Funny Kung Fu Stories

[Skarbromantis]

I know they have been done but ....lets do them again.

So I walk into the local corner store to pick up the latest issue of KUNG FU QIGONG (Gene should like that) I get to the counter and the clerk asks 'do you study Kung Fu" , I reply "yes", he says "I do too", now this guy behind the counter, who looks Chinese, starts telling me that he has trained for a couple years, and ask's me what do I study, I tell him Praying Mantis, he looks at me like im crazy, I ask him if he has ever heard of it, he tells me that he has not, now im starting to get confused, I say you study kung fu and have never heard of Praying Mantis, again "no I have not" so I explain a little about the system, I also ask him what style of Kung Fu he practices, his reply was..............Tae Kwon Do.;

Go figure? Any other stories? I have another but i will post it when i get home.

Skard1

[nospam]

There was a whack of us gung fu sorts at a fast eats joint when one of my younger gung fu brothers gets up and strolls to the john. Seeing that the opportunity arose so...easily...how might I resist?? So I grab the straw of his strawberry milkshake and fill it full of ketchup and stick it back into the cup.

Everybody is snickering and my even-spirited fellow sits himself back down and I start into a conversation immediately with him. He jawbones a bit, then grabs his drink and starts sucking on the straw...then a little harder...he looks at the straw and really starts sucking in earnest....whack! Man, did he look surprised. We all started busting a gut as he's sputtering. I look around the restaurant and everybody was laughing.

And to this day..the dudes still a friend. I won't tell ya how he got me back :) But oh how I got him back one summer...

nospam.
:cool:

[yenhoi]

One time, in Kung-fu camp, I shoved a flute up my *****.

[PHILBERT]

Why the hell you got a flute in Kung Fu camp? Use something more martial arts related, maybe nunchaku or sai (providing the sai is round not sharp).

[greendragon]

When I was learning Shaolin we used to punch and kick at candle flames to extinguish them (builds speed, control, etc). I found some trick candles that supposedly you could not blow out. I lit it and asked Sifu to demonstrate. He kicked and it went out! Thinking fast, I said "Now watch this". I did a front snap and the candle RE-LIT from the fanning effect! To this day he thinks I can kick so fast I can light candles!

[norther practitioner]

I was doing a demo for the girls kickboxing class (with a whole bunch of hotties). Anywho, I did jump front kick to a horse stance and tore my skivies, which was actually pretty loud in a quiet room with 30 or so people watching. I think only about 6 of them know or heard what it was that made that sound (someone asked if I ripped them and I conceded only to find out they confirmed others who had asked).

[NPMantis]

We were in class in horse stance doing some breathing exercises, there were about 20-30 people in a perfectly silent room and the guy in front breaks wind... loudly - after that I lose concentration and have to struggle not to break out laughing!

[The Willow Sword]

and we were all sitting down watching the newbies getting tested in to their new belt rank. this guy was proud as a peac0ck doing his form and he throws a high round house kick and
" BRRRAPP RRRONK" man what a F@rt that was. we put our heads between our kness and struggled to not laugh,,many many bodies bobbin from the internal laughter. this guy had the look of ultimate despair on his face. he later quit the school.


MRTWS

[Skarbromantis]

Originally posted by yenhoi
One time, in Kung-fu camp, I shoved a flute up my *****.

:D :D

Talking with my co-woker one night he starts telling me how when he was young he used to train, doing Karate, then right there in the middle of the office he starts throwing Karate/Kempo style punches and kicks, i ask him what level did he train up to, he tells me that he never went for ranking, because if he did then he would have to register his hands as lethal wepons, as he posed in the Karate Kid Crane stance in the middle of the room.

Skard1

[joedoe]

I was once teaching a class of mostly teenage boys, when one cut loose with a resounding ****. After the laughter had died away I proceeded to tell the class that they should excuse themselves if they need to **** - it was just considerate. Just as I finished saying this, I coughed and a **** slipped out with the cough. Talk about embarrassing :D

[SevenStar]

funny muay thai story.

We had just got through training one night, and I was talking to this girl that was in the class - yes, she was hot. Some guys came around and started looking at her and calling to her, and she ignored them, then whispered to me to act like I was her man. we started talking and making gestures like we were flirting, and I think to myself "wtf? I may never get this chance again" and I laid a kiss on her... she kissed back! I started to have fun with it all, so I grab one of her legs and raise it, like I'm gonna put her on the hood of her car and do her right there. We look out the corner our eyes, and the guys were like :eek: :eek: after they got enough, they walked off, and the two of us just laughed our arses off.

[Serpent]

But did you shag her? Huh? Didya?

[SevenStar]

funny fight story.

When I was in high school, I was leaving football practice, and I heard a lot of commotion by one of the buildings. I go to check it out, and I see these little kids (probably like 4th graders) throwing rocks at a high school aged kid that took one of their bikes. I told him to give the bike back, and he said "what's it matter to you?" so I told him that the boy whose bike he stole was my brother. the kid looked at me, then goes "yeah, that's my brother, and he'll kick your tail!" the guy had a stick, but I could tell he was scary. I took my shirt off, made my chest jump and flexed. he jumped back and broke the stick over his knee and said "now I have two sticks, what you got?" I walked towards him, and he dropped the sticks and ran.

[SevenStar]

Originally posted by Serpent
But did you shag her? Huh? Didya?

nah, I was young and stupid back then... :(

[Serpent]

Yeah, but did you shag him? Huh? Didya?

[Serpent]

Originally posted by SevenStar


nah, I was young and stupid back then... :(

Shame.... :(

[SevenStar]

did I shag him? uh.... no. I did wanna chase him and kick his arse though.

[Serpent]

Yay!

Next best thing to a shag really! ;)

[NPMantis]

LOL!! That's SO funny.

Actually once I was doing sit ups with a partner (first lesson at a different branch of my school) you know when you lock legs and do them together, anyway half way through I let a really loud one rip, luckily he found it as funy as I did but needless to say I couldn't do anymore situps as I was laughing.

That was embarrassing!

[Cipher]

LOL. These are pretty good.

Good ones Sevenstart.

I am a victim of the Kwoon **** monster too.

This isn't really funny but when I was younger I fought with this kid. I kicked his lower leg and he fell to the ground, after a minute or 2 he got back up, I did not keep hitting him on the ground since t was your typical kid fight. Anyways, after he got up I nailed his plex and he doubled over and went off in a corner and cried for about 30 minutes. I actually felt sorry for him for some reason. After he stopped crying he came back to fight me again, I did not want to keep fighting mostly because his three bigger brothers followed us around. He swung at me three times and each time I threw my hand up to block and then nailed him again in the same spot. The funnies part is that like thee months later he said he beat me up.

About a year or so after I started MA we had new guy that had been there for a few months. I was better than he was. We were sparring medium contact and he came in and did a front snap kick as hard as he could, it did not knock me down or even knock the breath out of me, we had chest protectors on, this was in my TKD days before Kung Fu. So anyways this really ****ed me off because he totaly broke the pace we were going at and tried
so I got really mad. We started sparring again so I let off a hard side kick, it did the job I knocked him over instantly but the only problem is I lost balance and fell over too, it was embarassing but at least I kicked the shet out of him. I did learn not to over extend myself.

[SevenStar]

When I was in grade school - like 5th grade - a group of girls at school asked me to demonstrate some stuff for them (I was in chuck norris' style at the time, and we did alot of high kicking) I did various spinning and jumping kicks, and they were like "wow! look at him go!", etc. We walked over to an area of the gym that had a carpeted runner, and they asked me to do some more stuff. I opted for a high roundhouse kick, and as my supporting foor pivoted, the runner shifted, knocking me on my duff. They laughed hilariously. I couldn't do anything but laugh with them.

[fa_jing]

While we were competing in a continuous sparring tournament recently, my junior classmate tried a spinning hook kick on me, I stepped back unexpectedly, he had expected to make some contact so he whiffed on the kick, his supporting leg came out from under him and he fell flat on the side of his body and face onto the mat. That was funny. Then he beat me. That was even funnier.

[PHILBERT]

Funniest one I got is when this one girl came to try out a class. Pretty good looking girl, one of the guys lunged forward though as if fencing isntead of doing Wing Chun, before falling flat on his face.

[Shadowboxer]

I was attacking my sihing for his test and I had brought my camera to film some of the Mantis guys' test earlier and decided to film my sihings' test as well. So, on the third attack I decide to throw a roundhouse. And, as I'm beginning to kick I rip one. Later, when I'm watching the tape, the guy recording for me starts laughing and I hear Sifu say something and the other advanced students grading the test begin to chuckle. But, I don't know if they could tell it was me or my sihing that I was attacking. I made a copy of his test for him and edited that sound out.

[ZhouJiaQuan]

I go over to my sihing's school where i train sometimes when im away from my sifus school.
anywho, this is after class and we are all kinda sitting around the floor -streching, sharing storys and talking about an upcoming tournie. so i do this strecth where i put my ankle on to the knee of my other leg and pull that leg back as im lying on my back, well this kinda put my butt into the air. and at the same moment a motorcycle starts up outside(dont ask me how a motorcyle sounds like a ****, and i didnt hear the motorcyle eithier)
Well everyone starts laughing, and im just like "what did i miss, who told a joke". and they keep laughing and looking at me, laughing and giving me that look like "what the **** is wrong with you man".
Well they thought that i had let a real loudm, real nasty one go :eek:

hahaha, luckily my sihing was standing nearby and explained the whole thing to me and them.

great stories
:D

[neptunesfall]

d amn, man...what the h ell are you guys eating?

[The Willow Sword]

i need to change my below the name signature to "**** joke starter" I love it man.

MRTWS

[KungFuGuy!]

Sevenstar, I don't blame the guy. If some guy walked up to me and tore off his shirt, I'd run too. However, not for fear of being beaten, but for fear of attempted sodomy :D

[Sharky]

Basically there was this time where we all get in a circle and sifu would put one person in the middle and had to fend off attacks from people in the circle. anyway, there was this little fat kid who was like 10 and went in the middle of the circle for a bit of fun at the end of the class. sifu wanted to toughen him up, but in a fun way, and told him to go 'all out' and 'not hold back' especially against me, the sharkster. after all, what damage could a kid do?

so he would call out random people who had to try to attack the kid from different angles, but would call my name like every other time, and i'd step in trying to take it easy on the kid and letting him hit me in the chest or whatever to let his confidence grow, it was funny.

THEN he clocked me in my kidneys, so next time i got a little angry (in a funny way) and steppin in early, but before i could slap the little ******* he turned around and all i remember was his foot buried so far into my nutsack that i fell to the floor like a sack of ****.

Funny? No, not really. It was one of those times where, as opposed to being funny, everyone just went silent, followed by a few 'ahhhooooouuchieee's under their breaths. i fell to the floor, i swear everyone thought that the little bugger had killed me. i was just like on my knees coughing my guts up, and trying to get up. But no.

Now i wear a cup.

[scotty1]

Good stories.

I don't have any that don't involve people ****ing.

[ZhouJiaQuan]

ok so my sifu was teaching class, and he is a pretty quite fellow when he is speaking, and this dog starts barking in the place right next to us(our school is in kinda like a strip mall deal) anywho my sifu keeps on talking for a minute or two. Then stops and says in his cantonese english "One day im going to eat that dog".

the whole class just feel out laughing and sifu was laughing too.
but strangely i havent heard the dog since about a week after he said that, i guess he was tasty :D

peace

[Skarbromantis]

"One day im going to eat that dog"
.
:D hahahahahahahaha

Skard1