So, she's popping Vicodens...for stress....

[Royal Dragon]

So I stopped by a freind's work to visit, because her boyfrind does not let her have any guy friends (or Girl freinds really), and it's the only place I can see her.

while we were there, an employee had to go home because she smashed her finger in a door. My freind offered her a Vicoden. When her coworker turned it down, she offered to "Take it for her", and popped the pill down dry, no water even.

So a bit later, I puller her aside, and asked why she was taking them as she didn't appear to be injured at all. She told me "Oh, it's nothing like that, I'm just taking them for stress"

She has a very controlling boyfriend, with quite the temper. I don't think he's physically abusive, but the emotional aspect has her pretty beat.

I am pretty much shut out of her life due to 1. being a guy, and 2 being an ex, so I am not really in a position to do anything.

She is afraid of him, and dares not cross his orders. So I'm shut out. I don't even know what, or if there is anything I can do to help. I just hate it when loved ones go down that path.

She won't leave him, because she says her Son needs his Father, so she sufferes silently.

[lunghushan]

You probably shouldn't worry about it.

If there's anything to so-called emotionally abusive relationships if you try to step in and break things up it will probably just cause her to be mad at you.

I've got 3 mad relatives from just insinuating that their relationship was disfunctional, and it is extremely abusive where one person controls the entire household to the point of danger due to lack of medical care.

They're adults. They make their own decisions.

[LeeCasebolt]

She won't leave him, because she says her Son needs his Father, so she sufferes silently.

He doesn't need that father.

[Water Dragon]

Leave it alone, Gian. You can't save anyone, so stop trying. If she wants to save herself, then mebbe you could help, but it doesn't sound like she's ready for that.

[lunghushan]

He doesn't need that father.

IMHO in any emotionally abusive relationship there are 2 people who are at fault. The abuser and the person who allows themselves to be abused.

So personally, I blame both. I used to think there was a victim, but after trying to 'help' victims, I've found they really don't want to be helped. They are not a victim. They prefer that situation.

So bottom line is, the son doesn't really need that mother or father.

[lunghushan]

BTW, RD, if you really care about her, and it really bothers you, you could always TRY to help her.

Which will probably cause a big blow-out between the two of you and bad blood, which might make you care about her less.

At least it might help you get clear of your sympathies. Don't recommend it, but if it bothers you that much it might help. And who knows, it might even work.

[Royal Dragon]

Leave it alone, Gian. You can't save anyone, so stop trying. If she wants to save herself, then mebbe you could help, but it doesn't sound like she's ready for that.

Reply]
Yeah, this is about what I am thinking...which is why I am so frusterated. When I helped Krissy get sober, she was at a point where she really wanted it, but needed help. No amount if imput form me prior to that would have helped at all.

These things frustrate me to no end, because there really is nothing *I* can do to help.

I might look up her best friend, and see if there is still a bond between them (Her boyfreind drove them apart from what I can see). If there is, I might let her know the situation. I don't think they have much contact at this point, but she might be in a better postion to do something positive if she knew.

Outside of that, there is nothing I can do.

[Royal Dragon]

BTW, RD, if you really care about her, and it really bothers you, you could always TRY to help her.

Which will probably cause a big blow-out between the two of you and bad blood, which might make you care about her less.

Reply]
Yeah, I think you are right. Not that I'd care less, but the big blow out is the most likely senario.

[lunghushan]

"These things frustrate me to no end, because there really is nothing *I* can do to help."

So she can't solve the problem with the abusive boyfriend, you can't help her get away, we can't help you or people in other messed up situations ...

Maybe she's the smartest one with the Vicodins. Do they really help? Where can we get some? LOL

[IronWeasel]

BTW, RD, if you really care about her, and it really bothers you, you could always TRY to help her.

Which will probably cause a big blow-out between the two of you and bad blood, which might make you care about her less.

At least it might help you get clear of your sympathies. Don't recommend it, but if it bothers you that much it might help. And who knows, it might even work.


He's right.

I'd rather do the right thing and then have her be angry with me. I'd be angry at myself if I just stood by and watched a friend suffer...especially if something unfortunate were to happen.

[lunghushan]

He's right.

I'd rather do the right thing and then have her be angry with me. I'd be angry at myself if I just stood by and watched a friend suffer...especially if something unfortunate were to happen.

I'm not really advocating that strategy. I've tried it, and it doesn't seem to help.

If I recommend anything, it's just distancing yourself from the situation.

BTW that Vicodin thing was meant to be a joke. I don't advocate substance abuse.

I went to visit family a couple of weeks ago, and a friend is on/off Prozac which means when he's on he's like extremely manic and difficult to be around because he's so hyper and when he's off he's extremely moody and angry.

I don't think pills are the answer. At least not Prozac. :)

But I've got an aged relative who shouldn't be driving, runs into the gate getting out of her own driveway. We have no idea what to do because we want to get her out of the car, but she's got a legal drivers license, no accidents, and the cops say there's nothing we can do.

We all have said things about it indirectly, but she just gets mad.

Also, I've got relatives who decided doctors are evil, fat is good, and they aren't going to go to the doctor anymore while at the same time eating as much crapola as possible. All this due to one family member being emotionally abusive and dominating things.

What do you do? The doctor one I insinuated that they should be a little nicer, go to the doctor, etc., (I didn't even say it outright, just talked about other people who had problems), and now they are totally p*ssed off at me.

So what do you do? I have no idea. If anybody has a clue, please let me know.

[Royal Dragon]

I think interfearing at his point would drive her away. If I do so now, I won't be there when it's critical. I think it's best for me to visit her more, and call more often, that way when she needs me I will be there.

I hate to say it, but I think it's better to watch her and not meddle, letting her come to me when she is ready, than to force my way in too early. Timming is important in these maters.

[lunghushan]

I think interfearing at his point would drive her away. If I do so now, I won't be there when it's critical. I think it's best for me to visit her more, and call more often, that way when she needs me I will be there.

I hate to say it, but I think it's better to watch her and not meddle, letting her come to me when she is ready, than to force my way in too early. Timming is important in these maters.

That's what we're doing with Grandma. Waiting for her to get into an accident and hoping she doesn't hurt herself or anybody else. At which point we'll have to find somebody to drive her around.

[lunghushan]

BTW, we did find an interesting strategy which is the 'Fall Guy' strategy.

So with Grandma, the older relatives didn't want to totally make her mad, so I volunteered to be the 'Fall Guy' and talk to her about it.

That way the older relatives aren't alienated, and if she does need help, she'll go to them.

Seems to have worked okay. She's a bit ticked at me, but not them as much. (They did mention it indirectly, but I mentioned it directly). :)

BTW when I say directly, I told her a story about somebody I knew who had a relative who shouldn't be driving. I didn't even say it was about her (but she knew, of course).

[Li Kao]

This is a bit of an aside, but regarding the whole Vicodin thing -- when I moved to AZ a few years ago, I was introduced to the whole "pill-popping" lifestyle and was amazed at how prevalent it is. Not that it doesn't happen everywhere, but it was a real eye-opener to see just how many people engage in this type of thing. Obviously, out here it is perhaps more prevalent because of the proximity of the Mexican border -- my roommate has a house just south of the border, and we often go down on weekends to unwind -- and once you cross the border, it is child's play to get whatever you want -- prescription drugs are readily available to anyone who can pay. I've just never understood the whole thing -- I do enjoy beers or alcohol as a method of relaxation/escape and perhaps pills are just another method of acheiving the same result, but I've seen many friends get wrapped up into that and end up being addicted -- it's kinda sad to my eyes. I think Mick said it best:

What a drag it is getting old
"Kids are different today,"
I hear every mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day

"Things are different today,"
I hear every mother say
Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag
So she buys an instant cake and she burns her frozen steak
And goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day

Doctor please, some more of these
Outside the door, she took four more
What a drag it is getting old

"Men just aren't the same today"
I hear ev'ry mother say
They just don't appreciate that you get tired
They're so hard to satisfy, You can tranquilize your mind
So go running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And four help you through the night, help to minimize your plight

Doctor please, some more of these
Outside the door, she took four more
What a drag it is getting old

"Life's just much too hard today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
The pusuit of happiness just seems a bore
And if you take more of those, you will get an overdose
No more running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
They just helped you on your way, through your busy dying day

[Yao Sing]

Appropriate song since Vicodin is the new Valium.

Taking them so nonchalantly is an indication she's probably already hooked. As frustrating as it is there's not really much you can do until she's ready to stop.

If you decide to talk to her about it point out the financial waste rather than the physical waste. That's easier to quantify and a lot of people view money more important than health (ever notice when money gets tight most skip or cut back on lunch instead of cutting out movies and getting their hair/nails done?).

I remember in the early days of home computers my neighbor bought one and started tracking his finances. He flipped when he realized how much money he was spending on beer (but of course never thought he was drinking too much and not at all concerned about his liver).

[MonkeyKingUSA]

RD,
It is hard seeing soneone go through drug abuse and an abusive relationship.
I was a Christian minister for fourteen years. Even with my training it counseling I was unable to help my ex-wife who was addicted to vicoden and percoset. It took control of her entire life. She has been on methadone treatment for years with no end in sight. :(
The wisdom imparted by others here is right on target. Only she can help herself.

BTW, offering perscription drugs to others is against the law. I only mention that because some peeps do not realize that. Think of it as a public service announcement. :)

[Yao Sing]

She has been on methadone treatment for years with no end in sight. :(

That's because it's addictive. It's meant to wean users off their addiction due to it's long lasting effects. All she did was exchange one addiction for another, or as most see it, just hooked up a lifelong supplier.

The physical addiction can be handled but the problem is the psychological addiction. That's where you can't win because it has to come from within.

[Yao Sing]

BTW, does she have a script or just getting them off the street?

[Royal Dragon]

I don't know where she gets them. She just had loose pills in her pockets.

[Yao Sing]

Well since Vicodin isn't prescribed for stress I'd say she's paying inflated street prices for them. That gives the cost argument some weight.

Lucky for her she's at the low end since they're only 5mg hydrocodone (unless they're ES). She should be able to stop without too much in the way of physical sysptoms.

[D-FENS]

What's your Kung Fu for, man? Kick his ass!:D