Things foreigners can learn about america by watching baywatch

[shaolin kungfu]

1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach.

2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour.

3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies.

4. People in the U.S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance.

5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil.

6. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown.

7. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes.

8. Although Americans, especially lifeguards, complain that they are poor, they all have expensive sports cars and luxurious homes.

9. Motorboats, unlike cars, will not talk back to David Hasselhoff.

[Starchaser107]

Heyyyy, Night Rider was actually cool...back in the 80's (ahem)
I should run away now.

[Mr Punch]

Next you're gonna tell me some of it isn't true...?!:eek:

[chen zhen]

True & false things about Baywatch:

All women are hot, blonde, big breasted, hot, sun-tanned, hot. (faaalse, but wish it was true;))

All women are retards, especially blonde ones. (true:eek::D)

All muscular men who show it off are good guys, who save others from drowning (false, usually they are A-holes)

Things one can learn about america by watching BW:

All problems are not more complicated than they can be solved in less than a half hour.

Americans apparently thinks that long hair on guys is hot (:o:o)

The coastguard is the only stand-up rightious task-force the US has.;)

[TonyM.]

Yeah. So what's your point?:D Could you move a little? I can't see the ocean.

[Kristoffer]

Just saw a baywatch episode.... man it still sucks :)

[TonyM.]

Yeah. Cheese usually ages well. Cheesy doesn't.:D

[chen zhen]

Yes it does. In the way that it gets cheesy-err:p

[Ming Yue]

no no... I was just being silly...

#2 on Shaolin's list is "Americans almost drown twice every hour"

:)

[chen zhen]

ok fine..:)

Im just lookin out for dizzing, I get it all the time around here, u know..:(

Keep it real, chicka.:);)

[Kristoffer]

no no... I was just being silly...


huh?

[Ming Yue]

can't get away with nothin on this thread. :)

I deleted a message I posted earlier. It wasn't nearly funny enough to warrant all this commentary.
:cool:

[Kristoffer]

oh :D

Well, no-one really is..

[Former castleva]

I´m a huge fan of "Son Of The Beach".It is a true work of art!
I guess you can learn from it too.

http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/sonbeachvol1.shtml

[Kristoffer]

lol

art is what you make it

[chen zhen]

I cant believe u didnt get the secret meaning of the title..;)

[Kristoffer]

thank's captain obvious :p

[chen zhen]

its for FC! I know he didnt.:);)

[Kristoffer]

Oh sorry..

:D

[Former castleva]

Ha! How can you demonstrate that?
It is really full of "lowly" secret meanings like that,you have to listen trough the translations.

[Kristoffer]

Secret meanings huh? Like, you would swim better with fake boobs?

[Former castleva]

I think you would get the best picture by taking a look.
Definitely no slips there.

[Kristoffer]

take a look? Most definatly

[chen zhen]

Son of the beach/Son of a beatch

Captain obvious to the rescue;):cool:

[Former castleva]

And we never,ever figured that one out... :rolleyes:

[chen zhen]

U just sayin that now..:rolleyes:

:D

nice to see u here at the same time as myself:)

[Kristoffer]

yeah it's been a few weeks I think

[Former castleva]

It´s over now.
The sky turned from pink to blue again.

[Kristoffer]

The sun will still rise tomorrow

[Former castleva]

Populations will rise from the edge of extinction.

As you shall see,everything will be like it used to be.

[Former castleva]

You will make it,right?

[Kristoffer]

of corz. I'll bunker up in some Swedish forrest and kill all the survivors from the silly nuke-war started by some naive superpower that killed halp or more of the worlds population. No biggie

[Former castleva]

And I still salute it!

http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/Galaxy/8152/swedishdinosaur.html

http://www.oceansofkansas.com/lindgren.html

I can only imagine what it would have been like...

[Kristoffer]

..Rather not :D Imagine staring down on one of these during a bath :eek:


http://www.oceansofkansas.com/Lindgren/tylosar.jpg

[Former castleva]

Some more material;
Probably appears interesting to enthusiasts and scientists only-
http://hem.passagen.se/phmail/trilobiteng.html

[Former castleva]

Old days of-
http://www.nrm.se/virtexhi/mammsaga/swemamm.html.en

[Kristoffer]

Where do ya find these pages? :D

[Former castleva]

I did some major searching. :cool: !

It´s too sad that this is the best they can give.

Addition,
http://www.geonord.org/fossil/sw2.html

[chen zhen]

My favourite Dinosaur...

The Velociraptor!:D (http://www.paleomuseum.com/pastorivelolarge.jpg)

[Former castleva]

Nice illustration! An evergreen,"pop dino" (unfortunately fudged by the pseudoscience of "Jurassic Park")
:cool:

[chen zhen]

True dat.
but u should have seen the other pictures..:eek:
:D

[Former castleva]

Have you heard about the paleoillustrator Charles Knight?
He used to be a hot name in distant past when dinosaurs were "hot" for the first time,artists like that were a few and far between and this guy knew how to paint.I do not think that he is still with us but his illustrations were lively,if scientifically dated these days.

What other pictures to be exact?

I just tried the site jurassicpark.com but I cannot handle the noise! (something wrong with the speakers or-)

[chen zhen]

Never heard his fukking name..;)

[Kristoffer]

Castleva you do know that Aliens killed the dinosaurs right?

[Former castleva]

Whoa,rude answer there.

Kris,what do you mean?

[Former castleva]

Whoa,rude answer there.

Kris,what do you mean? :confused:

[chen zhen]

I just dont know him. Im not really interested in Paleontology, I just saw u guys havin a discussion about it, and then I posted somethin relevant (a raptor..:rolleyes: )

[Former castleva]

That´s fair enough.
Post what you may.

[Kristoffer]

I mean the species known as ´The Swedes' or the 'Blondes' had something to do with the extinction of dinosaurs. (blondes are enemies to the grey version) Check it out here:



http://ufos.about.com/

http://www.anomalous-images.com/text/reptilians.txt

http://www.worldofthestrange.com/modules.php?name=Encyclopedia&op=terms&eid=5&ltr=A

[Former castleva]

Scary material! :eek: I cannot tell whether they are serious or just delusional.Have a shot of this!;

"OUR REPTILIAN ANCESTORS
As ridiculous and repugnant as this sounds, it is commonly accepted by
modern science that humankind's early ancestors may have been reptiles.
According to the Darwinian explanation of the origins of the human species,
mammals evolved from reptiles and gained dominion over the Earth only after
a great disaster of debatable nature destroyed the dinosaurs. It is
theorized that only then were mammals able to proliferate and ultimately
evolve into intelligent beings. It is rather remarkable that the ancient
Sumerian story of creation should parallel so closely the Darwinian view. In
both cases humans are said to be related to a superior reptilian race and,
in both cases, a great cataclysm eradicates the earlier species. (In the
Bible, it was the hybrid race of giants known as the Nephilim that God
wished to destroy.) Finally, in both stories, the survivors of the disaster
start anew, eventually evolving into humans.

In his book *The Dragons of Eden*, the esteemed astronomer Dr. Carl Sagan
speculates on the reptilian origins of humans and on the mysterious leap in
brain evolution that can be found in the fossil record. He notes that if
people had evolved naturally from reptiles, as Darwinists claim, it should
have taken 200 million years for mammals to first evolve, and then another
five to 10 million years for humans to evolve. But he notes with extreme
puzzlement that the fossil record simply does not bear out this conclusion.
In fact, the evolvement of mammals, and particularly humans, was
accomplished very quickly, "in a major burst of brain evolution." The
evidence for this is clear in the fact that stone tools do not appear
gradually, but rather "they appear in enormous abundance all at once." In
frustration Sagan concludes that "there is no way to explain this unless
*Australopithecines* had educational institutions," to teach toolmaking. Of
course there is another explanation, but not one any mainstream scientist
would dare consider. That alternative is to admit that God or godlike beings
had a hand in accelerating the evolutionary process.

THE REPTILE PART OF THE BRAIN
Sagan goes on to puzzle over the similarities between the reptilian brain
and the human brain. He points out that at the core of the human brain lies
a vestige of our reptilian past. This part of the brain, known as the
R-complex (reptilian complex), is said to be the part of the brain that
performs the dinosaur functions--aggressive behavior, territoriality,
ritual, and establishment of social hierarchies. The middle layer is called
the limbic system, and is thought to generate love, hate, compassion, and
sentimentality--characteristics believed to be strictly mammalian. The
largest part of the human brain, the neocortex or outer layer, is believed
to be the home of reasoning and deliberation and "the place where we know
the difference between good and evil."

Once again, science seems to agree with the ancient creation myths, for it
was the knowledge of good and evil (given to them by a serpent) that caused
first woman and man to fall from grace with the creator. If the creator was
reptilian, then it could be that by becoming mammalian--and developing a
neocortex--humanity became less reptilian, thus falling from grace."

They´re actually mixing errors,distortions and ?kidding? with scientific insight.Too bad I could not afford "Dragons of Eden",this is hilarious. :D :confused: :eek:

[chen zhen]

.............. (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc8.jpg)

[Former castleva]

Getting the picture...
This is some major Woo-Woo stuff.
;) :p

[Kristoffer]

LOL


:D
But stuff like this makes ya wonder.. I read an article about a discussion about the bible and did draw many similaritys between Satan and the sightings of a reptilian like race. (there's also legends, folk lores etc). Funny thing is, I did a huge assigment about Angels in different religions and the more I read about the subject the more it sounded like Aliens. I know this sound's crazy and I'm not saying I beleive all this crap, I'm just trying to have an open mind. (that and I'm really interested in astronomy as u might remember) Read this: http://www.catholic.org/saints/anglchoi.shtml
Now tell me these 'ranks' and structures doesn't sound really weird :) Sound's more like an army....

[Kristoffer]

oh I just found an article on the subject. Not the one I read but it seems like a good read
http://www.weirdload.com/vat-ufo2.html

[Former castleva]

"But stuff like this makes ya wonder.. I read an article about a discussion about the bible and did draw many similaritys between Satan and the sightings of a reptilian like race. (there's also legends, folk lores etc). Funny thing is, I did a huge assigment about Angels in different religions and the more I read about the subject the more it sounded like Aliens. I know this sound's crazy and I'm not saying I beleive all this crap, I'm just trying to have an open mind. (that and I'm really interested in astronomy as u might remember) Read this: http://www.catholic.org/saints/anglchoi.shtml"

Keep an open mind,but make sure your skull is well fused...
There are limits!
Interesting (not really) legends they have there.I think what combines both of these (aliens,angels etc.) is the human need to picture these "visitors" as humanly (the very definition of a humanoid) after that has been said,there´s not much more to them.
I never knew you were interested in astronomy,that´s good (this subject though,has more to do with astrology...)

Latest;
http://www.randi.org/jr/082203.html

[chen zhen]

Remember this, kids... (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc3.jpg)

[Former castleva]

Deity is really being hard on me! ;)

[chen zhen]

"Americans can go bomb any country they like and don't think twice about it! Americans all have guns and they just love to shot each other all the time. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they feed their kids fast food all the time and don't care how fat they get. Americans have Nuclear Subs that can stay submerged for extended periods of time and roam the world's oceans, undetected! I heard that there was this American who called his dog Spot when it didn't even have any Spots. And when some dude crashed a few planes into some building this Septic Tanks went nuts and started blowing sh!t up all around the world, well only if there was something there he wanted. My friend Clare said that she saw a Red Neck get totally drunk, then he beat his wife and shagged his dog!!!!"

" Americans are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Americans are fat, lazy, dumb, live in their own bubble, only drive cars with 4 litre engines or greater, think they have culture, and sweet. I can't wait to get to Texas and drink beer and shoot guns next year. I love Americans with all of my body (including my pee pee)."

[Former castleva]

Ninja recycled...and recycled.

[Kristoffer]

:D

[Former castleva]

Ha! Poor attempt to revive this thread.

*cough**cough* darn it! (Caught the Bait!)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/504776.stm ;)

[Kristoffer]

ooooh.. an alien fish :eek: HOLY SHLIT

[Former castleva]

Uh huh.

[Kristoffer]

Totally Sweet
gimme some mo

[Former castleva]

A load of links,they have there..;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/481703.stm
(But do not tell the public,keep these files to yourself)

[Kristoffer]

Your secret stays with me.... I guess

[Ming Yue]

back to the original thread subject:

I read today that a woman in New York (Brooklyn), found her 3-year old daughter floating face down in the apartment complex swimming pool.

She was able to rescue the girl and revive her with mouth-to-mouth, which she said she learned from watching "Baywatch".


:rolleyes: :)

[chen zhen]

I guess something useful can be learned from BW..:eek::rolleyes:

[Ming Yue]

now that I think about it, the dummies they use to teach CPR do look a lot like David Hasselhoff...

hmmm...