What are minotaurs good for? [Archive] - Kung Fu Magazine Forums

Chang Style Novice

07-08-2003, 06:24 PM

I mean really! Who wants to have a virgin gobbling man-bull living in a labyrinth under their castle? It just strains relations with your neighbors whom you force to pay tribute, and it's an enormous waste of resources. Who needs em?

joedoe

07-08-2003, 06:28 PM

I would be quite happy gobbling virgins :D

Laughing Cow

07-08-2003, 06:37 PM

Minotaurs are great for tourism.

Organise Holiday trips with competitions to rid you of the Minotaur.
Or find your way out of the maze without meeting the minotaur, etc.

Hold beauty contest to see who will be the next victim, braodcast to the lounge via CCR.
Forget the virgins those are now rarer than rocking horse ****e.
;)

Great marketing opportunity.

Serpent

07-08-2003, 06:42 PM

I'd rather have virgins gobbling me.

Are we using the same definition of gobbling here?

Chang Style Novice

07-08-2003, 06:43 PM

read more carefully, you mugs! I said, "a virgin gobbling man-bull" not "a virgin-gobbling man-bull"!

The minotaur is a virgin! And gobbles.

Sheesh!:rolleyes:

Serpent

07-08-2003, 06:45 PM

Well, of course hes a virgin. Ugly b@stard, with a bull's head and all.

Shuul Vis

07-08-2003, 07:13 PM

Minotaurs have decent strength and armor for a myth unit in Age of Mythology. lol

Serpent

07-08-2003, 08:02 PM

Geek.

:p

rubthebuddha

07-08-2003, 11:15 PM

they're probably decent at security, and they could carry your passed-out ass home pretty easily after too many pitchers at the watering hole.

cho

07-08-2003, 11:49 PM

well, they are the perfect candidates for maze management, in that they don't get lost.

since we're on mythological creatures, how does a centaur wash itself? It can't possibly reach down there.

Serpent

07-08-2003, 11:56 PM

Sponge on a lance.

joedoe

07-09-2003, 12:10 AM

Originally posted by cho
well, they are the perfect candidates for maze management, in that they don't get lost.

since we're on mythological creatures, how does a centaur wash itself? It can't possibly reach down there.

You get centaurs of the opposite sex to 'help you out' :D

Liokault

07-09-2003, 02:03 AM

Minotaurs are great for tourism

Is that a pun? If so well done.

Merryprankster

07-09-2003, 02:42 AM

Minotaurs are great for kicking some MMA ass!

Oh... Minotaurs... not Minotoros....

chen zhen

07-09-2003, 03:22 AM

They're good for cardio. Just go down to the labyrinth, find the mo-fo, and get the hell outta there.;) :p

Surferdude

07-09-2003, 05:49 AM

They eat people!!!:D
ANd they would probably eat anything you give um!!!:D :eek:

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 06:27 AM

You know, I was asking a minotaur friend of mine about this just recently. I said, "Here's the thing, Maurice. You guys don't seem to draw much in the way of tourism. I mean that whole 'minotaur spotting tour' thing flopped, didn't it. Not even the partial refund for being horribly butchered could save that idea. Hell, even as a crime prevention measure, you guys aren't up to snuff. Sure, you were deterrent enough until Theseus came along. But what have you done for us lately? And, for crying out loud, a ball of string?! Shameful is what it is."

And then he gored me to death.

Stuart B.

rubthebuddha

07-09-2003, 08:44 AM

:(

our own stuart b, impaled by an al-gore-wielding minotaur.

txwingchun

07-09-2003, 08:48 AM

Originally posted by apoweyn
You know, I was asking a minotaur friend of mine about this just recently. I said, "Here's the thing, Maurice. You guys don't seem to draw much in the way of tourism. I mean that whole 'minotaur spotting tour' thing flopped, didn't it. Not even the partial refund for being horribly butchered could save that idea. Hell, even as a crime prevention measure, you guys aren't up to snuff. Sure, you were deterrent enough until Theseus came along. But what have you done for us lately? And, for crying out loud, a ball of string?! Shameful is what it is."

And then he gored me to death.

Stuart B.
1.You shouldn't have held you initiative.
2. You should've remained out of that 5' area. You gave the minotaur an attack of oportunity. Looks like he bull rushed you and got a crit.

MasterKiller

07-09-2003, 09:05 AM

And then he gored me to death.

You should have kicked him in the knee, then poked him in the eye.

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 09:18 AM

Originally posted by rubthebuddha
:(

our own stuart b, impaled by an al-gore-wielding minotaur.

Seems fair. Al Gore invented impaling.

Stuart B.

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 09:19 AM

Originally posted by txwingchun

1.You shouldn't have held you initiative.
2. You should've remained out of that 5' area. You gave the minotaur an attack of oportunity. Looks like he bull rushed you and got a crit.

Unfortunately, a made my 'save vs. common sense' and went into the labyrinth in the first place.

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 09:21 AM

Originally posted by MasterKiller

You should have kicked him in the knee, then poked him in the eye.

Have you ever tried that against a fully resisting minotaur?

Didn't think so.

Stuart B.

MasterKiller

07-09-2003, 09:37 AM

Have you ever tried that against a fully resisting minotaur?
No. It's too deadly.

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by MasterKiller

No. It's too deadly.

Kung fu. The real labyrinth lethal.

Chang Style Novice

07-09-2003, 09:55 AM

This is why human - animal hybrids are frozen out of MMA competitions. Sure, there's nothing in the rules that sez a Satyr or a Werewolf or a Rakisha can't enter, but you never see 'em in the ring or octogon.

D@mn bigots!

Shaolinlueb

07-09-2003, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by Chang Style Novice
read more carefully, you mugs! I said, "a virgin gobbling man-bull" not "a virgin-gobbling man-bull"!

The minotaur is a virgin! And gobbles.

Sheesh!:rolleyes:

well you could devirginize them then eat em. :D otr have them become your slaves. mwuahahahahahaha

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 10:45 AM

Originally posted by Chang Style Novice
This is why human - animal hybrids are frozen out of MMA competitions. Sure, there's nothing in the rules that sez a Satyr or a Werewolf or a Rakisha can't enter, but you never see 'em in the ring or octogon.

D@mn bigots!

I think the photographic evidence speaks for itself.

Chang Style Novice

07-09-2003, 10:49 AM

Oh, that earring is gonna get him in TROUBLE!

rubthebuddha

07-09-2003, 10:54 AM

aye. good thing fishhooking isn't allowed either, because to do so on a minotaur, you'd have to get your hand way up in the mouth, and then you'd risk it getting bitten off. :(

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 10:58 AM

In either event, there's no specific rule against goring. So I'm putting my money on Maurice. Besides, if there was ever an MMA competitor more deserving of being gored by a horrible man-beast hybrid than Phil Baroni, I don't know him.

Chang Style Novice

07-09-2003, 11:00 AM

I think I've successfully started the silliest thread in KFO history. Go me!

MasterKiller

07-09-2003, 11:05 AM

aye. good thing fishhooking isn't allowed either, because to do so on a minotaur, you'd have to get your hand way up in the mouth, and then you'd risk it getting bitten off. Ground off, is more likely. Cows aren't exaclty known for their sharp incisors.

Chang Style Novice

07-09-2003, 11:08 AM

Hmmm - do minotaurs chew cud? Probably not since they seem to be carnivorous. But then how to explain the teeth like an herbivores? What a conundrum.

apoweyn

07-09-2003, 11:08 AM

Originally posted by Chang Style Novice
I think I've successfully started the silliest thread in KFO history. Go me!

You da man... er, mouse.

red5angel

07-09-2003, 11:15 AM

Who says they have teeth like a herbivore? Whatta' you, some sorta minotuar expert?!

Chang Style Novice

07-09-2003, 11:17 AM

It's fair to say that I know as much about minotaur physiology as anyone alive.:confused:

red5angel

07-09-2003, 11:21 AM

hehe, good point.

Reminds me of a time when my brother and I were in the local geek shop buying some gaming stuff. There was a gentleman down the aisle looking at something I was interested in. He was about 5'10", 250 lbs or so, most of it in his belly. He was wearing some sort of comic book t-shirt and although he had long hair most of it was missing fro the top of his head. I made the mistake of talking to him to ask him about the particular thing he was looking at.
I got a 20 minute rant about how he remembered this game he played where such and such a critter did this or that or exhibited this or that behaviour and he knew for a FACT that those critters didn't do that and how much of a dweeb the guy running the game must have been.
My brother and I stared dumbfounded and slack jawed for a few seconds, smiled and then backed away slowly making sure not to say anything or stick our fingers in his direction...

Former castleva

07-09-2003, 11:41 AM

They are good for video games.
I think I saw one in classical "Battle of Olympus".Anyone remember this wonderful title?

Yung Apprentice

07-09-2003, 12:12 PM

Well no wonder the mintaurs are always devouring men. He's a VIRGIN!!!!!! Poor minotaur has all that pent up sexual frustration, thats why he's mad all the time. He needs to get laid. Find him a good minotauris or Kathy Lee Gifford to di-virignize him (prefferably Kathy Lee) and no more minotaur problem.

rubthebuddha

07-09-2003, 12:19 PM

Originally posted by Yung Apprentice
Find him a good minotauris or Kathy Lee Gifford
there's a difference? :confused:

Yung Apprentice

07-09-2003, 12:47 PM

There are certain things even a minotauris won't do. Unfortunately, like the praying mantis, Kathy Lee has been known to eat her significant other after a mating ritual.