Personal Advice and Opinions!

[LEGEND]

I'll try to make this short guys. HEHEHE. Well 3 years ago I had a gf...came home one day and saw her and another guy together. That was the end of the relationship! So that's all good and dandy and she no longer lives in this area.

Well it's been 3 years...and I still have so much HATE for this girl! I know it's wierd and I should be moving on...but ****. I mean honestly...I fantacize in her DEMISE. Or punching the shiet out of her. Any ideas how to FORGIVE and FORGET??? I read all the self help books at Barnes and Nobles...seem NADA.

[shaolin kungfu]

See a therapist.

[rogue]

Take all free advice for what it's worth.

I remember that happening to you Leg. Hasn't anything happened in 3 years to make her less a factor in your mind?

[joedoe]

I had something similar happen to me, but not quite as bad - she told me she was seeing another guy. Anyway, to a certain degree there are still parts of my life affected by this but I let most of the anger go pretty quickly when I realised how much energy I was wasting by being angry at her. It also helped that I had a lot of caring friends to help me through it.

Eventually I found another lady who I am now with and getting ready to marry. She has helped me through a lot of it as well.

It is normal to feel hurt and betrayed by something like this, and I found it was very hard to learn to trust again. But just think about how much of your life you are missing out on because you are living in the past and staying angry at her. Let it go and move on.

[prana]

I found my gf with an old friend of mine...

but the greatest thing I could do was wish them the best together. If you are able to forgive them, then really you are the only one to benefit out of it, not her....

I learnt alot about myself (once you forgiver her you will see so much more), like I have so much jealousy, weakness, and other kinds of bad things, to a point where I thanked her (and him) for leaving me for me to learn. I also re-discovered meditation and got into an excellent sport this very same reason, and began my path out of depression.

I am now happily married, and my wife is incredibly happy with my "non-jealous" nature. Something which always makes me thank my first gf for. She was indeed an amazing person to me and my wife.

[joedoe]

I have a similar attitude to what you have now - I can almost feel like I could thank her for everything I learned out of the experience. It helps if you try and treat every experience in life as a lesson to be learned - kinda takes the edge off the pain :)

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

fu ck it. hate her with all of your heart. bathe in the fanaticies of her brutal demise as often as you wish. yearn for her pain and wish for her misfortune. never let go of that hate because you will only be left with an agonizing void if you do. better to at least have your rotting cesspool of a heart to keep you company.

[Merryprankster]

Dude, it's been three years.

[Chinwoo-er]

Psychoanalysis ?
Behaviouralist ?
Humanistic ?
Buddhist ?
Cognitive ?

[apoweyn]

Screw forgive. Go for forget.

Seriously, as Merryprankster said, it's been three years. That's long enough. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you've still had some contact with her over the past three years. Email, phone calls, even just stories from third parties. My advice: If that's the case, STOP IT. Cut it off. No information of any sort.

You don't need to forgive this girl in order to move on. You just need to exorcise the ghost. So if you're doing ANYTHING at all to keep that ghost around, knock it off.


Stuart B.

[Oso]

compartmentalize the emotion.

Let it out every once in a while and just bathe in it. Then button it back up and don't worry about it. In this way you will whittle away at it until it is no more.

I personally go driving and listen to Stabbing Westward, screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Call it anger management of a sort. I had a situation not quite 2 years ago that left a lot of anger that required 2-3 drives a week. Now I havn't driven for that purpose in many months.

but that's just me, good luck and in addition I think it's silly to deny any emotion and hate and anger can have as much validity as love and happiness.

[LEGEND]

Hey thanks alot guys...I'm cutting and paste and printing what u guys wrote! I appreciate it all guys! :)

[apoweyn]

I'm sure we've all been there, chief. No worries. :)

[Guile]

Does it make you train hard?
If so keep it.
Does it get in the way?
If so, then forget it.

[rogue]

There's also the Nudie Bar. Just bring those $1.00, $5, $10 and $20's, and see how nice a girl will be to you for alot cheaper than a girlfriend.;)

[Oso]

The relationship between a stripper and the guy with the $1 is the simplest male/female relationship you'll find. Everything is defined: You give her a dollar, she waggles parts of her anatomy in your face.

[SaMantis]

Good suggestions ... my experience was somewhat similar, tho it happened over 10 years ago it still took me a couple of years to get over the guy.

I threw out most of the stuff he gave me early on, but about a year afterward I found a couple of pictures and some letters I'd forgotten about. So I cranked up the fireplace and burned everything, one by one, and said "Goodbye, motherf*kker" each time.

I didn't have this big, freeing epiphany afterward, but I proved to myself that I could let go of the relationship & what happened. Some of my anger dissipated right away and the rest gradually faded.

Or you can just go to the nudie bar.

[txwingchun]

You should've joined in started a 3 some and then when she was least expecting it ram your c ock up her a ss.

[Feng Huang]

Aside from jealousy, have you thought about why you're so torn up about finding your ex with someone? I've been where you are as i'm sure many others have, and mostly I've been able to forgive them. The biggest emotion I felt was a sense of betrayal. I think it's okay to not forget things as everything you experience makes you who you are. But the worst thing you can do is to never absorb this and deal with it, because it prevents you from living the rest of your life. What if all this hate for one person who obviously didn't deserve you is preventing you from having a relationship with someone who could bring you more happiness than you thought possible? So by letting her rot your mind and psyche, she is ruining your life twice. Three years is a long time, but i can see how you might still have the image of them burned into your memory. It's very hard to recover from the pain and then the hate. If you haven't already done so, you need to cut off all communication, and make it clear to your mutual friends that you don't want to hear one thing about her. it takes a lot of will power to resist wanting information, but whatever you have to do, you have to find that neutral center of yourself, where you let go of the hate. Maybe you need to go up into the mountains and just be by yourself and be surrounded nature so you are forced to think about everything and deal with it. Sometimes solitude is a blessing and the answer to get through scheiss is within yourself.

[rogue]

Everything is defined: You give her a dollar, she waggles parts of her anatomy in your face. Unlike marrage where you give your all your money and the only thing she waggles in your face is a todo list.:eek:

[LEGEND]

ROGUE...it's all good bro. As the fellas from DC( Apoewn and Merry knows )...I've been to CAMELOT a feel times. LOL. Plus I know of numerous massage parlors in the DC area. Never been though.

Guile...funny thang is I became a pretty good martial artist( grappling sense )and gained 20lbs of muscle. So yeah...I def. had more time to training.

txwingchun...u know that photo u have is exactly the image I hope she becomes one day...perhaps I should climb out of her TV. "It never stopssssssssss!"

Feng...good suggestion...I'm actually the type to hold grudges...yeah it's very unhealthy...I think I have the SADDAM complex...REVENGE is EVERYTHANG. Very bad for a 28 soon to be 29 year old man. Time to mature.

[apoweyn]

Yep. Been to Camelot. Bachelor party for a good friend of mine. Went to that joint next door too.

I digress.

I don't think revenge is really a question of age. Plenty of people never gain the maturity to get past that idea. But I think you're smart enough to know that revenge wouldn't help very much.

I'm telling ya. Stop looking in the rearview mirror.


Stuart B.