want to cry?

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

http://www.geocities.com/oshkosh591/rachel.html

sorry for even posting this ... im not sure why i even did. i was researching the effects of chicken pox/ shingles on chemo patients (as my girlfriend just broke out with them) and came accross this. it takes more than a lot to get me emotional about anything, but i had to continually fight back the tears reading this. i still am.

it is about a child's fight with cancer. dont read this if you're not up for being depressed most of the evening. i will be. im still trying not to cry and i have to answer some stupid fu cking moron wanting their internet setup now.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

im serious about not reading this unless your up for it. misery loves company i guess.

[red5angel]

GDA, your girlfriend is in chemo?

[Oso]

chicken pox/shingles are contagious.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

oso's got it ... the **** can kill me. i just finished up chemo but am still imunosuppressed. yes that's spelled wrong.

[txwingchun]

How long will you be immunosuppressed?

[qeySuS]

Guess you need to be a parent for that one, sorry :( Didn't phase me.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

yeah i definately think its a daddy and his little girl thing. plus i hate everyone and everything so much i have to have somewhere to vent all my pent up compassion .... children and animals.

tx ... another couple weeks im assuming. i asked the nurse if it was better that the virus would most likely do its damage in a couple weeks (after my immune system has had some time to recover) and she said yes but im pretty sure she wasnt sure and was just pacifying me. in any event suzi is likely not even contagouse now ... she would have been 2 - 4 days before the symptoms started ... so if im going to get it, i already have it and its just a matter of waiting on the symptoms. i was hoping that already having the chicken pox would make a difference, but they said it usually doesn't as your immuse system is weak and it usually developes into shingles in chemo bi tches anyway.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

man i feel like such a pu ssy, but i know if i went back and even looked at that site i would get all teary eyed again. just the sh it the little girl said. like when they told her she didnt have to fight anymore and she said but my brain is still strong ... how they described her as completely coherent and clinging to her father up until her very last breath ... no parant should ever have to deal with that. not in a young child.

out of curiosity quesues, did you read the last few months of the medical journal or just the front page?

[qeySuS]

I'm sure there's lots of people that it touches, i just seem to be unable to cry, haven't been close for years (think the last time was when i was sucker punched when i was 12).

I do rememebr the last time i was clogging up a bit was here on KFO, a thread about some member who walked into the scene of some kid that got into a car accident, and he basicly watched him all messed up, and he died in front of him (or i think so, he wasn't entirely sure if he was dead or not). Man i still think about that ****, that thread never got to know if he was alive or not.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i hadn't cried in over 10 years before having adora. i remember the first time. adora was visiting her grandmother and me and suzi had a huge fight. i got sick of it all and kicked her out. i litterally pushed her out the door, threw her keys outside, and followed it up with the george forman grill i got her for xmas .... which i then took a tire iron too. after she left i felt great. i was finally rid of that stupid bi tch. and then i looked at adora's sit and spin and started balling like a little baby. man im such a pu ssy.

[prana]

Originally posted by GunnedDownAtrocity
man i feel like such a pu ssy, but i know if i went back and even looked at that site i would get all teary eyed again. just the sh it the little girl said. like when they told her she didnt have to fight anymore and she said but my brain is still strong ... how they described her as completely coherent and clinging to her father up until her very last breath ... no parant should ever have to deal with that. not in a young child.



I wouldnt call u ***** at all. I think this is a sign of a good person, maybe you went to a rough time.... ?

Crying is good man, especially out of a story like this....

[guohuen]

You warned me and I read it anyway. Sorta glad I did even if I am crying.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

that just crushed my heart man. i couldnt imagine losing a child like that. if anything were to happen to adora i would kill myself with the most immediate means possible. if i had other children this would not be a choice of course, but as it stands i'd drive a butcher knife through my chest. my heart and utmost respect goes out to anyone who has made it through this ... i know for sure that i am not strong enough.