View Full Version : He throws the worlds slowest haymaker.....what do you do???

09-28-2000, 06:42 PM
O.K. here's a poll just for fun!
Your in a bar, Tank Abott is **** drunk and bumps into as you are walking to get a beer. You try to apologize but he gets mad and throws a huge, slow haymaker at your head. If it connects......you will most likely die.
What do you do?

09-28-2000, 07:52 PM
How about duck, and run like hell. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

8Step Sifu

09-28-2000, 08:21 PM
Good technique 8steps,
but I forgot to mention that suddenly the door is locked and a million people stand in the way of your exit, so you have no choice but to defend yourself in some physical way!

09-29-2000, 12:02 AM
how about duck and smash your beer bottle in his face? or duck and crawl between his legs and out the back door. tank abbot...<shiver>

Its all fun and games til someone loses an eye. Then its just fun.

09-29-2000, 12:47 AM
I would do what,who was it,vitor belfort or rizzo, did,go shoulder to shoulder with him,getting inside the punch,and bust his ass on the inside.Most guys like tank cant throw if you jam em and move em back,and stay REAL close.hes got no lead hook(most guys dont)and he has to draw back to hit .Actually ,this applies against a lot of the brawlers Ive fought .Just make sure that you know how to jam that punch or youll get some brain damage!Tank is a guy tailor made for a western boxer.
A side note,Mike Tyson also has no balance moving back,if you ever see his losses,note that when he gets forced back his head pops right up.Easier said than done,but its a pretty serious weakness if a guy can exploit it.

09-29-2000, 01:16 AM

assuming he is right handed, i reach with my left apply a wristlock, while i step behind him in a cat stance to apply a tiger paw, from the tiger paw, i hold his head back while keeping his wrist in the lock, thusly immobilizing him and applying allota pain to his spine.

09-29-2000, 01:50 AM
I would doubt very much that you could joint lock tank...some guys are just too big. Thats what hitting is for. Then you can lock them up.

8Step Sifu

09-29-2000, 02:13 AM
Worlds slowest haymaker? Easy, break the arm....in several places.....then break the arm some more.....

"Do not worry about being known, rather, try to be someone worth knowing."

09-29-2000, 03:25 AM
oph yeah kemara ,thats right,i forgot!Do a jump spinning heel kick to the inside of the elbow,and follow with a spining backfist/foot sweep combo,and to end it apply a nerve grab to his left nipple.Thatll teach him!

09-29-2000, 06:09 AM


09-29-2000, 07:43 AM
well being a ving tsun man i would have to say that if it was slow & i was ready, i would not have to block if it was that slow, i would simple drive my bottom 3 knuckles as hard as i could into his lip & nose & then just keep hitting him in the hope that he would go down.(from what i've seen he seems to have one of those heads that just seems like it likes getting hit)

09-29-2000, 09:55 AM
I would probably try to bob and weave under it only to find when I rose back up, that the punch was so slow it hadn't passed overhead yet, and I was directly in it's path.

10-01-2000, 05:27 AM
lol* i don't even know who tank abbot is.

10-01-2000, 07:26 AM
sorry sir,figured you knew who he was.Tank was one of the early UFC heavies.He was the ultimate streetfighting brawler,sloppy punches that crushed his foes and an aggressive groundstyle that focused on striking.Tank was beatable by seasoned,skilled fighters,but when he won he won big and ugly.Also really thuggish in appearence and and large(280 #)

10-02-2000, 12:28 AM
If it was the world's slowest haymaker, I doubt it could kill anyone..

I'd propably just redirect his power so he ended up in the floor. or.. simply move away from the punch and ask "wow. where you learned that from? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif"

PS. who is this.. abbutt guy? sounds like a farmer from Kansas..

10-02-2000, 05:33 AM
no problem dude, i just don't follow the ufc or any of the stuff.

10-02-2000, 04:59 PM
Well, I'll tell you what I did do in a similar experience, and I hope I could do it again.

Shoot in low at a 45 to the left. Check/push his right (swinging) arm at the elbow up and in with my left, throw my right ridgehand to his left side throat. Keep stepping in and to his back, grabbing my right wrist with my left hand. Pull them in tight for the sleeper (my right elbow High).
Then I'd circle my right foot around in back of his feet, slam my right elbow down into his chest (maintaining the sleeper)and buckle his right leg down by straightening mine.
That should take at least one leg out while keeping him in my sleeper, puting allot of his weight into the hold as well.

I did this once about 2 years ago in a Pep Boys auto parts store. It takes about a second and a half. Works great.


If you pr!ck us, do we not bleed? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that the villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. MOV

10-02-2000, 05:58 PM
>>>I did this once about 2 years ago in a Pep Boys auto parts store. It takes about a second and a half. Works great.

Sounds like an interesting fight story.....tell us more, lay out the whole scenario and what happened for us!!!!

10-02-2000, 07:51 PM
JWT - hmm, that sounds good. Zone down & out to his blind spot and get him in a choke. I think I like it...

10-02-2000, 09:54 PM
No way. I posted a fight story on here once and I'm still gettin sh!t for it a year later.


10-03-2000, 08:19 PM
Come on man,
I for one, won't give you **** if you post it on here. I think in this case it would hold relevant information, and wouldn't be considered bragging or anything.
Come on......do it man.....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DO IT!!!!!!!!!

10-04-2000, 12:03 AM
Ok, but only because I'm sure I told this story before.


Ok, I have a 68 Camaro that I built from the ground up. Largely because of this, it breaks allot. Consequently, I spend allot of time in auto part stores.

One day (swapping rear end gears from 4.11:1 to 3.73:1) I was in Pep Boys here in Austin. The South Lamar store. I go to get my parts at the back counter where this middle aged white guy is litterally screaming at the guy behing the counter. As it turns out, the guy had given him a box of spark plugs for an 8 cylinder, when he really needed them for a 6. The customer had got the box, not paying any attention to what was one it, drove home and started working on the car, only to find out that they were the wrong plugs. I'd be a little peived too, but nothing like this. So he gets his teenage son with him, and drives back to Pep Boys, where he comences to berate the employee who sold it to him.
The employee was a large Mexican kid, probabbly in his late teens or early 20's. The customer was threatening him, telling him he was going to "come over across this isle and slap your ***** a$$" and stuff like that. He included lots of racial slurs about Mexicans (something VERY foolish in South Austin, especially since the manager was Mexican as well.) Eventually, the kid behind the counter had enough, and opened up the little half door behind the counter and told the guy he was welcome to step up or step out. Apparently, the guy wasn't ready for this. The kid was bigger than him, in his prime, and ready for a fight. It was pretty clear that neither myself, the manager, or the guy's son (who hadn't announced that he was the guy's son, he was just quietly waiting in line) or the other two customers were going to stop this kid from giving this guy the pounding he deserved.

So. The kid calls the customer's bluff, and all the customer can say is, "your lucky I don't (come behind there and kick your a$$), and he heads off to go to the rack to get his correct spark plugs.

Now, when he's gone, the other customer turns to his girlfriend and says, "that guy's a d!ck".

As soon as the customer comes back, the guys son (and remember we don't know he's actually the son yet) turn and says, "Hey dad, this guy called you a d!ck". Now, it's clear to me now we've got a whole family full of troublemaking cowards. If the son had wanted to fight the guy, he would have said something when the guy commented on his dad. Instead, he waited until his daddy got back and told him.

A bit of male human behavior should be noted here. Challenge a young man when he's alone, and he might very well back down. But challenge the same man in front of his girlfriend, and you bet your sweet bippy he's ready to fight.

So the kid (with his girlfriend) just ream the son up and down. He pushes the kid, calls him some names, makes it VERY evident he wants to go. The father never says jack. Instead, he turns to insult the manager, who's been standing there the whole time.

Mistake. The manager is a small, early 30's Mexican man. But he's not ready to listen to any of this guy's crap about lousy employees after he heard every racial epitath imaged come out of the guy's mouth 2 minutes earlier.

All of this is set up. Notice, I'm the only one in the whole story that hasn't said a word. I've stood there, in line behind the ******* the whole time. When he went to get his spark plugs, I moved up to get my gears and when he came back and got to my right and in front of me, I never said a thing.

So, what does he do? He get's so ****ed off he throws the box of spark plugs. He didn't throw the box at the employee. He obviosly knew better than that. He just turned and threw the box.

I honestly don't even think he saw me there. He just got so worked up he threw it. And hit me square in the chest less than 2 feet away. I said "Hey man, whatch it" (my exact words). He said, something like "shut the fu(k up you little @sshole." And then he threw the world's slowest right roundhouse punch I've ever seen. I performed the sleeper I mentioned above, minus the leg sweep. I then drug him to the door,and litterally kicked him in the a$$ out. The manager locked the door, and told the guy he was calling the police. The guy then got in a green Ford Aerostar. The manager had to unlock the door and let the guy's son out. And when he did, he got in the van and they drove off. Nobody called the police.

I didn't even get a discount.

When I got back to the garage, I told a friend of mine that was helping me about it. His response: "Man I ALWAYS get in fights at Pep Boys."


If you pr!ck us, do we not bleed? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that the villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. MOV

10-04-2000, 01:07 AM
hey JWT,
what previous fight story could we still be giving you crap about? it can't be the belt with the pewter frog...could it? hey, i enjoyed both stories, btw.


Its all fun and games
til someone loses an
eye. Then its just fun.

10-04-2000, 03:32 PM
That's great! A real classic!
You can tell the guy you took out was a real coward, he backed down from the big guy, but took a swing at you since you were little and he thought you would be easy to beat on!
I love it when a-holes like that get karma has due to them!

10-04-2000, 04:43 PM
Hey, I'm 6'1 165lb. Not THAT little.


10-04-2000, 05:44 PM
Since those were my exact stats prior to my transplant (lost 30lb in 2 weeks) I would say the 6'1" 165lb looks a bit on the "you can beat my ass" side unless you have like no bodyfat and that was all muscle. One thing I like about hanging out at the kwoon is the people bigger than me who know they can't beat my ass despite their size advantage. I'm hoping to get up to 200lbs at that height (since I'm down to 145 and can't really work out for another month, that will be hard)

10-04-2000, 07:12 PM
JWT - sweet story! I think we all enjoyed it!

10-04-2000, 08:02 PM
great story Jon Wayne!Too bad you didnt mark the guy up a bit, but such is life.
BTW Jerry Love,how are ya coming along after your surgery?Are you active yet?Just wondering

10-05-2000, 12:06 AM
There is no surgery. Just a high-dosage chemo. I'm still recovering and still not allowed out much. I look forward to getting back to training and hope to be able to next month.

Has anyone else had experience with a hiatus from training for this long (8 months so far) and the results when you start back? Did it take a long time to get your strength / power back up?

10-05-2000, 05:25 PM
I had a really bad motorcycle wreck and couldn't train at all for about 6 months. Hell, I couldn't stand up for almost 6 months.

I didn't get to full speed for about a year.
I didn't really loose my techniques, those came back really fast.
What I lost was my timing, and a great deal of my controll. But mostly, the timing.
My forms looked ok, my self defense techniques were adequate, but my sparring sucked. It was like starting all over. I knew what to do, it just didn't ever end up like I planned.

But it just took time.


10-08-2000, 04:32 PM
hang in there JerryLove,
If you still go over techniques in your mind, then it shouldn't be hard for you to get back into your training!

10-12-2000, 03:40 AM
Pak Sao to the inside of his punch, and biu jee to the eye, then run ;-) No matter how big he is, his eye will still pop out when my finger occupies the socket.

"You have to consider the possibility that god does not like you; he never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. It is not until we have lost everything that we can do anything."

10-18-2000, 10:29 AM
yeah, screw all that fancy sh#t,

just pull out your Glock 25 and blow his brains out, neh!?

10-18-2000, 04:56 PM
You mean pull it out right after he knocks your a$$ out and takes it from you.

10-18-2000, 07:10 PM
Especially with the slap to the jugular. It looks like their raising their hand to ask a question.

8Step Sifu