View Full Version : Something tells me this guy's going to be the BUTT of a lot of jokes

Chang Style Novice
08-06-2004, 12:49 PM
Oklahoma man shoots himself in rear end (http://www.sacbee.com/24hour/weird/story/1548565p-9105772c.html)

The Associated Press
Last Updated 8:40 am PDT Friday, August 6, 2004
BRISTOW, Okla. (AP) - Drew Patterson wanted to protect himself after hearing reports of an fugitive in this northeastern Oklahoma community.

He didn't think he would wind up nursing a sore rear end.

Patterson's .22-caliber pistol, hooked into the waist band of his denim shorts with the hammer pulled back, apparently fired, hitting Patterson in the left buttock Wednesday afternoon.

Patterson, 27, said he suffered "one of my most embarrassing moments" when his gun fired.

"At first, I didn't feel anything at all," said Patterson, who talked readily about the incident Thursday at his parents' Bristow home.

"Then about 30 seconds later, I felt that burning, stinging," he said.

He felt something warm trickling down his left leg and found an exit wound.

Patterson said he walked into his parents' home and said, "Mom, I did something bad."

Law enforcement officers searching for escaped inmate Raymond Lee Smith, 26, who ran from a Bristow courtroom Wednesday, stopped their hunt when Patterson's gunshot wound was reported.

Smith fled a courtroom in handcuffs and an orange jump suit and was still at large Thursday. He was facing charges of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon on a police officer.

Residents in the Bristow area armed themselves last year when a suspected murderer, Scott Eizember, roamed the rural area as authorities searched for him for 37 days.

"I had good intentions, but I screwed the whole thing up," Patterson said.

Patterson said he was told to keep walking to avoid complications as the wound healed.

"It hurts fiercely now," he said while walking slowly and gingerly.

Reports that the man posts as "Master Killer" on an online kungfu forum were unconfirmed at press time. (Okay, I made that up.)

08-06-2004, 12:54 PM
Originally posted by Chang Style Novice
Oklahoma man shoots himself in rear end (http://www.sacbee.com/24hour/weird/story/1548565p-9105772c.html)

Well, he's assking for it!

Chang Style Novice
08-06-2004, 12:59 PM
Yeah, you gotta wonder how he was reared.

08-06-2004, 01:02 PM
Oklahomans sure are stoopid.

Chang Style Novice
08-06-2004, 01:09 PM
Don't be so bummed out, MK.

08-06-2004, 01:15 PM
Yeah, it looks bad now but I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

Chang Style Novice
08-07-2004, 09:55 AM
I can't believe no-one else wants to crack wise about this.

08-07-2004, 07:58 PM
Butt, all the good lines are taken.

sticky fingers
08-07-2004, 09:33 PM
He'll need strong anal-gesics for the pain

08-08-2004, 04:31 PM
I hope they ass-essed the injury correctly or he could end up with arsenic poisoning

Ming Yue
08-08-2004, 07:41 PM
that's a guy who could get behind the idea of gun control.

08-09-2004, 07:05 AM
Good thing it wasn't in the front of his pants - both the guy and the gun would've gone off half-c0cked.

Chang Style Novice
08-09-2004, 07:58 AM
Ah, that's more like it, you cheeky devils!

Ming Yue
08-09-2004, 08:08 AM
well, you assked for it.

Chang Style Novice
08-09-2004, 08:14 AM
Is that supposed to be an insult? Cause if it is, I'm rubber and you're gluteus.

Ming Yue
08-09-2004, 08:28 AM
I realized at the tail end of that post that you might be offended. I'm probably deserving of astern reprimand.

Sam Wiley
08-09-2004, 10:43 AM
"One of" his most embarrassing moments? ONE OF? Makes me wonder what else he's done lately if that isn't the worst. Jeez.

11-06-2015, 10:50 AM
Reeks of bawang. :eek:

Zhejiang man gets knife stuck in his butt while trying to rid himself of fictional case of hemorrhoids


Yes, you read that correctly. A man from Zhejiang was admitted to the hospital with a knife stuck in his butt. The man, a 54 year old surnamed Yan, apparently suffered from hemorrhoids and was trying to get rid of them.

Yan, a local restaurant employee, told reporters that he had suffered from the hemorrhoid pain for almost 20 years and one morning decided he could not take it any longer. Using a sharp knife, he bent over in front of a mirror and jabbed the knife into his butt. When the knife got stuck, he called and asked a coworker to drive him to the hospital in what must have been a very bewildering phone conversation. "A knife? In your where?"


As you might imagine, the delicate removal of knife from butt was a real pain in the ass and took even longer because Yan had chosen to go after his hemorrhoids with a slightly hooked blade. However, when the doctors finally removed the knife, they found that Yan had no hemorrhoids and his medical records confirmed that he had never suffered from any hemorrhoids at all. He has since been made to submit to a psychiatric evaluation before being allowed to go home.


So in the end, no one knows why he stuck the knife in his butt. This also is not the first time a man from Zhejiang has had a mishap involving a knife. Perhaps it was his interpretation of the mysterious China dream; that he decided he could do whatever he wanted if he just set his mind to it. Or maybe, like everyone else in Zhejiang, he is simply really *****.

By Hasanali Pirbhai

[Images via iFeng]
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By Shanghaiist in News on Nov 5, 2015 11:58 PM