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View Full Version : You have weights attached to your genitals, then ninjas attack...


carly
03-25-2003, 02:08 PM
what's your best defense in a situation like this?
The maniacal facial expression?
norther practitioner
03-25-2003, 02:10 PM
Whipping the weights around to deflect the ninja stars comes to mind.
carly
03-25-2003, 02:11 PM
but there is always the danger of the weights spinning and, uh, "knotting" you. Strong and steady stance work would seem to be called for. And lots of menacing theatrical grimacing.
KC Elbows
03-25-2003, 02:13 PM
Whenever I tie weights to my genitalia, I use a slipknot for just this sort of situation.
carly
03-25-2003, 02:15 PM
a genitalia quick release system - there must be a secret chi kung knot for just this very purpose.
shaolin kungfu
03-25-2003, 02:17 PM
I can't wait for oso's reply to this.
KC Elbows
03-25-2003, 02:19 PM
Just a simple slip knot, though you might want to put a kerchief between your ****skin and the rope, or you'll get a nasty pinch. Take it from me, this comes up all the time.:D
@PLUGO
03-25-2003, 02:23 PM
IF you had REAL KUNGFU then you'd be able to fight off Ninja now matter how much weight was attached to your Iron Crotch!!!
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I suppose some of you will have to just be satisfied with Aluminium Crotch instead.
KC Elbows
03-25-2003, 02:23 PM
Really, that's beginner's stuff. Everyone knows that ninja are basically thirteen year old geeks with tabi boots and a blowgun, and as such, they always wait until you've got a weight hanging from your love sausage to attack. The true master will choke the ninja to death with their own **** rope, just to add some weight.
@PLUGO
03-25-2003, 02:26 PM
So long as you 13 year olds know where (http://store.yahoo.com/martialartsmart/16-0807.html) to get those tabi boots.
David Jamieson
03-25-2003, 02:41 PM
well, you could:

a) smash them with a handful of raspberries

b) shoot them

c) release the tiger

what I'm really wondering about this kung training is how would women do it?

How could a female develop iron crotch?

cheers
KC Elbows
03-25-2003, 02:45 PM
With a very small knot.
Oso
03-25-2003, 04:25 PM
sorry guys, I've decided that ninjas suck so bad they are not even worth my time.

as if any ninja would be able to think through the fear...
joedoe
03-25-2003, 04:35 PM
A ninja would not dare to attack someone whose iron crotch was that good.

But ninjas are totally sweet. :D
shaolin kungfu
03-25-2003, 04:43 PM
Ninja's are so sweet, I wanna crap myself.
@PLUGO
03-25-2003, 04:54 PM
How could a female develop iron crotch?


" Surprisingly, women can actually practice Jiu Yang Shen Gong too. Female students can train by inserting a special ping pong-like ball in their vagina. This ball is attached to a rod, and then hung with heavy weights just like a man's *****. While a man can begin studying this qigong at any age, a woman can only practice it before she reaches menopause. "

Detailed visuals (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/magazine/article.php?article=315) here. ;)
Serpent
03-25-2003, 06:09 PM
As if the whole thing isn't dusturbing enough, I'm most disturbed by the fact that a woman can only do it before menopause. What happens after that?
prana
03-25-2003, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by carly
a genitalia quick release system - there must be a secret chi kung knot for just this very purpose.

just think of your favourite fat chic... :p
@PLUGO
03-25-2003, 06:53 PM
or baseball . . .?
rubthebuddha
03-26-2003, 12:19 AM
watermelon?
PHILBERT
03-26-2003, 12:32 AM
Oprah. Works all the time for me. I think of her and the blood flow just ceases.
@PLUGO
03-26-2003, 01:29 PM
Imagine using Oprah as a weight for your Iron Crotch (http://store.yahoo.com/martialartsmart/prjt001.html) training!!!

_-. :eek:
__ ([])
__ //l\\
__-. l
__-. l
__-. l
_-. :o
__ (W)
__, [l]
shaolin kungfu
03-26-2003, 02:07 PM
Holy Jesus!:eek:

I could have done without the scary visual.
PHILBERT
03-26-2003, 02:10 PM
There is NO WAY Oprah is going even close to my crotch.

Britney Spears, sure.

Oprah, no.
Serpent
03-26-2003, 04:19 PM
Originally posted by Design Sifu
Imagine using Oprah as a weight for your Iron Crotch (http://store.yahoo.com/martialartsmart/prjt001.html) training!!!

_-. :eek:
__ ([])
__ //l\\
__-. l
__-. l
__-. l
_-. :o
__ (W)
__, [l]

Nice work, DS! Except for the scary Madonna-esque breast action. Not sure about that.
@PLUGO
03-26-2003, 06:20 PM
ASKI art has it's limits . . .

whould this have been better?

-:p
(uu)
_[l]
Serpent
03-26-2003, 07:22 PM
Actually, yeah I think that is better! ;)
No_Know
03-26-2003, 11:18 PM
"You have weights attached to your genitals, then ninjas attack...
what's your best defense in a situation like this?
The maniacal facial expression?"

"Strong and steady stance work would seem to be called for. And lots of menacing theatrical grimacing."


I've heard it said that there are more than 37 muscles in the face. Perhaps muscle contraction there aids in the exercises.

As far as the attack. The Ninja might recognize the hand gestures and with respect leave because you signed universal serenity...Perhaps some-such some might say.