OT: Morality and the Girlfriend

[CaptinPickAxe]

I have a question:
I've been with my girlfriend 1 month shy of a year. Things are great, but there is one problem. This old friend from her hometown seems to be stepping on my toes. He tells her he loves her...regularly. And to top it all off he wants her to go to Paris with him....without me. Or even meeting me first. This guy has absolutely no disire to meet me, be friends with me,or even try pretend to be friends. When I meet him once for 5min he didn't even acknowledge my existance. I don't like that. I've discussed my feelings about the situation with my girlfriend and she understands. It's been settled that she's not gonna go because we're going to Portland to see about living there next summer. So she tells this guy and he just can't seem to get it through his head. He's now trying to put doubt into her mind about moving now....and now it's really getting to me.

So what do I do? He won't talk to me....won't even acknowledge that I'm with her. Do I pound his face and send him packing? Or do I force a conversation on him? Either way this dude needs to realize that this is starting to bother me.

[mantis108]

I think Shakespear once said "Woman, frailty is thy name!" It's the ultimate truth about all women. ;)

I am afraid that however great you think of your girl and I am sure she's a great person and all, there is something not quite right here. Why is she still communicating with this guy in the first place? It seems that she's not devoted to you as you would deem that it is IMHO.

The fact that she allows this guy in her life and have doubts about your future together tells me that she's not mature enough to settle down with you or anyone else. It sucks to be in that situation, my friend.

The sad thing in this day and age is that women have "rights" including room for privacy and maddeling gal or guy friends. She might be just exercising her "rights" but if I were you, I would rather cool it a bit with her and let her make her choice for good. Make sure she knows and understands your want to be with her and her alone and not her bagages whatever that is. You don't bring that in from your end and she shouldn't do that either. If she is so thick in her head that you are a nice guy and a true gentleman (as far as you described yourself) not stopping her from having a life of her own including having "questionable" characters pestering her, she really doesn't deserve your love (persumeably that's what it is at this stage). There's a big difference in romantic relations and having a relationship as far as I am concern. So the ball really is in her court not yours. Women complain about guys who's indecisive and unfaithful in relationship, but they do just about the same thing if the opportunity rises. So... remember it takes 2 to Tango.

Is failure in this "relationship" that you have with her is an option? If not be prepare to work hard at it. If yes, well that hardest part is to be ready for letting go. Bad Karma sucks...

Good luck.

Mantis108

[neilhytholt]

Yeah, I've seen this happen a lot, and don't know what to say. She'll have to make up her mind. You probably better not get too attached to her, because like Mantis says, she's free to do what she wants.

Many, many times I've come across some woman dating some guy, and then hanging out with another guy, and then breaking up with the first guy. In college, for example, I was in one dorm-room, and then left it. The one I went to, the guy was seeing this girl Jasmine.

Anyway, the guy that moved into my old room started hanging around with my new room-mates girlfriend Jasmine, and eventually it was more than just hanging out. My new room-mate was pretty upset about it, to the point of yelling and stuff. But nothing he did helped any, she was gone.

Oh, the ironic thing was the new guy had some girlfriend back home and even though he was cheating on her, he didn't want her to know. So he totally lost it one day when his room-mate told his home girlfriend that he was out with his 'girlfriend'. He totally trashed the room, broke a bunch of stuff and threw the T.V. out the dorm window.

Bottom line is it was a big stink, and they all blamed it on ME because I changed rooms. :confused:

I came across her about a year later and she was with yet another guy.

[SifuAbel]

Knee-cap him and mention cement shoes in the convesation about his future. :D

[jethro]

[QUOTE=CaptinPickAxe]I have a question:
He's now trying to put doubt into her mind about moving now....and now it's really getting to me.

QUOTE]


Yeah, I think it is self explanatory, pull him aside and ask him why he thinks he can try to talk your girl out of what you guys had decided. Not cool man, Sifu able is right, but I would cut off his thumbs too. :p

[Water Dragon]

This isn't about you and your girl Bro, it's about you and this dude. He's punking you right now (in her eyes) and you're letting it happen. Don't even talk to her about this too much, don't let it get to you in front of her. Call the guy, explain to him that she's not for him however you need to, and then let it go.

[CaptinPickAxe]

WD, has a great point and explains exactly how I feel. I feel like a chump for letting shyt get to me, but in the same breath I want to bust his skull wide open so she can see how little brains he has.

She's told me that she'll stop talking to him all together, but I know that isn't the right choice. It'll creat animosity, a feeling of being controlled, and mainly it's unfair. I think I should have a talk with him, but he dodges me now. He knows I'm pyssed....really pyssed. He knows that I take pleasure in fighting. He's doing anything possible to stay far away from me, but close enough to maintain contact with her. It's a task trying to get ahold of this chump anywheres but on myspace, and quite frankly I just don't have time to f#ck off on that site for days.

[Water Dragon]

So the next time he's talking to her take the phone from her and tell him then. If she has an issue with it, leave. You're setting yourself up to get played in the future. If not because of this guy, because of another.

I'm not saying to be a prik about it, just be a man about it.

[Hieronim]

The idea is as follows:

A womans job is to TRY and control the man.
A mans job is to see that it never happens.

This is basically saying that women test for strength in a man by trying to control the situation, while wanting the man to prevent her from doing it and leading.

the difference is that almost all of their tests are subconscious - i.e. they have no idea what they want.

Think about how many times women complain that they want you to open up and then when you do you get punished...with extreme prejudice.

[neilhytholt]

Think about how many times women complain that they want you to open up and then when you do you get punished...with extreme prejudice.

This one time, at band camp ... this girl asked me if I thought she was fat. I said no.

Again, she asked me if I thought she was fat. I said no.
Again, she asked me. Again, I said no.

Finally, I stopped answering, and she pestered me nonstop for over a week. Finally I said, "Well, you're not fat, but you might have a little extra pounds around your waist."

She got totally mad at me and never talked to me again after that.

[rogue]

Do what I do when I have a problem with a female.

Ask youself, "What would Royal Dragon do?":D :D

[Shaolinlueb]

Knee-cap him and mention cement shoes in the convesation about his future. :D


im with sifu abel on this.

this guy sounds like a doosch bag who had something for her. and is tyrying to be a *****. hey im not saying she will but if she does leave, she will do it to that guy too.

[viper]

The desire to smash the other mans head in know this one. Ive been there the worst part is ur almost ****ed if u do ****ed if u dont. Force a convo with this guy he seems like he wants to move in but not face u hes a ***** maybe have a party get ur gf to invite this fool and pull him aside uv just gota be carefull bout this one its good she knows ur feelings and seems she is choosing u. Play it cool in front of her bout this. Last resort make him make the first move to become pysical with you and "defend yourself". This guys underhanded and maybe u migh be underhanded this is only adsvice I hope for you ur girl is as cool as you say I dont know her so i cantr judge so i wont im a romantic so i believe ull live happly ever after but keep that big stick close.

[Becca]

Might just be that she's reluctant to close the door on an old freindship, and he is trying very hard to pretend that means she still wants him... I does not, however, mean she's playing any games. If you've been with her for almost a year, you'd know by now if she was that type of person. If she was, you would already know that she isn't worth it. If she's not, keep giving her the benifit of the doubt. "Busting his knee caps" is totally up to you, though. ;)

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

The idea is as follows:

A womans job is to TRY and control the man.
A mans job is to see that it never happens.

This is basically saying that women test for strength in a man by trying to control the situation, while wanting the man to prevent her from doing it and leading.

the difference is that almost all of their tests are subconscious - i.e. they have no idea what they want.

Think about how many times women complain that they want you to open up and then when you do you get punished...with extreme prejudice.

the intelligence required for good trolling aside, i think thats the smartest thing you've ever posted.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

The idea is as follows:

A womans job is to TRY and control the man.
A mans job is to see that it never happens.

This is basically saying that women test for strength in a man by trying to control the situation, while wanting the man to prevent her from doing it and leading.

the difference is that almost all of their tests are subconscious - i.e. they have no idea what they want.

Think about how many times women complain that they want you to open up and then when you do you get punished...with extreme prejudice.

the intelligence required for good trolling aside, i think thats the smartest thing you've ever posted.

[dainos]

wow just when you need him to be there he is there.:D
that was good moment for gda to pop in

[Royal Dragon]

I sugjest taking a big step back, and see if she tries to keep from losing you, or if she goes to him.

Don't talk, just observe, and base your decisions on her actions, not her words.

[Pork Chop]

So the next time he's talking to her take the phone from her and tell him then. If she has an issue with it, leave. You're setting yourself up to get played in the future. If not because of this guy, because of another.

I'm not saying to be a prik about it, just be a man about it.


I like this opinion. It reminds me of the law of the wild- like rams, bisons, and gorillas.

This isn't about convincing your girl that you're a better catch, you've already done that. You need to convince this guy that you're a man that deserves a lil respect.

As long as you keep playing wishy washy, he's gonna keep making his moves. He probably feels like "nobody's watching". He's gotten more and more forward.

He doesn't look at you and your relationship as anything worth respecting. You don't necessarily need violence to solve this situation, but you do need to figure out how to make him learn some respect.

If she keeps allowing him to enter back into the picture, then leave her, coz she doesn't respect & value what you guys got.

[neilhytholt]

You just can't worry about it. If he makes you jealous and you let him get under your skin, then it's just a sign of weakness.

Bottom line is it's her decision and you have zero control over it. Nobody owns anybody anymore. She's free to do what she wants, so who cares? If she leaves you, then that's what she wanted to do.

Believe me, I've been there. My ex cheated on me with some other guy (and probably more than one). You're not allowed anymore to get mad at them or yell or anything.

It's just part of relationships in the 2000s.

[David Jamieson]

if she wants you, she'll stick with you and tell the courting mode dude to take a hike.

If she is playing head games, I wouldn't even consider making a big move with her.

I would tell the dude, in front of her taht he should back off and go hunting for someone else.

You could also ask her if she feels for him. If so, take a walk yourself.

It takes a while before you will meet someone who is fully compatible with you. She might not be that person despite your desire for her to be.

[SaMantis]

To put it succinctly:

1. She is disrespecting you.

2. She has only 2 choices in this matter: go with him or go with you.

3. Don't even bother talking to the other guy. He's not worth a thing.


Longer explanation:

Do not move to Portland with a girl who's clearly not certain that she wants to take that step. Your life will be hell. If she wants that other guy, she can have him. If you go and beat down the other guy, she will probably call you a monster blah blah blah and run off with him anyway, and you'll have made the decision for her. If she decides to go with you, she must break all ties with the other guy. No friendship crap.

You're allowed to get mad at both of them. You're not allowed to get out of control and start swinging or screaming, besides it makes you look like the punk which is BS, right? However, you can issue a firm ultimatum and stick to it no matter how much she cries. It's gonna hurt like hell to do it but this situation needs to be resolved now or it will be much worse later.

[Oso]

I have a question:
I've been with my girlfriend 1 month shy of a year. Things are great, but there is one problem. This old friend from her hometown seems to be stepping on my toes. He tells her he loves her...regularly. And to top it all off he wants her to go to Paris with him....without me. Or even meeting me first. This guy has absolutely no disire to meet me, be friends with me,or even try pretend to be friends. When I meet him once for 5min he didn't even acknowledge my existance. I don't like that. I've discussed my feelings about the situation with my girlfriend and she understands. It's been settled that she's not gonna go because we're going to Portland to see about living there next summer. So she tells this guy and he just can't seem to get it through his head. He's now trying to put doubt into her mind about moving now....and now it's really getting to me.

So what do I do? He won't talk to me....won't even acknowledge that I'm with her. Do I pound his face and send him packing? Or do I force a conversation on him? Either way this dude needs to realize that this is starting to bother me.

I've had a similar experience with a good friend of my girls. They go back a long way and haven't ever been romantic...as far as I've been told. But, even if they were, that'd be fine in general...we all got pasts.

But, he's pretty much disregarded me as part of her life for going on a year and a half now. Not sure what the deal is but I've talked to my girl about it and told her I didn't think it was too cool that he barely acknowledges me.

I'm of the mind that if things persist too long then a big sit down conversation involving all parties will be in order.

That's what I recommned to you. If all three of you are sitting there then there's on room for anyone to hide any part of what the other 1/3 is saying or feeling.

Good luck.

[Mr Punch]

I'm with H2O, SA M, and Pork.

Capn, while you're correct in your statement that it would not be good for the relationship to be too much of a control freak by taking her up on her offer to stop contacting him, since she offered, you should sit down with her and ask her if she can see why you are offended, and whether she thinks it's right to be talking to him in this manner. She should say yes (and if she doesn't well.. **** her... but you could suggest that she would flip if you were having the same chats with one of your exes). So then you have the following logical progression, which I've used before...

I then said that I didn't want to and wasn't going to explicitly lay the law down but since she can understand that I am uncomfortable in the situation, it shouldn't be up to me to say anything, and she should automatically cut out the contact, or at least say to him that conversations about the relationship are nothing to do with the other guy and out of bounds. When I did this my gf decided 'herself' that it was better not to keep in touch, and problem solved.

She's out of order but she might not realise it completely yet.

I'm kind of with SA M on the move to Portland too, but that's another story. You're what? 23? I would have thought it was a bad idea and still have gone for it at that age! :D

[ChinoXL]

In my opinion she's doing what any girl would do be with you, however this sensitivito (www.gamekillers.com) is talking to her non-stop and as a good friend she can't say no to him because he is a "friend". She's with you and is rejecting him, however he's still trying which is very bad for you; in my opinion, i would straight up warn him and/or kick his ass (be warned: if u do happen to kick his ass she will get mad at you)

[Ben Gash]

I'm afraid this is not about you and him, it's about you and her, but most especially it's about her and him. It may simply be as Becca says, she doesn't really know how to deal with him. SHE (not you) needs to sit and have the talk with him. You know "you're a really great guy, and I love hanging out with you but......." The situation as it stands is not good, and it's not fair on any of you.
It's understandable that she'll have some reservations about making a big move, and she may well choose to discuss this with him.
It may be that she's one of those people who likes to have an emotional safety net.
The challenge for you is to let her know how uncomfortable you are about this without seeming paranoid, needy or controlling. I've found nothing pays dividends with women (and people in general) more than truly adult behaviour.
Also look to yourself. Relationships are hard work, and the rules constantly change. Are you as great a boyfriend as you were 6 months ago? Is she getting what she needs emotionally from the relationship? Do you listen to her fully and show that you value everything she says?
The whole move discussion issue may be a sign from her that she thinks it may be a bit early in the relationship to be talking earnestly about making a huge move and starting over.

[Ray Pina]

Forget about women being crazy ... that's already established. And forget the other guy. If it's not him, it will be some other dude hitting up on your girl.

THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR GIRL.

If the guy was cool and had no side modivation, he'd be open to being your friend. I mean, very rarely can one not at least tolerate his friend's friend.

He has a motive. You know that. She knows that. You know he and she knows that. I'm sorry, but this is basic. Beating or threatening that guy does nothing. Maybe removes him (I doubt it), but it will happen again.

You have to drop the ultimatem with your girl but mean it and do it like a man: "Hey, I'm moving this summer and want you to come with me, but I can't commit like that to someone who's letting some other guy come between us. You keep humoring him and his intentions. I'm not saying you have to stop, I'm just saying I won't date someone who'd do that."

The key here is that you have to mean it! You have to respect yourself enough to cut her loose. If she sees that and really wants you, she'll wake up. If not, she'll try talking around it, about how they're just friends..... You're reply: "Fine, enjoy your friendship," and walk out the door. If she lives with you, politle,y give her a few days to pack and go.

Don't allow someone, anyone, male or female, make you uncomfortable. This is your life, live the way you want. This my friend, is total bull$hit. Don't allow it to go on.

[CaptinPickAxe]

I have good news and bad news on this subject.

Good news is: After a drunken night last night she came clean about the subject of us. She made it very clear that she wants no one but me, and addressed the issues of this c unt, affection, and the likes. She told me that he really means squat to her compared to me. I informed her that it never really irked me to the point of rage, but it did bother me. She understood.

Bad News: Shortly after our heartwarming 1-on-1, I broke my ankle. So no ass kicking in the near future.

[Chief Fox]

1. Immediately start cheating on your girl. She is letting this happen. She could stop it if she wanted it to stop. She's leading him.

I can almost hear their cute little conversations as I'm writting this.
"You really have to stop calling me like this", "You don't want me to stop calling you, you like it when I call.", "yeah but if my boyfriend finds out he's gonna be mad.", "Boyfriend! You call that guy your boyfriend. He's a punk.", "No he's not, he's a nice guy", "Oh I understand, nice guy. Don't you mean he's gay but he just doesn't know it yet?", "He's not gay", "Yes he is, you should be with a real man".........

2. Beat the crap out of this dude. Sounds like he needs a little extra motivation to butt the he!! out.

Follow my easy two step plan and you will be happy no matter what.

Good luck.

[PangQuan]

I have good news and bad news on this subject.

Good news is: After a drunken night last night she came clean about the subject of us. She made it very clear that she wants no one but me, and addressed the issues of this c unt, affection, and the likes. She told me that he really means squat to her compared to me. I informed her that it never really irked me to the point of rage, but it did bother me. She understood.

Bad News: Shortly after our heartwarming 1-on-1, I broke my ankle. So no ass kicking in the near future.

oww, sorry bout the ankle.

i live in portland.

good news about your girl, shes gonna give this jerk the ol' heave ho right?

[SevenStar]

I have a question:
I've been with my girlfriend 1 month shy of a year. Things are great, but there is one problem. This old friend from her hometown seems to be stepping on my toes. He tells her he loves her...regularly. And to top it all off he wants her to go to Paris with him....without me. Or even meeting me first. This guy has absolutely no disire to meet me, be friends with me,or even try pretend to be friends. When I meet him once for 5min he didn't even acknowledge my existance. I don't like that. I've discussed my feelings about the situation with my girlfriend and she understands. It's been settled that she's not gonna go because we're going to Portland to see about living there next summer. So she tells this guy and he just can't seem to get it through his head. He's now trying to put doubt into her mind about moving now....and now it's really getting to me.

So what do I do? He won't talk to me....won't even acknowledge that I'm with her. Do I pound his face and send him packing? Or do I force a conversation on him? Either way this dude needs to realize that this is starting to bother me.


I've been here. This is what happened to me:

my wife and I - we weren't married at the time, but had been together for a couple years - went to visit her grandmother for a few weeks. While we were there, her best friend had been calling her more than usual. Her best friend is a guy that she's known since she was bout five years old. I could tell by the way the guy acted when I was around that he wanted to be more than her friend, but didn't want to just come out and say it. I kept telling her that he had deeper feelings and all she could say was "He's just my friend. It's nothing more"

One day, he called her and asked her to come across the street (his parents live right across the street from her grandmother, and he was visiting his parents). When she got over there, he gave her a long speech about his feelings and then he gave her a ring and asked her to marry him!! She got p!ssed, told him know and marched back across the street. I had to explain to her that even though in her mind he was just a friend, in HIS mind, she was more than a friend. She now very rarely talks to him, and when he calls, he doesn't act the same.

you have to convince her of the same - this guy really isn't a friend, even though in her mind, he is. Focking him up won't help her, although you would feel better about it.

[PangQuan]

dude, if he constantly tells her that he loves her....its obvious. dude has romantic intentions.

portland, oregon?

[SevenStar]

This isn't about you and your girl Bro, it's about you and this dude. He's punking you right now (in her eyes) and you're letting it happen. Don't even talk to her about this too much, don't let it get to you in front of her. Call the guy, explain to him that she's not for him however you need to, and then let it go.


the problem there is that you are going behind her back. She'll be p!ssed when she finds out. Not because you talked to him, but because she didn't know. in all actuality, that doesn't matter, but it will push her away from you. If you do something like that, do so after you've already dropped a him or you ultimatum.

[SevenStar]

dude, if he constantly tells her that he loves her....its obvious. dude has romantic intentions.

portland, oregon?


no doubt about that. but women are creatures of emotion, not logic. the fact that he's a friend (if he's been around a while) will keep her from wanting to break ties with him, despite what he's saying now. she has to want to break that tie.

[SevenStar]

So the next time he's talking to her take the phone from her and tell him then. If she has an issue with it, leave. You're setting yourself up to get played in the future. If not because of this guy, because of another.

I'm not saying to be a prik about it, just be a man about it.


This is perfect. You take control, it's not behind her back AND he's forced to deal with you on the situation, provided he doesn't hang up. If she objects, as WD said, leave.

[Chief Fox]

Now that I think about it, my earlier advice wasn't the best.

I still like the cheating on her part though. I'd stick with that.

Instead of beating the crap out of the guy. Maybe just throw a dozen or so eggs at his car. Then pee all over the door handles. Oh and jam tooth picks in his locks and break them off. Then get a bunch of tuna fish and jam it up under the body somewhere.

You'll be amazed at how good doing all of these things will make you feel.

Careful though, if you don't do all of this stuff you will only have a fraction of the potential fun.

[kungfuyou]

If she really loves you, as she says she does, she'll end it. Relationships take sacrafices. You aren't asking her to give up ALL her friends, just the ONE causing a problem. And it's not like he just doesn't like you, but he's trying to cause a rift in your relationship, and she's allowing it.

As mentioned earlier, don't be a pr!ck, just be a man about it. Let her know you aren't doing this just because, there's a good reason, and it's because you care about your relationship and want to remove obsticles that will hinder it. And you that you wouldn't ask this if you didn't really care about the relationship and want it to work, there'll be problems, and next time you will have to give up something you may not want to, but will because you love her and it's what she wanted.

[neilhytholt]

You know ... bottom line is if you're stressing out about some chick, why?

I hate to say it, because I used to do the same thing, but trust me, it's just not worth it. Like you, they will just grow old.

All the guys I run into who are married have these old chicks, they have to go through so much hardship and work to make things work, and the woman can leave you tomorrow.

Why worry so much about it? Why put so much work into a relationship? Because trust me, I've been there, you can put a ton of work in and still get zilch out of it.

You put a ton of work into it and it works out like with some people I know, and you're 45-55 with a 45-55 year old chick, saggy body, issues, pain, health problems.

Bottom line is it's totally not worth stressing about. It's like spending a ton of money on a boat or house or something. You have to maintain it, you have to pay property taxes, you have to pay insurance, you worry something might happen to it. You've got to paint it, reroof it, do the yard work.

After a while the boat or house owns you and not the other way around.

Unlike the house, which might appreciate in value, the wife/husband will not appreciate in value. In fact, they become much less desirable as time goes on.

[Becca]

You know, some people actually value other people, even enjoy thier company. Being in a relationship for the sake of not being alone or for the kids, ect... Then no, it isn't worth it. But not everyone is that shallow. :rolleyes:

[neilhytholt]

You know, some people actually value other people, even enjoy thier company. Being in a relationship for the sake of not being alone or for the kids, ect... Then no, it isn't worth it. But not everyone is that shallow. :rolleyes:

You roll your eyes a lot.

Alls I'm saying, is if you have to put so much work into it, it probably isn't worth it.

Forcing a round peg into a square hole just hurts the peg and the hole.

Edit ... Basically, IMHO the relationship you have to put a ton of work into is the wrong relationship. You don't have to be in some relationship. It's not like work or something, where you have to do it so you can eat.

If somebody is going to make you go through that, or if you have to go through that to be with them, IMHO they're not worth it.

Basically it's like that movie 'The Breakup'. Jennifer Aniston does a ton of work to provide a great house for this guy, and keep the relationship together, and what does she get out of it? Nothing. Some narcicisstic guy's company, that's it.

With my wife I did all the work in the relationship. I provided the food, the house, the clothes, I bought flowers, took her out to dinner, etc. I did most of the chores around the house because she complained she was so overworked, and having kids was so hard, etc.

All she had to do was have the kids, take care of the kids, and do some shopping for herself. I even did most of the household shopping. She thought that wasn't enough, and she couldn't even do a good job with the kids.


If you have to work so hard at it, IMHO the other person doesn't give a crap about you.

That's the bottom line.

[Royal Dragon]

If you have to work so hard at it, IMHO the other person doesn't give a crap about you.

Reply]
Wow, that is so true.

[Hieronim]

here is an interesting read:

"
The guys that seem to be the most angry with women are the ones that feel the most powerless with them.

I say this based on many of the anecdotes and stories told on the board. There are various scenarios and stages of the relationship when the anger seems to flare up the most:

Approaching women/reading signals -- guys feel that they are subject to her whims of rejection

Paying for dates -- still doesn't secure anything and most guys anger on this subject still centers around her dropping them on a whim

Dumping -- A lot of the stories focus in getting BBDed, or again, dropped on a flighty whim with no warning.

Testing -- Feeling powerless again because she decides at will when the test start and end and how long they last."

[neilhytholt]

here is an interesting read:

"
The guys that seem to be the most angry with women are the ones that feel the most powerless with them.

I say this based on many of the anecdotes and stories told on the board. There are various scenarios and stages of the relationship when the anger seems to flare up the most:

Approaching women/reading signals -- guys feel that they are subject to her whims of rejection

Paying for dates -- still doesn't secure anything and most guys anger on this subject still centers around her dropping them on a whim

Dumping -- A lot of the stories focus in getting BBDed, or again, dropped on a flighty whim with no warning.

Testing -- Feeling powerless again because she decides at will when the test start and end and how long they last."

Well these days you are pretty much powerless with them. Let's face it, in our society men have pretty much given up any control they had over them.

If you want to learn just how little control you have, get married and then go through divorce.

Don't be mad or bitter, but don't let them take advantage of you, either.

You want Neil's real advice on the subject? Don't worry about women. Only reason you want sex is because of hormones. Don't waste your $ on them. It's just not worth it.

If I truly had to characterize it, I'd say that life with women is putting up with a ton of crap to get your rocks off. Life without women is being lonely sometimes, upon which time you can go have a beer with your mates.

So the equation of giving up a ton of your life so you can get your rocks off vs. feeling lonely sometimes. ??? You really have to ask the question?

Don't get me wrong. I have 2 great kids, and if I went back, I'd do it again in an instant.

But I won't do it again, EVER.

[TenTigers]

not to throw a spanner in the works, but this girl might have serious intimacy problems. I'm not talking about physical intimacy, but emotional. Doing the "I know but.." routine keeps you at bay in a certain respect. You never seem to have "all of her". This might lead to a world of hurt in the future, as it continues to manifest in different areas.
and I could be totally wrong.
Your last post sounded like it was working out, but protect a bit of your heart. The problem is with any relationship, in order for you to truly love and be loved, you need to be open, honest and vulnerable. Depending on the emotional maturity and capacity of your partner, this could be great, or it could be a disatster. It is always a risk. *the sweetest fruit is found by going out on a limb.

Ray Pina had some good advice-proves he's not a total psychopath after all.
-jes' messin wit ya Ray-you are the perfect blend-scholar, warrior, and lover.

[IronFist]

If you have to work so hard at it, IMHO the other person doesn't give a crap about you.

That's the bottom line.

I thought I'd quote that again for emphasis. Good point.

Heironim mentioned paying for dates. I say fvck paying for dates (unless it's a special occasion). Does she work? Is her salary comparable to yours? Exactly. She can pay half. Otherwise, you can never be sure that she's dating YOU and not your MONEY. Sorry... that's a pet peeve of mine.

[Water Dragon]

Well these days you are pretty much powerless with them. Let's face it, in our society men have pretty much given up any control they had over them.


Only men who think like this.

[Water Dragon]

If you do something like that, do so after you've already dropped a him or you ultimatum.

I disagree, Bro. Never give a woman an ultimatum. You're always asking for trouble when you do that. If you're gonna walk, just walk. No ultimatum, just do it. If she wants you, she'll come for you. If not, a man should never NEED a woman anyway.

[ricksitterly]

i agree... words of wisdom :)

[travelsbyknight]

Here's an analogy to sorta help out.

The whole world thinks Angelina Jolie STOLE Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. What a load of crap. Everyone seems to forget that it was ultimately Brad that chose to be with Angelina.

Ok.

Now with this situation. WHy would you break this guys knee caps? THis is gonna sound wrong but you need to smack your girly girl around. Verbally...I meant. There will always be some dude hitting on your girlfriend. If you beat this guy up it will only make her mentally weaker for the next dude. She sounds pretty weak already. You need to exert some control on her. Forget women's rights. Men and women both lose their rights when they decide to enter into an exclusive relationship. Tell her to stop fuking around and above all wake up and smell the fuking coffee. All she has to do is stop talking to this guy but she seems to keep communicating with him.

If this situation was resolved then by all means, ignore my advice. I didn't want to read every post on this subject.

[Chief Fox]

Here's an analogy to sorta help out.

The whole world thinks Angelina Jolie STOLE Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. What a load of crap. Everyone seems to forget that it was ultimately Brad that chose to be with Angelina.
And what a great choice it was! Think about it. Jennifer Aniston: cute, girl next door appeal. Angelina Jolie: Super hot, classic beauty, she could be a Greek Statue. Not to mention that she is actually using her fame to make the world a better place. It's no comparison.

A little relationship advice for everyone.

Relationships are work. Any relationship that is worth having is worth working at to keep.

Think of it this way. A relationship is like a bank account. You make deposits and withdrawls. These transactions usually balance out. But once they go out of balance. Like you're making all of the deposits and the other person is making all the withdrawls then you need to have a heart to heart talk. If it's still not balanced then consider opening up a new account somewhere else.

[IronFist]

Think of it this way. A relationship is like a bank account. You make deposits and withdrawls. These transactions usually balance out. But once they go out of balance. Like you're making all of the deposits and the other person is making all the withdrawls then you need to have a heart to heart talk. If it's still not balanced then consider opening up a new account somewhere else.

Best. Analogy. Ever.