The Matrix Reloaded - Abridged Script

[Serpent]

Very funny!

Beware SPOILERS (kinda) is you haven't seen the movie yet.

Reloaded Abridged. (http://ter.air0day.com/index.php?script=matrixreloaded)

:D

[PHILBERT]

I needed a good laugh after what has happened. Thank you.

[Serpent]

Originally posted by PHILBERT
I needed a good laugh after what has happened. Thank you.

You're welcome.

What happened?

[PHILBERT]

Long story, I'll give ya the quick one. The first woman I ever loved called me, hadn't heard from her in 18 months and we've talked for like 4 hours. In fact as I speak Im still talking to her. We won't get back together, she's engaged.

[Starchaser107]

never say never
(evil laughter)

hey man, be strong (supportive), kung fu training was made for occasions like this ... break something !!!:D (that isn't part of your body)

[PHILBERT]

I have broken something. Ive taken down a closet door, ripped apart a phone book, left knuckle marks implanted on them, screamed so loud if I were Goku I'd turn Super Saiyan...

[dezhen2001]

kung fu doesnt help at ALL when u go thru a su(ky relationship and get taken to the sh|tters... :mad:

dawood

[Kristoffer]

Nah it's only bad for you.. First your angry, then you break alot of stuff you regret later :) Then your sad and will get behind in training :( I speak of experience ;)

[Shaolin-Do]

You need pot.
:)
Or make a booty call... Can get rid of aggression that way too :)
and that works 2 fold, cause the "booty callee" is amazed by your "ability" and you get to "relieve agression".

:D

[Starchaser107]

Kristoffer, Do you find that killing cows or other animals helps the situation?

SD- Pot won't help the situation, and a bootie call only works short term.

I say break More Stuff , and then Spar with Somebody Full Contact
, might help more if you win.

[Kristoffer]

..Only if the animal belongs to the one who broke up with ya ;)

[crumble]

Very good!!!

KEANU REEVES
Just answer me one question. We're
not going to find out that the real
world is in another matrix, are we?

THE EXPLAINER
Christ I hope not.

Me too.

[Suntzu]

the world may soon end… I agree with SD… and it my only be temporary… but he\\… it better than getting sadly drunk and doing stupid sh!t… nothing more pathetic than a sad drunk... now a sad stoner gettin some azz… good for you…

[Souljah]

lmao :D :D good one



They are CHASED by TWO ALBINO RASTAFARIANS. More video game music plays in the background.


ALBINO RASTAFARIAN #1
We are utterly pointless.


ALBINO RASTAFARIAN #2
Yes we are.



:D :D

[Suntzu]

KEANU REEVES
I don't feel the slightest bit
intimidated, and as a result the
audience feels absolutely no danger.

AGENT JACKSON
That's a shame, since this is the
first fight scene and should really
get them hyperventilating.
basically...

LAURENCE FISHBURNE
This is a matrix film, there's no
point to anything other than style.

[Chang Style Novice]

Okay, that made me laugh almost as much as the Ultimate Matrix Reloaded review I reposted here a few weeks ago.

[PHILBERT]

Call me arrogant, call me stupid, ****y, whatever, but I aint giving up. :p She called me at 11 pm, I didn't stop talking until after 4:30 a.m. Quite funny cause several times through the night she'd say "I need to get to bed..." and I said "yes, you do. So anyway as I was saying before..." and we'd talk more. Basically whenever we talk, I can talk to her and we never stop talking :p

I know she still loves me. I doubted it when we first started talking, but I know she still does. I figured it out by the end of the call that she does.

It's really funny though, we always know what the other person is thinking. I'll ask a question but know the answer before she answers it. Same with her asking me. We also answer everything. She asked me a question that I didn't want to answer because the answer was horrible. She knew it would be, I even said to her "I don't want to answer that question. But you will ask me anyway." and she goes "Uh-huh" and I continued "and we'll argue for 15 minutes about me not wanting to answer", and she said "Uh-huh" and I said again "and I'll ultimately answer the question anyway." and she said "uh-huh" and I said "So I'll skip the 15 minutes of arguing and answer it."

It is pretty much that way. If she asks something I don't want to answer, we argue for 15 minutes and I tell her the answer. If I ask her something she doesn't want to answer, we argue and she tells me anyway. So whenever she says "I don't want to answer that" I say "Well lets argue for 15 minutes and you'll tell me anyway so lets skip it."

It really isn't so much arguing like arguing. Its more of a wine "Awww come on...tell me" type thing and we'll answer it in the end. Kind of funny considering we know the answer first :p

[Suntzu]

NEVER GO BACK……… the Daredevil abridge is funny as he\\ too…… it's wild how people can put into words exactly what u were thinking but didn't know how to put into words…… or something like that…

[Chang Style Novice]

Suntzu - that's what's known in the biz as "good writing.":D

[MasterKiller]

From the Attack of the Clones abridge:

Romantic music swells in the background as HAYDEN and
NATALIE sit in the grass, talking.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
It's hard being a Jedi. I like the
part where I kill stuff and kick
ass, but the stuff about not bumping
uglies with you totally sucks.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I thought love was forbidden for a
Jedi.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not go
throwing the L-word around so
suddenly, I just want to ****. Now
why don't you get naked and stop
being a senator.

:D

[PHILBERT]

Hey MK, where can I get the Attack of the Clones abridged?

[Suntzu]

the Abridged Annakin is cool...

CSN>> that's what i said...

[MasterKiller]

http://ter.air0day.com/archives.php

A virtual cornucopia awaits...

[PHILBERT]

Thank you...Im gonna be busy now in English class :D

[ZIM]

Don't do it, Philbert....!
She doesn't care anymore- she's pulling the booty call 'cuz she knows you'll go and not cause trouble [because you care]. "Used" is the term I want... 'owned' is another, yeah...

evidence: she called you. she knows how you feel about her. she tells you 'oh i found another guy, he's GREAT and we're getting hitched" [now, why would you say something that would likely hurt someone you profess to care about, hmm? its a game, thats why].

Like they said in the Transporter: 'never believe the cook'. Tell her to dump the other guy, that you don't take seconds. That will either get her to shut up and get real, or you'll know for sure.

And yes, I can tell all of this from here....;) of couse, I'm a cynic thats been burned, so...

[MasterKiller]

Go see her, swoon her, nail her, then dump the beyotch. Let the other guy pick up the pieces.

[Serpent]

Hey Philbert, that sucks. But she won't any more, so find a new chick.

[Jowbacca]

Originally posted by Suntzu
the world may soon end… I agree with SD… and it my only be temporary… but he\\… it better than getting sadly drunk and doing stupid sh!t… nothing more pathetic than a sad drunk... now a sad stoner gettin some azz… good for you…

Hey I resemble that statement!!
Why yah gotta be pickin on us sad drunks?

[Suntzu]

LOL @ "I resemble that statement!!"

sad drunks get to cryin'... sayin stupid sh!t… start babblin to some 'bout it chick all their sorrows… done turned the 'bout it chick off… and now the booty call is dead…

the sad stoner… is soooo FOCUS'D on the 'bout it chick and say stupid sh!t to turn her on… and HAS the booty take place… either that of the sad stoner partakes of too much… and freaks out and hides in his basement…

[Jowbacca]

Ummm something tells me if I had a "bout it" chick, I wouldn't be sad in the first place...

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

ahem ....

intellectual wh ores (http://www.intellectual*****s.com/)

the ladder theory is what you want to be reading my friend.

basic definition of an intellectual who re:


later in life I started encountering a certain breed of woman. To begin with they never wanted to sleep with me. Now, this by itself is okay--not all women will want to sleep with me. However, this particular breed wanted to have me around to talk to and to make them laugh, because I was so "entertaining" and "funny." Some of them went so far as to describe our relationship as that of "friends", and a few even had the audacity to talk to me about problems they had with other guys.

Later I realized what had been happening. I was being used for their amusement and entertainment while they were busy ****ing outlaw bikers. Of course they weren't interested in me sexually; they were too busy with guys with forearm tattoos. But apparently they still needed some intellectual stimulation. That's when they would call me with an opening line like "Tell me something interesting." or some other not-to-subtle line. I recalled the term intellectual ***** and applied it to this situation. These women had made me into their intellectual *****. Since then I have dedicated a large part of my life to avoiding this trap, and the various *****es that try to put you in it.

In short, it does not refer to a "smart ****" as it were, but rather to males who are kept around by women for their mental entertainment. These men usually want to sleep with these women who usually consider these men friends.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

fu ck the censor ... shouldn't urls be an exception?

in case anyone is too stupid to figure it out just click the link and replace the astricks with wh ores.

[PHILBERT]

GDA, I know all about that. The thing is, she IS interested in me sexually. And she is not out with outlaw bikers.

[MasterKiller]

GDA, I know all about that. The thing is, she IS interested in me sexually. And she is not out with outlaw bikers.
She is only inetersted in using you as a point of reference for her new c@ck. She just wants to make sure she isn't marrying a short-****ed guy.

[Shaolin-Do]

WHen all else fails, just whip out the gurth and let the b!tch see it herself.
:)
Tell intellectual who res to act like the scarecrow and give you brains.



edit : if none of you know what brains is... slap yourself.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

just something to keep in mind brother.

good girls just hide their true bi tch better.