Jungle/reality fighting

[old jong]

I'm in the jungle and attacked by a big silverback gorilla...Well,what could I do? :confused:

C'est la vie!

[joedoe]

Apparently the best thing to do is stand your ground, then they will back off. If you run they will sort you out. Apparently the first charge is simply to scare the sh!t out of you and to see what you are made of.

Never done it myself, just what I have heard from documentaries.

Guns don't kill people, I kill people

[old jong]

"Scare the **** out"...Could'nt be said better!... :eek:

C'est la vie!

[Stranger]

Fall down laughing pointing at its *****. It will wander off in shame.

"Luminous beings are we."

[JerryLove]

Attacked? Scream like a little girl as it rips off your limbs. Charged? Snatd still then retreat slowly. That's what Goodall did in all those Geographic specials.

[joedoe]

Stranger: Is that what happens when you attack people ;)

Jerry Love: Good point. I would tend to scream like a baby though. I'm not tough enough to scream like a girl. :)

Guns don't kill people, I kill people

[old jong]

Thanks guys.Next time I have to go out for a bread and have to cross a jungle,I will not be so affraid!... :D ;)Better always be ready :p

C'est la vie!

[8stepsifu]

those things pull apart tree trunks like celery....if it is trying to rip you limb from limb, I would go tai chi soft...trouble is that as wild animals, they are probably even softer....sucky.

I wonder if getting up in his face would work? How about a firm groin kick? Maybe try singing and dancing, or just let him rape you and become part of his harem.


Speaking of wild side...did you see the previews for Crocidile dundee in LA? Thats gotta be the longest delay in a sequal ever.

King of the Dinosaurs

[Budokan]

First, I'd try to verbally talk it out of trying to harm me. Defusing the situation is most important for a MA perspective. Of course, if I were walking through the jungle and a gorilla charged me, I'd have already messed up as a MA for not noticing my surroundings. Jeers to me for having my head up my a$$.

If my first plan didn't work I'd then vomit in fear, hoping the gorilla would be too disgusted to attack. Unfortunately, I realize this would probably only pique his curiosity and he'd still attack.

As he splintered my bones and ripped my skin and muscles from my body, I'd scream the Lord's Prayer as loud and as fast as I could so I'd have a chance of getting through those Pearly Gates at the last instant of life....

That's how I'd deal with a gorilla attack. :D

K. Mark Hoover

[JWTAYLOR]

I hear crapping your pants and urinating profusely seems to help. Other than that, you're pretty screwed.
I guarantee you the Gorilla is faster, more flexible, stronger, bigger, more sensitive, has better stance work, strikes, grappling skills, and fighting experience than you or me. That means we loose.
But at least with my plan, we'll be far too nasty to eat after we're dead.
Just making lemonade here.
JWT

If you pr!ck us, do we not bleed? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that the villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. MOV

[Highlander]

The best way to deter an animal is to emulate it's worst, most threatening, enemy. Let's see ..... in this case that would be ......... man. So to emulate man you should:

1) Invade his habitat (you already did that)
2) Polute his water supply
3) Deplete his food supply
4) Destroy his environment
5) And if he still hasn't taken the hint and rolled over and died, shoot the SOB

[omegapoint]

" Since you will be exploring the tropical rain forests of Africa it may be wise to wear waterproof gear: yellow rain hat, yellow rain coat and matching yellow galoshes. This will not only keep you dry, but in the event you should happen upon a silver-back, cease all movement and do your best imitation of a giant banana. When the gorilla steps within striking range, yell in a demanding voice "get your hand out my pocket!!!", which should confuse him long enough for you to kick him in his ape cajones, affording a hasty retreat..."

Taken from Dr. Livingston's manual "Simian Self-Defense Strategies and Leopard Repellant"

[Budokan]

LOL!

K. Mark Hoover

[nickle]

well i dont want to be crude, but here goes..

if your confronted by a monkey, or any form of ape, open your mouth baring your teeth, push out your chest, and start masturbating profusely...

no seriously, if he thinks your bigger than him (you know where it counts now) he'll back of.. seriously... it may not work with silverbacks, since they are most probably hung quite well. but i can vouch for the fact that it works on troops of monkeys.

:0

cheers guys.

-specialization is for ants-

[Martial Joe]

Yes masturbate...hahahaha.Why dont you go shake his hand and tell him to rip of your Peepee.

[old jong]

This is a very serious topic here!...Think about it,this could happen to you ,or to a loved one!...Be serious please! :rolleyes:...WE are working our brains out for a solution to a problem here! :eek:

C'est la vie!

[Otaku]

Well, it is said that you should bow down to them in submission, allowing them to feel as though they are the leader, or alpha male. You should put your head down, in a crouch position, and remain there untill they leave, otherwise they will take ne thing else as a threat, including running away, and lay the smack down on your ass.

(Otaku)

[Martial Joe]

Sorry old jong.I was picking on the post before mine.If I were to be serious.well...I seem to be good with animals.Id throw some bananas to him and maybe that would calm him down.And then get away.I dont trust many poeple so i dont see how i could trust an animal that would kill me.

[Martial Joe]

I may even ask him to chil out and come watch cartoons.It worked on my cat.Now sometimes me and him lay on my couch and eat a fresh can of tuna together wile watching cartoons....
...Dont ask...

[old jong]

Just teasing you!...Time to be outragous!... :eek: ;)

C'est la vie!