O/T: Best man speech

[ewallace]

My best friend is getting married this weekend, and I need to have a short speech prepared. Only problem is that I have no idea what to say or when the appropriate time to say it is. Anyone have any experience in this arena? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[apoweyn]

well, don't worry about the timing. i daresay you've got a DJ (band leader, wedding coordinator, etc.) at the wedding who will prompt you when it's time. if not, there will be about a thousand well-intentioned relatives who'll do the same.

you may be responsible for two speeches, actually. (depends on the individuals involved, but it'd be worth asking.) one at the reception and one at the rehearsal dinner the night before.


stuart b.

[Stacey]

Detail his more heroic sexual exploits and then bemoan the fact that he can no longer do these things latently.

Offer his a blessing of some sort. Tell him you'll be there for him after his divorce so you can both fly to Thailand to forget all about her.

Wish them happiness, joy and selfless love. Wish them good sex and children that are born with small heads.

Above all say something that will make the brides mades gush so your friend isn't the only one hitting it like its going out of business.

[Hai_To]

I just gave one recently, and it was very well received. Seriously, everyone loved it and wanted a copy. I started off by thanking the bride & groom for allowing me to be a part of the wedding. Make sure to thank her parents and his parents. I went the route of making the bride out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to the groom. She changed him for the better, etc. Throw some jokes in there. Nice jokes, you don't want to insult or shock Grandma.

Make it short. Get to the point quickly. No one wants a long toast. Don't drink before doing the toast (I made that mistake once). And do not improvise. That is often the biggest mistake people make.

[David]

The order is
1. Eat & drink
2. Bride's Father speech (v short)
3. Groom's speech (v short)
4. Your speech.
5. Your toast to the Bride and Groom (champagne)
6. Maybe announce the cutting of the cake.

I was best man at a very fancy wedding in Cardiff Castle and I had 16months of gradually increasing nerves before the event. The thing that saved me and made it all work was a cool joke right near the start: -

"I’ve heard it said that being asked to be the best man is like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother..., it’s a great honour but nobody wants to do it."

(It would have to be adapted because the Queen Mother is dead and it only applies to us Brits.)

There's loads of Best Man advice on the web including the above joke.

You have to:

1. thank The Father and Groom for their speeches & the Bride for looking so beautiful.
2. read out cards from absent well-wishers
3. Tell the good joke to get everyone relaxed.
4. Say what a fine chap the Groom is
5. Say something disparaging about him
6. Keep it funny
7. Get everyone to toast the Bride and Groom

I think you might have to mention the bridesmaids, too and gie them their presents (purchased by the bride's family!)
You should get a present, too (if you're lucky)

Check with the family what is expected of you. Try to get to a rehearsal if you haven't had one yet.

After doing it once, I was all up for doing it again. I did make an impromptu wedding speech last month because nobody else had the guts to speak!!

Good Luck.

[David]

Hai_to posted while I as writing. Good advice.
My speech was for about 10 minutes. Whatever the length of your speech, DO prepare it (put it on cards), DON'T rush it and DO have a couple of drinks with your meal and a couple before it (depending on your constitution). Don't lose control!

Afterwards, everyone will be buying you drinks for doing such a superb job ;-)

[ewallace]

Thanks everyone. I have my speech/toast down to just about 60 seconds. Is that a good length or is it too long or too short?

BTW, this is a formal but not overly formal wedding. No one is expecting a long speech, just a good natured toast to the bride and groom.

[guohuen]

Five minutes. Keep it funny, keep it clean. Don't try to be touching unless it's genuine.

[Hai_To]

A minute or two should be just about right. Any shorter and no one will notice the toast. That actually happened at a recent wedding I went to. The best man's speech was about 4 sentences long. I was in the room and I missed it completely. Not good. Everyone was commenting on how bad it was.

Make sure to have the champagne in hand before making the toast. You don't want to be groping for the glass when you say "cheers".

Good luck.