207 things Gene Ching does to enjoy the summer

[bodhitree]

1 Nacho cheese women's beach volleyball parties

2 Models Official Shaolin Sandals for lkfmdc

3 Invites those without airconditioning to his ac'ed home

4 kicks them in crotch

[lkfmdc]

5. Takes Su Kong to the barber shop for a shave

6. Bought Sin The another stone tablet in front of Shaolin

7. Taught Sin The to speak Chinese

8. New forum rule, only 3 Shaolin Do threads at a time

[bodhitree]

9 disables lkfmdc's account because of his photoshopping


10 kicks lkfmdc in the crotch

[lkfmdc]

9 disables lkfmdc's account because of his photoshopping



He'd miss classics like this

[lkfmdc]

11. Creates special "hell part of forum" especially for person who gave LKFMDC a copy of photoshop

12. New idea "shaolin tacos"

[bodhitree]

He'd miss classics like this

Gene is ever compassionate!


12. New idea "shaolin tacos"

Don't you mean "official shaolin tacos"

[lkfmdc]

"official shaolin tacos"

of course they are official

[bodhitree]

13 With all that's going on in China he decides to become involved in human trafficking and producing goods with lead paint- sell's "official shaolin lead paint nacho cheese covered ninjettes"

[jo]

13 With all that's going on in China he decides to become involved in human trafficking and producing goods with lead paint- sell's "official shaolin lead paint nacho cheese covered ninjettes"


Thanks for helping me practice my "Hot Coffee Thru Nose All Over Keyboard" technique!!!! :D

- jo

[bodhitree]

Thanks for helping me practice my "Hot Coffee Thru Nose All Over Keyboard" technique!!!! :D

- jo

Hot Coffee, Ouch!

[brothernumber9]

14. Runs outside every morning with his solar paneled kwan do and screams, "I HAVE THE POWER!!"

Then procedes to do the running man while singing "Chocolate Rain".

[GeneChing]

15. wonders wtf brought this on since it's not his b-day. :confused:

[RD'S Alias - 1A]

They are board.

You should get some "Got Qi" Girls on here to post. That will distract thier attention from you.

[lkfmdc]

They are board.



yeah, and on top of that, we're also bored....

[sanjuro_ronin]

Gene will travel to the home of the MA, the ancient temple on Mt Sinai, there he will train with the great Abbot/Rabi Benjamin Cutyourcokoff in the ancient art of bris-fu and come back a leaner and meaner slicer n dicer !

[cjurakpt]

17. - three words: Nacho flavored sunscreen...

[lkfmdc]

18. Sets up a Shaolin temple especially for wayward girls

[sanjuro_ronin]

18. Sets up a Shaolin temple especially for wayward girls

19. Updates collection of cheesy 70's porno music to go with #18.

[Lucas]

20. Stocks up on Nacho Cheese to go with #19

[brothernumber9]

21. Vows to complete his Godfrey Ho movie collection
Just a few more to go.

[Lucas]

21. Vows to complete his Godfrey Ho movie collection
Just a few more to go.

22. realizes he needs to finish his Dragon Lee collection first.

[lkfmdc]

23. decides to visit the homes of Jehovah Witnesses and talk to them about Zen Buddhism

[MasterKiller]

24. Stomps his patio furiously trying to recreate Shaolin training hall indentions.

[lkfmdc]

25. Adopts two dogs, shaves their heads and burns incense on them, so they can officially be his "monks"

[sanjuro_ronin]

26. Buys a super size hot tub and a industrial supply of green jell-o so he can get " jiggy with it" old school style !

[lkfmdc]

27. One night, uses all the Jello for jello shots, wakes up the next morning face down in the pool, dogs are gone

[bodhitree]

28 Lobby's presidential candidate Mitt Romney to see if he will fight for crotchkicks in MMA and feild hockey.

[lkfmdc]

29. sets up his own PAC - people for crotch kicking

[Shaolin Wookie]

8. New forum rule, only 3 Shaolin Do threads at a time

30. Begins to think this rule is a mistake, and realizes that anyone with command over 900 forms is probably going to need just as many threads.

[Lucas]

31. Creates SDO (Shaolin-Do Online).

[lkfmdc]

32. wakes up after Jello shot fiasco and comes to his sense, no one can really learn 900 forms... bans the shaolin do students and then sits down to decide with to do with "truthman"

[bodhitree]

33. Renames forum shaolindomagazine.com

34 Gives bodhitree a taste of stilleto heels

[Yum Cha]

35. Crotch kicks Chuck Norris and makes him cry.

36. Gathers Chucks tears to cure Sin The's facial hair problem.

37. Exposes Sin The as none other than Sifu Andy.

[SaintSage]

38. Starts a Falun Gong thread to draw attention away from the Shaolin-Do threads.

[Chosen-frozen]

18. Sets up a Shaolin temple especially for wayward girls

Hey, can anybody get in on that? I mean do I have to buy a stone monument or something?:D

[Lucas]

Hey, can anybody get in on that? I mean do I have to buy a stone monument or something?:D

39. Starts selling monuments at his Shaolin temple for wayward girls for $99.95

[bodhitree]

40 Inserts link about monument in girl's temple here at forum (http://www.martialartsmart.net)

[bodhitree]

15. wonders wtf brought this on since it's not his b-day. :confused:

cmon Gene, lists about you have been non-birthday related before.


They are board.




yeah, and on top of that, we're also bored....

priceless

[bodhitree]

41 with the success of reality competitions (American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, etc) he decides to create his own.


Crotch King
coming this fall to CCBC

[GeneChing]

Maybe I should collate all the lists together and try to glean the top twenty for a t-shirt. (http://www.martialartsmart.net/T-Shirts.html) Don't count that as one of my summer activities. I haven't done it yet. :rolleyes:

[bodhitree]

Maybe I should collate all the lists together and try to glean the top twenty for a t-shirt. (http://www.martialartsmart.net/T-Shirts.html) Don't count that as one of my summer activities. I haven't done it yet. :rolleyes:



42 Ponders making a "top 20 Gene Ching list tee shirt"


makes an excellent holiday gift for mods;)

[sanjuro_ronin]

43:

Gene contemplates his navel, amongst other things:

[lkfmdc]

43. Designes official uniform of Shaolin Temple for wayward girls

http://www.costume-shop.com/images/products/em9443.jpg

will sell it on the site

[Lucas]

45. buys a pallet load of school girl uniforms for his Shaolin Temple for Wayward Girls uniforms.

[bodhitree]

43. Designes official uniform of Shaolin Temple for wayward girls

http://www.costume-shop.com/images/products/em9443.jpg

will sell it on the site

complete with official shaolin sandles (for crotch kicking)

\

[lkfmdc]

46. celbrates opening of "Gene Ching's Shaolin Temple for wayward girls"

see pic

[RD'S Alias - 1A]

Someone needs to be shot for giving you photo shop!!

[Lucas]

47. shoots lkfmdc for using photo shop.

48. resorts to crotch kick when lkfmdc uses his deadly horse stance to defend the shoot.

[sanjuro_ronin]

49.

Wayward girl explains to Gene the pros of Jam over Nacho cheese:

[bodhitree]

50 BBQs said wayward girl for suggesting such a thing. Uses nacho cheese as bbq sauce.

[TenTigers]

51. Jumps into a nearby phonebooth and emerges as...dan dan daaaahhn...
'TRUTHMAN!"

[TenTigers]

52. Develops and markets
'Official Shaolin Temple Wayward Girl Grappling Dummy"

http://www.realdoll.com/dpcs64/kaori/kaori001.jpg

[cjurakpt]

53. Appoints himself as "Grand Arbiter of Compassionate Sweaty Discipline" at newly opened Shaolin Temple for Wayard Girls

54. Begins accepting applications for position of "Bearer of the Turgid Wand of Rectification"

55. Temporarilly forced to suspend interviews due to influx of applications by both "real" (:rolleyes:) Shaolin monks who recently arrived by bannana boat via Guam, and from Ross who swears that the Tao Te Jing actually predicts that he is destined to be named "Grateful Wiper of Celestial Nether Drippings"

[TenTigers]

-as opposed to the Turgid wand of rectalfication?

[TenTigers]

or is that rectalfucation?

[TenTigers]

56. takes a rectalvacation

[DPL]

57. Realizes that he need not limit himself to only one shaolin temple for wayward girls.

[TenTigers]

58. Opens up the east coast annex of Shaolin Temple for Wayward Girls in NY.
Welcome to TEN TICKLES!

[TenTigers]

(be sure to visit our B&D Chamber-Ten Tied Girls)

[DPL]

59. Introduces the standard curriculum for all Shaolin Temples for Wayward Girls, which will include but not be limited to:

- One introductory 'private meditation' session with Gene Ching
- The Unified Nacho Cheese Theory
- Anatomy of the Crotch - Male
- Anatomy of the Crotch - Female (private session with Gene)
- History of Crotch Kicking from 5,000 B.C. until 1953
- Modern Developments in Crotch Kicking
- Celestial Nether Drippings 101
- Advanced Private Meditation with Gene Ching
- Nacho Crotch-o: an examination of modern martial poetry

[rogue]

60. Starts company that will market cheaply made pre-knotted nooses to Chinese CEOs. Gene names himself CEO of his new venture but fails to see the irony because it's summertime and he's got wimmins on his mind.

[bodhitree]

19. Updates collection of cheesy 70's porno music to go with #18.

61 decides this is a bad idea and uses those records as frisbees, in his temple only the Enter the Dragon soundtrack is good enough

[bodhitree]

62 makes a "grill" out of crushed fireflies, rubbing the glow on his teeth.

[bodhitree]

63 Goes on a hike through the woods of malaysia looking for Su Kong Da Djin, with his newly shaved face this is not an easy task

[lkfmdc]

64. New hobby, collecting civil war memmorial plates

[lkfmdc]

65. Wonders why above post was not accompanied by humorous photoshop

[lkfmdc]

66. works on his new CD "Live from Eagle Claw 2007"

featuring his own stunning rendition of "Black Dog" and "Traveling Riverside Blues"

[bodhitree]

67 Used an Official Shaolin Jedi Mind Trick to get bodhi to ttt this thread

[lkfmdc]

68. After success of CD "Live from Eagle Claw 2007" starts a new record label, first new project, a boy's band called "color me yellow" (http://www.shaolin-society.co.uk/shaolin_legacy/images/newmonks1.jpg)

[MasterKiller]

68. After success of CD "Live from Eagle Claw 2007" starts a new record label, first new project, a boy's band called "color me yellow" (http://www.shaolin-society.co.uk/shaolin_legacy/images/newmonks1.jpg)

69. Realizes that "saffron" is more PC than "yellow."

[lkfmdc]

69. Realizes that "saffron" is more PC than "yellow."

70. Upon this realization, suddenly has urge to invest in the rice industry

[bodhitree]

70. Upon this realization, suddenly has urge to invest in the rice industry


71 Saves the volitile asian markets with huge investment in rice (ticker name: rice)

[bodhitree]

72 Member of band splits to do solo project, Gene goes and has a conversation with him (foot to crotch) and the result is castrotttttiiiiiiiiii sound

[lkfmdc]

73. now known as "Suge Ching"

[bodhitree]

74 takes a vacation from the boards

75 thinks about this thread and bodhitree posts

[DPL]

76. Under the theory that 'all in the universe is one', meditates on the possibility that John Takeshi, Mega-Foot, hungmunhingdai and truthman are really all the same person.

77. Suffers mental breakdown.

78. Recovers from mental breakdown with renewed perspective on reality, deciding to start 'Shaolin Ninjutsu Magazine'

[bodhitree]

79 makes a decision, purchases mail order bride for RD, hopefully this will get hims to stop complaining

80 After mail order bride decides life in Grozny is less a "pain in the ass" than being with RD she flees, Gene goes to kick her in the crotch, then decides she's been through enough and doesn't go through with it

[golden arhat]

He'd miss classics like this

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO LOLOLOL:D

[golden arhat]

stored nuts and so forth in his cheeks for consuming in the winter

[Shaolin Wookie]

82. Wakes up in Spring, and forgets which set of cheeks he stored his nuts in.

[Shaolin Wookie]

83. Goes to the grocery store and buys some Tang. Is disappointed when he gets home, and realizes it's just a drink mix.

[Fighting_Lad]

84. Closes down the Kung Fu Forum because it's rubbish.

[Shaolin Wookie]

85. Buys Fighting Lad a night on the town, because he clearly doesn't get out enough.

86. Renegs on his offer when Fighting Lad suggests they visit a local bar called : "Swinging Richards."

87. Drops Fighting Lad off in South Central.

88. Denies a collect call after the overjoyous Fighting Lad gets raped and falls in love and tries to share the news with his good friend.

89. Calls John Takeshi/Mega-Foot/Mega-Fist/Fighting Lad and tells him that if he doesn't stop boring us with his nonsense, he'll prosecute.

90. Accepts an apology, and boots the sad little cur on his way out the doggie-door.

[DPL]

91. Tries to remember if Fighting Lad is a member of the Legion of Super-heroes.

92. Watches reruns of the Legion cartoon show to satisfy his curiosity.

93. Doesn't find Fighting Lad, but develops a strange attraction to the Saturn Girl character.

94. Quickly turns off the television when he realizes he's been daydreaming about what type of two-handed applications he would use on a date with her.

[bodhitree]

95 Scenic trip to Colorado Rockies

96 Crotch kick mormon in Utah

97 Has his way with mormon's wives

98 Begins a search for fighting lad to deliver a crotch kick. he buys a camper and invites his 3 friends to ride with him: Martin Lawrence, William H. Macey, and Tim Allen. also invites a camera crew to film the search.

[bodhitree]

99 Sets a new goal: Fu Pow's ignore list

[bodhitree]

100 issues internet challange match to JF Springer

101 kicks springer in the crotch

102 logs in as truthman and complains about springer

103 takes a walk by the river in the moonlight

104 romantic moments with Rachel Ray

105 romantic moments with Shakira

106 romantic moments with Tony Danza

107 buries Tony Danza alive, Gene made a mistake and feels dirty, noone can find out

108 blows bubbles in his front yard

109 the mailman arrives and says "Hi little boy, blowing bubbles are we"
to which Gene delivers a crotch kick

110 rides a boat

111 encounters hurricane on boat

112 taunts god during hurricane (liutenant dan style)

[lkfmdc]

113. get's drunk on Shaolin Dit Da Jow, takes pitty on Fu Pow and deletes LKFMDC's amusing thread on the MMA forum

114. sobers up, feels bad, and offers LKFMDC a million dollars, but LKFMDC declines

115. Refuses to add LKFMDC as a friend on "myspace", fears the shaolin taco picture will follow him there

[bodhitree]

116 is enraged by racism so he decides to

117 go undercover. Gene becomes the worst Chinese stereotype you can find. He puts on buck teeth and thick glasses. He wears a nametag that reads "Chang Chong Ching". He goes and finds a group of loud, think they're tough teenagers. He uses truthmanesque language

"what you rookie, me from chiner, me name kid by throw fork down stairs sound make name kid. Ping Pang Pong, Ding Dong Ding know I mean buddy"

The teenagers proceed to make fun of the target, they have taken the bait.

Gene throws a crotch kick on one that is so powerful it registers as seismic activity. The rest run away, scared to death.

[bodhitree]

118 calls that kick "the crotch kick heard round the world"

119 goes to local news agency and informs them if they fail to do a JFK type breaking news bit about "the crotch kick heard round the world" they would be his next victims.

[Shaolin Wookie]

120. Goes back to number 107 and uses his executive privileges to edit the post and
insert "grave" before "mistake", because it will make him look clever.

121. Repeats #96, then buys a "Hollywood Homes" brochure, so he can take the
Hurt to celebrity scientologists.

122. Repents his folly, and spends the afternoon holding e-meter sticks.

123. Gets kicked out when he spills his nacho cheese on the e-meter, and the
readings go haywire, declaring him OT VIII.

124. Kills his auditor, then digs up the body of L. Ron Hubbard.

125. Realizes he made a mistake, then buries the body again.

126. Sits at home, depressed, in front of the TV, eating microwaved nachos,
thinking: "Apparently there is something even I wouldn't lower myself to
crotch-kick...."

[bodhitree]

127 Does a nice fat one (and thus fulfills the quote in SW's sig). Decides flab is where it's at, mmmmm flab sounds like mmmmmm

128 has a flan

129 kicks the first guy he sees in the crotches

130 realizes id impulses control a lot of his actions.

[lkfmdc]

131. finally adds LKFMDC to his "friends" at myspace

132. giggles like a school girl when LKFMDC doesn't put up the shaolin taco pic

133. then gasps, wondering, what WILL lkfmdc put up instead :eek:

[bodhitree]

134 thinks to himself, lkfmdc doesn't have the photoshop skills to put my head on the shaolin temple for wayward girls' girl's body (complete with stilleto heels for crotch kicking)

[couch]

135. Bans all the theoretical fighters from the Wing Chun forum.

136. Realized that he made a mistake and bans all the fighters from the Wing Chun forum.

137. Realized he made another mistake and bans all the MMA practitioners from the Wing Chun forum.

138. Abolishes the Wing Chun forum so that they have to resolve to more training and less internet chat.

[bodhitree]

139 Seeks wing chun master to give crotch kick advice to

[bodhitree]

140 ran out of time to do 207 summer things

[lkfmdc]

141 As fall approaches, invests in new "Official Shaolin Rice Cooker"
(http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=4104&d=1191988049)

[GeneChing]

141. congratulates lkfmdc on his forum fu and wonders why he still hasn't been banned here yet.

[Lucas]

142. shoots summer dead cold with a chromed .44

[lkfmdc]

141. congratulates lkfmdc on his forum fu and wonders why he still hasn't been banned here yet.

judging by some recent threads and events here, I am really one of the better behaving children lately, wouldn't you say? ;)

[lkfmdc]

143. gasps when he notices ancient thread has been revived!

[GeneChing]

144: pwned by lkfmdc (and he didn't even have to whip out his photoshop).

[lkfmdc]

145: Refudiates LKFMDC

[David Jamieson]

146: works out so hard he's tougher than a 2 dollah steak.

[taai gihk yahn]

147: reclines under a palm tree at poolside sipping a piña colada while attended by a bevy of nacho cheese ninjettes and then startles awake still at his desk with this thread on his computer screen mocking, mocking, mocking...

[David Jamieson]

148: laughs in the face of fear

[Lucas]

149: visits the Portland adult soap box derby (http://www.soapboxracer.com/)and parties hardy on the volcano and races bad ass home made cars down the death hill to the cries of scantily clad drunken women!!!!

http://www.coolthings.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/twinbarrel1.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3049/2776702317_f29a94518c.jpg