PDA

View Full Version : I fought some guy in a bare-A**ed fight!



red5angel
07-17-2002, 02:42 PM
So I was in prison lifting wieghts, when this guy walks up to me and asks me if I am in the martial arts. I said no, I was in prison but I dont think he got it, he said he wanted to fight in the shower room.
So we went to the shower room and faced each other. He tore his pants off and charged me. there was no way my pants were coming off so I tried to axe kick him. He slipped under and my leg landed on his shoulder. He got hold of my workout pants with his teeth and started tugging so I wrapped my legs around his head with the intention to flip him over me (like you sometimes see in the movies or videogames?) anyway I noticed his urgent moaning and decided against the flip , or going to the ground. I let go but by then he had the seat of my pants firmly between his teeth and was shaking me pretty hard. I tried to use my spider-chi grip but I couldnt get the angle. I also tried a real nice sweep I leanred recently in my MMA class but I forgot he was still clinging tenaciously to my buttocks with his teeth, trying to depants me.
I dropped down in a deep taiji stance and focused all of my inner strength on trying to get my pants out of his mouth but that wasnt working, it was a classical mess, me shuffling around in this wide legged form, trying to relax and generate power, him gripping and puling firmly on my pants.
eventually I tried a sumo like drop I had seen once in StreetFighter. This seemed to dislodge him a little so I swung around and mounted him. After reconsidering the idea of mounting this guy, and seeing his mad glee, I let go and gave him a few muy thai type kicks to various parts of his body. he screamed alot, I still cant tell you if it was in agony or twisted lust.
Eventually, I got him in a choke hold, grounded him and started pounding for all I was worth. he was unconcious but apparently his qi had built up in his jaw because he still had not released my pants. I quietly slipped out of them and ran back to my cell to get another pair and went about my business. I never saw him again.

ewallace
07-17-2002, 02:49 PM
Did you pick up your soap?

DelicateSound
07-17-2002, 02:52 PM
*Reference to queers? - CHECK
*Mention of special "Qi-Master" moves? - CHECK
*Mention of MMA? - CHECK
*Mention of classic 1990's videogame? - CHECK
*Repeated use of the word "pants"? - CHECK
*"Tenaciously" and "buttocks" in the same sentance? - CHECK
*Outlandish setting, like a car wash, Shaolin temple or prison shower? - CHECK
*Stereotyped attacks? - CHECK
*Pathetic apparel? - CHECK
*Dirty reference to someones mother? - NO




Summary

Nine out of ten, Angel. I'll give 10 for effort, and a gold star for the phrase "twisted lust". Excellent work.

red5angel
07-17-2002, 03:03 PM
DAMM! Can you believe I forgot a mother reference?!

Ewallace - I was fighting for my pants man! At that point I hadnt seen any Steven Seagall movies and so wasnt all that at improvisation yet!

Chang Style Novice
07-17-2002, 03:14 PM
"I never saw him again"

That's so sad. You seem to have been made for each other. I'll pray you find him someday. True love is a rare thing, and you have to seize it when you get the chance. Seize your true love with a spider chi grip, Angel!

red5angel
07-17-2002, 03:34 PM
your next lover boy!!!!!! ;)

gnugear
07-17-2002, 03:43 PM
LMAO!!:D

Merryprankster
07-17-2002, 07:42 PM
LMAO @ spinoff.

This spinoff gets a 9.3!

guohuen
07-17-2002, 07:59 PM
Mention pickup trucks and trains and you have a good country song.

red5angel
07-17-2002, 08:06 PM
not to mention dead dogs, ex-wives and whiskey....

I want a cowboy hat..........

IronFist
07-17-2002, 09:32 PM
red5angel said:


So I was in prison lifting wieghts, when this guy walks up to me and asks me if I am in the martial arts. I said no, I was in prison but I dont think he got it, he said he wanted to fight in the shower room... ...I quietly slipped out of them and ran back to my cell to get another pair and went about my business. I never saw him again.

red5angel, that's not what he said. Let me tell you what I heard.

He told me, "So I was in prison and there was this guy lifting weights with a tattoo on his lower back that said 'r5a.' He came up to me and said '...'"

Nevermind, there's way too many opportunities here and I don't know you well enough to jokingly take shots. So, n/m :D

IronFist

red5angel
07-17-2002, 09:35 PM
Take your shots Ironfist!!! I have a thick skin and its all in fun!!!

Serpent
07-17-2002, 09:45 PM
He had this tattoo on his lower back that said r5a, so the dude asked the weightlifter, "What's the tattoo mean?"

So the guy lifting weights replied, "It means Raped: 5 Asses. You wanna be number 6, *****?"

That's how I heard it went down...