Question for the girls

[Royal Dragon]

Hello,
I'm watching this thing on cable about this teenaged girl who is being stalked by her ex softball coach. Now, my current girlfreind and I went through this for 3 years after here breakup with her ex. It was living hell for us, and I'll get into it later, but right now, I want to know how many of you have had to deal with stalkers, and what did you do about it?

[wushu chik]

RD,
I've personally never had a stalker. I'm too much of a b!tch for anyone to even attempt it I guess ;). I guess if I were in that situation, I'd probably just kill em!! That's a total envasion of my space!! :D

~Wen~

[eulerfan]

I've never had one. My sister's ex-husband did it to her. She came to me with the problem and I chewed on it for a while until I came up with a plan. I'm pretty proud of this, actually.

You see, he was a real approval seeker. He really worked pretty hard to convince everybody how great and amazing his life was. He never spoke of problems or anything. He like for people to be really impressed by him.

So, I had her do this to him and have her friends do it, too. They went to him and said, "We know you've been doing x and y. So, we can see how hard this is for you. You're having a lot of trouble moving on, aren't you? If you ever need help with that, I'm here for you."

And, if he denied it, they were to just look sympathetically at him like they didn't believe him for a second and say, "Okay, sure. But I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

And she suddenly stopped getting anonymous e-mails and little anonymous presents on her car when she was out at places he shouldn't have known about.

But it was really a plan devised specific to his personality.

[Royal Dragon]

Ours was a complete psycho. There was serious risk of death. He tried to kill her once, she had to stab him to get him off of her. we went thoruh years of court fights, he beat most of them. At one point, we had 6 seperate cases going against him at once. I was literally off of work almost a week every month and eventually lost my job becayuse of it. Because I was awitness against him in court, he framed me for flatening his tires. I gort convicted of it becuae Terri was my only aliby, and she was discredited because she was sleeping with me during the hours that it happened.

The story gets much worse.

I'm not really looking for situations where the guy had trouble letting go, and tried to get her back by courting her all over again, I'm looking for real Psyco stalker cases like ours, and the one I saw on TV today. I'd like to now how they were delt with and if it is possible to get through something like that without having to move and cut ties with everyone you know to keep him from finding you "Through the grape vine"

[M_ArtsMargie]

You know..honestly...if it is getting out of hand, you should call the authoritites. This is the best way to resolve it.
I know someone that that has happened to. Trying to solve it yourself, does NOT work. It only makes things worse. And honestly....who needs that kind of drama? Right?
This is the best advice I could give you.
If you don't find the answer that you are looking for.......good luck in the situation.:)

[Chang Style Novice]

Rent Straw Dogs for an example of how not to handle the situation.

[Royal Dragon]

I have to be honest with you, going to the authorities was useless. All it did was keep him at bay longer, cost me my job from being in court all the time instead of working. We still had to keep putiing tires on the cars, like 5 sets between 2 cars. He put somesort of Sugar or syrup inmy gas tank that cost me about $1200 to fix (Whole fue system neede to be replaced) What did the authorities do? Nothing, ther ws no evedance linking him ot it. The Kid down the block could have done it too for all we could prove.

If I had it to do all over again, I'd invite him over to dinner, and poisen him.

[eulerfan]

Wow. That's pretty intense. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

What about spy stuff? Nanny cams or something?

[Royal Dragon]

Yeah, spy cams would have been great, we had no $$ for any stuff like that

As for victems advocacy agencies, they were no help either. their advice to Terri was to just hang on, he'll eventually go away.

The really hard part was her mother was freinds with the guy, and ended up helping him by giving info and stuff. he found her 3 time because of that, and she not only told him who "I" was, but gave him my address too boot. In addition to that, he knew some girl at the DMV, and started tracking us through our dirvers license info from the DMV's computer. To this day all that info on both of us is registred to an empty lot on Grand Ave in Elmwood pk. He also broke inot my Mom's house (where I was living with my daughter during my divorce) and stole all my daughter's records. I know this because he returned them by breaking into my car and leavng them on the front seat. Since her freinds and family couldnt believe her Mom would do such a thing, we ended up cutting all ties with freinds and family to escape him. We eventually restored some of that, but still only our martial arts freinds know where we actually live. Terri and I grew up in the same circle, so cutting ties with people that could potentially leak info back to her mom meant I lost most of my childhood freinds as well.

In the end, we had only 3 options
1. Kill Him
2. Wait till we were killed
3. Cut ties with everyone we knew, change jobs at the same time and run.

We were strongly considering Killing him, but if caught number 3 would have happened anyway because we would have been in jail. Option number 2 was not really a viable option, so we chose option number 3.

About 4 years have gone by, and I still wake at little noises at night. And I still get the shakes when I see a Dark Grey Ford van with window tint driving or stopped pretty much anywhere near me. I still check to see if the driver is him, and it does not quite compute when it's not.

I probably should not have watched that Stalking show on Cable, it's got this whole thing all stirred up inside my head again. People don't realise how crippeling and helpless you feel, knowing full well that defending yourself would get you locked up for life, as Killing him would be the only way. Letting him live would bring on retrabution and greatly escalate the danger. Even if he attacked us, he would have called the cops and pressed charges faster than we would have.

The courts were no help. His Lawyers always made it look like she had been Jilted and was seeking revenge through the courts. He always managed to get their sympathy and get off. This included MULTIPLE violations of the orders of protection. The only conviction we got was over turned on an appeal due to a technicallity. All it di was hold him off a bit.

If I had to do it over again, i'd invite him over for some Hemlock or cyanide laced dinner. Shoot him full of heroin, drive him home and park his van and dead body in his driveway, leaveing him there for someone to find the body. It was that frusterating.

[Royal Dragon]

I though "I" was your Stalker!! :p

[friday]

RD,

man that stinks! must've been hell dealing with a psycho like that.
i've only been told a story from an old uni friend who when she was still in high school 16 had some guy stalking her - getting his friends to stay outside her house and contact him to update him on where she was what she was doing. following her home getting her numbers etc. at the time there were no stalking laws in Australia so the police couldn't do anything about it. but its pretty scary for a young girl and i think it went on for quite a while.
it just eventually went away after a long itme and the guy must've gotten bored or something.

your case sounds really bad. i'm glad u didn't kill him. u two wouldve been the first ppl the police would have questioned.

[Former castleva]

http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs14-stk.htm
http://police.spsu.edu/stalking%20tips.html

When it comes to stalking prevention advice,those links are probably a tip of an iceberg.

[Royal Dragon]

We did alot of the advice on both of those links. At one point we had 6 court cases going, ALL were violations of the order of protection. It didn't help that Terri had her mom's house listed on the order, and her Mom would invite the guy over for dinner though. We had him arrested on the spot twice due to that.

[ZIM]

And a dengerous one. I looked up some info on it- a DOJ study was saying that most stalkiing stops because 1) they find someone else 2) the victims/objects 'disapear' successfully or 3) [this is significant, imho] informal authority is brought to bear.

That last is interesting, becoz their saying that official authority [the police, courts, etc.] are not useless, but don't often end the thing- it's more likely to get results with a private investigator, or a biker gang (LOL- a lovely thought, yes?) than a cop.

I also found another site for you:
here (http://www.angelfire.com/ga/random/help.html)
And yoiu could probly write the site owner for additional info.

[NorthernMantis]

Well you don't need to dish out lot's of $$$ for a camera. The trick is that you have to put it where the stalker is likely to strike again i.e. slashed tires. Well any camera will do for that. It may not be much but it will make a difference.

[TaoBoy]

This is some seriously scary sh!t. I hope it all works out for you RD. May the big wheel of karma run right over his worthless ass.

[Royal Dragon]

Hi,
It's been about 4 years since we have seen hide or hair of him. I think he is gone now. It was weird because she was with him for about 2 years. But he stalked us for 3 solid before we managed to dissapear for good.

I doubt we will have any problems with him again, but I'm still a bit paranoid from the whole experiance. It's one of the reasons there is no contact info on my site. I know I wil have to put it up when I have the school open and stuff, and I am reasonably sure it is safe, but who knows. I think I'm comfortable enough to risk it though.

[Royal Dragon]

Interesting turn of events. I just ran "Stalker boy's" info trough the white pages and reverse directories on the "Dog Pile" search engine, and his phone is no longer connected. I wonder if he's in jail for something? He has a history of violence, and drug trafficking. he might very well be in the big house. I just hope he wasn't stalking his next victem and killed her or something

[Serpent]

Do like J-Lo did and get all trained up and beat him to death.

Hey, I saw it in that film "Enough" so it can obviously be done!

[Serpent]

Eulerfan, I dig the way you helped out your sister. Good thinking, fighting without fighting. It's nice when you can play the psychologocal card right back at them.

However, some psychos are way beyond that, like RD's situation.

[uncle]

RD man it sounds like you have the patience of a Buddha .Ofcoarse its a hard call when someone else that you care for is involved and keeping them safe is a priority, Eulerfan I am not worthy, I bow to your understanding of the male ego and I truely hope I never pi$$ you off.I've only dealt with this before in one way , Neanderthal school of reasoning man with biggest stick wins see(unofficial authorities)

2 Find at least 3 really really big freinds who of coarce can't be ID'dand who don't mind the sound of bones breaking

[eulerfan]

Originally posted by uncle
Eulerfan I am not worthy, I bow to your understanding of the male ego and I truely hope I never pi$$ you off.

No worries. That's pretty hard to do.

[eulerfan]

Originally posted by Serpent
Eulerfan, I dig the way you helped out your sister. Good thinking, fighting without fighting. It's nice when you can play the psychologocal card right back at them.

However, some psychos are way beyond that, like RD's situation.

You ain't tellin' me nothin'! This is so far beyond anything I've experienced I'm at a loss to even imagine how I'd handle it.

I once had a guy threaten to kill me. Sitting on my stomache, holding my wrists on the floor by my shoulders, he said he was going to go get a knife and cut my throat.

I can't even remember what started the scuffle in the first place.

I don't know how what I did worked in getting me out of that. I would tend to think it wasn't what I said but how I said it, totally calm and devoid of any emotion or concern, that put him on edge and gave me opportunity.

[dnc101]

RD, ZIM was on the right track. Good old fashioned vigilantism is sometimes the only way. I've seen it work with peeping pervs, a witches coven, child molestors, thieves, one petty beurocrat, and whatever else may be bothering you. It doesn't have to be an organised vigilance committee, just a bunch of friends or neighbors that get together and let the offender(s) know that they won't tolerate it any more. You do have to convince him that the consequences are serious if he continues, that you will do what you say, and that if you even think he's messed with any one of you he'll be dealt with by the rest. Of course, giving him a preview of things to be helps. I know of one case where a jealous ex was staked out naked and left in a remote, mosquito infested area. I hear that, to this day, the mention of his intended victoms name causes this jerk to squirm and scratch.

[ZIM]

You certainly have a more exciting life than mine...! Although I did have a group of friends approach me to have a rival chained neked to a post office box in a bad part of town, once...:D

Good thing I'm such a merciful, righteous person. But this guy still crosses the street when he sees me. Geez, i wonder what happened? :D

[dnc101]

Originally posted by ZIM
You certainly have a more exciting life than mine...!:D

I don't know about more exciting. I just didn't always live in the better part of town, and I'm naturally intolerant of some things. And most of my friends would go along with anything if I'm buying the beer!

[Royal Dragon]

"You do have to convince him that the consequences are serious if he continues"

Lol, we tried that, he just started carrying a gun when he stalked.

[wushu chik]

Originally posted by eulerfan
No worries. That's pretty hard to do.

Hey now, don't be getting soft! Gotta show them men that we can't be pushed around!! ;)....

RD- You're slackin on the Stalker thing...i haven't gotten anything threatening from you in like a week!! So, i'm not worried.....

~Wen~

[Royal Dragon]

It's been tough starting up a new gang and all. But don't worry, I'll over throw your kingdom as soon as I'm re-established!!! :D

[cha kuen]

Royal Dragon,

Your life must have been hell!! I hear so many stories about psycho x boyfriends and girlfriends. The thing is psycho boyfriends tend to be the stalkers and violent ones. The crazy girlsfriends tend to just go into depresssion or try to commit suicide.

This world is crazy in itself and yet people dont' readily accept that many people need psychological help.

kung fu books (http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=taichimaster06&include=0&since=-1&sort=3&rows=25)

[eulerfan]

Originally posted by wushu chik


Hey now, don't be getting soft! Gotta show them men that we can't be pushed around!! ;)....
~Wen~

I love it when you post stuff like this because it just goes so perfectly with your avatar, Wonder woman standing there with this aura of justice about her. It's awesome.

[eulerfan]

Originally posted by cha kuen
This world is crazy in itself and yet people dont' readily accept that many people need psychological help.


You are not lying. The guy I was talking about...the reason I don't remember what started the scuffle was because I thought we were kidding around. I was convinced of that right up until he popped me. Even then, tasting blood and my eyes watering from the stinging pain in my mouth, I was half expecting him to say, "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to actually hit you. I was just playing."

Psychos abound.

Luckily, I had only known him for a few weeks. There were no real ties or anything.

RD, don't you want to know for sure if this guy is in prison. Seems like that would give you some peace of mind. That's your biggest problem now, right? The worry? Is there no sure. safe way to find out what he's up to right now?

[wushu chik]

Originally posted by eulerfan
I love it when you post stuff like this because it just goes so perfectly with your avatar, Wonder woman standing there with this aura of justice about her. It's awesome.

This is why she's my hero!!! Because she get's what she wants, and looks good while doing it!! Just like me :D!!!

~Wen~

[rubthebuddha]

you just like her for the frickin lasso, wen.

and RD, i'm glad to hear that the story is turning out better for you. i hope the twitch leaves, but the awareness sticks by you.

i'll drink to you and a good night's sleep.

yeah, i know, it's only cran grape juice i'm drinkin, but it's still a toast. :)

[wushu chik]

Hey now,
Wonder Womans lasso was VERY cool back in the day. I know tons of people that wanted one! It was VERY COOL...i will stick by my guns on this for eternity...VERY COOL!!

~Wen~

You forgot her boomerang crown, and her bulletproof bracelets!! VERY COOL!

[prana]

This is very sad, I hope you are safe.

Glad you didnt kill the guy. Hmmm maybe you can move to another country ? Like Australia ? He'll be hard pressed lookin you up.

[kungfu cowboy]

RD, why on earth was her mom friends with this guy? Didn't she tell her "Hey, this guy is a psycho stalker a-hole"?

[eulerfan]

You KNOW I had the Wonder Woman underoos.

My sister had Isis underoos.

What a puss.

[fa_jing]

1. Behind every stalker are enablers. Most stalkers aren't even working. In fact, if the stalker does not have this network of support, he will not be persistent in his stalking.

2. Move far away or someone's going to get killt.

[Royal Dragon]

Is there no sure. safe way to find out what he's up to right now?

reply]
I could go on a Recon mission, but the thought of it turns my stomach. Were safe now.

>>RD, why on earth was her mom friends with this guy? Didn't she tell her "Hey, this guy is a psycho stalker a-hole"?

Reply]
We have NOOOO Idea!! He was quite a bit older than Terri, but Younger than her Mom. Technically because of the Age, her Mom could have dated him. I think there was something going on behind Terri's back, but she won't belive it.

She barely speaks to her mom now, only when she absolutly has to.

[ZIM]

Given fa_jing's post, (which is valid, imho) I think the Mom was probly the enabler, giving the support needed for stalking....sadly, this is a kind oif thing I've seen previous.

Wen: do you have the action figures for WW and all that? Do you have a WWWWD bracelet? :D

[Royal Dragon]

Yeah, She "Enabled" him alright.

It's more than that though, Stalkers are sicko's and Enable themselves. Many are loners, an just loose it when they get justly dumped. Our's was a controll freak. His Ex Wife could not get rid of him, and it appears after years of stalking and threats and orders of protection she just gave up and allwoed him in her life. It was safer than trying to keep him out as He got violent at rejection.

[wushu chik]

Originally posted by ZIM
Wen: do you have the action figures for WW and all that? Do you have a WWWWD bracelet? :D

HA HA, uh, i used to have EVERYTHING when i was younger. Like i said before, she was my hero!! My oldest son actually found me an action figure of WW just the other day!! I was going to buy it, but when i went to go thru the checkout....my sons all "This is for my mom.....she LOVES WW". I told the chick to put it back AH HA HA.......

And, the WWWWD bracelet...thats a rad idea!! Thanks!

~Wen~

[Serpent]

Of course, you realise that nowadays Wonder Woman has got wrinkles, an uncontrolled belly, bladder trouble and tits down to her super-underoos, right? ;)

[eulerfan]

Wonder Woman adult diapers. That is the APEX of POWER, right there.

[Serpent]

Ew. I'm getting disturbing mental images!