View Full Version : Flogging the correct
*Yawn*
Absolutely overused expressions need to be abused... So THIS thread is all about asking questions and getting the WRONG answer. C'mon, get creative....this is ONLY for the eggregiously IN-correct!!!
Example:
Q: How can I prevent someone from shooting me with a .45 caliber pistol?
A: There is a barrel link at the front which, once depressed firmly, disengages the barrel, thus preventing the action of the firing pin. Therefore the answer is to press FIRMLY on the front of the gun with your hand.
:D
Next question:
How can I get more power from my sidekicks?
norther practitioner
10-11-2003, 04:41 PM
Use the top of your toes instead of the bottom of your foot.
It really helps if you supply a question for the next poster to answer... it's like a game or something...remember: your job is to nail the incorrect with a maul and lock it in Pittsburgh, or whatever...
/restart/
A midget is coming at me with a Bowie knife. He's holding it in an "icepick" grip. What should I do???
rogue
10-11-2003, 05:18 PM
Drop to one knee, smile and say "Hey little fella, does your mom know you're playing with that?"
Go here to see the corrects retarded twin. (http://www.martialart.org/)
norther practitioner
10-11-2003, 05:34 PM
So, now that I've mastered one finger chan..... how do I participate in fore-play with my girl and not hurt her?
Get a can of black olives and wear them on your fingers.
[speaking of which- that's my halloween costume. I will get no candy.]
How can I quickly develop flexibility?
rogue can't be dissin' the acamac! hehehe
norther practitioner
10-11-2003, 06:18 PM
Steps:
1) lay on back
2) lift left leg up in the air
3) get friend to push foot to floor over left shoulder
repeat with other side
Who' s the Boss?
Oh, that's easy. (http://www.gawth.com/~desolate/dieter.jpg)
Btw, good answer! :D
In the Snake style of kung fu, how does groundfighting work?
norther practitioner
10-11-2003, 06:30 PM
You use your snake to entice them into submission.....
Whats the biggest thing in the world (other than some of the egos floating around here lately)?
A splinter under your toenail.
[which is nearly correct. sorry- running outa steam- more java, Jeeves!]
Next:
In submission wrestling, what constitutes 'submitting'?
Getting a "positive" result on your pregnancy test.
What's the best TCMA weapon?
The Willow Sword
10-12-2003, 07:30 AM
The Gerbil.
Hwo does one eliminate that burning sensation between the toes?
Stop doing Traditional Chinese Gerbil-Chucks.
Hwo does one eliminate that burning sensation between the toes?
Urinate on them.
rubthebuddha
10-12-2003, 01:12 PM
tak, you're supposed to offer the next question. lazy bum.
i'll take the lead: how do i defeat people who are stronger, faster and more skilled than me?
An excellent question!
When an opponent is stronger, faster and more skilled than you, you are presented with a dillema of mammoth proportions. Most people would seek to 'equalize' the situation with resort to implements such as weapons-- but it ALWAYS occurs that the situation is worsened by this tactic! In fact, this is nigh suicidal behavior.
You should follow these SIMPLE steps to VICTORY:
1] "Look behind you!" That's right! Most people of the behemoth category are fundamentally retarded, so this always works. Trust me. This distraction leads to:
2] Crotch soccer. A favorite of the Boy Wonders of these parts.
3] If all else fails, Whine til they leave you be.
I want to incorporate firearms training into my Kung Fu practice- any hints for forms you could give? I want something PRACTICAL.
on edit: hey, if you want to answer any of the previous questions, consider them in play, too. ;)
KC Elbows
10-12-2003, 04:02 PM
Wing Chun has gun forms. In fact, most of bil jee is also a form for guns.
Remember, whenever practicing bil jee with firearms, for safety, always practice in a basement with concrete walls, and remember ALWAYS USE LIVE AMMO. Blanks give a false jing that will only hurt your training. Advanced practitioners can then partner up and begin applying their sticky hands lessons to gun combat, each practitioner having one gun. One cannot benefit from this practice unless they do not stop playing sticky guns until both guns are completely out of ammo.
What are some good tactics for closing distance with an opponent?
David Jamieson
10-12-2003, 04:48 PM
with a skateboard, you should always, ALWAYS have a skateboard for when you need to close the distance between yourself and an opponent.
how can one defend themselves against multiple attackers with blugeoning, piercing and slashing weapons?
norther practitioner
10-12-2003, 05:56 PM
None of those types of weapons work.... you can't submit anyone with a spear:rolleyes:
Whats the difference between ving tsun and wing chun, and how come noone studies wang chung here?
neigung
10-12-2003, 06:28 PM
Originally posted by KC Elbows
Wing Chun has gun forms. In fact, most of bil jee is also a form for guns.
Remember, whenever practicing bil jee with firearms, for safety, always practice in a basement with concrete walls, and remember ALWAYS USE LIVE AMMO. Blanks give a false jing that will only hurt your training. Advanced practitioners can then partner up and begin applying their sticky hands lessons to gun combat, each practitioner having one gun. One cannot benefit from this practice unless they do not stop playing sticky guns until both guns are completely out of ammo.
What are some good tactics for closing distance with an opponent?
KC has taken the correct, knocked it unconscious, tied it up and is letting the Gimp sodomize it into submission (this is also a valid BJJ technique*).
As trained martial artists, how can we avoid this very situation?
*see Helio Grace vs. John Holmes in UFC LXIX.
tak, you're supposed to offer the next question. lazy bum.
Sorry, I couldn't come up with anything worth posting. :(
Whats the difference between ving tsun and wing chun, and how come noone studies wang chung here?
Ving Tsun is a branch of Wing Chun practiced only by vampires and other people with cheesy pseudo-transylvanian accents, as in, "I practice Ving Tsun, and I vant to zuck your blaahd!"
Wang Chung was another branch of Wing Chun that was very popular for a short period of time in the 1980s. It was notable for its spandex uniforms and its use of the hair as a weapon. Nobody practices it anymore since the price of gusseted spandex pants went through the roof.
What's the coolest animal that has its own style?
rubthebuddha
10-12-2003, 09:35 PM
marmoset or blowfish.
what's the best LEGAL additive to brownies?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 09:41 PM
POT!
David Jamieson
10-12-2003, 09:47 PM
didn't know pot was legal in texas, but am fairly certain now that it must be good there.
what is the best defense against a falling piano?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 09:47 PM
And it makes you forget the second part of your post.
English cheese or French cheese?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 09:48 PM
Originally posted by Kung Lek
didn't know pot was legal in texas, but am fairly certain it must be good there.
what is the best defense against a falling piano?
My mistake, I thought this was the other thread!
The best defence is to get a symphony orchestra and use them as an impromptu umbrella.
I'll rephrase my question: What do I do if attacked by french or english cheese?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 09:54 PM
Nothing. You know the french never win.
:eek:
Where do angry dwarfs go to relax?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 10:04 PM
Your house.
Why is it so hard for Abel and Ross to get a room?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 10:08 PM
Because there was a babylon 5 convention and the hotel is full of costumed wonderboys.
What ever happened with batman and catwoman?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 10:20 PM
Well, in the most recent story arc Batman and Catwoman got in on and Batman revealed his identity to her. Then he blew it at the end by deciding he couldn't trust her after all. Bloody annoying.
Why am so knowledageble about Batman?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 10:22 PM
Because of your strange enfatuation with large men in tight black leather.
:eek:
Where did my flan go?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 10:28 PM
Originally posted by Shaolin-Do
Because of your strange enfatuation with large men in tight black leather.
:eek:
Where did my flan go?
No actually, it's not leather. It's a... ok, I'll stop now.
Your flan?
Water dragon ate it cos you rooted his wife.
What's the best defence from an idiot that goes WATAAAHHH! the moment he hears that you study kung fu?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 10:32 PM
1. Grab his hair.
2. Pull down.
3. Raise knee as quickly as possible.
4. Connect face with knee.
5. Spit on fallen idiot.
Whats Ellen Degenre's favorite past time?
:eek:
Serpent
10-12-2003, 10:34 PM
Eating carpet.
What is Bruce Willis's?
Shaolin-Do
10-12-2003, 10:38 PM
Going to startrek conventions dressed up as Spoc to have debates in whatever the f*ck language the Klingons speak. Im assuming Klingon.
I let the dog out earlier and he had a klingon. Wouldnt let him inside til it got took care of.
How many lines does it take George Bush Jr. to get going in the mornings?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 11:25 PM
Well, he can't read, so you must mean lines of Charlie.
I guess it depends on how big a nap he had.
Here's a more pertinent question. Why the f#ck is he president?
shaolin kungfu
10-12-2003, 11:29 PM
Cause thats the way jesus wanted it.
Why does everything smell like buttered popcorn?:confused:
Serpent
10-12-2003, 11:31 PM
Because you have some buttered popcorn stuck up your nose.
Who is this Jesus of whom you speak?
shaolin kungfu
10-12-2003, 11:34 PM
He's the mexican dude that lives across the street from me.
What is the meaning of life?
Serpent
10-12-2003, 11:38 PM
I don't know, but the answer is 42.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
shaolin kungfu
10-12-2003, 11:51 PM
So the iraqis can keep it hidden from bush.
Why isnt dukes of hazard on anymore?
chen zhen
10-13-2003, 03:05 AM
coz thats the way jesus wanted it
why does turkish girls prefer dark-haired guys with muscles and B&W's over me?
:confused:
coz i have it all except the car:eek:
brothernumber9
10-13-2003, 05:21 AM
Serpent posted
"why is abbreviation such a long word?"
Shaolin Kungfu posted
"So the iraqis can keep it hidden from bush."
aaaaaaahahahahahahahaaha
thats **** funny
why does turkish girls prefer dark-haired guys with muscles and B&W's over me?
I thought turkish girls were only interested in carpets.
What strategy would you use against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the ring?
chen zhen
10-13-2003, 06:46 AM
A ladder
how do you defend against a blowtorch?
(the far-reaching army version, not regular :eek: )
how do you defend against a blowtorch?
Luckily, I can help you here, as my style practices against this very thing! The Secret is footwork in a specialized pattern, which I will teach you for a mere pittance if you contact me. Suffice to say that non-Euclidean n-space geometry is involved... [hint: check middle sig] There! that should help!
Who would win, a Bruce Lee impersonator or an Elvis impersonator? And Why?? [specify whether you mean old or young Elvis, please!!]
rubthebuddha
10-13-2003, 02:05 PM
old elvis. his slurred, slow vocals would lull bruce into a daze, and then elvis would finish bruce off by bashing his guitar over bruce's head.
best defense against a flaming honda cbr?
Shaolin-Do
10-13-2003, 02:39 PM
Flaming honda CBR is best dealt with swiftly with a gallon of gasoline and a box of 10 guage buck shot. Throw the whole bunch at the flaming CBR at once.
"I thought turkish girls were only interested in carpets."
No no, those are lesbians.
:eek:
Why isnt every attractive woman bi-sexual?
:eek: :eek:
Starchaser107
10-13-2003, 03:25 PM
because bi-sexuality causes attractive women to become ugly, and lose thier teeth.
How much training is needed to master ninjutsu?
rubthebuddha
10-13-2003, 03:38 PM
from a real master? no one that knows is talking. from some white dude in manhattan? a couple years and $400 in videos.
Assist:
Why is the Lotus such an important symbol to Eastern cultures?
rubthebuddha
10-13-2003, 04:51 PM
thanks for the "alley," zimmy. i gladly furnished the "oop."
the standard five-leave plant wasn't popular in east asia as early as it was elsewhere, so they had to focus on some kind of leaf. ;)
who would win in a fight, merv griffin or woody allen?
Starchaser107
10-13-2003, 05:13 PM
lennox lewis who is woody allens secret persona would easily defeat merv.
who founded karate?
SifuAbel
10-13-2003, 05:14 PM
Originally posted by ZIM
Assist:
Why is the Lotus such an important symbol to Eastern cultures?
The beautiful lotus grows out of the mud and muck.
It symbolizes the enlighted soul growing out of the muck of base humanity.
oops my bad, i was supposed to rag on it.
Ok.....
It makes for a tastly salad.
rubthebuddha
10-13-2003, 10:42 PM
mr. miyagi founded karate and taught it to some stupid american kid who loved his headband.
best pizza topping for use as a marital aid?
SifuAbel
10-13-2003, 10:44 PM
day old bagel. Think about it.
What is the square root of ross's waist size?
Shaolin-Do
10-13-2003, 10:45 PM
Mushrooms.
Err.... :eek:
Day old bagel?
What about open faced roast beef sandwiches?
:eek:
What about open faced roast beef sandwiches? Open faced roast beef sandwiches are no good for a marital aid, but are adequate for self-stimulation, provided one packs them into the business end of a vacuum cleaner. This is something I learned from Volcano Admin. (http://forum.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=25744) They should be warm.
;)
What is the square root of ross's waist size? Ross has good root, rumor goes... but it is really square?? Yes, that is a non-answer... but it's also my question.... ;)
Starchaser107
10-14-2003, 08:23 AM
the Square rooting technique used by ross is actually trained by a unique plum flower pattern... instead of going in a t shape the practicioner moves anti-clockwise to form a perfect 4x4 box.
what is that strange clawing technique in abels picture?
rubthebuddha
10-14-2003, 08:33 AM
housewife scratches dead bug off window.
what's gary coleman going to do next, now that he lost the race for governor?
The same thing he does every time he fails to be elected for public office....plan to take over the WORLD!
Why isn't there a martial art devoted specifically to midgets/dwarves/little people?
rubthebuddha
10-14-2003, 02:10 PM
not sure, but they do have basketball:
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