Lode Runner
05-09-2007, 08:15 PM
This is going to require some background, but I'll *try* to keep it as brief as possible... Just bear with me:
Five or six years ago, my life reached a turning point. Previously I had been... well, a nothing. Just turned 18, completely coasting in life, not liking anything or anyone in general, really really struggling to see the point in it all.
All of this changed in 2002. I guess I finally just decided to start living--I got a job, got my GED, enrolled in college, took up Tai Chi Chuan and Judo, had my collarbone broken in Judo (this was due to my Sensei allowing a wrestler to practice full-strength sparring on his very first day. Tied up my arms and took me down on my shoulder without letting go, so I couldn't roll out of it. After my Sensei tried to blame the injury on me--for being a weakling--I quit), finally got a girlfriend, went out for 4 months, and then dealt with a messy, two-month-long breakup.
I'm telling you all this to illustrate just what a crazy, chaotic, life-changing period of my life this was. The importance of all this will become clear in a moment.
I studied Tai Chi for nine months under a Sifu whose primary style was Northern Praying Mantis. He seemed to promote Tai Chi Chuan mainly as relaxation and meditation, but when I questioned him on it he said that he did teach martial aspects (including push hands drills) for those who were interested. I told him that I was.
For the first five months or so, I came in early every single day. I watched the advanced class with interest and expressed interest in participating in push hands drills (which I would occasionally, but not frequently see among the Sihings and Sizhes.) Once, a Sizhe pushed hands with me for 2 minutes, and then told me I should practice some qigong drills on my own. I did so, but I was never again offered the chance to push hands. I could have asked, I suppose, but at this point in my life I was pretty society inept and besides, I wasn't sure if it was proper (in the Confucian sense of the word) for me to ask.
I quit Tai Chi after 9 months. I told my Sifu it was because my life was just too crazy at the time... but secretly, I was disappointed. I had practiced hard (at least for those first 5 or 6 months-I admit, my enthusiasm dropped somewhat after this point, though I still attended classes once a week without fail, and often twice a week) but still was at least 3-6 months away from completing the "beginner" form (a "standard government form" based on simplified Yang. Or so I was told) and the advanced class seemed to simply be practicing another slow-moving Yang form (some wielding jians.) Sifu himself was very frequently absent (often due to obligations connected to his NPM Kung Fu organization.)
I don't mean to imply that I was only interested in Tai Chi for the martial aspects, but I choose that school specifically because it was the only one in my area that claimed to teach them. In the beginning, Tai Chi was a tremendous benefit to me and my sanity through that chaotic period in my life. By the end, though, I felt I wasn't learning anything new. A new move to tack onto the end of my form, yes, but nothing new philosophically, nothing to increase my qi (or awareness, or endurance, or peace of mind, or whatever you call it.)
Fast forward to today. My life has reached a stability (of a sort) in part because I've discovered the Daodejing and Zhuangzi. I'm not a new ager by any stretch of the imagination (no offense intended if you do consider yourself a new ager)--I've been an atheist all my life, but I consider myself a Taoist now... a very BAD Taoist, probably, and one who has a lot to learn, but I seek the way just just the same. I have a sane girlfriend now and a non-stressful job that leaves me plenty of free time.
So, I look back and I realize... maybe I was unjust in my reasonings. Maybe I was too shy and distracted to make a proper effort, maybe I should have demonstrated that I was willing to go above and beyond what was required of me and help out around the school. Maybe I should have inquired about Taoist thought (though I only vaguely knew what the Tao was at the time.) Maybe I should give my old Sifu and Sihings/zhes a second chance, if they're kind enough to give me a second chance.
I open up the yellow pages to look for their phone number, and I find their ad proclaiming that they now teach Bagua and Hsing-I.
:eek: :D
I've ALWAYS wanted to study either of those IMAs (Baguazhang especially.)
But... I am cautious. I emailed my old Sifu anonymously, and he replied that "usually recommends that the student master the art of Yang Tai Chi, then mastering the advanced form of Chen style, then learning Bagua and Hsing-I." Bagua and Hsing-I (Xingyiquan) are apparently taught in the regular advanced Tai Chi classes.
This reply has left me very conflicted.
On the one hand, perhaps my disappointment five years ago was justified. Why was he absent so frequently? Why is he saying that Chen style (which, I believe, preceded Yang) is more "advanced"? Why does he encourage a student to learn the "external", acrobatic NPM Kung Fu alongside Yang Tai Chi yet not allow him to learn Chen Tai Chi or Xingyi or Bagua without *several years' worth* (judging by my previous progress) of Yang Tai Chi first?
On the other hand, perhaps it's my own natural clumsiness that slowed my progress the first time. Perhaps I should have practiced harder, or displayed more interested in extra-circular activities they would have offered to push hands with me more than just the one time. Or perhaps I was unintentionally disrespectful:
1. I did not inform Sifu in person that I was starting Judo. However, this was because Sifu was out of town for a month, and I did ask one of the longtime Sizhes--she assured me he would not object to it. (As it turns out, though, he seemed *slightly* offended when he found out.)
2. I quit with two or three months left on my contract (you're required to commit to a year) and Sifu let me slide. In hindsight, I feel bad about it and I should've finished paying for the year.
3. He invited me once to come to him and talk about the personal problems I was having in my life, and I declined. This may have had more to do with the fact that really I didn't have the time, but still--in hindsight, I feel as though this was a huge wasted opportunity.
4. In period of my life I was, as I've said, kinda shy and socially inept, and completely unfamiliar with Confucian etiquette (he is ethnically Chinese) so it's entirely possible I committed some other faux paux.
I would rather not commit further disrespect by returning and questioning the way he chooses to run his school (or quitting yet again after only putting in a year.)
Yet, despite my newfound respect and understanding of Taoist philosophy, despite my improved social graces and desire to be more respectful this time around... I have serious reservations. It may be that his policies on IMAs are in place to discourage students who aren't serious, but given my experience I can't help but wonder if they aren't indicative that *he* is the one not taking them seriously.
Any thoughts? In particular, have any of you ever encountered this style of IMA teaching before? (Yang Tai Chi first for several years, with little/no emphasis on push hands or anything martial, then Chen, then Xingyi and Bagua.)
Five or six years ago, my life reached a turning point. Previously I had been... well, a nothing. Just turned 18, completely coasting in life, not liking anything or anyone in general, really really struggling to see the point in it all.
All of this changed in 2002. I guess I finally just decided to start living--I got a job, got my GED, enrolled in college, took up Tai Chi Chuan and Judo, had my collarbone broken in Judo (this was due to my Sensei allowing a wrestler to practice full-strength sparring on his very first day. Tied up my arms and took me down on my shoulder without letting go, so I couldn't roll out of it. After my Sensei tried to blame the injury on me--for being a weakling--I quit), finally got a girlfriend, went out for 4 months, and then dealt with a messy, two-month-long breakup.
I'm telling you all this to illustrate just what a crazy, chaotic, life-changing period of my life this was. The importance of all this will become clear in a moment.
I studied Tai Chi for nine months under a Sifu whose primary style was Northern Praying Mantis. He seemed to promote Tai Chi Chuan mainly as relaxation and meditation, but when I questioned him on it he said that he did teach martial aspects (including push hands drills) for those who were interested. I told him that I was.
For the first five months or so, I came in early every single day. I watched the advanced class with interest and expressed interest in participating in push hands drills (which I would occasionally, but not frequently see among the Sihings and Sizhes.) Once, a Sizhe pushed hands with me for 2 minutes, and then told me I should practice some qigong drills on my own. I did so, but I was never again offered the chance to push hands. I could have asked, I suppose, but at this point in my life I was pretty society inept and besides, I wasn't sure if it was proper (in the Confucian sense of the word) for me to ask.
I quit Tai Chi after 9 months. I told my Sifu it was because my life was just too crazy at the time... but secretly, I was disappointed. I had practiced hard (at least for those first 5 or 6 months-I admit, my enthusiasm dropped somewhat after this point, though I still attended classes once a week without fail, and often twice a week) but still was at least 3-6 months away from completing the "beginner" form (a "standard government form" based on simplified Yang. Or so I was told) and the advanced class seemed to simply be practicing another slow-moving Yang form (some wielding jians.) Sifu himself was very frequently absent (often due to obligations connected to his NPM Kung Fu organization.)
I don't mean to imply that I was only interested in Tai Chi for the martial aspects, but I choose that school specifically because it was the only one in my area that claimed to teach them. In the beginning, Tai Chi was a tremendous benefit to me and my sanity through that chaotic period in my life. By the end, though, I felt I wasn't learning anything new. A new move to tack onto the end of my form, yes, but nothing new philosophically, nothing to increase my qi (or awareness, or endurance, or peace of mind, or whatever you call it.)
Fast forward to today. My life has reached a stability (of a sort) in part because I've discovered the Daodejing and Zhuangzi. I'm not a new ager by any stretch of the imagination (no offense intended if you do consider yourself a new ager)--I've been an atheist all my life, but I consider myself a Taoist now... a very BAD Taoist, probably, and one who has a lot to learn, but I seek the way just just the same. I have a sane girlfriend now and a non-stressful job that leaves me plenty of free time.
So, I look back and I realize... maybe I was unjust in my reasonings. Maybe I was too shy and distracted to make a proper effort, maybe I should have demonstrated that I was willing to go above and beyond what was required of me and help out around the school. Maybe I should have inquired about Taoist thought (though I only vaguely knew what the Tao was at the time.) Maybe I should give my old Sifu and Sihings/zhes a second chance, if they're kind enough to give me a second chance.
I open up the yellow pages to look for their phone number, and I find their ad proclaiming that they now teach Bagua and Hsing-I.
:eek: :D
I've ALWAYS wanted to study either of those IMAs (Baguazhang especially.)
But... I am cautious. I emailed my old Sifu anonymously, and he replied that "usually recommends that the student master the art of Yang Tai Chi, then mastering the advanced form of Chen style, then learning Bagua and Hsing-I." Bagua and Hsing-I (Xingyiquan) are apparently taught in the regular advanced Tai Chi classes.
This reply has left me very conflicted.
On the one hand, perhaps my disappointment five years ago was justified. Why was he absent so frequently? Why is he saying that Chen style (which, I believe, preceded Yang) is more "advanced"? Why does he encourage a student to learn the "external", acrobatic NPM Kung Fu alongside Yang Tai Chi yet not allow him to learn Chen Tai Chi or Xingyi or Bagua without *several years' worth* (judging by my previous progress) of Yang Tai Chi first?
On the other hand, perhaps it's my own natural clumsiness that slowed my progress the first time. Perhaps I should have practiced harder, or displayed more interested in extra-circular activities they would have offered to push hands with me more than just the one time. Or perhaps I was unintentionally disrespectful:
1. I did not inform Sifu in person that I was starting Judo. However, this was because Sifu was out of town for a month, and I did ask one of the longtime Sizhes--she assured me he would not object to it. (As it turns out, though, he seemed *slightly* offended when he found out.)
2. I quit with two or three months left on my contract (you're required to commit to a year) and Sifu let me slide. In hindsight, I feel bad about it and I should've finished paying for the year.
3. He invited me once to come to him and talk about the personal problems I was having in my life, and I declined. This may have had more to do with the fact that really I didn't have the time, but still--in hindsight, I feel as though this was a huge wasted opportunity.
4. In period of my life I was, as I've said, kinda shy and socially inept, and completely unfamiliar with Confucian etiquette (he is ethnically Chinese) so it's entirely possible I committed some other faux paux.
I would rather not commit further disrespect by returning and questioning the way he chooses to run his school (or quitting yet again after only putting in a year.)
Yet, despite my newfound respect and understanding of Taoist philosophy, despite my improved social graces and desire to be more respectful this time around... I have serious reservations. It may be that his policies on IMAs are in place to discourage students who aren't serious, but given my experience I can't help but wonder if they aren't indicative that *he* is the one not taking them seriously.
Any thoughts? In particular, have any of you ever encountered this style of IMA teaching before? (Yang Tai Chi first for several years, with little/no emphasis on push hands or anything martial, then Chen, then Xingyi and Bagua.)