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View Full Version : Ultimate Shaolin Workout... I CHALLENGE ANY KUNG FU PERSON TO TRY THIS



vamierr
01-16-2003, 06:04 PM
Shaolin workout will challeng your body.

Warm up:

The Shaolin warmup will help unify the body's energy sources and prevent injury. Prepare the muscles for this spiritual journey. Bounce up and down as if the spirit of the cat were overcome by the mystic mischief of the squirell, and their energies collide. You must be the squirell, and know where to hid your acorns.

Strength training:

To be animal is to know the many berries in the forest. have sex with girl friend in various mounted positions. practice multiple grappling techniques while engaged. lifting her body weight will help build arm/shoulder strength. Your muscles will thank you for not leaving footprints in the snow.

(protective equipment helpful: specially made to fit your short sword )

Cardio vascular:

The heart chakra is the key to finding your calm center. Indeed, as the shaolin say, one should never forget to "pet the panda before shaving its tummy and rubbing vaseline on it" .Try to build up the sexual experiences to last over an hour at a time. This is more easily achieved with the use of numbing agents to avoid early climax. The repetitive motion gets the heart rate up, and in turn builds stamina.

Mental Training Aspect:

The mind is the temple of the body. Close eyes and try to envision someone else in bed with you... be it a movie star, sports icon, neighbor, or relative (cousin or aunt). True, like the rabbit eating too many walnuts, one should not crowd their "temple", but inviting guests from time to time is encouraged.

Endurance:

Like the slippery fish going down the stream, headed toward the waterfall, you too must be slippery. Try to push the experience to the limit, coming out with last minute bursts of energy. Build your second wind up and go that extra mile. These are the ways of shaolin. Although not everyone can walk this path, the man who stays amidst its turns, and stops to pick up twigs and look at snails lying befoot, may find elightenment upon the midsection of the mountain , several minutes before reaching its peak, and not yet seeing the view but somehow exploring what a plaroid of the summit might look like in ones own mind.

Felipe Bido
01-16-2003, 06:06 PM
We don't have squirrels in the DR...if we did, I'd take the challenge :D

David Jamieson
01-16-2003, 06:26 PM
vamieer-

good post, even if it is a bit funny :D

sounds like you are studying a blend of Taoist and Buddhist exercises? yes?

I might add that it is "Shaolin" to keep in mind:

When learning the art of Kung Fu, begin and continue, a day wasted is more than a day lost.

and

When practicing the art of Kung Fu, while you may think you have stepped your last step, take one more. Each time you are at your last step, your last breath, take one more.

cheers

shinwa
01-16-2003, 07:01 PM
d00d I was expecting a real hardcore training program:mad: :eek:

An jie
01-16-2003, 07:49 PM
looks like some one was reading a lot right before bed and so a bit delerious

dezhen2001
01-16-2003, 07:52 PM
good program now if i could just find a 'wrestling' partner :D

dawood

Serpent
01-16-2003, 07:54 PM
Ask apoweyn.

vamierr
01-16-2003, 08:09 PM
Yes, there are many paths on the mountain that lead to the same destination at the top. Just like, there are many strokes in "playing the magical flute" that lead to the same almost-dairy surprise. Shaolin know this, and clean up after themselves. If you want a "real hardcore" excercize, use sand paper.

David Jamieson
01-16-2003, 08:20 PM
ok vamieer, now you're starting to sound like stacey. :D

don't get to graphic or ...you know...chop chop

cheers

Sharky
01-16-2003, 08:23 PM
I was doing that **** when i was like 6 and a half

Former castleva
01-17-2003, 04:10 AM
That could be a taoist exercise.

prana
01-17-2003, 04:57 AM
6 and a half ? I dont think you churn milk till you're like 12 ?

:D
:p

B4 that, its all movement and nothing to show for it.

apoweyn
01-17-2003, 07:37 AM
Originally posted by Serpent
Ask apoweyn.

b*stard. :)