Weekend Fun

[neilhytholt]

So I had kindof a funny experience this weekend. I was visiting with the family, and the guys drug me out to kindof a really hick bar. This being one of the few opportunities I get these days to be without kids, I took them up on it, even though these are my delinquent cousins who do stuff like grow pot in their back yard, have cars on blocks, and like to shoot small animals with a 12 gauge.

Now they know that I used to take martial arts in high school, but they never asked me about what I did afterwards.

So we're at a bar, and we're all kindof wasted, and they ask me to 'show them' something. So I have no idea what to 'show them'. I mean, I don't know any tricks. I don't want to hit them or start a fight. So they started talking about Kill Bill and Uma Thurman, and they want me to 'show them' the one-inch punch thing like in the movie. The only thing really to hit around, besides one of them, is a post, which happens to be one of the supports on the end of the bar. So I pass the bartender a ten spot, go, "Hey, you might think this is a little weird, but my friends want me to show them punching the post. Do you mind? I won't hit it too hard." It's like about 9 by 9 inches or so, just fir or something, but solid as heck. He shakes his head like, "Drunk idiots." But keeps the bill. Says something like "Just don't get hurt."

So I put my fingertips on it, hit it, kindof lightly, but it goes "Bang". Anyways, they go, "Didn't it hurt?" I'm like, "No." It's just fir, much softer than hardwood or something. So I do it again. Pretty soon there's about 20 people at least, and I'm going, WTF, an audience! So they're egging me on, to do it harder.

So I'm pretty messed by by this time, so I hit it again, really hard, but not hard enough to crack it, shakes the supports and the bar a little, dust comes down, everybody cheers a little bit.

But then this really buff dude comes up, young guy, probably about 28 or so, trying to show up the old man, I guess. Must outweigh me by 50 lbs., all muscle, he goes, "I'm a black belt in karate. Let me show you how it's done." So he takes off his jacket, everybody is cheering him on. So he gets into stance, chambers his fist. The bartender's looking really nervous at this point. Slams into it with all his force, I'm going, "He's totally going to break it." The thing totally shook, the bar shook, stuff fell off the wall, and there was a crack. I was going, "OMG, he broke the thing." Then he steps back, and his face kindof turns white, and he's going, "Ow, ow ... ow."


The idiot totally broke his hand. At first I thought it was just hurt, I asked the bartender to get some ice, but then one of the women is trying to massage it, and you can see the point of the bones underneath the skin. They take him off to the hospital.

Anyways, moral of the story ...

[PangQuan]

thats pretty funny stuff.

moral seems to be a reoccuring theme in martial arts.

ego never pays.

[neilhytholt]

My cousins thought it was hilarious. You should have heard them afterwards. The only thing that made them mad was I wouldn't let them smoke pot while I was in the car.

My cousins overall are very fun to be around. Their wives/girlfriends are these very good Christians, that try to get them not to smoke pot, drink, smoke, etc. It works for about 6 to 12 months, then they 'fall off the wagon'. Then, the wives eventually find out, make a todo, then they're 'back on the wagon'.

They have this '7th Heaven' thing going. My youngest cousin got married recently at 21, and everybody gave him a hard time. His wife's parents almost disowned her because they're sure it won't last. They're these very proper people with a lot of money and don't approve of my family at all. LOL

Anyways, my cousins are much more fun to be around when they've fallen, and this was one time when they've fallen. It's best because I can leave the kids with the Christian moms, where they're safe, and then go off drinking with the cousins, ostensibly to 'go see somebody's car'. Going to see somebody's car is supposed to mean going over to see the car, work on the car, etc., but after about 20 minutes it always involves beer, or a beer run, or some JD or some pot.

This time we wound up at my non-married cousin's house to 'go see his car'. He's got this new (meaning old) Bronco type mondo jeep thing from the '70s or something he traded for doing some bodywork for some guy. Anyways he's sunk about 3 grand into the thing, fixing it up. He's the freest because he's not married but just has a girlfriend. She tries to be very good, and goes to church, but she's got this little pot garden growing in the back inside some blackberries. She keeps pretending it's just 'weeds', but when she weeds the garden, she weeds around those plants. I went over to look at them, and the neighbors rottweiler stuck his head out and was barking at me like crazy. Then she came over, and he calmed down. Evidently she feeds him once in a while. She said the neighbors beat him.

Anyways, I mentioned the plants, "Oh, what are those." She gives me a funny look, and said she didn't know, they were 'volunteers' from the neighbors yard. This with some nice 2 inch buds on them.

The best part though is driving around with them, because you never know where you're going to wind up, because they have a lot of interests, like scrounging for metal parts in the various dumps/rivers, finding old cars lying around and grabbing parts off of them, various fruit and nut trees all over the place, stopping by a friend's place (he's a self-proclaimed anarchist) to pick up some 'rat poison', or shells for the shotgun to 'scare away coyotes'. In short, it's like going back to being 12 again.

[jethro]

so are you friends with heronim or are you actually him;)

[neilhytholt]

so are you friends with heronim or are you actually him;)

I have no idea who Hieronim is.

[jethro]

he just sounds like the type of people you are describing. And I htought if I brought up his name, he would have come up with sme questions by now on how long you have practiced the 1-inch punch technique or something, COME ON HERONIM, GIVE ME MY ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

[neilhytholt]

So we're not entertaining you? Well I would have hoped somebody would have caught the fact that what Uma Thurman was doing there was actually the 3-inch punch, but I guess everybody's bored to death and isn't reading this thing.

[jethro]

yeah, no entertainment. I have been reading relak's stuff for a while now, in fact I just added an hour onto my shift tonight. He is easily teh funniest person the earth has ever created. There is one where he says he hasn't posted in a while cause he has been playing dungeons and dragons. He was on level 8 elf with a 9 hp on his shield. Then his next sentence he is challenging somebody to show them kung fu sucks. I am trying to find all of his alias's right now. I may have to come in early to work tomorrow to read more.