Let's share some jokes!

[Serpent]

You guys got any good jokes to cheer us up in these troubled times?

This made me laugh today:

A jumbo jet is just coming into the airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom,"This is your Captain. We're on our final descent. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay". He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in town?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night."

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a sh!t first."

:D

[shaolin kungfu]

That's a funny one:D. I just wanna say kudos on bringing back a ren and stimpy character. I think his name is powdered toast man, right?

[Serpent]

Quite right. The Super Hero's Super Hero!

;)

[SevenStar]

I was talking to my friend, about travel, and she said " I won't fly, too many things can happen" I laughed at her and said that they were no more dangerous than anyother mode of transportation. The rest of our conversation was like this:

Me: "Hey, did you hear about the bus crash the other day?"
Her: "No what happened?"
Me: "A plane fell on it."

[SevenStar]

A guy dies and makes it to the pearly gates.He noticed that before they let you into heaven, you had to answer a question. The first guy in line was asked: "What is the name of God's son?" the man replied "Jesus." Lights went off, bells sounded and the man was let through the gates. The next man was asked "What is the last book of the new testament?" the man replies "Revelations." Lights went off, bells sounded and the man was let through the gates. The newly dead guy was up, and was asked "What did Eve say the first time she saw Adam?" The man thinks out loud, saying "Hmm, that's a hard one..." Lights went off, bells sounded and the man was let through the gates.

[yenhoi]

Ask me if Im a tree?!

A: no! hahaha!


are racist jokes ok?

:eek:

[Laughing Cow]

Jesus is on the cross and suffering.

Father, he sez, ease my sufferings. Pleeasse.

God, sez:No you need to die for the good of mankind.

Father, pleeasse, it hurts soo much.

God, sez:No you need to die for the good of mankind.

So it goes back and forth for a bit.

In the end god gives in and sends 2 Andels down to release the suffering.

The 2 Angels arrive and star to remove the nails.

Jesus: Not those the one in the feet first.

[Laughing Cow]

The Angry African

Who are you calling a coloured man?
I'm not the one that's purple when it snows,
that turns very red when my anger grows

I'm not the one that's pink sometimes
and I don't turn brown when the sun shines

I'm not the one looking for a tan
cause I'm proud of my colour, that's what I am
and when I die I remain black too
but as for you, you turn all blue

Now that I've told you what you are and what I am
judge for yourself, who's the coloured man

[SevenStar]

here's a funny one....


Serpent trains

[Laughing Cow]

A young couple getting it on in the back of the Car.

She is kinda nervous and sez:
"What if somebody comes."

"Don't worry you will be the first one to know."

[Golden Arms]

I have to say that some of Ego_Extraordinaire's posts are pretty funny..the really old ones about his challenge matches with people that would alway resolve when he would ask if the dojo or kwoon was wheelchair accessible and if not, could 5 or 6 students help carry him and his wheelchair (with the extra heavy high performance battery) into said school were especially funny. But here are a few excerpts from later posts :D

On Southern Kung fu:
"My old sifu's main occupation is a chef. Although he likes to grow a beard to look more authentically monkish, it gets in the way of the stir fry or rather, it gets in the way of health inspectors that come visit his premises often.

Sifu resorted to shaving a beard but waeing an artificial one during class. It gets in the way of sparring when the elastic flicks up and the beard covers his eyes. That's when some students move in to score afew cheap hits."

"And this one about HKV:
"HungKaiVun challenges a paraplegic to a wheel chair sparring contest as a means of validating his kung fu skills and against what Northern kung fu can do. He expressed that he would physically get into a wheel chair and go one on one with the paraplegic.

The paraplegic is none other than myself Ego Maximus who has suffered severe spinal injuries following a motor vehicle that also resulted in losing the use of my legs. I have since been confined to a motorized wheel chair and require constant medical attention from my nurse Katrina.

HungKaiVun on the other hand has been practicing his kung fu skills against a wooden dummy but has doubts that he would come out on top against me. He also claims to have studied Hung Gar and appeared to be very sure of himself at first but as our conversation progressed, he started having doubts about his own lineage.

[Serpent]

Originally posted by SevenStar
here's a funny one....


Serpent trains

Here's another cracker:

Sevenstar is a guy!

Ahhahahaahaa!

[Serpent]

Golden Arms, see my sig for a classic line from HKV in relation to that wheelchair challenge thing. Ego wanted the fight to be on the Jerry Springer Show too, remember.

And the best part is that everybody but HKV seems to know that Ego is an Australian Chinese twat with a face like a dropped pie and has no need of a wheelchair whatsoever. (His real name is Kelvin Chan - do a web search for more laughs!)

Classic.

[Golden Arms]

Rofl! I thought that might have been what that was referring to! Heheh.

[joedoe]

Originally posted by Serpent


Here's another cracker:

Sevenstar is a guy!

Ahhahahaahaa!

7* is g@y?

Oh. Hang on. My mistake :D

[Serpent]

Originally posted by joedoe


7* is g@y?

Oh. Hang on. My mistake :D

No. No mistake.

[Laughing Cow]

Last night I came home and found my Wife in bed with my best Friend.

So I told him.

"Get off there, Bad Boy. No Doggie treats tonight".