I need some advice....

[BigPandaBear]

My daughter has finally chosen a MA she wants to participate in. After pretty much ignoring my personal pushes towards Judo or even Karate/Kung Fu, she has decided to study Capoeira! :eek:

I have no idea how she even came across it, but she's so excited about it that she even looked up information about it, found some vids on Youtube, and found a club close by.

I'll admit that I don't know much about Capoeira beyond what I've seen on vids and tapes. What I've seen is people dancing to some music and breakdancing. I want my daughter (who is 10) to learn how to defend herself against someone attacking or raping her, not how to do head spins and crescent kicks! :mad:

So I'm really in a bind here, and I feel really guilty about the whole thing because I'm the one who sorta pushed her into doing MA in the first place, and now I'm mad at her for picking a MA that I don't like.

My wife's ticked off at me too, saying that I'm being selfish and that I need to let my daughter choose what she wants to do.

So what do you guys think? Should I play a "daddy knows best" on her and put her in a MA of my choosing anyway, or should I swallow my pride and let her do Capoeira?

[Judge Pen]

Your wife is right. Your daughter is 10 years old. If she is in a good Capoeira school she will develop amazing speed, strength, dexterity and flexibility. She needs all of these things to be able to properly defend herself. Technique can only get you so far, but if she's strong, agile and fast she will have a better chance.

Plus if its fun for here then she will stick with it, practice and get better. She can pick up other techniqes on the side through seminars etc on women's self-defense. The most important thing at her age is to get her into an activity that she can develop herself in.

A good caporiea school will teach applicable techniques to go along with the flashier stuff that is often demoed.

[Eddie]

capoeira is cool. if she starts at 10, she'd build good stregnth and flexibility to then change to kung fu if she wants too.

[The Willow Sword]

YEAH! And Then she can think that doing breakdancing kata will save her life in a real attack:rolleyes:

Im going to have to side with the dad here. Tell your wife to go make you a pie and tell your daughter that its judo/karate, or nothing at all. She will thank you for it later on in life when she has aqquired REAL skills to defend herself against the date rape or the random assault.

TWS

[Judge Pen]

YEAH! And Then she can think that doing breakdancing kata will save her life in a real attack:rolleyes:

Im going to have to side with the dad here. Tell your wife to go make you a pie and tell your daughter that its judo/karate, or nothing at all. She will thank you for it later on in life when she has aqquired REAL skills to defend herself against the date rape or the random assault.

TWS

No, what she will do is hate the art, burn out and not develop any physical skills that will serve her later in life. You have to let your daughter chose her own path. At least she is interested in something. You can't force a kid to learn martial arts or self-defense unless they want to.

Let me put it this way, you can force her to go to piano lessons, but there's no gurantee that she will learn how to play the piano if she hates it. If you have to make her practice, etc., she might learn, but chances are she will never really pick it up to any proficiency. Encourage her to be as good at caporiea as she can, and continue to introduce her to other arts and martial concepts that, I'll bet, she gravitate toward once she starts getting good.

[SevenStar]

capoeira is great. pound for pound, they are probably some of the strongest MA out there. The training makes them that way, in the same way that gymnastics does. Also, you don't see it on videos - and not in all capoeira groups, but there is combat. Our group, Nacao, uses a lot of infighting - throws, knees, headbutts and elbows. the instructor is a friend of mine who teaches out of the same school we do. He trains my kid for free, and I go to the classes myself at least once a week. The only reservation I have is that there is little to no contact when playing in the roda, but I have sparred with the instructor on several occasions, and he has no problem hitting or being hit.

[SevenStar]

YEAH! And Then she can think that doing breakdancing kata will save her life in a real attack:rolleyes:

but flowery forms and qi blasts can? :rolleyes:




Im going to have to side with the dad here. Tell your wife to go make you a pie and tell your daughter that its judo/karate, or nothing at all. She will thank you for it later on in life when she has aqquired REAL skills to defend herself against the date rape or the random assault.

Do that and you may push her away from MA forever. Let her train what she wants. Heck, there are MANY karate and kung fu guys with no "REAL" skills...

[SevenStar]

What's the name of the group she's looking at?

[lkfmdc]

you're missing the big plus in this all, show up to come get your daughter and you can meet a bunch of hot Brazilian chicks :D

I can tell you one thing from years of being in martial arts, best thing with kids is let them do what they want, push them to do YOUR thing and they'll hate it (and you)

[The Willow Sword]

Well i guess i just havent seen "GOOD" Capoeira. AT least not here in Austin. Ive seen the demos that the cap school here does and i gotta say, it SUCKS. and SINCE i dont go by what i see in films because i KNOW the DIFFERENCE between what choreographed routines for the screen are, and what real fighting techniques are, i just dont have a decent reference for capoeira.

i mean what i see is a ritualistic dance and that's beautiful and all, but when i see how it could be effective in a street fight, i have to really question its validity. I mean yeah you have gymnastic skills and can flip around and all,,but you waste your energy trying to execute that move thinking that you are in a freakin video game and you THINK that it is going to be some awesome ending to a confrontation, then the other guy plants your A$$ into the ground and you are trying to catch your breath as you are getting choked out or pummled into a pulp.

i see capoeira as a choreographed routine and defending yourself and FIGHTING is NOT a choreographed video game.
oh and sevenstar? i dont do flowery forms and i certainly do not subscribe to the qi blasts BS. come on its ME.

Just an opinion,TWS

[PangQuan]

i say your lucky your little girl is interested in MA to begin with.

lots of other girls her age would rather play house and barbie dolls.

let her go to that school, develop some good physical attributes, some self confidence in action, self control, discipline, etc...

at 10, i wouldnt expect her to be so well at getting good at actual self defense anyhow. she could go to any school and learn some sets and some moves, but it wont do her much good till she can develop some strenght of body.

let her build her love for MA the way she wants to, the way all of us did. she has the rest of her life to experience other MA.

just let her learn and train there, but keep her in the loop of other martial arts as well.

as she develops and ages she will eventually begin to appreciate actual fighting and self defense skills, and like any martial artist, if she actually values fighting skill, she will seek out knowledge on her own later in life.

i say encourage you child in what she is passionate about and watch true love bloom.

[Chief Fox]

Go with your heart, that's what I always do. :cool:

[SevenStar]

Well i guess i just havent seen "GOOD" Capoeira. AT least not here in Austin. Ive seen the demos that the cap school here does and i gotta say, it SUCKS. and SINCE i dont go by what i see in films because i KNOW the DIFFERENCE between what choreographed routines for the screen are, and what real fighting techniques are, i just dont have a decent reference for capoeira.

the thing about it is that it choreographs itself. you can watch a live roda and the whole thing looks rehearsed. After all, it was hidden in dance.


i mean what i see is a ritualistic dance and that's beautiful and all, but when i see how it could be effective in a street fight, i have to really question its validity. I mean yeah you have gymnastic skills and can flip around and all,,but you waste your energy trying to execute that move thinking that you are in a freakin video game and you THINK that it is going to be some awesome ending to a confrontation, then the other guy plants your A$$ into the ground and you are trying to catch your breath as you are getting choked out or pummled into a pulp.

they use the same basic kicks any other style does - front thrust, roundhouse, inside crescent, outside crescent, sidekick... everything is built on these and on defense and mobility. From there, spinning techniques and aerial techniques are sometimes introduced. Nacao, for example, doesn't get into all of the flashy stuff, but you will see them do some of the flashier techniques. 90% of what they do is what I mentioned previously, as fas as the kicking goes.


i see capoeira as a choreographed routine and defending yourself and FIGHTING is NOT a choreographed video game.

attend a baptizado and play with some of them...

[neilhytholt]

When you signed the marriage contract, you lost most all of the rights to your life.

You better do what your wife says, wrong or right, or she'll likely leave you and take your daughter with her.

Sucks to be you!!! (I've been there too).

So bottom line better let her take the crazy Brazilian break dancing, crescent kicking nonsense.

[Oso]

BPB, JP and Seven have the right of it. Let her get fit and have fun.

[BruceSteveRoy]

i think if you make her do a MA she doesnt want to do it will turn her away from all MA and make her eventually resent you. i think your best bet is to use this style as a stepping stone to something more useful. shes a little girl so she probably likes this bc it looks like dancing. but at least its dancing with some concept of MA. if you look at it in the long term its better for you to let her and then try to redirect her into a more useful MA later on. your wife is happy and thinks you are understanding, your kid wont hate MA just bc her dad made her do them, and eventually if you can get her to switch to Kungfu or karate you get what you want too.
i would not push her towards judo though. its a fun sport but on a more superficial notev you start a little girl off on that by the time she is in high school she will have shoulders like a linebacker. just a thought.

[neilhytholt]

If I could make a suggestion, though, from one (formerly) married guy to a married guy.

You can't really push your kids or your wife to do stuff. They're not really into that.

What worked to get my kids into martial arts was I got movies to show them about martial arts. And what really broke the camel's back, so to speak, was a Disney movie called 'Wendy Wu'.

One that worked well for Shaolin Kung Fu was Shaolin Ulysses, which is this movie about a bunch of monks that come from China to the U.S. One of the girls on the show Julie Zhang, is just so excited about being a wushu star that really got my daughter into thinking she wanted to be a martial arts action star.

Then, Wendy Wu got her interested in animal style martial arts, which is what I happened to take as a teen. So I started teaching her, and she's really into that now.

(My son, unfortunately, is too young to effectively control himself, so he's off training at the moment. It's either that or ADD drugs).

[PlumDragon]

Let her go to the Capoiera school.

Would you be putting up the same sort of fight if she was trying to choose between ice skating and roller blading? Even if she goes to a martial arts school where the goal is totally removed from self defense (like the plethora of tai chi school that teach for health with no martial intent), isnt the end goal that she is learning more about how her body works and having a good time doing it?

Everyone wants their kids to be able to handle themselves in a bad situation, physically or emotionally, etc but you cant make her become proficient at something if she hates it or feels resentful because you made her do one thing when she justly wants to do something else.

The last thing Id like to say, which I find myself saying alot these days...Its all about OBJECTIVE. CMA, JMA, FMA, MMA, whatever...It makes little different what style one studies. The ONLY important factor is how one trains, the drills/applications/exercises that are performed to meet those objectives. Depending on the focus, this Caopiera school could create crap fighters or it could create world-class fighters, and the same goes for any other style one studies. It all depends on their goals and how they go about meeting those goals. Its how you train, not what you train...

So...hoping this doesnt come across abrasively: As long as your daughter/wife/sister/mother/dog/friend/etc is doing things to grow in life, stop tryign to control what they do and let them make decisions for themselves (within reason of course for young children).

[BigPandaBear]

Hey, thanks for the advice everyone. I guess I have been a bit selfish, and I'm going to let her practice what she wants. I know all too well what can happen if a parent pushes a kid to do what they don't want to do.

I think part of the reason I was so intent on her learning Judo/Bjj was because I had friend who was raped by her boyfriend, and her pain really stuck with me. When I had a baby girl, I was determined that she wasn't going to become a victim.

She saw me practicing my Shotokan forms, and I showed her some Judo techniques, and she seemed really interested in what I was doing. I just feel a little "rejected" I guess.:o

Anyways, to some specific posters;

Neilhythot- Trust me my friend, the 2 women of my life run the show. I learned that a long time ago. ;)

Sevenstar- its this place here;

http://www.tabcatcolumbus.org/faq.html

Heard anything positive or negative about these guys?

[PlumDragon]

BigPanda:
Read over that website a bit. They have some very specific and culturally important training philosophies that you should take a look at if you havent already:

http://www.tabcatcolumbus.org/faq-phil.html

Of important note, and I thin this sums it up prefectly in the FAQ:

"T.A.B.C.A.T. classes are participatory only. We believe you can only understand capoeira angola by performing it yourself. It is also a question of respect for our traditions and protecting capoeira angola from being misrepresented..."

Its a wise decision to let her try it out, and maybe you should try it with her--you might both gain a profound understanding of the art and bond as a result.

If thats not enough, classes there are VERY inexpensive, and after perusing the website, it looks like an amazing opportunity, both for martial as well as cultural reasons. Take the leap in and you might be very happy you decided to invovle yourself with such a neat hobby and group of people...

[SevenStar]

She saw me practicing my Shotokan forms, and I showed her some Judo techniques, and she seemed really interested in what I was doing. I just feel a little "rejected" I guess.:o



yeah, that can happen. I was teaching mine muay thai, then one day he was at our school and saw the capoeiristas training. He instantly took to it. He still trains muay thai, and wants to train judo when he gets older - but his main focus right now is capoeira. He wanted me to take it with him though, so I started, and I think it's great.

[SevenStar]

that site is informational. Also, they are an angola school - they don't do the flashy stuff you see in demos, that is mainly regional. regional is fast paced and likes to mix it up. angola is more closely aligned to the original capoeira of bahia. Definitely check it out.

[ChinoXL]

capoeira + tkd = kicking nuts off and she can flip away :D
not only that she's 10 so you don't want her to be grouping with little boys at sucha young age; obviousily you know that judo is very effective however considering the fact that she's a girl = very different from boy.. i suggest a girl learn tkd and u teach her kung-fu aggression (kick in nuts) and mix it with capoeira so she can dance AND break balls ouch..

[Fu-Pow]

but flowery forms and qi blasts can? :rolleyes:

That's right...because everything...even capoeira is better than kung fu:rolleyes:

[SevenStar]

That's right...because everything...even capoeira is better than kung fu:rolleyes:


my sentiments exactly. :rolleyes:

[SevenStar]

On an honest note, they train harder than pretty much anyone else I've seen. Training wise, I put them with sport fighters.

[BigPandaBear]

that site is informational. Also, they are an angola school - they don't do the flashy stuff you see in demos, that is mainly regional. regional is fast paced and likes to mix it up. angola is more closely aligned to the original capoeira of bahia. Definitely check it out.

Okay, so since Angola is less flashy, does this mean that she's isn't going to be seeing all that acrobatic stuff she saw in those vids?

[BigPandaBear]

BigPanda:
Read over that website a bit. They have some very specific and culturally important training philosophies that you should take a look at if you havent already:

http://www.tabcatcolumbus.org/faq-phil.html

Of important note, and I thin this sums it up prefectly in the FAQ:

"T.A.B.C.A.T. classes are participatory only. We believe you can only understand capoeira angola by performing it yourself. It is also a question of respect for our traditions and protecting capoeira angola from being misrepresented..."

Its a wise decision to let her try it out, and maybe you should try it with her--you might both gain a profound understanding of the art and bond as a result.

If thats not enough, classes there are VERY inexpensive, and after perusing the website, it looks like an amazing opportunity, both for martial as well as cultural reasons. Take the leap in and you might be very happy you decided to invovle yourself with such a neat hobby and group of people...

Hmm, I don't know about that. All that loony aerial stuff doesn't sit right with me. :eek:

I'm a pretty open-minded person though, so who knows. I'm still a pretty young guy, so maybe I can look as cool as some of those headspinners do.

I do like that its non-Asian and has a Christian foundation, also the founders/masters of the art look like her (she's biracial), so it gives her something to identify with. Also it is rather cheap and on a college campus. That's always a plus in my book.

[Fu-Pow]

my sentiments exactly. :rolleyes:

That was my point. :rolleyes:

[SevenStar]

Okay, so since Angola is less flashy, does this mean that she's isn't going to be seeing all that acrobatic stuff she saw in those vids?

no, not as much of it. From what I've seen of angola (one of our bjj purple belts is brazilian and trained angola in rio de janeiro) it's all low to the ground - not really flashy at all.

[SevenStar]

That was my point. :rolleyes:

well then, cma should stop sucking so much, shouldn't it? :rolleyes:

[Fu-Pow]

well then, cma should stop sucking so much, shouldn't it? :rolleyes:
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Yum Cha]

You should be overjoyed she has shown the ability to make a decision and has interest in doing something. The difference between success and failure in any adventure is motivation. The best thing a parent can do is foster a child's ability to take control of their life. At least that's what my mom told me....:D

Also, what is the first thing any self defense professional will teach a woman? Preventative measures, avoidance and confidence. I've met some bad-ass women folk in my life, and the baddest of the bad could barely hold their own against a truley violent and committed angry male. We've had this discussion concerning size vs skill before, its simply a matter of physics beyond the issues of agression.

So, she gets confidence, agility and strength and some fighting ability, you'd have to assume, plus discipline, friendship, and all the rest. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Besides, its cool, and it will give her an important element of personality as she moves into womanhood. Her bearing and carriage will have that don't **** with me element that keeps her from being victimised by all but the most committed attacker.

Of course, don't get behind it too much, she probably likes it because you don't, so don't let on too much...speaking as the father of two girls...10 and 7.

"I'll show you I'm Australian if you show me your Brazilian"

[SevenStar]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


Why is WD on your ig list?