Training With Members of the Opposite Sex

[Ludeviews]

Howdy All,

Was just after some advice, and wondered if anyone had been in the same situation before??

Last night I got taken aside by one of the females in class. She proceeded to lay into me for a bit about a few things, one of which was training with her. She said I've stopped training with her or if I do I'm too soft with her and if she moans then I hit her too hard?

I stopped training with her a while back after some problems, basically she doesn't take any advice, no matter how it is given, and would rather talk about techs than just get down and train it. Also she complained several times I was just hitting her too hard when doing pad work or if working drills then I'm trying too hard.

No one else in the class has a problem with how I train but they have complained about her several times. From my point of view I don't train enough as it is so when I'm there I just want to do it but I don't want to just go through the motions...although obviously there is a time for relaxation and a time for energy.

So should I take it easier on weaker members (of either sex)?

but then I feel I'm not giving them realistic training & not getting the best out of MY training.

Thanks for all replies.

[Meat Shake]

She whines when you hit the pads too hard?
So have someone else hold the pad.
Possibly train more outside of class where you dont have to worry about people *****ing. Im hella tired....

[truewrestler]

Some just don't like it rough... they would rather you whisper sweet nothings in their ear while you slowly... oh nevermind

Find another training partner because she is obviously not going to help you get better. She is holding you backk... just kick her to the curb

If this is not an option then just tell her straight up that she is being a wimp

[Suntzu]

she either really likes you or REALLY hates you........ like all dealings with females... you have to ask what she wants every now and than..... and when she's not expecting it... give her a good shot just because....

[SevenStar]

Originally posted by Ludeviews
I stopped training with her a while back after some problems, basically she doesn't take any advice, no matter how it is given, and would rather talk about techs than just get down and train it. Also she complained several times I was just hitting her too hard when doing pad work or if working drills then I'm trying too hard.

tell her that.

So should I take it easier on weaker members (of either sex)?

let them dictate it. there's a female black belt in my judo class who was part of the german judo team - she can take a hard throw. I throw her without worry. However, she's also in my muay thai class, and even though she's holding pads, I know my knees and roundhouses would khtfo. Consequently, I either hav esomeone else hold the pads, or I take it easy on her, and go harder when we switch partners.

[CrippledAvenger]

I leave gender at the door when I train. If people can't hang with me, cool. If they can cool. It's all good.

Like Meat said, if she's bothered by what you're doing get a different workout partner. It's up to you to find a partner who will help you gain the most from your workout time.

[Chang Style Novice]

Crippled Avenger and 7* have sent the Correct to John Hopkins Medical Branch for gender reassignment surgery.

[rubthebuddha]

i think it was ap, merryp or wd that gave some fantastic advide on this, and it doesn't matter what gender the person you're working with is:

just tell them that you'll match their level of contact. if they want to up it or tone it down, you'll take the hint and bring yours up or down as well. let them set the level, and then you follow suit. that way, if they complain that you're wussing out, the complaint is directed right back at them. if they think you're going too aggressive, again, back at them. unless you're really being a bastage, the only person your partner has to blame is his or herself.

now, if they actually GET that hint and realize that you're just responding to their level of brio, that's a different story. :)

[norther practitioner]

Sometimes that whole "get a new training partner," thing isn't as easy as some would make it out to be.

In a class setting you often have to work with mutliple people during the class... and your teacher will pair you up. When you are dealing with her, just be considerate of what she expects, and then get back into mode when you switch up.

[Indestructible]

In my school I worked out with women all the time and never really had any problems. The rules were simple, arms and legs were fair game but no hard strikes to the body because of obvious reasons like women having less muscle mass in certain areas. However when they were holding the bags (not the hanging bags, smaller hand held bags)we could hit as hard as we wanted. The girls certainly had less restrictions about hitting us and seemed to secretly delight in this. :D I went home beat up more than one night at the hands of women classmates.

[CrippledAvenger]

If it's a big problem and your instructor pairs you up, talk to your sifu. Explain what the problem is. If they won't listen and at least offer you advice, I'd recommend finding a different teacher.

[Water Dragon]

Don't train with her. Training is YOUR time. If you 'tone it down' so that she's comfortable, you are the one that is getting screwed.

[CrippledAvenger]

Yo, WD. You got mail bro.

No rush or nothing. Just letting you know.

[apoweyn]

i think it was ap, merryp or wd that gave some fantastic advide on this, and it doesn't matter what gender the person you're working with is:

Can't take credit for that. I think it was Merry.

If she's called you on it, maybe it's time to lay it out for her. Tell her she complains about what you're doing when you work together. And she complains about you when you don't work with her. Ask her which option she wants to be okay with, because you working with her in a way that's unsatisfactory to you isn't much of a solution.


Stuart B.

[Meat Shake]

I sure am glad I only train with 3 people, and they are all tough mofo's.

[rubthebuddha]

apparently someone has called the congregation of the correct to order.

ap -- such modesty and honesty. are you SURE you're a contemporary martial artist? ;)

honestly, the problem is not with you. it's a problem she has, and it's her responsibility to figure it out. either she'll be an adult and work through it, or she'll be a child and let it come between her and progress.

[Meat Shake]

The honest problem...
is that RTB gave her genital herpes and now shes actin funny.

Wait a minute... wrong thread. :eek:

:rolleyes:

[rubthebuddha]

last time i let you look at my medical records, *******. :mad:

[apoweyn]

rubthebuddha: ap -- such modesty and honesty. are you SURE you're a contemporary martial artist? :)

Not entirely sure, no. :)

[Liokault]

rubthebuddha



i think it was ap, merryp or wd that gave some fantastic advide on this, and it doesn't matter what gender the person you're working with is:

It was MP. What he ment was in BJJ the chances are if your partners male then hes gay so its all the same.

[kenso]

What else did she lay into you about?

[Meat Shake]

My tremendously small genitals. :(

[blooming lotus]

Originally posted by Ludeviews
,
So should I take it easier on weaker members (of either sex)?

but then I feel I'm not giving them realistic training & not getting the best out of MY training.

Thanks for all replies. [/B] For sure dude I'm hearing ya.. Just make sure you don't mistake that for hormones. For real, I recently was the only chick in a shaolin seminar, and the testosterone was crazy. I had to leave beacuse just by being there was disrupting everyone's qi makig it unproductive allround. I hate that jazz!!! feelings shmeelings... training has nothing to do with sex or gender. What can say...they love me :rolleyes:

[txwingchun]

Next time she does that slap her across the face with your co ck

[Volcano Admim]

da-mn females, they hurt the dude
reminds me of very early days as a kid when i did not care about females and life was good (ignorance iza bliss)... but i really cant remember that time, fock, there was always some girl in school i liked as long as i can remember. before you ask, no, i never aproached any of em da-mn females i liked from way back at school when i was a lil fat kid.

[Ben Gash]

This is an issue for your sifu to sort out. It is not her place to berate you in class.

[Ben Gash]

RTB, I posted your medical records on the net months ago :D

[Ming Yue]

Get what you can out of who you're working with. Unless she is your regular, every single class, training partner, I think confronting her would be a bad idea. Based on what you said about her, my bet is she won't be all logical and see the light. :rolleyes:

I wouldn't bother your Sifu about it. Chances are he knows anyway. Grin and bear it, train at her level when you're partnered with her. Maybe from her you develop better patience, and then you can bang like you should with the other folks in class.

[apoweyn]

Originally posted by sc_guy
Have you done any Taiji "pushing hands" with her? Have you done any BJJ "mounting" with her? Have you done any Preying Mantis "close door kick" with her? A pretty female student could make your style popular.

"Oh! My style is better than your style"! "But we have prettier girls in mine!" :( :) :p :D

The next time some innocent, wide-eyed young'un asks why we don't have any 'chicks' on this forum, I'll be sure to link to this.

[Ming Yue]

gee thanks, sc.
I'll be sure to remember how much we gals contribute to the martial arts the next time i'm touching up my lipgloss before training.


loser.

[Okami]

It sounds to me like gender is not the issue here.
The whining and complaining is the issue.

This person does not need to be in your class if she is going to whine about a little contact.
Your post says that you and several others in the class have problems with this chic. She is definately the problem, not you!

Don't change what you are doing. Practice hard and if she dosen't like it, then she can quit and go study basket weaving. It is Kung Fu, not patty cake! She is the problem, not you!

Have I said this before.
She is the problem, not you!

Gender is not the issue, the whining is.

[scotty1]

Hmm, pushed hands with a couple of ladies for the first time at the weekend.

Couldn't help but think their bewbies get in the way for some things, like straight push. But you just work on other stuff while they're your partner.