KC Elbows
09-09-2002, 09:47 AM
Had to go to Chicago for a wedding, took my wife's car, which, as soon as I was far enough from home to make it a nightmare, and late enough to make it dangerous, the car stalled.
It was across the highway from a rest area, so I went there to use the phones. I noticed that there was a really haggard looking guy stumbling around the place, but he was not near the phone, so I went to the phone, noticed that the mile marker plaque for the phone had been torn apart, the phone number to the phone had been forcibly removed, and the vending machines were all caged up. In my back pocket was a knife I brought with, probably illegal in the area, but very intimidating.
Sure enough, the drunken fellow starts moving in my general direction while the operator picks up. I had my hand in my rear pocket, ready to dray my knife, and, using my years of martial arts experience, I barked out in my best satan voice: "You'd be wise to stay the **** away from me!"
The operator hung up on me, and the drunken guy moved away.
Having succesfully defended myself from that scenario, I attempted, once more, to make a collect call from the phone booth in the middle of nowhere. And the drunk guy began to wander towards me again. Using a variation of my original ploy, I shouted out a slightly huskier voiced "Get the **** away from me" that managed to simultaneously convince the drunk that I was best not to be trifled with, and yet only get me put on hold from the operator until another operator could take my call.
Had he approached once more, my plan was to say "My brother is coming to kill you" in the voice of the little freak girl from dune. Fortunately, I did not need to get that kind of crazy on him.
Having defended myself from the drunk, I was completely beaten by the mechanic who fixes everything without actually doing anything, the rural Illinois/Missourri cabal that guarantees that each phone will be on another long distance carrier, the sixty cent charge for using phone cards on pay phones, and, on the return trip, the exploding Saab tire, not to mention the gas station with the dissolving paper cups for pop, and Saab itself, for not putting cup holders in my wife's car.
I was hoping to get in touch with some of the KFO members in Chicago during my trip, but I basically came in, went to a wedding, and left. Maybe next time.
So anyway, after years studying the martial arts, I've found that the best defense is a voice like megadeath. Do with that what you will.
It was across the highway from a rest area, so I went there to use the phones. I noticed that there was a really haggard looking guy stumbling around the place, but he was not near the phone, so I went to the phone, noticed that the mile marker plaque for the phone had been torn apart, the phone number to the phone had been forcibly removed, and the vending machines were all caged up. In my back pocket was a knife I brought with, probably illegal in the area, but very intimidating.
Sure enough, the drunken fellow starts moving in my general direction while the operator picks up. I had my hand in my rear pocket, ready to dray my knife, and, using my years of martial arts experience, I barked out in my best satan voice: "You'd be wise to stay the **** away from me!"
The operator hung up on me, and the drunken guy moved away.
Having succesfully defended myself from that scenario, I attempted, once more, to make a collect call from the phone booth in the middle of nowhere. And the drunk guy began to wander towards me again. Using a variation of my original ploy, I shouted out a slightly huskier voiced "Get the **** away from me" that managed to simultaneously convince the drunk that I was best not to be trifled with, and yet only get me put on hold from the operator until another operator could take my call.
Had he approached once more, my plan was to say "My brother is coming to kill you" in the voice of the little freak girl from dune. Fortunately, I did not need to get that kind of crazy on him.
Having defended myself from the drunk, I was completely beaten by the mechanic who fixes everything without actually doing anything, the rural Illinois/Missourri cabal that guarantees that each phone will be on another long distance carrier, the sixty cent charge for using phone cards on pay phones, and, on the return trip, the exploding Saab tire, not to mention the gas station with the dissolving paper cups for pop, and Saab itself, for not putting cup holders in my wife's car.
I was hoping to get in touch with some of the KFO members in Chicago during my trip, but I basically came in, went to a wedding, and left. Maybe next time.
So anyway, after years studying the martial arts, I've found that the best defense is a voice like megadeath. Do with that what you will.