View Full Version : Psychology 101: Talking your way out

09-14-2000, 01:44 AM
Hi Everybody.

There's a lot of good talk going on here about scenarios where fists fly and physical implication comes to pass.
My question is: How do you read certain types of agressors, and what is the example you can give, that you are most proud of, where you talked your way out of a useless confrontation? (I expect we'll have a good time with this one)

09-14-2000, 04:42 AM
Try talking your way out of this!

1 couple of guys that wanna touch your ass
and one of them is holding some vaseline
can you talk your way out??

2 You see your own mother beat up by some guy
are you going to beat him?

3 Your family are being insulted!!
(I can't take this kinda **** trash talk!)
are you going to fight?

please tell me how to talk this out?

09-14-2000, 05:47 AM
You're a moron. Sorry about the two guys and the vaseline; I hope they were gentle.

09-14-2000, 06:37 AM
Hi canadiantiger,

You're right he is a moron /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

As to the scenerio I always try to talk my way out of a fight. My wife and I were together for just about two years and she thought I was the biggest wimp ever. She oculd not believe how I let people treat me. Still when someone put his hands on my wife her opinion changed dramatically.

It does not take skill or courage to fight. It does take skill and courage to walk away. You need to be assured of your own ability so you won't need to posture and front for others.

I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I do care about what I think of myself. My children are raised to avoid violence. I am not ashamed to raise them to walk away. However, I will teach them how to protect themselves AS A LAST RESORT!!!!! With the self-confidence they have from knowing they can fight they are more apt to talk or walk away.



09-14-2000, 08:51 AM

I hear ya! I don't have kids of my own yet but I definitely plan to get them into the arts (MA) as early as possible so that they do learn self control as well as defense. I'm certainly no saint myself, I've been in more scraps on the street than recommended by health authorities /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif and I have to work hard to come across as a wimp...But it's always worth it. It's easier now that I have almost complete control over the level of adrenaline I allow to flow through, and I'm always able to reason with a potential assailant in a humourous and amicable way. Of course, extreme situations will always call for extreme measures; But the fact of the matter is, in 98% of street/bar altercations, the initial situation is far from extreme. I've tried to talk my way out on a couple of occasions where it proved absolutely futile, namely one involving a guy who spilled his diet coke (not even booze!) when I bumped into him at a street fair. I smiled, sincerely apologized and offered to get him another one. He started cursing like a madman and he went into roid rage (this guy was juicing heavily no doubt by looks of him) and I was forced to drop him in front of his girlfriend. Poor guy, I thought, here's this 215 pound sack of brawn taking a fall from a 5'9" stringy tattooed geek with glasses. No chance for reasoning there...who can relate? Let us know.

09-15-2000, 07:43 PM
well canadian
I hope you and your new friends have fun with your ass!

with stiches!

09-15-2000, 09:11 PM
overdemon,1 and 2 ,yea you got to fight(unless you like guys with vaseline touching your bum!).As for #3,well you WALK AWAY!
Dam that was a hard one.Ive left bars more than once when trouble was brewing,and while it sucks,it doenst suck nearly as much as either getting beat up or explaining to a hstile lawyer,in a court of law,why his client lost his front teeth and why you shouldnt pay for it and damages,or why his other client cant work for the rest of life due to a neck injury and how are you going to compensate him for that?Ive been in that situation,and with the way the legal system sometimes works,you may get nailed evcen if youre justified.

09-15-2000, 11:34 PM
3 yeah I got a little phock up by those
kids that don't stop anoying me!

09-16-2000, 01:49 AM
Thanks Jimmy for your say on the issue. Overdemon, please don't post here anymore. Thanks.

09-17-2000, 05:16 AM
ok heres my favorite example of talking my way out of a fight.
I worked in a honky tonk as a bouncer and one night a guy walked in,about 6'2", maybe 300 pounds.We noticed,first off,that he looked like he had waded through a pool of blood.I mean,his boots were soaked,his pants drenched,and his shirt splattered.It wasnt his blood.
Well a guy in the bar had seen what happened ,this beast had CLEARED OUT a bar alone!Hed beat three bouncers and 5 or 6 other guys(everyone else was smart and ran),and then went on a kicking spree on the poor fallen souls he'd whooped.
Of course,my luck,he started getting beligerent,and call me a coward,iwas scared as hell.Well Tiny,the resident biker went up to the guy ,and I got about 8 feet behind the bad guy ,planning on doing a double stepping side kick when he inevitably ( I thought) attacked Tiny. I was going to try to crush the base of his spine(i was wearing boots and wouldve had a clear wind up)or pop a kidney or spleen.Yea I know this sounds dumb ,but this guy was dangerous and I wasnt going to be the next victim.it might not even have worked but it was the best I could come up with.Well Tiny,a short,fat ugly guy, went up to him and said "hey buddy,youve had a rough night,let me buy ya a drink!" and put his arm around the fellow like they were lifelong friends.We got hima coffee and bought him a cab.I had to babysit him while we waited for the cab,and he told me stories about his bull riding career.Of course he was lying,he was way too big to be a rodeo guy,but the guy was a nut case and seemed to want to talk about it.The worst part was he insisted on putting his smelly arm around me and breathing dung breath in my face,but it was a small price to pay to get him out of my bar.
My other story ,I worked in a club and a group of New orleans cops(I live about 40 miles from the big easy) on a binge had a beef with some punks over a pool game.Well, the bouncing crew I worked with sucked,and the first guys there only made the situation worse by being unprofessional jerks.Street cops,even off duty,have a very low crap tolerance.Well I got there and,seeing the situation,moved around to the back of the cops group(BTW,never bunch up if a fight is about to start,spread out and think about flanking and cheap shots).Of course,these guys were cops,and of course,one of them was watching their backs.
He saw what I was doing and turned and confronted me,saying "you and me are tying up when this goes down."I looked at the situation,the numbers were even,my fellow bouncers were chumps,and these cops looked street hard and experienced.I figured we were in for a whoopin,if the fight had started me and mine wouldve been eaten alive by these guys.I looked the fellow in the eyes while pushing a chair behind me out of the way with my foot,and said"man,I hope it doesnt go that way,but its up to you".Believe it or not,he stared for asecond ,then said "man ,youre allright,Im sorry man,"shook my hand and began to calm his buddies down.I immediatly went to the front of my group,where the fools i worked with were still talking smack,and got between them and the cops.
I managed to get them to back off enough for the cops to calm down and leave.The funny part is ,these dam idiots were talking crap later about how lucky the cops were to back down!A week later a big fight broke outand the whole crew got chewed up.Me,I saw which way the wind was blowing ,picked a corner and just survived.It sounds really cheesy,but i felt no obligation to these idiots I worked with.I had worked with good crews before,and these guys were dam punks who wanted to prove their manhood.
Ok those are my two favorite getting out of bad situation stories.Sorry,Im not a good storyteller,but I think I got the idea across.

09-17-2000, 11:41 PM
I don't know if anyone's noticed this, but after I 'd been training for a while I found myself not getting into problems. I guess most trouble starts if the troublemakers can sense that you are nervous and already a bit shaken.

So, to avoid trouble, radiate calmness and confidence, I'd say. Easy (?) as that /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

09-18-2000, 11:31 PM
On a global scale, it's called strength thru peace. You can actually avoid conflict by increasing your combat powers. Everybody respects power.

The Cold War in the 80s when the US & Russia were in an arms race was actually more stable & peaceful than it is now. Things are actually a lot more dangerous now, although the public may not perceive so. Incidentally, a more cunning goal the US had in baiting Russia into an arms race was to deplete their economy on military spending.
Looks like mission accomplished

Rolling Elbow
09-19-2000, 01:35 AM
I have always avoided confrontation...even at the worst of times when big ass#(les were just yapping away and looking for a reason to swarm or hit me, I have alwyas made sure I watch out for myself and my group of friends. Lately, I find myself being the eyes for our group when we head out. They say I'm paranoid, but hell, none of them are fighters and you have to watch out when you go to a bar and the drinks start flowing. People get "manly" and competitive for girls they have no chance with..

I think the key here, is to let the guy talk as much as they want..you agree and try to read the signs from there. Granted I have felt like a ***** at times in my life for doing it, but I still have all my teeth and have only been sucker punched once...I'd say my instincts are pretty good. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Michael Panzerotti
Taijutsu Nobody from the Great White North..