Merryprankster
05-13-2006, 09:47 AM
I was at a tournament this past weekend, and I was again treated to another display of ego's need to preserve itself.
I beat a fellow who didn't have to compete with me. He was in the weight class below me, and had nobody to compete against. I also had nobody to compete against. He was at the high end of his weight class, and I was in the middle of mine, so we weren't that far off - maybe 7 or 8 pounds - So the tournament staff asked if he wanted to have a match with me. He accepted, and I was quite grateful to him for it.
After the match, I went over to him to say thank you. He didn't have to do anything that day at all, but he stepped up anyway.
I said "Thank you very much for competing. I really appreciate it. You didn't have to do it, but you did, so I owe you one."
He said "Yeah...I wasn't sure if I wanted to really compete today...I just got my brown belt a couple of weeks ago."
I learned everything I needed to know about why I won that match in that single sentence.
"I just got my brown belt a couple of weeks ago" is an excuse. It is an excuse designed to preserve a person's perceptions of themselves. It is a way to soften the blow of laying what you have on the line, and getting beat anyway.
It ranks right up there with "I was better than him, but he was stronger/faster than me." Or "I would have beat him if I was in better shape."
It is a coping mechanism, because facing the hard truth is painful and unpleasant.
Incidentally, it is also disrespectful of your opponent. I don't personally believe he meant anything by it, but the implied statement is "Don't get too excited about what you just did. It wasn't that special."
People who use these excuses are unwilling to adopt the mindset of a champion. That mindset is simple: Train like it's the most important thing in your life, compete like you don't care if you win or lose.
That doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking moment training. It does mean that WHEN YOU TRAIN, you must train with intensity and focus, with a specific purpose in mind. And when you compete, you must be willing to take the risks necessary to win.
If you are ego driven, you will never train with a specific purpose in mind. You will focus only on beating your opponent, or "putting up a good fight," against a superior opponent. Note that I did not say partner - an ego driven person has no training partners - only opponents.
Conversely, you will never compete to your full potential, because subconciously, you are concerned with how you see yourself, and how others see you. An ego driven person will not take the risks they need to win. It's gratifying to hear people say "Wow, you really gave that guy a hard time - he's one hell of a competitor too! You should be proud!"
It is not gratifying to be another guy he submitted on his way to the finals. And at every juncture in a competition, every strategy, technique or tactic entails risk of failure and loss. Concern about that failure shuts you out; instead of going for it, you hesitate. You fight not to LOSE, rather than win. Ego can keep you in a match; conquering it puts you on the podium.
The excuse told me he was an ego preserver, at least for 8 minutes that day, and you just can't win like that.
It's a constant, uphill struggle to conquer that, and it takes continual practice, but I think it's worth it to try.
I beat a fellow who didn't have to compete with me. He was in the weight class below me, and had nobody to compete against. I also had nobody to compete against. He was at the high end of his weight class, and I was in the middle of mine, so we weren't that far off - maybe 7 or 8 pounds - So the tournament staff asked if he wanted to have a match with me. He accepted, and I was quite grateful to him for it.
After the match, I went over to him to say thank you. He didn't have to do anything that day at all, but he stepped up anyway.
I said "Thank you very much for competing. I really appreciate it. You didn't have to do it, but you did, so I owe you one."
He said "Yeah...I wasn't sure if I wanted to really compete today...I just got my brown belt a couple of weeks ago."
I learned everything I needed to know about why I won that match in that single sentence.
"I just got my brown belt a couple of weeks ago" is an excuse. It is an excuse designed to preserve a person's perceptions of themselves. It is a way to soften the blow of laying what you have on the line, and getting beat anyway.
It ranks right up there with "I was better than him, but he was stronger/faster than me." Or "I would have beat him if I was in better shape."
It is a coping mechanism, because facing the hard truth is painful and unpleasant.
Incidentally, it is also disrespectful of your opponent. I don't personally believe he meant anything by it, but the implied statement is "Don't get too excited about what you just did. It wasn't that special."
People who use these excuses are unwilling to adopt the mindset of a champion. That mindset is simple: Train like it's the most important thing in your life, compete like you don't care if you win or lose.
That doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking moment training. It does mean that WHEN YOU TRAIN, you must train with intensity and focus, with a specific purpose in mind. And when you compete, you must be willing to take the risks necessary to win.
If you are ego driven, you will never train with a specific purpose in mind. You will focus only on beating your opponent, or "putting up a good fight," against a superior opponent. Note that I did not say partner - an ego driven person has no training partners - only opponents.
Conversely, you will never compete to your full potential, because subconciously, you are concerned with how you see yourself, and how others see you. An ego driven person will not take the risks they need to win. It's gratifying to hear people say "Wow, you really gave that guy a hard time - he's one hell of a competitor too! You should be proud!"
It is not gratifying to be another guy he submitted on his way to the finals. And at every juncture in a competition, every strategy, technique or tactic entails risk of failure and loss. Concern about that failure shuts you out; instead of going for it, you hesitate. You fight not to LOSE, rather than win. Ego can keep you in a match; conquering it puts you on the podium.
The excuse told me he was an ego preserver, at least for 8 minutes that day, and you just can't win like that.
It's a constant, uphill struggle to conquer that, and it takes continual practice, but I think it's worth it to try.