Any Suggestions?

[Shaolin-Do]

Ugh... I have a 5 Page philosophical piece due tomorrow...
Topic is "focus on a moment you truly learned something. You mihgt think of this as a time when the light went on in your head, a flash of insight, or the moment you finally "got it"--perhaps after quite a period of study or effort."
Im kinda stumped on what to write about... :confused:
Any ideas?

[KC Elbows]

Dunno, I have no idea what moments you became more aware. Perhaps a time you had trouble with a technique and it became clear to you? Or a moment you worked a succesful tactic against a sparring partner who you had trouble with before?

[Shaolin-Do]

this topic is stressin me the f*ck out. I dont have "light bulbs go off in my head"... I get shown things, and I learn them. I dont sit around for 2 days marinating in thought... I just learn sh!t.
Examples my teacher gave were... learning right from left.. learning to swim... learning to tie a shoe... All very childish learning experiences... I didnt have a hard time with any of that...
:confused:
Its gotta be 5 pages too... :(
f*ck english. :(

[norther practitioner]

5 pages isn't too bad.. hey, why don't you write about when the light went off in you head about SD... oh wait, nevermind, or how about the time when you realized that smoking weed kills you short term memory, no, wait, how about the time when ....:D

[apoweyn]

That's the beauty of English classes, Shaolin-Do.

They're looking for thought. Not for a correct answer.

So you never went through an epiphany. Talk about that. Talk about how the learning experience does work for you. Talk about how understanding is a gradual process and what you think of the idea of epiphanies. Does the whole notion of enlightenment sound like a crock of sh|t to you? If so, why? If not, why not?


Stuart B.

[Shaolin-Do]

Exactly.
:(
Heres what I have so far...
"In honest opinion, this is an extremely unfair topic. In all my learning experiences, that I can recall, I just learn things… There is no “light bulb” to it. I do not sit and marinate over certain events, trying to figure them out. I watch things unfold and learn as it happens… So on with this note, I will write on something I have learned, if not at 1 moment in time, but through my entire life."

Still not sure what Im gonna write... Probably about personal interactions, realization of how interpersonal actions affect others...
:)

[Raatra]

apoweyn is right. However, some teachers are anal and will say "well, you should have thought of something, you just danced around the topic."

[Shaolin-Do]

Apoweyn is right, but I just realized what topic Ima write on. :)
Ill post my paper when its finished.

[apoweyn]

"I just realized... "

And this from a guy who doesn't believe in epiphanies. ;)


Stuart B.

p.s. I'd bag the "this is an unfair topic" angle. It's not unfair. It's a bit like the Matrix. There are rules. Some can be bent. Others can be broken. And learning to do both is part of the fun.

Good luck, mate.

[Shaolin-Do]

She wanted an epiphany about something physical we learned.. is alright. I got a topic, although its not about tying shoes...
Edit: The herbs make remembering epiphanies more difficult than tying a knot with 2" thick steel.
:eek:
:D

[norther practitioner]

There are rules. Some can be bent. Others can be broken. And learning to do both is part of the fun.

That is great... I like that, might have to use it some time.

Yeah, I'd definitely take out that whole unfair thing...

'cause you prob. have had an epiphany, you just don't remember it like that 'cause you....... oh, never mind.


:D

[Shaolin-Do]

I already did take it out... Cant have that and then write about an epiphany...
I was just trying to think of happy things to write about, but the only topic I got is serious as f*ck.

[apoweyn]

Well don't keep us in suspense.

[Shaolin-Do]

Im already feeling like an @sshole typing this paper. :(
I cant tell what its about until Im done, or it will ruin the story... Generally, its about what a ruthless little b@stard I was in elementary/middle school, but significantly deeper than that.

[apoweyn]

Well, it's your paper dude. I'm not going to tell you what to think or write. But if you're feeling like an arsehole at the mere thought of it...

Personally, I think a paper investigating the internalization of a technique, from the teacher's first demo to your successful use of it in a sparring match, would be very cool. Just putting it out there. And I don't think it matters that such a thing isn't 'sudden.'


Stuart B.

[Shaolin-Do]

Nah... its a good topic I have.
About realization of how your actions affect others.
The closer I come to finishing the paper the more of an @ss I feel like tho. :(
(paper takes place in 4th-9th grade)

[apoweyn]

Well, having a topic you think and feel strongly about is a good thing. Otherwise, cranking out 5 pages will be a neverending ordeal.

[Shaolin-Do]

Eh, I can BS 5 pages real easy, but I like to have essays that are interesting to read.
Besides, its double spaced. :D
Im at like 4 pages... This is just the first draft too. Gonna hit it up with a thesaurus(sp?) before I turn it in.

[CaptinPickAxe]

you are an ass, SD:D

[Shaolin-Do]

This paper did make me feel like an ass. :(
Im done however...

[Shaolin-Do]

Edit: You bully haters are gonna hate this... But I do to. :(


Who are you to say that to me?


How often have people said things to hurt you? How many times have people gone out of their way to intentionally make you feel like less of a person? It’s almost unreal how many people will blatantly assert lies as truth about another person, basically going out of their way to damage someone else’s feelings, but to truly understand all the name calling, all the ruthless acts of schoolyard bullies…

Lets start with the blissful ignorance of childhood. A land of bigger kids, name calling, and the pretty girl you always hoped you could have. A place where no forethought is put into what names or awful things are said to one another… A place where no one really holds any sort of empathy towards one another. In all honesty, I was a remarkably mean little bugger… I wasn’t a resident bully, per-se, but I indeed had my moments, with no sort of thoughts as to how what I was doing would affect these other children. There was one poor little boy inparticular, we will call him Joe for the sake of keeping his identity anonymous. Poor isn’t an assertion to his level of income, but to the way he was treated by myself and my peers.

So it begins… 5th grade. Myself and a couple of compatriots have known “Joe” for 1 year now, and for reasons beyond me, he had been, and still was, our target of thoughtless bullying. “Joe” was a very sensitive boy… He was quiet, reserved, and liked to just be left alone to read his books. I was loud, boisterous, and a general nuisance to my teachers and a few other students. I took for granted the fact that I was able to learn quickly, and didn’t really care that I was in the “gifted” classes, if anything it just gave me more ground for my bullying. Although not my moment of insight by any means, one specific act of verbal aggression against “Joe” stands out in my mind.

This is still 5th grade. One of my fellow rat’s was spending the night at my house. The elementary school phone directory had been handed out the previous day. My buddy and I are going through the directory, when we notice that “Joe’s” number is right there along with the rest of the homeroom class. “Lets call him!”I agreed. We already knew that “Joe” had been hopelessly in love with a girl in our class, and being only in 5th grade, we still retained the prepubescent voices to mimic his icon of love. We call “Joe”, but to no avail, his answering machine picks up. To save having called in vain, my friend begins to leave a message, in which he professes his deep love for “Joe”, and apologizes for not telling him earlier.

“Joe’s” parents buy him a new outfit… Take him out to dinner… All in excitement that their little boy had attained his target of love, regardless of the incessant name calling. “Joe” arrives at school the next morning, and greets his new love. She is confused, and being a thoughtless child like the rest of us, is rude to the poor boy. I swear you could almost hear the kid’s heart break… But my ignorance muffled the sound. This was probably the worst thing we ever did to him…The abuse continued however.

6th grade, and middle school. Determination to be one of the “cool” kids. A new and “grown up” place. My first day of school rolls by… And low and behold, “Joe” is in my English class, as is one of my fellow antagonists. Little did we realize though, that there were several other happy-to-help verbal soldiers in the class. By he 2nd week of class, “Joe” had already been established as the root of everything sissy, and we felt it was our job to let him know. To make a long story short, “Joe” remained our target for about 2 ½ more years, until puberty hit and our interests changed to girls.

Out of sight, out of mind. Its 9th grade, and I haven’t seen or spoken to “Joe” in a little over a year. I honestly, at this point, haven’t even given any thought about the kid, or the way I treated him for so long. It’s a Friday night sometime during the fall, and I am out at a party, drinking and having a jovial time, when I run into one of my friends from middle school. This friend laughingly informs me that “Joe” is in Laurel Ridge. I kind of laugh at first, not really thinking as to why he may be there, then I ask why he is there.

“He tried to kill himself.” My heart sinks, air leaves my lungs a run away train of realization crashes into my brain… And 1 time wasn’t it… I go on to find out that it wasn’t just one attempt… He had tried to kill himself at least 3 other times during middle school, thank god never successfully. Never before in my life had I realized that words can be more powerful and damaging than fists… They can hit deeper than any hand ever could. I felt absolutely horrible. A couple of weeks later, going crazy from the stress of knowing that I drove somebody to almost kill themselves, I walked over to his house. By the time I knocked on the door, I was sobbing like a little girl, almost unable to speak. His mom answers, and she remembers the devilish little face. I manage to mumble out that I was there to apologize… that I had no idea how badly I had hurt him. He wanted nothing to do with me, understandably. I still feel rotten as anything any time I think about it. From that point in time on I’ve not picked on a single person, no longer laugh or poke fun at someone else’s disability. Instead I strive to make friends with just about anyone I meet, looking for their more positive qualities.

In closing, I am inexpressibly sorry for what I have done, and the way I have acted. It saddens me that someone had to almost kill them self for me to realize that your actions can affect others in an incredibly profound way, regardless of how words affect you. I just hope that others can possibly learn from my mistakes…As I feel that no one deserves to go through what “Joe” did.

[norther practitioner]

'bout time...:D

don't know if it is about you fealing like an ass or for finishing.. but whatever. 5 pages isn't too bad to bs through... now if it were like 7 pages, and you had to extend that bs.... thats when it gets tough.

[Shaolin-Do]

Any editorial comments would be appreciated.
Thanks,
SD

[Raatra]

"Any editorial comments would be appreciated.
Thanks,
SD"


Well i just yelled the entire thing out my window at the top of my lungs. A small crowd gathered. Some brought goats.

[Shaolin-Do]

Where they mountain goats or the kind for milking?
:eek:

[norther practitioner]

watch all the quotes... don't need it around Joe all the time.. and when you use it, remember to use commas and such...

After much debate, "Aslikker is not a word," the **** said in a scolding voice.

[Shaolin-Do]

"Joe" was on ctrl v. :)
I plan on making it less redundant as well, using a thesaurus. (sp?)
That was just a quick 1st draft, still havent even spell checked it.

[norther practitioner]

spelling out numbers is the, "more," correct way of writing a paper (unless it is technical). Sum up the whole thing a little bit better in the closing.... other than that it looks ok. Oh, and I don't know if I'd say, "In closing."

[norther practitioner]

At not even 4 pages I'd look for some more content as well. Your outline should be short, draft too long, truncate it, then finalize it.. thats the way I used to write anyway.

[apoweyn]

That's really good, SD. Well played.

[Shaolin-Do]

We get to turn in papers double spaced, makes it almost exactly 4 pages. After revision and editing, Im shooting at about 6 pages.
That only took me 25 minutes to type... :)

[norther practitioner]

maybe with 12 font.. I'm just saying, I guess it is just the "college try" lol... OK arial and 12 and doubled up... almost 4. but whatever, it is pretty good with the content you already have.. I was just sayin'.;)

[Shaolin-Do]

Its kinda redundant, I know. Thats where revising comes into play. :)
Any word change suggestions you may have would be good too.. or phrase changes. :)

[Goldenmane]

This might be too late... if not, then cool:

As said already, you don't need the quotes around Joe.

"Low and behold" should be "Lo and behold"

You might have used the "..." a little too often.

"rat's" should be "rats" - no apostrophe.

You might want to look at the tenses you use - in the paragraph dealing with fifth grade, you change from present tense to past tense. Makes it a little clunky, doesn't quite sound right.

"A couple of weeks later, going crazy from the stress of knowing that I drove somebody to almost kill themselves, I walked over to his house." might sound better with "had driven" in place of "drove".

Strike "In closing"... it messes with the tone. Spell out your numbers.

That's all I have for you right now.

All up, it's an interesting and somewhat powerful little tale. If your teacher gets narky because you bent the rules of the assignment to suit, then they are being a prat.

[anton]

Nicely done...
High-school english essays used to give me the sh1ts!