Enter the idiots [Archive] - Kung Fu Magazine Forums

MonkeyKing

08-01-2003, 09:57 PM

Have any of you guys had some real 'characters' either come visit your school, or are currently taking class?

I'm talking about those ppl that are just a little off center. The ones that have trained in 45 different styles and wants to make his collection complete by studying yours, or the jokers that show up wanting to 'rehabilitate their mind cause they just woke up from a 8 year coma...' which is the latest visitor we had at our school.

Or the dude that's been with your school for oh 5 months, doesn't train very well, but KNOWS EVERYTHING about the style and expects a teaching certificate next week.

There's got to be some good stories out there, if so how do you deal with these freaks when they show up wanting to learn something? I'm just hoping that my little slice of the universe isn't the only place with wacko's in it, and please try to not mention any perceived wacko's on this forum....

Evad

08-01-2003, 10:07 PM

oh we've had TRUCKLOADS of em at our school. The latest was a guy that went around saying that he was from France where he studied at a shaolin temple, that he was the European Nat'l Chess Champion, and that he used to sing in a boys choire where he was the only one who could hit the high 'C' note, which he demonstrated for us all in the hallway of our local community college during class time. He came to class a few times but never paid, when we told him to pay his dues, he gave us $5.00 and said he'd pay us next week when he got his paycheck from McDonald's.

Then he disappeared for a few months, and I saw him out at a local store, he no longer had the hokey French accent and wanted to talk to me at length, I just ignored him and left. Then a few weeks later, I find his picture in our local newspaper where he was arrested for attacking a seven year old girl in the women's bathroom at the mall. The defense attorney's has requested a psych evaluation before it goes to trial.

JAZA

08-01-2003, 10:14 PM

Why didn't you tell them that you think that they are wackos, sicks or idiots depending of the level of sickness?
If you would, you could avoid the attack to the child.
I think this is a problem of the idiot and the idiots that accept them.

Jook Lum

08-01-2003, 10:33 PM

Hello!Honestly there is not enough room on this post to tell all the stories all the full of s**t people that have come and gone.I suppose this goes for all of you too.One guy came in to learn,he had read every book Bruce Lee had written,everything he was told to do or someone tried to teach him he would say either Bruce Lee would not do that or Bruce Lee would do this or that Bruce Lee said you cant do it this way so the guy would not learn anything unless it was o.k.d by Bruce Lee in one of his books.Had another guy come in who had studied and mastered every other style under the sun,he said he promised himself that he would never again perform another kick or anything involving his feet as long as he lived(so he refused to learn any footwork because he swore he would never use his feet in a fight again)because he once kicked a guy in the stomach and the guys chi flew out of his nose and he died.

Laughing Cow

08-02-2003, 02:21 AM

Luckily we don't get many of those whackos where I train.

Most of the People show up for the free trial lesson and than we don't see them again.

OTOH, I get VERY often asked if my Sifu will teach them just one specific form usually a weapon form and quiet ofen the Tiger Hook one.
:D

Mybe it is because we don't advertise a lot and most people that come either got previous experience or get refered/introduced from a student.

Cheers.

Kristoffer

08-02-2003, 04:02 AM

I've seen tons of these freaks = )

There was one that complained through his whole beginners course saying that the prizes was to high. He always whined about "that he was so poor that he couldn't afford a new pair of socks". But still, I always saw him shopping tons of clothes and fast food etc :)

Also seen ppl who 'mentally mastered' the martial arts. IS SURE he knows EVERYTHING. The only problem is he can't lift his feet over his waist, and everything he 'knows' he saw from hong kong movies.

There was even a problem with a child molester that bothered the young girls! Let's just say we took care of that..

Freaks come and freaks go. Some are fun to have around, some......not

Mutant

08-02-2003, 11:34 AM

Seen lots of whackos come and go over the years...martial arts just seems to attract them. I mean, just look at you guys.... (bahahaha just kidding :D )

The most wacked out of all must have been this guy who hung out at the wu hsing chuan school i used to train at in st. louis. We called him Crazy Ed. Even sifu called him that, to his face, cause he was so far gone he didnt care. He was this older dude who had been in vietnam and exposed to some sort of chemicals in the military that blew his mind and gave him this funky skin condition with light and dark spots like a cheeta. He would laugh histerically all through class, this hyena sort of laugh that would always be going on in the background. We just got used to it after awhile. He couldnt learn any forms, it was like every day was his first day all over again, he retained nothing. But we all felt bad for him and would go over the stuff with him. And of course his laughter would get even crazier when you talked to him and his eyes would start watering, it was even contagious, he was so funny. He did gravitate towards the weopons, had absolutly no basics down but always playing with the spears and swords; crazy people usually are drawn to the weapons. I'm not quite sure why he came, but he was a regular for a couple of years. He couldnt fly, so when we all went to a tournament in arizona, he took the bus...two full days on the bus for him to get there, he completely missed the tournament, we had already left by the time he arrived...he said he hung out in pheonix for a couple of hours, got right back on the bus to go home...and he said he had a great time! It all ended when he showed up stumbling drunk at the christmas party and got out of control, sifu gave him his walking papers. There are some strange people out there.

Surferdude

08-02-2003, 11:55 AM

Originally posted by MonkeyKing

Or the dude that's been with your school for oh 5 months, doesn't train very well, but KNOWS EVERYTHING about the style and expects a teaching certificate next week.

Hahaha yea...this one kid was like that...thought his kata was perfect..and all his techniques were better than the insturtors hahahaha:D what an idiot!!!Then he'd "forget" his sparring gear all the time so he wouldn't have to hahaha what an ass ahahaha
But that was at a McDojo so whatdya want???:D :cool:

Judge Pen

08-02-2003, 02:19 PM

Originally posted by Kristoffer
Freaks come and freaks go. Some are fun to have around, some......not

True that. MA attracts all sorts. It makes class interesting because of all the different types. What's important is how hard they train and whether they can support what they say. The rest will eventually fall by the wayside or find their way to a McDojo.

I would rather have a complete freak that trained hard and fought well in my class then the perfectly balanced and rational person that was lazy as hell.

Liokault

08-02-2003, 02:56 PM

By god we get so many head cases.

From the young guy clearly screwed up on a few years of drugs who looked normal at the start of class then shouted "I am the angel gabriel" at the top of his voice.....wallked to the store room and tried to steel my push bike by wheeling it though the center of the on going class to the recent young girl who kept asking my teacher to "do somthing amazing.....go on ......knock me over with out toutching me or somthing".

Kristoffer

08-02-2003, 03:25 PM

I prefer calling these freaks 'characters'. I find it very motivating to have them around, coz I see how much better I am than the 'know-it-alls' etc. So they drive your own training forward.

Marky

08-02-2003, 03:33 PM

I used to think I've seen some nut bars, but you guys have certainly humbled me. But I have seen one very disturbing trend, both inside and outside the martial arts:

I've met four women who have suffered some terrible accident in their recent past, have become Jehovah's Witnesses, and consider themselves equally "in touch with nature" and "crazy". I've seen so many of these people it drives me nuts! They seem totally self-centered, and at the same time act as if what they do has no consequence. I once worked as a wildlife zookeeper taking care of all sorts of interesting animals. This woman came to work at the same place and I had to help her "learn the ropes", and she was the biggest nuisance. She always felt compelled to "talk to the animals", which left me to do the job myself. She wanted to get into a wolf pen with four non-domesticated wolves, but I didn't dare let her do it because she was entirely too unobservant and probably would have let them circle her (looking back, I wish I had let her into the wolf pen). And on a side note, like most spiritualists, she went on and on about the wolves as if they were some marvel of evolution. And, like most spiritualists, she felt that she was "in touch" with wolves and had a link to them, which led to more trouble than I cared to witness. And to top it all off, she had no memory and was lazy as hell. I've met three other women EXACTLY LIKE THAT, one in a wing chun class (like that was going to work!), and two of them in a taiji class, and I'm thankful that they both quit. To top it all off, these people talk too much.

So here's the formula and the question:

WOMAN+NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE+JEHOVAH'S WITNESS = COMPLETELY NUTS!

has anyone else met people like this? Maybe being a woman isn't really a stipulation, it's probably just a coincidence.

Kristoffer

08-02-2003, 03:38 PM

Jehova's witness is a CULT. They use brain washing to surpress it's members. I'm glad to say that I don't know of any of those entering my kwoon.

Subzero

08-02-2003, 04:28 PM

We have had so many poeple in our classes claiming to be expert martila artists just becuase htey have read a few books.I find theyhave a real problem when u try to teach them something.They go "That isn't what my book said"Then if u explain to them how different styles have different was of doing things, or they might not have understood the techniuqe in the book, they go nuts.

PHILBERT

08-02-2003, 09:09 PM

When I trained in WT, we trained at a private gym with a weightroom outside. This guy came in and did a Karate KATA in the middle of class. He wasn't issuing a challenge, he was new to Karate (and showed), alot of muscle, and didn't realize what he was doing. He simply felt like doing a kata when he saw us practicing martial arts.

anton

08-02-2003, 11:14 PM

Originally posted by Jook Lum
he once kicked a guy in the stomach and the guys chi flew out of his nose and he died.

ROFL!!!!!

Can I use that in my sig?

Jook Lum

08-03-2003, 06:57 PM

Go ahead,but he might hunt you down and kick the chi out of your nose and kill you too.Beware!:D

jimbob

08-03-2003, 09:22 PM

I haven't posted here in ages but this thread has dragged me out of hibernation.

I had a guy come to one of my classes about 11 years ago who had spent the previous decade in monastic isolation in Singapore. "Cool" I think - my place of birth. I asked him where he'd been but his geography suddenly became hazy - he said he was in the hills behind "Gang-jo". Ookay. Guangzhou it is. Nice part of Singapore, Guangzhou!

He couldn't/didn't speak any Chinese because the monks who taught him didnt' speak at all. Ten years in silence. Oookayyy....

He then pulled out a karate gi and put it on. I was slightly puzzled but still wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt - I have some CMA friends in both Taiwan and the Philippines who wear Japanese style clothes. He then proceeds to show me the basic Pinan/Heian katas of Shotokan (badly)- and told me these were secret leopard style forms.

Then he tried to charge me money for "allowing" me to witness said rarities.

He left when I put my mouthguard in and asked him to show me some more.

I also met one guy many many years ago who felt the taichi we were practising had opened his third eye. He was always stopping mid practice to communicate with the dead masters, before correcting everyone else.

God, what a trip down memory lane! I should hang out more regularly!

joedoe

08-03-2003, 09:30 PM

That is hilarious.

All I can contribute is this old gem:

http://forum.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6107&perpage=15&pagenumber=1

We've had others like Gokky, but he kinda takes the cake. Had one woman telling us what we were doing wrong and tried to flog us some 'chi' in a bottle. Very wierd.

shaolin kungfu

08-03-2003, 09:45 PM

HAHA! That guy is funny as hell!:D

Why doesn't goktimus come back and play with us? We could sure use some good ol' fashion humor around here.:(

Merryprankster

08-04-2003, 02:57 AM

Oh yeah....

I met a fellow who asked what we did upstairs at Lloyd's, so I told him. He then asked if I'd ever heard of the style he had studied in Las Vegas called "Something made up." He said he had learned it as a bartender in a casino. One day he had gotten into a fight with a big guy who was harrassing a customer and laid him out. So a little chinese janitor took him out back to say "You think you a tough guy? Hit me hard as you can." So he hit the little chinese man, who was, of course, about 60 and didn't budge him a bit. The little chinese man laughed and hit this guy (who was a pimply fat mess) and sent him flying 10 feet into the air and back into the garbage can. He was then accepted as a disciple and earned his BLACK BELT a couple of years later. I kept a straight face somehow when he told me he was interested in doing BJJ for fun but that since he had learned to sequence pressure point attacks and knock people out just barely brushing them with his fingers he really didn't see any true value in it....

There is another, much better story of this fellow who came in from New Jersey to spar with one of our fighters.... but I'm lazy and don't feel like typing it.

chen zhen

08-04-2003, 03:01 AM

I found Goktimus prime's website once!:D
There was pics of him on it. I'll post it here when I find it again.;)

shaolin kungfu

08-04-2003, 06:14 AM

I think i found his website to.

Edit: Posting the picture of him at mcdonalds didnt work so here's the websitehttp://www.geocities.com/goktimus/

chen zhen

08-04-2003, 06:31 AM

hehe, Gokky & his little nerd friends (http://www.geocities.com/goktimus/Aikido3.JPG)
:D

shaolin kungfu

08-04-2003, 06:41 AM

the link didn't work for me. For some reason it isn't working to post just the pictures.:(

Evad

08-04-2003, 07:18 AM

I met this dude once that said he knew a style of karate so dangerous the authorities wouldn't let him practice anymore. The reason being that he had this special super secret technique of defending yourself from an attack by a 2X4 board. He says you block the attack from the 2X4 in just such a way that a 'splinter' of the board will break away and fly into the attacker's eye! This same dumba s s also described to me a bar fight he was in where he broke both his opponents arms, a leg, six ribs (one of which pierced a lung) and side kicked him 15 feet across the floor and through, yes through a cinder block wall!

I asked the guy if his opponent left an outline of his body in the wall, you know like in a cartoon when a character flies through a wall and leaves a cookie cutter shape?

He said, "yea, it's funny but he did, yea." I got the impression that he was serious when he followed up with, "well not a 'true' outline, his body wasn't that 'solid' especially after what I'd already done to him, but he did leave a nice hole in the wall."

The nice thing is that this happened away from our school, I met him at a business meeting and some common associates started talking about what they did to keep fit, and someone mentioned martial arts. Needless to say we all just silently decided to have no dealings with this complete and total knuckle dragger.

SaMantis

08-04-2003, 07:52 AM

ROTFLMAO :D Great thread!

Evad, I think I knew that guy in college ... or someone who kept bragging about bar fights that sounded suspiciously like they came out of Roadhouse .

MasterKiller

08-04-2003, 07:57 AM

SK,
Just delete the "http://" part of the geocities address, and it should work.

uki

10-18-2009, 05:10 AM

one day, many years ago, i walked into a class... and now here i am. :p

actually i don't know who you would consider flakier, my old teacher or myself. :D

David Jamieson

10-18-2009, 05:41 AM

one day, many years ago, i walked into a class... and now here i am. :p

actually i don't know who you would consider flakier, my old teacher or myself. :D

you win for resurrecting a 6 year old thread. :p

uki

10-18-2009, 06:06 AM

you win for resurrecting a 6 year old thread.gotta love being able to see what everyone is reading!!!

Mr Punch

10-18-2009, 07:06 AM

Holy ****!

Kristoffer
Laughing Cow (met him once)
Liokault
Philbert

I suddenly feel so very old, and yet...

like I've learned so little...

:D

David Jamieson

10-18-2009, 07:46 AM

Holy ****!

Kristoffer
Laughing Cow (met him once)
Liokault
Philbert

I suddenly feel so very old, and yet...

like I've learned so little...

:D

you've actually learned nothing.

:p

Mr Punch

10-18-2009, 07:59 AM

Arhh, I knew I was missing something!

David Jamieson

10-18-2009, 08:25 AM

Arhh, I knew I was missing something!

well that pocket was empty after all!

uki

10-18-2009, 09:51 AM

well that pocket was empty after all!holes in them will do that...

SPJ

10-18-2009, 10:13 AM

SPJ

10-18-2009, 10:24 AM

just to add to the list

1. what is your secret? or any secret form?

my answer would be there is no secret. just practice, practice, practice, or basic, basic, basic. learn and practice your basic well every day. that is how you gain proficiency over time.

2. is there a short cut or crash training?

mmm. NO.

3. what do you think about this and that?

it is not about what I think, it is about what YOU think. based on your training and your understanding. Please do not live under or in my shadow.

there are students that like to quote what teachers said this and that. never say a word about what they themself think.

4. is your stuff that ends it all?

NO, there is no such thing as defeating everything else and ending all? everything is defeatible. for there is a move, there are many countermoves.

5. speed and power? how fast and how strong are you?

I am as strong as I can be. as I get old, I am not as strong or as fast as when I was much younger.

6. how long to learn your stuff?

as long as you want to or as long as you need to. "learning is actually a life long persuit/journey."

7, will your stuff be good for me?

that is a question that you have to find out and answer for yourself.

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