Why does the average MMA appear so...average?

[KC Elbows]

Does the total average nature of the average MMA mean that mixed martial arts only works for those with mullets and tattoos or shaven heads and tattoos? What about those of us with more normal hair- would MMA be the wrong way to go, and should we consider styles that have been proven sufficient for those with traditional hairstyles and meager body art?

Is mixed martial arts too impractical for the streets, where people just knife you or shoot you from their car, and there is hardly any officiating?

What about all the impractical lying down positions? Who uses those in a real fight? Answer: winos.

Except for a number of successes in ring fights, mixed martial arts will not be taken seriously until even the most mediocre practitioner is less...mediocre.

Thank you.

[fa_jing]

It does seem like the average MMA guy is missing proficiency in boxing skills. Your average Western Boxer is much more skilled with his hands (for blocking and punching). Then again I haven't seen the recent UFC's, so I might be talking out of my butt.

[KC Elbows]

Is the average MMA guy in UFC?

[Ryu]

I shaved my head :D Therefore, I can still technically practice MMA...... well at least grappling....

Ryu

[rogue]

In my county all of the children are above average.

[rubthebuddha]

is that because the adults fill out the other end of the bell curve? :D

[rogue]

Drunken Boxing!

What about all the impractical lying down positions? Who uses those in a real fight? Answer: winos.

So here's what we have. William Cheung a well respected WC Grandmaster went to the ground to fend off Emin and his horde of knife weilding minions. We have also established the connection between BJJ and Drunken Boxing. Further proof that BJJ is the highest culmination of all the Chinese Martial Arts!

Therefore: Kung Fu sucks, BJJ Rules!

PS I'm also working on BJJs connections to Tai Chi, TKD and several movies starring Desiree Cousteau.

[SDriver]

The somewhat, um, unfortunate hairstyles and skin adornments that one sees in the MMA fighters and fanbase are because of the demographic. Young guys. I know this because I was once a young guy, as a result of which I have dumb tattoos and an enduring legacy of bad hair.

But be fair. I think mullets are the exclusive province of TMAs. Seriously. I had a friend TiVo a "kickboxing marathon" for me on ESPN2 the other day. In between the Muay Thai and full contact stuff were some things called "breaking championships."

I do not know if you are familiar with these things. I was not.

Before I go any further, let me state that I would not want any of these guys hitting me, I don't want to go kick their asses, I am a worthless cur, you know, the usual disclaimers.

That said, I now posit the existence of some sort of alternate reality from which the "breaking things" people I saw originate. In this alternate reality, men all possess at least two and usually three or more of the following characteristics -- one of which must be 1 or 3:

1. Mullet
2. Bandana
3. Mustache
4. Sensei gut
5. Blue velour gi
6. One-piece gi with track stripes
7. Fringed pants
8. Grape foo suit

Depending on one's "breaking things" style, the breaking thingser must gather power in one of the following ways:

A. Stomping and puffing hard through mouth
B. Berating object to be broken
C. Yelling in Japanglish
D. Smiling beatifically at one's own nipples
E. Hitting things and not breaking them

In all honesty, I didn't understand what I was seeing. I still don't. I feel like I wandered into a fetish community.

So, feel free to make fun of MMA fashion victims. But I have seen breaking championships. :)

[Braden]

LOL @ velour gi.

[SDriver]

Man, I wish I was making any of that stuff up. That "blue" is still tattooed on my retinas.

[Croaker]

LOL: yep, the MMA community sems to be taken from a different demographic than the CMA side uses. It seems that the CMA'ers have a lot more professionals in their ranks. I remember one school was taught by a college professor, and everyone else was either an engineer, programmer, or lawyer...except me.

Me, I had a LOT of hair, an old Celica...and better weed. Those losers.

I guess it's true: the only reason we do MMA is because there just ain't no good bass fishin' shows on at that time, and the wife scares us too much to hit her ;)

[Royal Dragon]

Is too scared to comment :eek:

[Tigerstyle]

ROFL @ SDriver!

I watch those every time I can catch them on ESPN2. I especially loved your dead-on description of their power gathering methods.

[Croaker]

Hey, SDriver

While we're at this ESPN2 thingy: awhile ago I saw some sort of Karate 'forms' dance competition thingy put to music. It was even judged.

Was this for real, or was this one of those one-off "Ultimate Cheerleader" kind of things?

Disclaimer: I would like to say here that I have nothing against members of the cheerleading disciplines...always wanted to, though.

[SDriver]

I forgot all about this thing they had at the beginning of the "creative breaking championship" (which unfortunately was nothing at all like "Electric Boogaloo").

It looked like kind of a TKD demonstration, but the people were wearing Riverdance costumes... there was fog, and lights, but that's where the resemblance to a Maiden concert ended. It was more like the end of "Stayin' Alive."

Anywho, these guys come out and start leaping around, and I have nothing against gay people, so please understand that when I say what they were doing was "gay dancing," I mean that strictly in a non-pejorative "Wow, that is exactly how a bunch of gay dancers would dance" way. So they start this gay dancing, and then some other stuff happened, which I'm not real clear on because I was staring at my wife for a lot of the time going "What the hell?!" Then this one guy lands wrong, and he starts limping off, but he's still got that figure-skater-who-landed-the-triple-axel smile on his face, and he *vamps*, I swear to God. It was like watching, God, I don't know what it was like, but it was like something really messed up.

Then a little girl who looks like five comes out and the announcers aren't even all "awwww," they're like "Reyes [I didn't know who Reyes was yet, more on him] always brings out the little girl." She does this sort of weird flip over thing on her second try. She looked like a goth Olson twin, or perhaps a Monchichi.

Then the gay dancers got down on their knees in the fog and started beating the tar out of these gigando drums. They were rocking out, too. They did that for a while.

Then Reyes came out, and he was really proud looking, and he sort of looked like a cross between the Lord of the Dance guy and Helio Gracie and an ese. He sort of looked like I imagine Yves St. Laurent looking after a really successful show.

Anyway, I forgot about that. It's on the same tape.

There were forms competitions on this week. Some are similarly amazing. I will post the next time they are on, and then we'll talk about mullets.

[Tigerstyle]

SDriver,
Sounds like Ernie Reyes' West Coast Demo team.

Is this the gay dancing (http://www.b3ta.com/spidermanwillmakeyougay/) you are referring to?

[Croaker]

Not...going...to...press...link...please...god.... ........weakening...NOOOO

Whew: server down due to capacity problems.

God loves me after all

[Tigerstyle]

:D

[rogue]

OMG, I think Spiderman has made me gay!:eek:

Tiger Style, I'll find you and hunt you down for posting that link.:D

[neito]

man, i hate all those martial arts mullets. they are especially common in Karate Mcdojo and american Kempo schools. mullets are a sign of ignorance yet they are used by those seeking enlightnment. if you are going to grow your hair long leave it long. the pony tail thing is ok though, its natural. if i did'nt shave my head i would definatly have a ponytail.

-"sensei gut" i totally know what you mean by that.

[rogue]

But what about mullets on lesbians? I've always thought it odd that a hillbilly's and carpet munchers would both sport the same hairstyle.:eek:

[MA fanatic]

Some of the best NHB guys are actually clean cut and have no tattoos.

I think most MMA guys would do well in a street fight. Actually, most likely they'll do better in a street fight than 90% of classically trained martial artists who have never actually used any of their skills.
MA fanatic

[Croaker]

That may be, fanatic, but you gotta admit a lot of us look funny. More shaved heads and death tattoos than in an Aryan Nations bunkhouse.

I think mullets are a karate thing


TigerStyle, I don't know which is worse; having to look at some clown in a striped latex suit singing about how he's going to make me gay, or the fact that I actually pushed the link even though I KNEW better

Somehow, some way, I'm going to get you for that

[SifuAbel]

"most likely they'll do better in a street fight than 90% of classically trained martial artists who have never actually used any of their skills."

This comment is a bit redundant and Ill concieved.
I'd say 100 percent of fighters that have never used there skill would not fair as well. But, that number doesn't reflect on those who have. That number doesn't represent the whole of TMA. It only represents the portion that hasn't fought yet. You cannot present this as an absolute. You can't look at the sometimes ridiculous tournament footage of Kyu belts running into each other like salmon upsteam and blanket this over the entirety of the TMA world.


Mullets are a Karate thing. Midwest especially. Oh come on and say it, Its a redneck thing!

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i'll be bald soon. chemo style.

[KC Elbows]

So are you considering MMA?

All right, I stand corrected on the mullet thing. However, shaved heads and tattoos are to MMA what Liz Taylor and deformed skeletons are to Mickael Jackson: yet another reason for children to not get in the car.

I'm really not sure what that means, but I'm sticking with it.

[Crimson Phoenix]

GDA, it doesn't matter that you lose your hair, what you have to keep is your spirit, and I can see it's still good ;)

[northstar]

In Europe, the Germans are infamous for their powerful mullets. Hair that forced two world wars upon conservatively cut Europe. Never tease a mullet.

[SDriver]

I just clicked on that link in the law library. Thank you so much.

A friend of mine has a sister who apparently is dating some German with sumptuous hockey hair... he said the entire time the boyfriend was eating dinner at their house, all he could think of saying was "I rock you like HURRICANE." He just sat there and giggled like an idiot through the whole meal.

[scotty1]

LOL @ this whole thread and MA Fanatic actually being serious in the middle!

God dam.:D

[Croaker]

Sorry about the Chemo, GDA, but look on the bright side: now you can get that death tattoo you always wanted. With a bare noggin and a killer tat you can now:

--go into any Aryan Nations compound and sleep with all of their guys in their bunkhouse

--Legitimately act like an ignoramous in public, and no one will think any less of you...because they can't

--If you're married, you can now be living, breathing proof that you're mother in law was right about you. It'll add years to her life, and maybe make your wife happy, too.

--Go to BJJ tourney's and get asked which bracket you're fighting in

--and on the days that you're feeling better you can show up at any of the MMA schools and talk sh*t with the rest of us.

There is a silver lining in all of this.

Oh, and I wish you a full recovery, too

[omegapoint]

Originally posted by SDriver
I forgot all about this thing they had at the beginning of the "creative breaking championship" (which unfortunately was nothing at all like "Electric Boogaloo").

It looked like kind of a TKD demonstration, but the people were wearing Riverdance costumes... there was fog, and lights, but that's where the resemblance to a Maiden concert ended. It was more like the end of "Stayin' Alive."

Anywho, these guys come out and start leaping around, and I have nothing against gay people, so please understand that when I say what they were doing was "gay dancing," I mean that strictly in a non-pejorative "Wow, that is exactly how a bunch of gay dancers would dance" way. So they start this gay dancing, and then some other stuff happened, which I'm not real clear on because I was staring at my wife for a lot of the time going "What the hell?!"

Hahahaha! No doubt!

What's even more hilarious is the fact that when I perform kata I actually have the "Mortal Combat" theme or some other cheesy, 5 year old techno song in my head!!!

BTW do you guys know who sponsors this event? None other than a name you associate with the MAs and roughneck things in general: Paul Mitchell! A G o d d a mn shame!!!!

[SDriver]

During the breaking championships, just as this fella with both an amazing mullet *and* the molester mustache came roaring out at the boards like Clobbersaurus Rex, my wife goes "look at that banner! It's a Paul Mitchell banner!" I plotzed, right on the spot. His mullet was flapping as he charged and everything. It was like a commercial.

[rogue]

Paul Mitchell the hair gel maker?

[TaoBoy]

It's true - I just remembered studying Karate as a teenager. I had a mullet. They made me do it. They even wanted me to grow outrageous chest hair like my sensei - but I couldn't. It's a frightening memory. I need my therapist.

[Serpent]

Originally posted by TaoBoy
It's true - I just remembered studying Karate as a teenager. I had a mullet. They made me do it. They even wanted me to grow outrageous chest hair like my sensei - but I couldn't. It's a frightening memory. I need my therapist.

You called?

Please, lie down on the couch.....

[omegapoint]

Originally posted by rogue
Paul Mitchell the hair gel maker?

And other hair care products, haha!!!

So is it the style or the stylist?

[SifuAbel]

Paul Mitchell

bwa. bwa... bwa..... bwahahahahahahaha

The perfect style(ist).

Spikey do's and all.