the word usually refers to a mixture of fish or shellfish and vegetables in either a cream or tomato base. "Chowder" has its roots in the Latin word "calderia," which originally meant "a place for warming things," and later came to mean "cooking pot." "Calderia" also gave us "cauldron," and in French became "chaudiere." Our modern seafood chowder was invented by French fishermen, who traditionally threw whatever bits of fish or vegetables were on hand into a communal pot.

Although Bobbo, a Space Monkey Elder insists that potatoes are also necessary.

S.E.R.P.E.N.T! You dare! I know what your name means!

Soup

Eating

Ruffians

(who)

Promise

Eternally

Normal

Tastebuds!

We know of your fiendish plot to make all soup bland, by promising us that once we all have 'normalized' tastebuds, our soup will taste so much better! We will not falter!
The Space Monkeys are COMING NOW!!

*Actually taken from The Word Detective (http://www.word-detective.com/index.html)

Serpent

07-08-2002, 09:39 PM

They're coming again?!

Nooooooo!

*...Hey hey we're the monkeys!...*

Help me!

Serpent

07-08-2002, 09:39 PM

.

*... We like to monkey around!....*

Aaarrrrgghhhhhh!

Serpent

07-08-2002, 09:43 PM

Actually, it's:

Soup

Empowering

Rebels

Poised

for

Eventual

Nourishment

Totalitarianism

All your soup are belong to us!

kungfu cowboy

07-08-2002, 11:56 PM

Doh! Space Monkees!

kungfu cowboy

07-09-2002, 03:35 AM

I just received this space monkey broadcast:

<><>< {} <> <}] <>< > . >{{} <><><>

Translation it reads as this:

Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

(into maniacal laugh, in deep echo)

kungfu cowboy

07-09-2002, 04:17 AM

(Then into closing squeaky door hinge)

Budokan

07-09-2002, 08:00 AM

Soup Nazis kick the sh*t out of Space Monkeys every day. They stomp Space Monkeys with hobnailed boots and then make them eat OATMEAL to show 'em who's really boss.

Soup Nazis rule.

KC Elbows

07-09-2002, 08:28 AM

Soup nazi's DO NOT kick space monkey butt, as soup nazis only have soup, but space monkey's got spunk!

I couldn't help myself, I had to say it again.

The space monkeys made me do it!

ewallace

07-09-2002, 08:31 AM

Midgets have destroyed various space monkey champions and think soup is for pussies.

KC Elbows

07-09-2002, 08:41 AM

Midgets are tough. That's why I use a crock pot. Put a little midget in, go to work, by dinner time, you've got a tender little meal!

ewallace

07-09-2002, 08:47 AM

Isn't "little midget" kind of redundant?

guohuen

07-09-2002, 09:36 AM

The microwave works better.

ewallace

07-09-2002, 09:49 AM

Ya'll obviously don't know the first thing about midgets if you think they would let you touch them long enough to swat a skeeter off their shoulder. I am calling you out for B.S. right here and now.

NorthernMantis

10-06-2002, 08:19 PM

Uhh yeah soup is great!!

Royal Dragon

10-06-2002, 08:46 PM

How did THIS one come back from the dead??:eek:

African Tiger

10-06-2002, 08:48 PM

And people accuse ME of being a pot head....???

:confused: :confused: :confused:

Chang Style Novice

10-06-2002, 08:48 PM

Soup, however, has a crush on Spreadable Cheese and is barely aware of Space Monkeys' existence. Spreadable Cheese, in turn, is so self absorbed it doesn't pay any attention to anyone. It's very sad.

Meanwhile, Bacon Sammich got caught smoking pot and vandalizing the overpass with the bad kids and is now grounded with the threat that if this kind of thing happens one more time, Bacon Sammich is going to military school. Bacon Sammich is incorrigible, though, and is planning to sneak out Friday to go to a kegger in the woods.