Be honest, have you ever gotten your arse kicked?

[MatT3T4]

I have. Once. By a female. A 400lb. black lady, we'll call her...Bonqueesha. This is a funny story...

I was 15 years old, and I was, at that time, fundamentally a 1st degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, although I made the decision to stop testing for belts at blue.

We were at a nasty, crusty old go-kart track in North Hills, CA...called Pepe's Go-karts. Make your own assumptions, they're probably correct.

My two buddies and I were kicking major ass, and waxing the track with people. So race after race, I would always run to this one kart that seemed to be faster than the rest. I was lapping people left and right, having the best time ever. As the place is getting more crowded, it is getting harder and harder to score that kart.

So, the gates open, and I am ten people back from the front of the line. Bonqueesha waddles as fast as she can, and jumps into my cart. She makes a smartass remark to me about it, and I hop in the one behind her, after telling her I'd still win, because she weighed down the kart...and not in so many words.

Anyway, apparently, that struck a chord with her. To make it worse, I lapped her twice during the race. By this time, Bonqueesha was fuming...:p

So the race ends, we all park, and I exit the track and head for the concession stand with my two friends. As we were walking, the ground began to shake violently, and I heard the voice of a distraught female yelling behind me. I turn around, and Bonqueesha is charging me like a rhino. I seriously didn't know what to think. She tried to tackle me, but I moved out of the way. By now, I was keeled over, holding my gut, laughing my ass off. She came back at me while I was still cracking up, and got me in a headlock under her left arm. By now, tears were coming from my eyes because I was laughing so hard...

I didn't know that she was serious, until the first fist made contact with my face! :confused: WTF! This moose-of-a-woman is kicking my ass. Then, punch after punch after punch. This woman was pummeling me. I was still laughing, but I was also getting my ass kicked. I figured I had to get out of her death grip. The thought of hitting a woman was always a no-no to me...but ****, she was hitting me as hard as she could, so why not? I jarred my right shoulder up to give my right arm some room to move, and I swung it up and clocked her in the back of the head. She let go...

I stepped back a few feet, and started laughing again. At this time, I see some guy (probably her brother) rushing me. WTF? The whole family was there, and they all wanted me dead. Now, remember, this is when I was in Tae Kwon Do, and I was really good at it. I wasn't going to hit him, but I was going to scare him. So, as he is coming at me, I throw an insane hurricane kick, swinging the ball of my foot right past his head, purposely missing it. He stopped in his tracks, ran back the other way screaming, "MAMA! HE KNOWS KARATE!!!"

I wish I had a video camera for it. It was the funniest martial moment of my life. My friends didn't come to my aid because they were too busy rolling on the floor, and laughing.

So that is the story of my asskicking. Anyone else have any funny, bad, or otherwise entertaining stories?

[1renox]

Funny story that was.

Yes, had mine kicked. Not worth relating. Thanks for sharing that story.

[Vash]

Yep. When I was in the 7th grade.

Fought this one dude was pizzing me off. Anyway, we go to the ground, and it feels like he's slipping on a full nelson. He wasn't. He got me in a sleeper.

I could've handled the nelso, but that rear choke got me.

[Meat Shake]

One time, this guy looked at me funny.







I shot him in the face.

































Then I spit on him.

[Losttrak]

All my worst arsebeatings were by my brother. He was a hyperactive rage freak when we were younger. One of those guys that keeps beating you even if you are on the ground motionless. I can attribute my only two broken bones to him. lol He was bigger than me for the longest time. Until I learned to fight, my only defense was projectiles since he was such a natural fighter. I would throw hammers at his a$$, trash cans, anything to stun him lol. Once, I almost chopped his thumb off. We made our mother lose 3 jobs when we were younger due to me calling her after every beating. We were the lamest kids ever. The turning point was when I was getting bigger and realized I could fight back. I blockaded a door to keep him out and waited for him to stop trying to kick it in. When I heard him start to walk away I grabbed this trash can with sharp edges and hurled it at his back. I remember standing over him watching as he squirmed in agony. And soo the torch was passed.


My brother still kicks ass though. He is one of those guys, who when surprised, has a natural reaction to hit someting rather than startle. He moved to the Seattle area after his military service and didnt think he was popular enough... so he joined a full-contact fight club at a bar and beat the champ on the first day. Then everyone knew his name. lol That fooker has more heart and the most uncanny reflexes I have ever seen. God bless good arse-kicking genes.

[joedoe]

Got my arse kicked in the first tournament I went in. Didn't help that I entered with a broken nose, but I didn't know it was broken :) Still, it was a big arse kicking and I think I would have lost anyway.

[CaptinPickAxe]

I was beat up by a gang of angry lesbians. They were enraged by my "Ellen DeGeneres has a *****" T-Shirt.

[Clfhs4life]

the first tournament i went to i just froze kinda during sparing. ( the car accident i was in the week before didnt help my mobility seing how years later my back is still some what prone to go out from that) I belive you learn more from your losses then your wins. when most people win they assume they did things correct so why rethink what they did in a differnt senario. having a clear mind in extreme situations can be more valuable then all the fighting skills in the world. thats what i learned from my loss 8). that and no matter what style you do basics are basics karate tkd etc front kick hurts no matter what style they do. even the so called "stiff" styles can move pretty fast.

[goldendragon]

Well the first story was great, mine however not so funny

I was at work and was about to close when a couple kids came into the store. I told them that I was going to close shortly and to not take too long. They grabbed a movie and a soda and then came up to the counter gave me their name and I checked the movie out to them. the receipt was printing when on of them came behind the counter(one end is open ) I said you can't come back hear and put my hand on his chest to heard him back out from behind the counter(people sometimes want to use trash and start to come behind counter so I didn't think much of it) When I tried to push him back he puffed out his chest and pushed back. I have a strike called a pushing strike and it is just that a push(normally used with a leg hook to trip them as well) I "pushed" him back a couple steps and then reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife, and started towards me again. He said something like 'step back and you won't get hurt'. He started to raise the knife and I could visualize him trying to stick me with it so I grabbed for his wrist (dumb really because most moves I know are for defense). He either circled around my hands or switched hands with the knife because next thing I know he had it pressed against my neck as soon as I felt it there I grabbed his wrist pulling it away from my neck. I knew that it I let him have the thing any longer I would get cut so I circled around his wrist to the dull side of the knife and realized it was a non-locking blade as I closed it on his hand. I clamped it shut and put just enough pressure to insure his not going anywhere. But what did he do? he yanked his hand out cutting himself across the top of his knuckles! His pull caught me off guard and I having lost my balance figured what better thing to do then go with it and tackle him. I landed on him with my knee in his back and grabbed him around the neck(like a head lock but with only one hand). He then said "Get the cash! Get the cash!" I thought to myself your not going anywhere then I was hit in the back of the head and thrown off the kid that had the knife (He dropped the knife when he yanked his hand out).


I was now on my back thinking "how the hell... " when the kid I was on was now on me. I saw the second kid run over to the computer register and try to open it with a mallet(tent stake looking hammer). I tried to get up but the kid with the knife (now without the knife) had too much weight on my legs to get them under me. As I looked on in horror The kid with the hammer looking thing ran over to us and started to swing it at my head
I remember thinking this is not good I'm 23 years old and I'm going to die in a video store in Vermont all because these retards forgot to ask for the money. I didn't give up though I kept dodging left and right (with my head and upper torso) I even tried to place the first kid between me and the second kid. I don't know how many times he missed but he finally hit me in the shoulder and then in the head. I couldn't understand why it didn't hurt then he hit me in the head again. That time it did hurt, alot. I said something to the extent of 'Jesus fu$#in' Christ, what's wrong with you? I'm bleeding already.' I was bleeding blood was starting to drip out from under my sno-cap. They as soon as I finished talking ran for the door. I got up and put my hand to the front of my head and pressed against my hat. Blood spilled out like I was squeezing an orange against my head. I ran over and wrapped my head with my sweatshirt and called 911.


Sorry the story was so long, but it only lasted 30 seconds or so. I went to the hospital to get stitched up and 2 hours and 30ish stitches latter I was as good as new. I received no injury except the cuts to my head, but I thought for sure my skull was crushed for about 5 min (until the cops and E.M.S. arrived and told me differently). They caught one of the kids while I was filling out police reports down at the station just after being stitched up (the one that gave me his name). They told me latter that these kids were heroin addicts. The second kid was caught when he asked a cop too many questions about the robbery that he couldn't know without being there. The getaway driver (one of their girlfriends) showed the cop where they threw the kids bloody coat and the HATCHET that I was hit with. I was hit three times in the head, the first blow knocked me off the kid with the knife was the hatchet to the back of my head. Both the kids are being charged with attempted armed robbery(couldn't open cash drawer) and aggravated assault(should be attempted murder if you ask me) both looking at 20 years in jail. One of the kids got out on bail only to get put back in three weeks latter for stealing a gun from his step-brother. Now he's looking at 45 years because he robbed another store and a home while out on bail.

[Losttrak]

Think of the bragging rights with women. Yeah, babe... Thats an axe wound. Gimme some sugar, baby.


Also, substitute the money for "helpless Girl Scouts with cookies", and the ax-wielding crackheads to "crazed, tattoo'd yakuza thugs".

[MatT3T4]

Holy crap GD!!! Good thing you came out alright man, that's nuts!!! My friend, it's time you invest in a firearm.

[goldendragon]

while he was out on bail I still went to work....but I did get a gun. though I still do bagua 1.5-2hrs per day:) but the guns for just incase. like if I find myself looking up at a hatchet weelding crackhead or something then I'll shoot the fu#@er, or just aim it at him and watch him wet himself:eek:

[CaptinPickAxe]

Thats a sad story to hear. Glad, you lived to tell it though.

On another note, however, never pull a gun without the intent to use it (do not use it for intimidation). That hesitation could cost you your life.

[goldendragon]

I know my point was that I may not even need to use it. and in fact would rather not. but if I were left no choice then better them than me.

[PHILBERT]

I use to get my butt handed to me in school all the time, until I realized that if I have 5 inches on the guy and 20 lbs, to try and use it. I was in the library at my old school, and the shelves only came up to about my chin level, so I would stand with my chin on the top of the shelves minding my business cause I was bored and wanted to leave but the teacher wouldn't let us. Some guy who hated me (and the feeling was mutual) was standing in line when someone hit him. Or I think hit him. God I have no idea. Anyway, the idiot turns around and goes "Who hit me?" and someone said "I think it was Scott."

Now, at this time, I look up and look past the dozen people standing between me and him, blocking us, so if I had hit him, I would of had to travel a good 8 or so feet, and around these people (or through them) in the time it takes for him to rotate his body 180 degrees. He then looked at me and goes "Did you hit me?" and I realize what is going on and say no, I wasn't even paying attention. Apparently this ****ed the snot off, so he came at me and started swinging. He pushed me back and took a swing and missed. I then grabbed his arm, and not knowing wtf to do, just rotate my body around and threw him face first into the wall. He hits the wall, but managed to turn his head so his face didn't hit it.

After this, he turns around and charges me, punches me in the face, I punch him in the face, and about 3 or 4 guys grab us and tear us apart. As we were being pulled apart, I swung a low kick and struck him in the shin by accident. He was limping and I was nursing a sore jaw as we were escorted to the principal's office. Neither of us even got in trouble. He never spoke to me again either after that.

[KarmaFire]

Anytime you cross swords there is a possibility that you will get arse kicked. Ive personally won some and lost some. Sometimes it hurts more when you win. Funny story though.