Funny Things You Have Done In Kung Fu

[Shuul Vis]

List some of the funny things you have done with your kung fu either in or out of your kwoon. Recently for me, we were doing self defense drills and the sifu said, "OK now grab a knife and stab at your partner. Defender, do whatever you can since you have no weapon."
I was the defender so when my partner came at me i just turned and ran out the door. lol Everyone laughed at me and i was like "What, you think i was joking?" Now whats your story?

[Brad]

Sparred a very agressive Australian woman back when I did Karate... it was supposed to be fairly light contact. Well, I kept getting through her defence despite the fact I wasn't particularly quick... well, she finnally got really frustrated, and just clocked me in the head knocking my head gear sidways over my face, then ripped my gi off while I fell to the floor :D

[Brad]

Same woman also used to cuss out my mom during push hands practice, lol.

[TjD]

Originally posted by Brad
Same woman also used to cuss out my mom during push hands practice, lol.

i thought people who did tai chi (or push hands) were a bunch of tree huggin' hippies?!? :confused:

[Neurotic]

Walking down the steet one day, chatting to a friend, and didn't see a guy closing one of those big cafe umbrellas...

He just managed to time it so that one of the spokes was just at my eye hieght as I walked across...

Without even realising it, as soon as it touched my eye, I sidestepped and fired a pak + chun sau up the line of the spoke... just like someone had attacked me...

Was fairly amusing


;)

[PHILBERT]

I do all sorts of stuff at work where I be walking along, someone drops something. It's not like an entire tray of food, Ive only caught one of those and that was because I was RIGHT NEXT to it, I never move to catch one. The reason is, if I move to try and catch it, and don't catch it, the server will scream saying I got in there way and thats why it fell. I've dropped things off the trays before, forks, napkins, etc and just reached out and caught them. Once, this hot girl was sitting there and I dropped a napkin and caught it about 3 inches from her face while holding about 4 dirty plates. Her response?

"Nice reflexes."

[Serpent]

This guy tried to mug me once for my mobile phone and I beat him senseless.

That was pretty funny.

[Laughing Cow]

Originally posted by TjD

i thought people who did tai chi (or push hands) were a bunch of tree huggin' hippies?!? :confused:

Naah, that is only what we want you guys to believe.
;)

All Flower power till we start the pounding.

[TjD]

Originally posted by Laughing Cow


Naah, that is only what we want you guys to believe.
;)

All Flower power till we start the pounding.


amen to pounding :D

[themeecer]

Nice story. Hmmmmmm. Well when I first started training at age 10 I was testing for my next rank with my parents watching from the door. I was tiny. They matched me up with a full grown woman all of 300 lbs. That woman mopped the floor with me. She kept beating me to the ground .. I look up at my parents to get some consoling and they are laughing. About that time I get a kick to the ribs. Finally the woman stopped and picked me up in the air by my one arm. She asks me if I am ok .. I say yes. Then she drops me and starts beating on me again. I think I even caught a glimpse of my grandmaster laughing. Well, for 19 years I have been hunting for that woman. I think I can take her now. :D

[Serpent]

LOL. What kind of psycho matches a 10 year old against a three hundred pound woman!?

I guess it was a trial by fire. Survive this and you can survive anything!

[themeecer]

It was either that or the full grown men that were testing. I thought I was getting the easy one. Boy was I ever wrong. Hell hath no fury.

[Serpent]

Yeah. You see, only a ten year old wouldn't know that already!

[rubthebuddha]

just be thankful the victors didn't get the spoils -- she'd have eaten you.

[Shaolin-Do]

Yup. Just tucked your tiny 10 year old @ss into one of her massive folds and steal off to the corner to indulge on you.

[PHILBERT]

Originally posted by themeecer
Nice story. Hmmmmmm. Well when I first started training at age 10 I was testing for my next rank with my parents watching from the door. I was tiny. They matched me up with a full grown woman all of 300 lbs. That woman mopped the floor with me. She kept beating me to the ground .. I look up at my parents to get some consoling and they are laughing. About that time I get a kick to the ribs. Finally the woman stopped and picked me up in the air by my one arm. She asks me if I am ok .. I say yes. Then she drops me and starts beating on me again. I think I even caught a glimpse of my grandmaster laughing. Well, for 19 years I have been hunting for that woman. I think I can take her now. :D

Eyes and knee caps, eyes and knee caps.

[themeecer]

You all are scaring me.

[PHILBERT]

Sorry man, but if I were fighting a 300 lb woman at the age of 10, and she was beating me down like that, I'd seriously of aimed for her knee caps and eyes. Why she was chosed was beyond me, and since the skill level was literally at the opposite ends as was the size, you should use whatever you could. Hell I might even of taken a chair to her too and said "Sorry I was using what was in my environment to my advantage".

[Evad]

I went and let ppl know that I do SD in this forum...need I say more...:D

[Oso]

let a really nasty one go in the middle of sparring. :cool:


my best reflex story is going for the jar of miracle whip in the fridge and discovering that the lid wasn't on tight and tossing the lid away and catching the jar before it hit the ground w/ the same hand.

[Merryprankster]

I was throwing knees so hard while shadowboxing that I lifted myself bodily off the ground and fell flat on my back.

Thank god for breakfalls.

[chen zhen]

There once was a guy in my chinwoo class that tried to do a spinning outside crescent kick, but he forgot to move his supporting foot, so his kneecap was twisted around. That was extremely funny (in a sadistic way..:rolleyes: )

Once there also was a guy who tried to do a jumping front kick, and he just fell with a crash back-first on the floor. Hilarious.:p

[chen zhen]

funny things I have done myself.. not much. Once I was doing striking-drills with a 7 feet tall guy with extremely long arms, and he penetrated my defence and just SLAMMed me with his fist on my chest so hard i could'nt breath afterwards. maybe it qualifies as funny to others..:rolleyes:

[sticky fingers]

Happened last week, I was doing a pak sau drill with this really cute chick when I missed her arm and got a handful of boob.
she laughed while I stood there red-faced.

[chen zhen]

At least she she did'nt beotch-slap you.
You where lucky;)

[Royal Dragon]

LOL!!, if it had been Terri, you would have gotten a knee in the nutts. Then she would have been all innocent acting like " What??? I was just copping a feel........did I do something wrong????"

[sticky fingers]

does that mean she likes me???:p

[chen zhen]

In fact...I think it does..;)

Go for it! it's rare that girls you don't know would laugh if you touch their boobs (more or less intentional..:cool: )

[chen zhen]

or whatever..:rolleyes:

[Judge Pen]

5 animal LIve and 5 animal dead. Pretty funny postures at times. People stare.

[ZIM]

5 dead animal frolics? :p


"One time...? in band camp....?"

[Chang Style Novice]

It's not much, but I put a big gash in a ceiling tile while learning a taijidao form. Tall guy+low ceiling+long sword=property damage.

[mortal]

In a road rage incident this guy and his friend got out of a truck to fight me. So I jumped out of my car and started stretching my better kicking leg. As they were coming at me I threw a couple of front stretch kicks to loosen up. At that point both guys turned around ran back to there truck and pulled away. Of course they had to curse me out from the safety of their vehicle. I started laughing. It was funny because I truly hadn't expected them to react that way.

[Judge Pen]

Originally posted by Chang Style Novice
It's not much, but I put a big gash in a ceiling tile while learning a taijidao form. Tall guy+low ceiling+long sword=property damage.

My test for 2nd included 4 spear forms. The test was in a different school with 9 foot ceilings. Property damage ensued as well.

[MasterKiller]

I almost got knocked out during a 3-man staff set demo in front of about 200 people. We were under a tent, and when I tried to raise my staff to block an overhead strike, it caught the tent and I couldn't get it up in time.

I saw a flash of white light and my knees almost buckled, but I quickly regained my senses enough to finish the set. I had a nasty lump on my head for a few days.

[Shuul Vis]

During Multi-Cultural Day at my high school years ago, my japanese language teacher asked me and GDA to perform a martial arts demo in front of "a small group of people in the library." We said yes because we were allowed to spend most of the school day in the wrestling room making it up. We decided we were going to just choreograph a nice little fight and make it look like we were really going at it.
After a good 4 hours we finally had it all planned out and were still rehearsing it when our teacher came and told us that it was time to perform it. She also mentioned that it was now going to be performed in the gym and not the library. We thought that was fine still believing it was going to be a small crowd.
We walked into the gym and guess what? There is nearly the ENTIRE high school student body numbering several hundred in the bleachers waiting for us to perform! Now understand, we are the freaks at this school and have a kind of morbib popularity so this was a very stressful thing for us to try and do. I looked at my smiling teacher with utter contempt.
We walked out onto the middle of the mats alone and bowed, beginning the demo. We went through the fight with such nervousness that we were going full contact without realizing it. At one point, GDA did a fancy spinning hook kick and i swept his foot from under him. The crowd went crazy when he hit the ground. I looked down and realized it was because we were no longer on the mat and he crashed hard onto the gym floor. But we continued anyway, GDA planting a stomp kickk on me so hard i was sent to the ground and me doing a full power uppercut to his groin lol.
After these and other full contact hits to eachother and niether of us remembering how our demo was supposed to end, GDA just said "fu ck it" and walked off the mat and left. lol I stood there with a stupid look on my face not knowing what to do and finally just bowed to the crowd and left also.
Afterwards many people from the crowd came and asked us if it was real. And we heard many others arguing if it was or not. Looking back it was hilarious, at the time it was terrifying. We were pathetic.

[GeneChing]

...made my living at it. I laugh all the way to the bank. :cool:

[nothingness]

-that was f@cking hilarious, man. I can just imagine GDA, after receiving a full power uppercut into the nuts, looking into the crowd of people he hates, fears, envies, seeing them enjoying the sight of his bleeding, him not remembering how the demonstration is supposed to end, feeling like a monkey at the zoo, and finally saying 'f@ck it' and walking off, an equanamitous, violent, and slightly psychotic Holden Caulfied.

[Shuul Vis]

Nothingness, thats about how both of us felt. I know my old teacher has a tape of it somewhere. Id love to post it on here for some good laughs.

[Losttrak]

There was this HOT chick in my friends martial arts class and I was totally smitten. Well the time to practice axe kicks came and I was chosen as her partner! The drill was to axe kick at your partner and they would duck and swivel away out of range. Well I had done a HUGE ab workout and didnt realize how weak my abs had gotten. I throw the axekick first... she ducks... but doesnt swivel. I tried to stop it coming down but the abs gave out... <SMACK> right in the back of the head. She went down like a sack of potatoes. Needless to say, I didnt get any play after that.

[norther practitioner]

Doing a demo in front of about 15-18 girls during a testing I ripped the hell out of my boxers... A few heard the rip, I was scared, thought it was my pants. Needless to say, it was the quickest I ever finished the second half of this broadsword form.

[Judge Pen]

Originally posted by GeneChing
...made my living at it. I laugh all the way to the bank. :cool:

And we are all jealous! :D

[themeecer]

Originally posted by norther practitioner
Doing a demo in front of about 15-18 girls during a testing I ripped the hell out of my boxers... A few heard the rip, I was scared, thought it was my pants. Needless to say, it was the quickest I ever finished the second half of this broadsword form.

That's why real men wear briefs. My boys have to have a home. Don't want to be swinging sharps instruments around without containment.


My apologies to any members of the fairer sex reading this ... didn't want to sound too crude, but knew no other way to put it.

[norther practitioner]

Yeah, they promote briefs around there I hear, want you guys to have lower sperm counts so you won't impregnate your cousins.



























































:eek: :D

[rubthebuddha]

had a grappling workshop for the whole kwoon the wednesday before thanksgiving -- classes were cancelled for the rest of the week, so we had one all-levels class. sisok demonstrated puterkapala on me, and as i was tossed around, RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIPPPPPP was the sound my pantalones were making. you could see not only my skivvies/jock and such, but it was a big enough rip that you could also see the skin of my leg below my boxerbriefs. conveniently, sisok wanted everyone to have the best angle to view puterkapala. coincidentally, that also happened to be the best view of my crotch. 40 students crowding around, girls in front so their short selves could see.

[Chang Style Novice]

Why do all you guys have such flimsy trou? My ma pants have been either double-thick, double-stitched canvas numbers with the gussetted crotch for flexibility and elastic ankles/waist or the tough-as-nails judogi. Are you guys prancing around in lace and crinoline or something?

[rubthebuddha]

actually, that's the one and only thing i miss from the days before the big wing tsun split in 2001. our old pantaloons had gussets and could withstand a bit more tension. of course, they were just a wee bit warmer in the summer months.

[African Tiger]

I have to admit that I have grabbed a handfull of boob on occasion...wait, that was at a strip club...:D

Actually I was teaching this chick some Jeet Kune Do on the set of "Martial Law", and it happened. We were both too embarassed to say anything, so I just continued showing her the drill. Well what do you know, clumsy ass AT grabs a handfull of 34 C all over again...

...now I ask you, is there anyone out there who doesn't think Freud was a genius? Of course, Murphy's Law kicked in...she was married. :mad:

[joedoe]

I have a good female friend that I train with and I have accidentally grabbed her so many times that we just ignore it nowadays. At first it was embarrassing but now it's like "Oh well, happened again". I hope she doesn't figure out that I do it intentionally :D

[Judge Pen]

Originally posted by African Tiger
I have to admit that I have grabbed a handfull of boob on occasion...wait, that was at a strip club...:D

Actually I was teaching this chick some Jeet Kune Do on the set of "Martial Law", and it happened. We were both too embarassed to say anything, so I just continued showing her the drill. Well what do you know, clumsy ass AT grabs a handfull of 34 C all over again...

...now I ask you, is there anyone out there who doesn't think Freud was a genius? Of course, Murphy's Law kicked in...she was married. :mad:

AT,

If it was Kelly Hu, then I'm am in total awe!

[David Jamieson]

I find it interesting that none of you have admitted to being the one who pulled off the 120db F@rt of Thunder® during meditation period. Which totally broke everyones serenity!!!

Admit it!!:mad:


:D

[ZIM]

Nonono. Nope. Never.

Mine are pretty quiet, really, cuz I'm soooo relaxed and all. But they stink like your granny, after she's been eating prunes, locked in a room, in summer...for 3 days.....

Its like: "what the heck DIED in your butt, man?" :p

[greendragon]

In Shaolin class we were working with candles, extinguishing the flames with various techniques to develop speed and control. I was in a magic store that sold gag gifts and bought a trick candle that is not supposed to go out when you try to blow it out. Had something like gun powder in the wick or something. So i slide the trick candle into place and light it before my instructor is up. It didn't quite work as his first kick put it out. I see the wick kind of glowing and with some fast thinking I say "hey sifu, watch this!" Then i do a front snap kick to the extinguished candle and the thing lights on fire! To this day he doesn't know how i did that!

[MasterKiller]

One time I was sparring, and didn't have the drawstring on my pants tied. When the other guy kicked mt thigh, he pushed down with his foot to stomp my toes and my pants came down.

Good thing I was wearing undies that day.

[NorthernMantis]

Originally posted by Merryprankster
I was throwing knees so hard while shadowboxing that I lifted myself bodily off the ground and fell flat on my back.

Thank god for breakfalls. lol you know you hit hard:D

[Shaolin-Do]

One day one of the older dudes ripped @ss really loud while we were stretching.
Funny but groos.
hehehhee.....
:)