Why do "I" get all the weird E-mails?

[Royal Dragon]

Here's the latest one, any thoughts?

royaldragon, You are Loved


I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very
much. That's important to know in the " dog eat dog world "
in which we live. We spend our lives trying to earn love and
respect and somehow we never seem to " measure up ". It's
wonderful to be loved without reservation, without having to
earn it. We are loved , not because we are good, not because
we have lived up to expectations, and not because we've
tried to live a good life, but we are loved just like we
are...faults and all. God has put a high value on our lives
in that He gave His Son to die on a cross to pay the penalty
for all our sins. He has a very high purpose for yor life!


After 42 years of struggling with the meaning of life and
what the purpose of my life should be, I met a man named
Jesus and He changed my life. It has been wonderful to be
loved unconditionally and to finally realize the meaning
of life itself. I'm writing you to share this love and to
let you know that you are a very special person in the sight
of God. He only wants good for you and wants to help you in
all of your trials.


The Holy Bible tells us in the book of Romans, chapter 3
verse 23, " For all have sinned, and come short of the
glory of God". Romans 6:23 reads " For the wages of sin is
death ; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus
Christ our Lord". Romans 10: 9-10 goes on to read, " Because
if you confess the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart
that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved.
For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with
the mouth one confesses unto salvation".


If you haven't already experienced His love, you can by praying
this simple prayer and by believing in your heart that He has
answered it to the fullest. " Father, I come to you as a
sinner. I repent and ask you to forgive my sin and to come into
my heart and take control of my life. Fill me with your Holy
Spirit and enable me to be the person that you want me to be.
Please use me to help others and help me to realize and fulfill
the purpose for my life. Thank you Jesus for dying to pay the penalty
for my sin. I accept your sacrifice for my salvation. Enable
me by the power of your Holy Spirit to live a life that will be
pleasing to you. Amen ".

If you prayed this prayer KNOW that you are now in the family of God
and accepted into His Kindgom. It's that simple. This is the beginning
point of a new relationship with Him. I encourage you to get a hold of
a Bible and explore the person and characteristics of God that's
revealed there. You can easily find one online simply by going to any
search engine and typing in "the bible online".

I would like to encourage you to forward this email to anyone you know.
Jesus said, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.
Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe
will be condemned." Mark 16:15-16


God Bless You.

[Royal Dragon]

LOL!!!

I had a bunch of them coming to my door once, so I invited them in and we sat at the kitchen tabe for about 3 hours talking.

By the time they left, I almost had them converted to Athieisum! At the very least, they were seriously doubting thier religion and it's belifes. :D

[Black Jack]

3 hours!!!!!

You must of been bored. I don't let those parasites within once inch of my abode.

I like to see the *******s scream when I meet them at the door with a 10' inch long carving knife and a friendly greeting of "Thank God! My a.s.s.cheek hat is starting to smell and I need a new one for the party tonight."

[Dave Fulton]

Come on ... a little respect should be shown. They did meet Jesus after all. ;)

We haven't had any come by in quite a while now (knock on wood) but, even so, I am not allowed to speak to them any more. My wife didn't appreciate my telling the last bunch that I worship SATAN and that they should convert too because we're winning the war between good & evil. :D

BTW, I do not worship satan. I'm an Ordaned Minister of the Agnostic Brotherhood. :p

Respectfully,

Dave Fulton

[ZIM]

I used to live in a place where they came around all the time. I had an apt. where i could see out the bathroom, to see who it was and i just ignored them.

Long story short:
I was taking a shower one day, so i just answered the door as was. They never came back, despite the fact that i invited them in. :D :p

[Royal Dragon]

He he he he, I love JHW stories! :D

My wife at the time was so po'd at me becuase I was sitting there yapping at them for so long. I remember her doing dishes with this burning look on her face when I started talking about how Religion tell us what God did, and science tells HOW he did it. She knew I was in for the long hual when I started with that one.

It wasn't my fault though, The JHW's Kept telling us how science was all wrong, and not in agreement with the bible. I think it was something like God was the higher source of all knowledge, so if Science contradicted it it must be wrong.

Then I started in on how most religions all really say the same core things, (IE. worship the creator (nature, the void, whatever), help those less fortunet than us, and don't hurt eachother.) That's when the JHW's started loosing thier faith. :p


See, we only need 2 commandments,

1. Help those less fortunet than ourselves
2. Don't harm eachother.

Everyhting else falls under those two in one way or another.
Once you get those types to seriously listen to that kind of logic, they convert to Athiesum pretty quick. I was thinking about converting them into worshiping me, but my Wife was getting really irritated at that point. I really didn't have the extra 20 minutes I would have needed. :p

[Water Dragon]

lol

Royal Dragon just got spammed by ewallace

[David Jamieson]

JW's ???

I though RD had pandas in his kitchen and he was trying to convert them and make them doubt their own religion (if pandas even have religion...which i doubt) so that he (RD) wouldn't need to purchase an actual General Electric dishwasher and he could have slave pandas cleaning his house for him.

JW's though, well, that's another matter. they are much worse than talking pandas and they do go on and on and on don't they.

I'd take the talking pandas anyday, even if they are communist evil doers.

cheers

[Ming Yue]

I'm an apathetic agnostic.

don't know, don't care.

;)

However, I could be swayed if Jesus would show up and command pandas to wash my dishes.

[KC Elbows]

Hey, it must be time for weird emails. I was apparently nominate to the UMAA hall of fame last week. Well, not apparently me by name, but 'KC Elbows'. It's some martial arts group, but the award pic doesn't work right, so I'm somewhat confused on what I'm being awarded for, or what definition of fame they're using. I think they're reqarding me for most martial use of bandwidth or something.

BTW, this does not change the fact that I'm going to hell, and that pandas doing dishes is where all religions should be at. Frankly, I don't give a rat's as if they can talk, so long as they do my dishes, I'm happy, though I really don't want to rely on Jesus to supervise them. I mean, what past management expertise does he have? Sure, he can feed the multitude, but he only had a crew of twelve before, and look what happened, and they didn't even have claws. Jesus with twelve pandas is a disaster waiting to happen. Although it would be interesting to see how much foliage it takes to sell out the messiah this time.

[shaolin kungfu]

I think that, eventually, pandas will evolve to a point where they can wash dishes on their own, without the supervision of the messiah.

[ZIM]

Pandas have MACHINES, ya Luddites!

[KC Elbows]

Jesus was a luddite? And why am I being awarded for my efforts against the mosquitos, when I have a much better kill ratio versus silverfish?

BTW, does the messiah come with the pandas, or do you have to first corrale the pandas, then find a messiah, and if so, do only second generation messiahs have the capacity for panda sanitation management, or is that available in first generation models as well? Also, will I need to do anything to keep the romans out of my house?

[PHILBERT]

Wow, I only get the ones from these new girls in town who have no friends, but have the internet and a webcam and want to be my friend. Then they tell me maybe we can be more than friends. Funniest part is they call me by the name that appears on my e-mail address, so if it said "Osama_Bin_Laden@hotmail.com" they call me Osama_Bin_Laden. Funny as hell though since they think that my name is the one in the e-mail.

[David Jamieson]

jesus was a "magic luddite", not the same as yer run of the mill average luddite at all.

cheers

[Ming Yue]

all self respecting messiahs come with their own pandas, of course. Also, miracle cleaning pandas don't poop, they shoot pine-sol out thier butt.

[Royal Dragon]

He he he he he :D

KC, Romans are Italian, and thus attracted to good food and great wine. If you eat Brats and drink Cheap beer, I don't think you will have a problem with them. Although you might have troubles with Wisconsenites, who seem to favor that diet if it's mixed with a bit of Cheese. Especially if you soak the Brats in the Beer for sometime before you cook them. :D

LOL @ PHILBERT
I get actual Girls wanting me. You see, several years ago I dumped Terri (About 5 I think), and she signed me up for one of those "Online" dateing services (I have no idea why) wile we were broke up. Anyway, to this day I ever so often get a girl who is my "Perfect match" that wants to couraspond with me.

Terri and I eventually worked things out, and now live hapily ever after (When were not figting about stupid stuff), so I let her reply to them, since she signed me up to begin with.

I also get the Chicks with the web cams. They seem to think my real name is "Royaldragonusa". I keep telling them it's not, but they don't listen. Especially that one who likes "Farm Animals" :eek: :eek: She's a weird one, She won't talk to me other than to tell me she likes farm animals over and over again unless I send her $$ to view her web cam. I don't get that chick at all :confused: ;) :p

[KC Elbows]

All right, but I drink good bear with my brats, and brats proved to be an ineffective defense for chicago, so what do I do?

[Royal Dragon]

Here's another one I got awile back. I started courasponding with this one, and right now, She is getting frustrated with me because I am insisting on finding her martial arts instruction in Africa. I had forgotten about the original E-mail below, when she wrote one to me titled "FOR GOD SAKE WILL YOU HELP ME?" I assumed it was a former Moo E-mailing me because my address is on the Freedom of mind site, so I engaed her in conversation based on that, till she said she had no idea what I was talking about and that she was from Africa and deasperately needed my help. Then I remembered the E-mail below.

For a good laugh, yuo guys should all write to her, and post the results.

Ana Ireke" anaireg@yahoo.co.uk

DEAR FELLOW IN CHRIST.



CALVARY GREETINGS TO YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD AND
SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST,WHO HAS PERFECTED OUR LIFES AND
MADE ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN IS OWN TIME,MY NAME IS
ANNA IREKE GEORGE.I AM 21 YEARS OLD SINGLE FEMALE.
FROM SIERRA-LEONE WEST AFRICA,PRESENTLY I AM A REFUGIE

HERE IN IVORY COAST.
I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
HELP AND ADVISE IN / ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY, AND BEEN A
CHRISTIAN FELLOW. I THINK YOU ARE IN GOOD POSITION TO
ASSIST ME . BECAUSE I DONT KNOW ANYBODY OVER THERE
.AND I WILL BE COMING WITH SOME VALUABLE TREASURE
WHICH IS MY FAMILY INHERITANCE .FROM MY LATE PARENTS
FOR ME AND MY JUNIOR BROTHER .TO KEEP ON WITH .WITH
THE FAVOR OF GOD
YOU KNOW MY EXTENDED FATHER .FAMILY WHERE VERY STRONG
MUSILIM FAMILY ISLAMIC AND THEY ARE DISTURBING ME
SERIOUSLY BECAUSE I AM BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN
TIME IS NOT ON MY SIDE .BECAUSE AM NOT FEELING VERY
WELL/GOOD .I WILL APPRECIATE IT .IF YOU CAN GET IN
TOUCH WITH ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE .SO THAT I CAN GIVE
YOU MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE PLAN AND MY DREAM .
I WANT YOU TO BE ASSURED AND NOTE THAT .THERE IS
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT IN VIEW OF MY COMING TO YOUR
COUNTRY .
IF I STEP IN YOUR COUNTRY PEACEFULL WITH WHAT I
HAVE I AM VERY SURE OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF BY THE
SPECIAL GRACE OF ALMIGHTY GOD IN THE NAME OF OUR
LORDAND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST .I NEED YOUR HELP.
TILL I HEAR FROM YOU REMAIN BLESSED.....
YOURS SISTER IN CHRIST
ANNA .

[Royal Dragon]

KC, lke I said, so long as you stick to the Brats and good Beer, you won't have trouble with Romans as they are more attacted to good food (Especially Pasta dishes), and great wine. I don't know what to do against Wisconsenites myself. I normally call them "Cheese heads" and that keeps them at bay for a wile, but not forever. Eventually their need from Beer and Brats over powers them and they attack and I am helpless. About the only thing I can do is eat all the Beer and Brats myself before things get critical.

Sometimes locking them [Brats & Beer] in a bear proof container helps, but not always because Wisconsenites are "smarter than the adverage bear" (but not by much though). :p

[shaolin kungfu]

You can call us all the names you want, we will still get your brats.

[Former castleva]

Interestingly,I have been reading this site for quite a while now.
www.religioustolerance.com



"I AM 21 YEARS OLD SINGLE FEMALE. " etc.

Any idea why she says "royaldragon"?
"She" might even be a KFO member,now that´s wicked.

[joedoe]

I seem to get heaps of emails about pen1s enlargement. Someone let my secret out :(

[Royal Dragon]

You can call us all the names you want, we will still get your brats.

Reply]
Not if I eat'em first!!!


"I AM 21 YEARS OLD SINGLE FEMALE. " etc.

Any idea why she says "royaldragon"?
"She" might even be a KFO member,now that´s wicked.

I have no idea. She probably got that from my E-mail. I doubt it's someone from KFO, I don't have that perticular E-mail listed on KFO I don't think. I think my Netzero address is listed here. This came to my Yahoo account.

I get those Pen1s enlargement ones too. :confused:

[Ming Yue]

I get pen1s enlargement offers too, and I don't even have a pen1s.

I also get loads of ads for Human Growth Hormone, and about one offer a day to "transfer a large sum of money" from an imaginary african dignitary.

[azwingchun]

I haven't received any like yours, but I have been getting these lately. By the way anyone in Australia want to call these numbers and tell me what they are?

Please call Suzy WOOD
I agree to go out with you
0425200818 or after 9pm 0411 172 009

Sydney Australia
Call me at work but be discvreet
02 9238 0888
;)

[azwingchun]

I have had that last one twice now, and just received this one.

Please call Suzy WOOD or Sonya
We agree to go out with you
This is Sonyas Mobile
0404 040 366

Sydney Australia

I also received some last week but just deleted them, thinking they were just spam. Last weeks title said something like- making love but not in love, or something like that.
;)

[joedoe]

Suzy & Sonya are good friends of mine :D

[azwingchun]

Then tell them unless they are coming to the states, to leave me alone. LOL!!!!! And I'm not paying for the flight either. :D

[Serpent]

I seem to get mostly mortgage offers and ***** enlargement offers. If I wanted a massive cock and a big house debt, I'd be sorted.

Of course, it's only the mortgage offers that would change anything as I already have a massive.... well, you know.

LOL @ the JW's! The ultimate utopia to come will be the day when panda's are our washing up slaves. WTF!?

:D

[Guile]

You thing the pandas will kung fu fight for us? :confused:

[shaolin kungfu]

But before pandas can wash our dishes, they will have to submit to the will of christ and learn to speak. Sadly, that day is very far off.

[Xebsball]

i get a lot of stuff from "Married But Lonely.com" :D

[ZIM]

You thing the pandas will kung fu fight for us?
"Kung-Fu Pandas

Dreamworks has a concept for you: MASTER P, KUNG FU PANDA. The film will be total CG. In the story, a gang of snow leopards invades a bamboo jungle and the animals must find a prophesied warrior to defend them. That warrior comes in the form of a lazy panda who must become a kung fu master." U had to ask! (http://www.kungfucinema.com/news/2002-06-03-03.htm)

I'm feeling left out... I usually just get music stuff, punk art show thingies, and chi hippy weirdness... of course, I've got really good blockers... ;)

[Serpent]

I fukking hate pandas.

[shaolin kungfu]

When the panda revolution comes, you will not be spared.

[ZIM]

thats one vote for the snow leopards! :D

kind of interesting that its two near-extinct animals fighting, hunh? "But pandas are cuuuute! AND they're VEGANS! awwww..." :rolleyes:

[Serpent]

Originally posted by shaolin kungfu
When the panda revolution comes, you will not be spared.

Any panda comes near me is gonna get it's black and white arse seriously kicked.

[Serpent]

Actually, that goes for any JW's too!

[shaolin kungfu]

Pandas are mammals. Pandas fight all the time. The purpose of pandas is to flip out and kill people.

Pandas are cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

[joedoe]

Originally posted by ZIM

"Kung-Fu Pandas

Dreamworks has a concept for you: MASTER P, KUNG FU PANDA. The film will be total CG. In the story, a gang of snow leopards invades a bamboo jungle and the animals must find a prophesied warrior to defend them. That warrior comes in the form of a lazy panda who must become a kung fu master." U had to ask! (http://www.kungfucinema.com/news/2002-06-03-03.htm)

I'm feeling left out... I usually just get music stuff, punk art show thingies, and chi hippy weirdness... of course, I've got really good blockers... ;)

I can't wait :rolleyes:

[Serpent]

Pandas aren't even real bears.

The fukkers.

[shaolin kungfu]

Aren't they marsupials?

[Serpent]

Well, they're Ursidae, which is bear family, but they have their own subspecies because they're so fukked.

The b@stards. (http://www.sandiegozoo.org/animalbytes/t-giant_panda.html)

[Xebsball]

You guys, the "Sexual Harrasment Panda" is tits

[Serpent]

OK, I'd forgotten about him.

That is the only decent panda there is.

[Guile]

Guys, Dont panda hate. :D


Wasnt there a vid where some guy was fighting a panda who did Kung FU?

[shaolin kungfu]

I've seen a video of a guy kicking a bear in the balls. Is that the one your thinking of?

[Former castleva]

Panda is a legitimate bear.
However,there are officially recognized "pseudobears"-"half bears" that are similar.

[sticky fingers]

That's Xiaoyu's pet in Tekken 2

[Guile]

Originally posted by shaolin kungfu
I've seen a video of a guy kicking a bear in the balls. Is that the one your thinking of?

Yes, I think thats it.

[Serpent]

Anybody that kicks a panda in the balls is a friend of mine.

You know what else I hate?

Koalas.

They're b@stards (http://www.savethekoala.com/koala.html) too.

[joedoe]

The koala's mutated brethren, the drop bear rocks though. ;)

[Serpent]

Originally posted by shaolin kungfu
Aren't they marsupials?

You were probably thinking of koalas when you wrote this. From the site linked above:



FACT.... Koalas are marsupials. They carry their young in a pouch. Koalas are NOT bears.


Fukkers.

[Serpent]

Originally posted by joedoe
The koala's mutated brethren, the drop bear rocks though. ;)

Haha! I read that too! ;)

[Laughing Cow]

Originally posted by joedoe
The koala's mutated brethren, the drop bear rocks though. ;)

Unless they drop onto a pointy hat.

No worries.

;)

[joedoe]

Hoop snakes are more of a worry. ;)

[Serpent]

:D

Do you have a copy of that thing?

[Guile]

If you kick a bear in the nuts the chinese police will probably cut your's off. :eek:

Arent they national treasures?

[joedoe]

Originally posted by Guile
If you kick a bear in the nuts the chinese police will probably cut your's off. :eek:

Arent they national treasures?

Pandas - maybe. Other bears are just another source of food & medicine to the Chinese :D

[shaolin kungfu]

You were probably thinking of koalas when you wrote this. From the site linked above:

I got my retarded pseudo-bears mixed up.

[Serpent]

It's all right. They're all as fukked as each other.

[Guile]

You like to write fukked a lot:D

[Serpent]

Only in relation to imposter bears!

[joedoe]

That's because they are fukked :D

[shaolin kungfu]

a panda or a koala.

[Guile]

Originally posted by shaolin kungfu
a panda or a koala.

If in Australia, the koala cause the Australians will shoot any animal that messes with it.