Relationship help...Ryu? Prana? Anybody

[Stacey]

This has happened too many times. I meet a great girl. Smart, hardworking, someone I can respect. Someone who has interesting things to say that I don't have to dumb myself down to. (Yes I realise that I appear dumb on this forum, but reality is a little different)

Then she asks me how old I am. (Translation...Are you ****able?)

Well she is always 10 years my senior and can't deal with it. The problem is that in the 20-30 range I can't tell how old a woman is. They use makeup and its not fair. They can't get over it and I'm left to sift through the shallow and thoughtless lot that are good for a good grind, but now well developed human beings. Most of them shallow and selfish.

Why do I do this to myself? Anyone else experience this?

I don't need a woman and I can free myself from desire, but when nature calls, age seems to hinder. Perhaps I should adapt and lie. What do you think?

[Ryu]

Women in their late 20's to early 30's are usually very mature.... not always, but most of the time. People 'grow up' at this age, both men and women. It's hard to say anything here because I'm not sure how old you are. But generally speaking, you seem to want a mature relationship with a mature woman. So you need to look for that. You can find a lot of mature women in a variety of ages. If you fall for someone older, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. If the woman isn't interested there isn't much you can do. Keep your head up, and keep looking.

Also, give people your own age a chance too. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in looking for "Miss Perfect," that we let Miss "above average" slip by without knowing it. Don't let that happen.

Ryu

[prana]

I'm just a ball kicker myself...

I really do not know what to say without going into my strange and bizzarro explainos. Feelings are feelings man, and it just happens. You've just gotta believe in yourself when they let you down.

Good luck man, hope you find complete happiness soon :) Wordly happiness is very relative , if you know what I mean. Enjoy it while you have it eh ?

[Shadow Dragon]

Stacey.

Don't sweat it. The right lady will come along.

Somehow, someday, somewere.

Cheers.

[Stacey]

encouraging words all around.


But I think that if I fcuck the bejesus out of her, she might not think of me as a kid.

Life is a fun game.

[Shadow Dragon]

Stacey.

Nothing to do with the F-thingy.

Women as they mature want different things out of life and the S-thing is quiet low on the list and gets lower as they get older.

What they really want is security, understanding and knowing that they are cared for and looked after.

At your age I don't think that you can provide this to the same degree as lets say a guy at age 25 or 29.

Nothing against you, but there are a few things and experiences that are hard to come by at your age.

Cheers.

[joedoe]

Stacey, you are not even 20 yet. Don't stress it. You have a lot of life to live.

[Shaolin]

My question is WHY would you want an older woman, they usually come used or with a lot of baggage. For me personally I prefer the younger more viberant woman, like the 18 year old dancer I'm currently with. I'm not telling you which way to go you an adult and will make your own choices, my honest opinion is to try on all different woman; different shapes, sizes, creeds, philosophies, ethnisities, try them all.

[SifuAbel]

Hey shaolin,

Either there is a guy claiming to be you on fighterschat or you lead me on a wild goose chase claiming yourself to be some 48 year old shaolin master.

If you are the 48 year old master, what are you doing with a girl 30 years your junior?

hmmm?

If not please disregard questiion.

[Ryu]

Originally posted by Shadow Dragon
Stacey.

Nothing to do with the F-thingy.

Women as they mature want different things out of life and the S-thing is quiet low on the list and gets lower as they get older.

What they really want is security, understanding and knowing that they are cared for and looked after.

At your age I don't think that you can provide this to the same degree as lets say a guy at age 25 or 29.

Nothing against you, but there are a few things and experiences that are hard to come by at your age.

Cheers.


Amen, buddy.

Ryu

[Stacey]

Shadow Dragon, I appreciate the advise. I don't take offense and I'm not angry. This is nature and the better I know it, the easier I can harmonise. I am glad that you could share this with me from you more experienced perspective.

The bejesus part was a joke. She is no less good because I am too young for her and although I'm just a pup, I do know there is more to life than sex. Besides she has a BA in art history, we can hit up museums.

Then..... Then I pull the Tao of Steve. and retreat, retreat retreat.


Its just too bad, because If I had lied and claimed an older age, she would be none the wiser. She still flirts with me, but why wouldn't she. Just because I'm too young doesn't mean I'm not dashing and handsome. She's a woman after all she must notice.


As for the younger. I know a girl who's about 16 or 17 thats really into me...downside..........jail, loss of community respect, and we really have nothing to talk about.

Besides younger girls are easier. You can be cheazy with them and they don't notice. There's really no sport to it.

Well make a nice day everyone. Weather's getting cold, eat some ginger and don't get sick or sad.

[eulerfan]

Hey,

28 yr old woman weighs in on this. I'm about to be real honest with you, here.

However mature you think you are, believe me, you are still playing with legos. To prove it, you still haven't figured out that the *chaff you have so little respect for have as many thoughtful and intelligent things to say as we older women do. They just don't have the balls to say it, yet. At least not on the first few times meeting a guy.

I.Q.s don't rise significantly with age. Confidence does. If you don't have the patience to help a younger woman find that, you will just have to wait until your compadres have done all the hard work and then reap the rewards.

But, at that time, you won't have learned the lessons you are now quite aware that a 25-30 year old woman will expect you to have learned.

And that's all the news that's fit to print.

[apoweyn]

stacey,

if you're serious, not pretending to be a woman on the internet and coming to realize that f*cking the bejesus out of people is very rarely the solution would seem like a good start.

if you are more mature than your age (and no offense, but if your online persona isn't a mirror of reality, i kinda wish we could see more of the reality), then bear in mind that you're not unique. there are women your age that are similarly at a different maturity level than the average you've experienced. no real need to go after older women. they may be more mature, but as someone else pointed out, they're also looking for different things. things that you may not be ready, able, or willing to provide. a mature 18-year-old is generally going to be more compatible for you than an actual older woman. IMHO.

most of all, my advice would be that if you're relationships aren't working out, look very carefully at what you're putting out there for people to react to. if you're attracting immature and shallow women, why? if the more mature and thoughtful women aren't reacting well to you, why?


stuart b.

[Stacey]

ulerfan, what is a chaff?


IQ's don't rise with age, but wisdom does. I have had my hell and battles to fight and from that I have learned a lot. It is difficult to see a girl or guy my own age stumble into the same mistakes, get caught up in their ego or make all their decisions based on fear of their illusions. I have friends my own age that I respect, male and female, but this same scenario repeats itself.

I have a lot of respect for people with respect and integrety. And perhaps girls my own age have that too, but I don't see it when they are drunk and snorting coke, and smoking themselves stupid.

For god sakes, these are the girls gone wild girls that go...woooooo cancun rocks, but those mexicans are dirty. And I like to think that I can just have fun with these girls, but really, I can't.

Now I'm nothing special, but how can anyone who meditates find any kind of common ground with this. I've had my parties and adventures. I've got 5 or 6 good stories to tell over and over again. And I've met some very immature men or 50. Grant it, most 50 year old have figured things out, but some are recently reincarnated from livestock and remain beefwitted.

You see, what I am looking for in a woman is that certain quality that improves with age. I have seen elderly couples and the old women are in their own way more beautifull and completly themselves than anyone. I look for those qualities that won't fade and perhaps its this confidence I'm attracted to.


The only difference is that I don't have the money an older man does.

I know that older men possess more of a raw masculinity that boys, no matter how Adonis can not possess. However, I've got it in spades. It roots from the tai chi and perhaps this is what puts me into these positions. My calm and serious demeanor isn't interesting to bar flies who are looking for frat boys.

I'm also wondering if chinese calender doesn't affect this. My matches are either 6 years older or just turned 15. I beleive in this and so perhaps this has something to do with it as well. What do you think?

[Ford Prefect]

Dude. You're doing something wrong. This is obvious by the fact you are asking people on an internet kung fu forum about dating.

[ewallace]

The only difference is that I don't have the money an older man does.

but those mexicans are dirty

Just to point out a few things, you may not be as mature as you like to think you are. I find it hard to believe you are much different in real life than you are here. Fact is that when you post on a forum it gives you time to actually think about what you are saying before you type it. Based on many of your posts, I wouldn't think that a conversation where you spoke without having time to think or research would generate much interest from older women, or men from that matter.

This isn't to bash you. Just an observation you may want to think about.

And definitely, definitely do not lie about your age and then get into a political discussion. It will blow your cover :)

[eulerfan]

chaff1 Pronunciation Key (chf)
n.
Botany. Thin dry bracts or scales, especially:
The dry bracts enclosing mature grains of wheat and some other cereal grasses, removed during threshing.

Okay Stacey, I guess your problem is different.

"And perhaps girls my own age have that too, but I don't see it when they are drunk and snorting coke, and smoking themselves stupid."

This is not a description of the vast majority of girls your age. Trust me. This is not a maturty thing. This is a type of person. Where are you hanging out that all the girls you meet are like this?

[IronFist]

Stacey said:
My calm and serious demeanor isn't interesting to bar flies who are looking for frat boys.

LOL. I know those girls. Too bad some of them are ****ing hot!


Ford Prefect said:
Dude. You're doing something wrong. This is obvious by the fact you are asking people on an internet kung fu forum about dating.

LOLOL. That's almost as bad as asking a martial artist for weight lifting advice!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

IronFist

[apoweyn]

I have had my hell and battles to fight and from that I have learned a lot.

trust me. you're going to have a lot more. and you're going to learn a lot more.


It is difficult to see a girl or guy my own age stumble into the same mistakes, get caught up in their ego or make all their decisions based on fear of their illusions. I have friends my own age that I respect, male and female, but this same scenario repeats itself.

is this process any different from the process you went through? or are going through? how so?


I have a lot of respect for people with respect and integrety. And perhaps girls my own age have that too, but I don't see it when they are drunk and snorting coke, and smoking themselves stupid.

where are you looking for women that they're all doing coke? perhaps you should start by going somewhere else.


Now I'm nothing special, but how can anyone who meditates find any kind of common ground with this.

how can someone who meditates not see that if he's hanging around in places where people have different interests, he's not going to find the person he's looking for. i don't understand why you're hanging around in places frequented by drug-abusing drunkards.


You see, what I am looking for in a woman is that certain quality that improves with age. I have seen elderly couples and the old women are in their own way more beautifull and completly themselves than anyone. I look for those qualities that won't fade and perhaps its this confidence I'm attracted to.

you're right. that quality improves with age. and it begins in precisely the places you seem so intent on ignoring.


The only difference is that I don't have the money an older man does.

trust me when i tell you that that's far from the only difference. this isn't an insult. but it's a fact of life that you'll look back on years past as you grow older and realize that everything you thought you knew back then, you really didn't. rest assured that five years from now, you'll look back in wonder and laugh at how much you thought you understood and how wrong you really were. again, not an insult. i do it all the time. and years from now, i'll look back at myself today and do it again.


I know that older men possess more of a raw masculinity that boys, no matter how Adonis can not possess. However, I've got it in spades. It roots from the tai chi and perhaps this is what puts me into these positions. My calm and serious demeanor isn't interesting to bar flies who are looking for frat boys.

so the bar flies aren't looking for what you've got to offer. no offense, but neither are the older women. for very different reasons. to the younger women, you might seem too serious to be fun. but to the older women, you're a young man who's stretching his sense of self and still figuring it all out. you don't feel that way, i realize. but that's what they'll see. and it's not necessarily what they're looking for.


I'm also wondering if chinese calender doesn't affect this. My matches are either 6 years older or just turned 15. I beleive in this and so perhaps this has something to do with it as well. What do you think?

i think you're reaching at this point. the women six years older aren't matches. you aren't successfully with them, therefore it's not a match. you can claim that you'd be perfect for them if only they'd look past the age thing, but that's a world away from being a match.

that said, share some examples with us. if the older women and the 15-year-olds are both compatible with you, how so? presumably, it's for different reasons. give us examples. what did an older woman like about you? what did the 15-year-old like about you?

i don't know, mate. maybe i'm reading you wrong. but you come off as very condescending to the women your age. perhaps that's your problem. and rest assured that that trait isn't any sexier to the older women who observe it than it is to the younger women who suffer it.


stuart b.

[fa_jing]

Originally posted by prana


Good luck man, hope you find complete happiness soon :) Wordly happiness is very relative , if you know what I mean. Enjoy it while you have it eh ?

Man does not seek happiness; only the Englishman does.
-Neitzche

[Ben Gash]

"How can someone who meditates find any common ground with this?"
How can someone who meditates not realise how full of themselves they are. You have made several very arrogant statements about yourself.
OK, a great many of us in our late teens felt that girls our own age were immature and developed a thing for women around 30. In myself I can recognise that this was a symptom of my own insecurities. I was not comfortable with girls my own age and could therefore never get past the superficial. Older women were more confident, easier to talk to, more willing to share their thoughts and dreams.
I must caution you though, for me (and many others) this path only led to pain, distress and emotional scarring. These women are looking for things that you will never be able to give them, and as has already been said, they come with baggage.
I can think of very few positives that came from the 3 month relationship I had with a 32 year old woman when I was 19, and I suffered for the negatives for years afterwards.
It's not about how much money you have. It's about emotional security, and you simply cannot offer them that. You are a young man still finding your way and learning about yourself. They do not want to share your journey with you. They want someone to help them with theirs. Time and again in my relationship I realise that there would be no way I could sustain it or support my fiancee if it weren't for my own experiences (both good and bad).
If I were you I would stop flirting with this woman. In the end it will rob you of your self respect. Give it to her straight, you are friends or you are lovers, but there's no middle ground. You'll find you'll respect yourself more and so will she. You'll also realise very quickly that she simply isn't the one. Those things you put up with because you're hoping for sex will start to really annoy you, and you'll realise she can be just as petty and vaccuous as everyone else.(closure is just great)
As for women your own age, MAN!!! is my finger not on the pulse of today's youth!!!! Those girls would have seemed great to me at that age ;) Of course you are entirely right, these girls are definitely not where you want to be looking. If they have that little respect for themselves how much can they spare for you?
However, you've already said that party girls don't respond to you. So where does that leave you? Quite well off really. There are a whole flock of pretty, charming, intelligent women your own age out there. You just have to stop and ask yourself what you really want. I will tell you the great secret of landing the girl of your dreams, but you might not like it.
FORGET ABOUT SEX!!!!!!!
When you focus on sex and recieving sexual gratification as your drive in relationships, you run into allsorts of problems. For starters you begin to objectify women. This then leads to you losing respect for them. Women generally don't like that. You really are deluding yourself if you believe that your attraction to older women lifts you above this. You have just turned education and experience into objects of lust. Your disdain for younger women is sympomatic of this.
It also gives you a predatory air when dealing with women. They are far less likely open up to you if they feel on the back foot sexually.
Most importantly of all, it makes you do the most STUPID,STUPID,STUPID things!!!! (All the guys here will back me up on this one). We have all done the most ridiculously misguided things when guided by our libido.
So what do you do? Should you still come on to attractive women? Of course! :D But treat them with the kind of respect you'd like to be treated with yourself. Talk to them. Find out what they think, what they feel, what they enjoy. Instead of focussing on how you're going to get into their panties, concentrate on what you have in common, how well do you get on together? Does she make you smile? Does she make you want to find out more about her? Do you enjoy spending time with her for it's own sake? Don't be in a hurry, this could take a little while. Don't prejudge people and be open and honest with them. Be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
At the end of the day, if you're really lucky sex will take up maybe 5% of your life (and you sleep for 35% of your life), these things seem far more important when you think about it like that.
If you follow these guidelines, you'll find that you enjoy life far more, and you may just meet someone you'll want to spend the rest of your life with.
Anyway, listen to me going on at the grand old age of 24! ;)

[Stacey]

fcuck all y'all haters. I got another date. you don't know me, YOU DON'T KNOW ME. WHATEVA WHATEVA WHATEVA!!!!!!!


Oh, and I do have game for the party girls. I just don't get along with them intellectually.

I'm hot and dress well and thats whats important to them. And yes its still fun to make out with a permeable club girl, but after you cum, whats left? You want to leave, but your trapped in some strange girls room, you want to leave and your all sticky. Whats worse is taking them to your place and having them follow you around like a puppy dog when they are the kind of folks that appear on the real world.

BTW. I wanted Ryu's and Prana's imput. They and Ralek are my heroes

[Ryu]

My input is similar to everyone else's. I don't hang out with "coke snorting, drunk party girls." That is so much the opposite of what is attractive to me, why the hell would I go to a place that does this??
In all seriousness there are many young and attractive women who hold good morals, common decency, and are into the finer things in life. You've got to meet some new people it sounds like. Go to different places where better moraled people are.

The people on this thread are giving you very good advise (actually their responses are pretty much right on the money.) But the most important thing I can tell you is get away from the people you are looking at. That's not necessarily reality. That's a small sub-culture of people.

I want to emphasize again, that no one is going to be the perfect prototype either. But you can find people whom you share common interest, morals, and values with.
All the "girl trouble" posts I post on here are true, but are also mostly for the sake of humor and entertainment too. In reality, I can take care of my business the way it should be done. That takes maturity and experience.

I repeat. Do not let "Miss Above Average" walk by because you're too busy looking for "Miss Perfect."

Ryu

[African Tiger]

And the responses are even more bizzare!

Sheesh, explore Stacy! That's what life is about. You never know what you like until you actually get it, and consequently, you don't know what you don't like until you get it. :D

I know - my quasi-buddhist advice is even more bizzare than the other posts, but I've had some experience with older and younger women, and I can tell you, you'll NEVER completely figure either of them out.

As far as sex with older women, it's fantastic, but only so much that it seems to be a bit easier to get. Not that they are "easy" in general, but older women (and I'm talking late 30's, early 40's) worry about still being desireable. A younger man could either use it for good, or exploit it, depending on your soul.

So my advice is, don't do what I did by taking life so seriously at your age. There's plenty of time for relationship angst when you hit 25 or 30.

Have some responsible fun, and for crying out loud, don't hurt any of those honeys emotionally. You'll get yours, I promise!!!

[Stacey]

I will explore. I will explore and please with taoist ease.

All sex after me will seem like a sneeze.


Cuz I'm an Eskimo rapper, a big city man
J-Lo's ass tapper, slicker than pam.


Marshal Mathers aint **** but a boy from silver spoons
his rhyms are as quit as "cow jumping over the moon"

[African Tiger]

Vanilla Ice had a son....yikes.

Hey, I'm from NJ myself. Cut that crap out, you're embarassing me! :rolleyes:

[dezhen2001]

Karma!!!!!! Ni hao Ma my friend? :) I hope all is well and you are still standing...

if you still have my email address drop me an email or a PM? (If u wanna?)... would be good to hear from you :)

As for the thread in hand, no real advice to give except be yourself and give everyone the respect and chance they deserve... it's not all about sex, but if u have the mind it's MuCH more interesting ;)

take it easy!
dawood

[wushu chik]

Originally posted by African Tiger
Vanilla Ice had a son....yikes.

Yes, Bobby had a son. Thank god he looks like his MOTHER. Lord knows we don't need another one of HIM running around. One in this family is way enough to manage without having another one. It's still hard for me to fathom that he had the b@lls to reproduce. :D

~Wen~

[Chang Style Novice]

"Then she asks me how old I am. (Translation...Are you ****able?)"

I think you misunderstood, Stacey. The more likely translation is "You sure seem like a dumb@ass punk kid waste of time to me."

[wushu chik]

CSN~
Ha ha ha, that's great!! At least SOME of you guys know the real meaning of "woman talk"....

~Wen~

[dezhen2001]

Well if an older woman asked my age i would guess it would prob be a NEGATIVE thing, otherwise why need to bother? :confused:
If there was no problem, then no need to ask for clarification :p

Like in a club, u don't get ID's UNLESS ur suspect :D

"woman talk" :eek: is that what they do when they all go to the bathroom together? ;) lol (kidding!)

dawood

[Kay k]

lol errrr...yep. :D

[kungfu cowboy]

If you are the 48 year old master, what are you doing with a girl 30 years your junior?

Is this a real question? :confused:

[dezhen2001]

lol Kay and KFCowboy :D
hmmm... can't think of much else to say on this lol

dawood

[apoweyn]

fcuck all y'all haters. I got another date. you don't know me, YOU DON'T KNOW ME. WHATEVA WHATEVA WHATEVA!!!!!!!

yeah, there's a lot here for an older woman to love. the clever (if misspelled) use of slang. the bragging. the angry proclamation that we don't know you. topped off with what amounts to a tantrum. excellent.

if we don't know you, why ask for advice?

like you said, whateva. there's never been anyone as intelligent, enlightened, or hot as you, stacey. so shine on, you bright, crazy star.


stuart b.