So tell me, does she want me?

[PHILBERT]

Before I begin, I already know what rubthebuddha and Wendy are gonna say, and I do in fact stand behind there belief. I however want to poll some others here.






There is this girl I've known since like the beginning of last September that I met in Yoga. Ironically, she happens to be the little sister of one of my former coworkers at my last job, hence how I met her `cause I saw her there eating one night while I was at work and the next day the friendship began.

Anyhoo, she has a boyfriend and lately there have been some problems between them. She has gotten more touchy feely with me, not like anything big but we never really touched one another and now she grabs my arm alot, pokes me on the cheek occasionally with a finger and other stuff. Nothing big, but the first time she did it, it took be by surprise.

Last Sunday she began her monthly cycle, you know what I mean and was in INCREDIBLE pain. More so than usual and her doctor told her to take Advil and lots of it. So she popped some Advil and called up her boyfriend hoping he'd come over. She explained to him she was in pain and for one reason or another he didn't want to come over. Why? Oh it was a bikini contest at a strip club he frequently goes to. I've told her to tell him to either stop going there or split up with him and get a boyfriend who doesn't go to strip clubs. Like me (but I didn't say that part to her). Anyway he said the contest didn't start for like 2 more hours and that he was gonna leave before then, however after he said this, they announced it was ready to start. Timing could not be better, eh men?

She went over to his apartment Tuesday evening and there was a stripper sleeping on his sofa. His room mate brought her home
Sunday night and she asked what was going on and he said "Oh, well she came home with Joe the other night" and she asked when and he said Sunday. He also danced with one of the (what she described) silicone filled, over stuffed strippers. Slow danced I think, not like a lap dance. She was furious and left his apartment.

Here is when it got interesting. She told me she went to bed that night and before going to sleep she thought about cheating on him and knew who she'd want to cheat with. However she didn't tell me, and I told her about a weird dream I had involving a girl from our class and the first thing she said "Was it me?"

She has been dating him for 2 years, he has no plans of ever getting married and that kind of ****es her off `cause she wants to marry. He goes to strip bars alot, even knows the owner of the one he goes to.

So tell me, do you think she has something for me? Before answering, if I were to ask her out I'd rather wait until she breaks up with her boyfriend.

[IronFist]

I dunno, but her boyfriend sounds like a jerk.

IronFist

[dezhen2001]

man he sounds like a jerk :mad:
i would go with wen and rtb dude - they r usually right ;)

dawood

[SevenStar]

ask her out, and take it from there - if she has plans for you, you'll find out soon enough. just make sure that the guy can't kick your arse.

[Repulsive Monkey]

What ever happens DON'T ask her out at this moment. Whether he's a jerk or not, she did like him for a time and splitting up from someone always confuses and unbalances people whoever they are. So trying to date her right now may seem like an option but it would done in admist the current temperature of splitting up anger, bitterness and revenge hence her saying about cheating. Would you really like to go into a relationship at the start based upon your first date ending in sex that was purely born out of her need to to get even with her ex? Is this a wise thing to do?
Wouldn't her wanting to be with you be more substantial and nuturing knowing that there wasn't the slightest of emotional residue of her ex still in heart? To put it in clear terms, whether likes it or not, she's got baggage at the moment and your desire to get involved with her at this vulnerable time is not the basis for a long lasting relationship even though, as I'm quite sure you have, very honourable intentions towards her and could probably provide her with the right level or respect and thoughtfullness than her ex did.
Be taoist about it and don't rush into this because there may be sonmething on offer i.e. the cheating desire she speaks of, but enter in to things where there is nothing on offer but the opportunity to make something from nothing.
I reckon you should give her support as a friend and then when it settles down see if she really wants a stable relationship with you as opposed to feeling that you could be an easy comfort to bounce back from.
Just an opinion mind you, but from experience I would warn you not too go into this too much with your heart first. Intention first, and then compassion and then and only then thirdly your true feelings for her.

[Aren]

I never knew that martial arts was this involving. :D

joking aside. The guy sounds like a real jerk and really doesn't deserve her. If she really likes you then you really should take her out, comfort her if she breaks up with the guy and help her out. See where it goes from there and hopefully things will work out.

Good luck.

[Vapour]

If you just want to **** her. Go ahead.

If you want more than that, I would advice you to take it slow. But let her know you like her more than as a friend. You don't wanna end up as just a friend, do you?

[Laughing Cow]

I reckon not worth the headaches and hassles.

Stay friends with her and nothing more.
;)

There is an old saying that comes from the business world but, IMO, also applies to friendships:

"Don't tip your wick into the office ink."

Cheers.

[Mr Chips]

what RM and Vapour said.

[prana]

I think you should be there for her, but not too much, cause if you do too much, she will want to use you as an "escape"

Wether I think she likes you or not, hell yea (IMHO) but it "might" be a backlash (right word) of anger.

So best wait till she is surely single before you step foot in a relationship, lest you get hurt !

[SLC]

She is a confused young lady... ardent pursuit of her now would only add to her confusion. In essence you would MAKE her choose and that easily backfires.

Instead, add to her composure. Tell her that you find her very attractive and special and that you would like to be the man in her life.

BUT...

You know she is in a relationship now and respect that. If she becomes free and might be interested in you that would be wonderful... please let you know.

Then back off. Make her see that you are not wrapped around her finger, and that, if she wants you, she must end the other relationship. Don't be harsh in any way. Just "have a life".

[GreyMystik]

proceed with extreme caution.
is she really interested or yanking your chain, the "shoulder to cry on"?
you don't want to be the sympathy guy...
my advice- don't be too available or appear too eager. if she wants to come to you, let her. don't chase her around. let her split up with her loser b/f and chase YOU instead.

[Vapour]

Don't blame me if this doesn't work.

http://www.girlfriendstealer.com/chick/

[Robinf]

SLC,

Your advice actually worked for a guy I ended up dating and having a wonderful relationship with. But, that was the two of us.

Phil,

I wish I knew what you should do. Life would be really easy if other people could tell us exactly what to do and be right. I wonder why she's still with that jerk. She might be attracted to jerks. There are women like that. There are men like that, too.

Robin

[wooha]

Sorry, according to Ladder Theory (http://www.intellectual*****s.com/masterladder.html) you don't have a chance.

(edit - that should be www.intellectual*****s.com/masterladder.html
- **** swear filter)

[Losttrak]

Ugly situation. You could prolly get some booty but I SERIOUS doubt you would ever become seriously involved with her. Your existence would in most cases remind her of the ex and thus be forever equated with that heinous period. Plus, most chicks who cheat are just trying to file a void but when its all said and done you are just an emotional bandaid who is making her feel better.... temporarily. Remember, she is only telling you the bad things. If she truly wanted to leave him, she would be gone... Notice she said something about "cheating on him and knew who she'd want to cheat with." She didnt say anything about finding something better... just evening the score! Be this chicks friend, dont expect anything, if the opportunity for some fun pops up and you want it... go for it (be ready for some BF confrontations if I were you). DO NOT GET ATTACHED.

[Liokault]

God dont u people have friends in the real world!!!!

[Cody]

I don't like the sound of this. I mean, let's say she liked you too and was beginning to show it Solely cause she wasn't getting what she needed from the relationship to current boyfriend? That's a transition thing. It could develop slowly into a relationship of worth, of mutual respect, and hopefully a lot of fun.

That's not what is happening. She talks of cheating to get back, and putting you in the position of being a candidate for that. In a situation like that, I wouldn't want anything to do with this. It would make me feel like an object. Now, maybe she's been made to feel like an object herself and she's mixed up. Possible. If you're very interested, this would require time. Time to determine whether this planned stunt of hers is just a one-time mistake, or a pattern of behavior of getting back at someone, in a way which demeans both her and the person she chooses for this task. Do you want to get involved with someone who has getting even on her mind #1? and wants to use you for this #2?

best,
Cody

[Starchaser107]

As much as I hate to say it, Philbert you're probably gonna do yourself more harm than good. but who knows , maybe theres an exception to every rule after all, the only way to find out is to go for it. So whatever the deal is I think you should just be aware of all the possible outcomes and judge if it's worth it for you.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

****it you beat me too it wooha

[Feng Huang]

she wants you, yeah. but proceed with caution. i doubt you want to start off a relationship by being the guy she cheated with on her current boyfriend. and if she really liked you and you really liked her then maybe later things will work out if she breaks up with her boyfriend. otherwise, right now, she should just decide what the f she wants and not use you. although, maybe you'd like that ;) anyway if she cheats on her boyfriend and you guys end up having something, what's gonna make you believe she won't cheat on you?

[PHILBERT]

Here is some stuff I shall add.

First off, I will NOT be the guy she cheats on. She won't even cheat on him, she said it was a stupid thought she had and didn't really plan on it. I know what it feels like to be cheated on by a girl. 3 times actually and I know it can suck pretty bad and I won't put another guy through that.

Next, she talked to him last night and said "Maybe we should stop seeing each other" and he agreed. So chances are they will be splitting up. She is incredibly depressed right now and I can tell. I shall be there as a friend and I'm not gonna run up and try and get her the moment they split up. I'll wait 48 hours (sarcasm).

[joedoe]

48 hours seems reasonable - it is enough time for a dictator to leave a country :D

[Goldenmane]

Heh.

Just to provide a different perspective: Go ahead and take charge. Step in, become the saviour... become the boss. Some women like that. Dictate the course of your relationship, rather than allowing her to do so.

This doesn't mean becoming all controlling of her life or anything like that - it just means that you maintain control of the relationship. Sure, be kind, caring, and considerate. Look after her. Give her flowers if you want. Take into account her thoughts and feelings.

But don't give her control.

Just a thought. No idea if it would work.

-geoff

[Serpent]

Beat the crap out of the jerk boyfriend in a dark car park and then continually stalk her until she takes you in or gets you arrested.

Either way, at least it's finally resolved.

[tsunami surfer]

Please do not take this the wrong way but this girl sounds like a doormat for this guy. She has been with him a couple of years and he is spending time and MONEY in stip bars. He has no intention of marrying or stopping this activity for her and she has to think about breaking up with him. This does not sound like a stable person to hook up with. I know it sounds harsh and I tried to put it as gently as possible but, I also did'nt see anyone looking at this aspect.

[wooha]

Just noticed the swear filter ate my Ladder Theory URL. It should have been:

www.intellectual*****s.com/masterladder.html