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tnwingtsun
09-02-2001, 12:15 AM
A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"

The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?"

"Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.

As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.

The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?"

The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?"

The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"

Scarletmantis
09-02-2001, 12:32 AM
Aren't
Ready to be a
Marine
Yet

"The essence of life is struggle and it's goal is domination. There are higher goals and deeper meanings, but they exist only within the mind of man. The reality of life is war."

- The Way and the Power

joedoe
09-02-2001, 02:00 AM
A marine is taking a leak in a toilet one day when a sailor walks in and begins to use the urinal next to him. The marine finishes up and opens the door to walk out of the toilets.

The sailor comments "In the navy they teach us to wash our hands after a p!ss" to which the marine replies "In the marines they teach us not to p!ss on our hands". :D

cxxx[]:::::::::::>
What we do in life echoes in Eternity

tnwingtsun
09-02-2001, 03:09 AM
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....ugh...Air
Force
women....HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!

Chang Style Novice
09-02-2001, 03:10 AM
How do they seperate the men from the boys in the Navy?

Crowbar.

_______________________
Reasonable men can agree to disagree, so probably you and I can too.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 03:19 AM
REPORTER: Mr. Churchill could you comment on the traditions of the Royal Navy?

PM CHURCHILL: The traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy, and the lash.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 03:24 AM
Russian Air Force humor:


An American pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes the tack and then throws it out.

An Israeli pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes it and puts it in his chest pocket in case he needs it later.

A Russian pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes it, looks at it for a second thinking, and then sits back on it thinking it must be there for a reason.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

atsai
09-02-2001, 03:49 AM
Military Bravery:
One day, a general of the Army, an Admiral, and an Air Force General are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver.

So the Admiral yells to a passing Sailor, "Sailor, catch that falling anchor!" The Sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it. The Admiral turns to the others and says "Gentlemen, that was bravery."

The Army General says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private, stop that moving tank!" The Private snaps to attention, shouts "Yes, sir!" and is crushed under the tank while trying to stop it. The Army General turns back to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that took guts."

Finally, the Air Force General takes his turn. "Airman, catch that landing plane." The Airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir." The Air Force General turns to the others and`says, "Gentlemen, that took balls."

<TABLE BORDER="3" CELLSPACING="1" CELLPADDING="1"><TR><TD><form><INPUT TYPE="button" VALUE=" Art T " onClick="parent.location='http://people.we.mediaone.net/arttsai/home.html'"></TD></TR></table></form><HR Width="97%">"You fight like you train." --Motto, USN Fighter Weapon School (TOPGUN)

DrunkenMonkey
09-02-2001, 04:04 AM
Ways to amuse yourself during a Military Urinalysis

Ask your observer if he wants to race.

Wear a diaper.

Urinate all over the outside of the cup, and then refuse to wash your hands with anything accept antibacterial soap.

Inquire about a "take home cup."

Get your privates stuck in your zipper.

After four-and-a-half hours of holding it, pee so hard you knock the cup out of your hand.

When the nurse asks you to witness the cup being empty, insist that you have to stick your finger in there to "check it out for yourself."

When they call your name, walk to the counter looking really concerned. Calmly explain to the nurse that you haven't studied for this test, and want to know if there's any extra credit.

Put some water in your boot before the test. When you get to the peeing part, take off your boot, pour it into the cup, and shamefully say that you just couldn't wait.

Ask the observer to slap you on your rear-end a few times, just to get things going for you.

Bring a drink umbrella for your cup.

Since this person has probably seen a lot of people pee, ask him how you measure up.

Before you start, self-check for hernias (turn, cough, etc...)

Wear a condom.



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D

An Art is any form of expression or task that has been honed to near perfection.

Chang Style Novice
09-02-2001, 04:06 AM
Heh - I was once told there would be a drug test for a job, and then asked if that was okay. I said "Sure, is it multiple choice or essay?"

_______________________
This space intentionally left blank.

Sihing73
09-02-2001, 04:29 AM
I was going to join the Marines but I passed the IQ test and had to go in the Army instead.

Peace,

Dave

huff
09-02-2001, 04:52 AM
how many of you girls were actually in the armed service? how many years? and what service?

Myself 10 years Marine Corps.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 04:57 AM
Only two people dissed your beloved Corp, one is a Marine veteran and the other says right in the joke he served in the Army. Lighten up. And for the record, my two jokes were both told by famous foreigners who had served in the military and were in reference to foreign units.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

huff
09-02-2001, 04:58 AM
One day a woman from a magazine interviewed a Marine Corps Gerneral about a boy scout troop that was going to do some training on the base.

woman interviewer: General what are you going to teach this boy on your base

General: Will teach them about bivuac's, survival, and then we will take them to the rifle range.

woman interviewer: General wont that be dangerous?

General: Why now we will give them full instructions in weapons safety before they get to the range.

woman interviewer: General dont you think you are equiping these young boys to be killers or mass murderers.

GeneralL: No young lady, Your equiped to be a prostiture but instead of that you are interviewing me,, Right.


:cool: :cool: :rolleyes: :D

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

huff
09-02-2001, 04:59 AM
im not getting mad or staby. I just wanted to now how many have served there country. Thats it

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 05:01 AM
There are many ways to serve your country. You did a great thing in being a Marine.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

huff
09-02-2001, 05:06 AM
Why thank you Stranger

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 05:10 AM
You are quite welcome. It was a sincere statement. :D

I do not consider myself a "girl" because I chose not to volunteer. I registered on my 18th birthday. They knew where I was, and I would have come if needed. It never got that bad.

How do I serve my country?
By becoming a public school teacher. :D

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

joedoe
09-02-2001, 05:12 AM
Well, I often considered joining one of the armed forces but I don't think they'd take me anyway. Too many health issues :).

How do I serve my country? Hmmm. Let me think about that one and get back to you :)

cxxx[]:::::::::::>
What we do in life echoes in Eternity

Sihing73
09-02-2001, 05:14 AM
Hello Water Oxx,

Since you asked I served in the US Army. I was Airborne and attached to a Ranger unit, the 275th if you must know. I served for four years and had the privilige of training with a variety of Elite Units; Airforce Pararescue, British SAS and we even let some Marine Recon carry our duffell bags :D

Come on dude I know Marines can be touchy but its all in fun. All branches serve their country, after all. Out of all of them I think the Air Force are the smartest ;)

Peace,

Dave

unclaimed effort
09-02-2001, 05:38 AM
I say, GO ARMY!!

Also since you enlisted, are their many limits to being able join the army?

-------------------------
What is a tree without it's roots? What is a martial art without its basics?

Celestial Amiboshi
09-02-2001, 05:40 AM
Why would anyone want to become government property? That's what happens when you join, you know.

"So close to God, there is talk of a Holy Quadrant."

Kung Lek
09-02-2001, 05:47 AM
You pay your taxes, you're serving your country.
You sing a national anthem at a ball game, you're serving your country. You instill others to change the paradigm you are serving your country.
Vote and you're serving your country, protest corruption in government and you are serving your country.

Military service is one of many ways to serve your country, though it is likely that it is the only way that you will have a better chance of being killed doing so. Well, that and working for the justice system.

peace

Kung Lek

tnwingtsun
09-02-2001, 05:56 AM
My ole man was a DI at PI,he served with
1/9 Walking Dead during LBJ's Jungle games in the 60's.

****ed him off when I went Army,strange though
one of the many units I served with was
1/9th.INF.MANCHUS.


KEEP UP THE FIRE!!!!!!!!!

Yo Sihing......Thats 2/75TH RGR REGT,couldn't
pass up on moderating the moderator.

Don't Hate Me Cuz Ya Ain't Me




Now back to joke time,other than Celestial Amiboshi
:D

Stranger
09-02-2001, 06:08 AM
My mistake, I thought tnwingtsun was a Marine sniper.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

Stranger
09-02-2001, 06:09 AM
Anybody want a good deal on some surplus Iraqi assault rifles?

Never been fired and only dropped once!

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

DrunkenMonkey
09-02-2001, 06:42 AM
Hey I'll take it then my collection will be complete from the Middle East - Cheap Israeli Gas Mask, Sling, Night-Vision Goggles! *looks around psychotically*

An Art is any form of expression or task that has been honed to near perfection.

joedoe
09-02-2001, 06:45 AM
"You and me man. We're the same, man. We're the same!"

"We're not the same you sick f*ck".

cxxx[]:::::::::::>
What we do in life echoes in Eternity

tnwingtsun
09-02-2001, 07:07 AM
My pappy was......

And it would have been an honor to have been one.
They just don't get to jump as much.

The God of all Snipers and a good man from God's
country(The Great State of North Carolina).

http://www.finitesite.com/taga/gunns.html

A true hero!!

huff
09-02-2001, 09:01 PM
I think being a teacher is one of the most noble ways of serving your country.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

huff
09-02-2001, 09:03 PM
The definition of a Marine Sniper: A Marine who is highly trained in field skills and marksmanship, who delivers long range precission fire on select targets, from a consealed position, in support of combat opperations.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

tnwingtsun
09-02-2001, 11:18 PM
Farewell Salute

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power. I was proud as Mr. Bush took his oath of office.

I was sad as I watched Mr. Clinton board Air Force One for the final time. It may surprise you that this made me sad, but watching this part of the days festivities, I saw 21 United States Marines in full dress, with M-16s, fire a 21 gun salute to the outgoing President.

It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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Every last one of them missed.....

Stranger
09-03-2001, 12:38 AM
:D That was fargin funny. Could you imagine if they in unison just turned and emptied their guns into the helicopter?

Talk about a definitive transfer of power! :eek:

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

tnwingtsun
09-03-2001, 12:41 AM
Telling Marine Jokes

A Paratrooper in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, ''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''

The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''

The Paratrooper says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''

huff
09-03-2001, 04:49 PM
HA HA, you guys are a million laughs.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

huff
09-03-2001, 04:50 PM
but i do agree they sould have shot him.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Celestial Amiboshi
09-03-2001, 07:39 PM
First of all, there was nothing amusing in those jokes and second of all I am TIRED of people "bashing" Clinton/democrats/liberals on this forum. Can't you get it through your thick skulls that we only want to help people and improve our society? Now, I know that Clinton wasn't perfect and neither is anyone else(it's quite possible that I am, though), but he was better than our current "president".

Bush, that superstar moron, has already eliminated the estate tax(to payback the wealthy for voting for him), hindered important medical research, and is trying to force Christianity down our throats with his "faith-based" funding.

Can't you see that Republicans and conservatives only have themselves and their wealthy voters in mind? Think about it. Corporations tend to back Republican candidates? Why? Because in return for donating money they can expect some tax breaks. The wealthy vote and donate for Republicans because they are only interested in retaining a larger portion of their income, and Republicans can make this a reality(Estate Tax). Christian groups back Republicans and fund them, since they are the easiest candidates to use in order to force their twisted beliefs onto the population. Now, Democrats and liberals may not be perfect, but they have the greater good in mind and work to achieve that.

On the military: There is nothing glorious or romantic about it, as people on here seem to make it out to be. NOTHING. Becoming state property is not a romantic notion. Neither is being trained to mindlessly take orders without question. It's a dead end career choice because the skills you learn there are mostly useful only in a military setting. If you join, you are throwing your life away. Plain and simple.

"So close to God, there is talk of a Holy Quadrant."

huff
09-04-2001, 01:35 AM
wow I never looked at it that way, you have realy opened my eyes, about republicans and the military ingeneral.... NOT **** OFF UNLESS YOUR ASKED.

Opinions are like assh**es Everyone has one and they all stink especealy yours celetial ambosi or what ever. :mad:

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Stranger
09-04-2001, 03:11 AM
Don't waste your breath Water Oxx. Celestial Amiboshi is one of the biggest trolls on this forum.

I don't get mad.
I get stabby.

tnwingtsun
09-04-2001, 03:33 AM
Great Comeback

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. This is a recount of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who's about to sponsor a boy scout troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they ever touch a firearm."

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.


Celestial Amiboshi,this ones for you.

From the cowardice that dares not face new truths,
From laziness that is content with half truths,
From the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth,
Good Lord, deliver me.

BUT READ THIS ONE CAREFULY

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
THEODORE ROOSEVELT
(Paris Sorbonne,1910)


"cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
Pretty much sums you up celestial amiboshi

tnwingtsun
09-04-2001, 03:42 AM
Army Special Forces Vs. Marines

A marine recon platoon was on patrol when the lt. noticed a lone special forces soldier standing on a hill top in their area. The lt. told two of his men to go take out that man.

They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The two marines followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt., ****ed, called for a squad to go get that sf soldier. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine squad followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt. was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the sf soldier. Determined that the recon was far superior to the one sf soldier they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill.Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine's followed.

For many miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued. Finally there was one lone marine crawling back to the lt., all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His bdu's were torn, cuts were all over his body. The lt. asked for a sit.rep.

The lone marine, bloody and beaten replied in a forceful and fearful voice "Sir, run, its a trick. There are TWO of them!!"

Celestial Amiboshi
09-04-2001, 04:33 AM
My goodness, that's the first time anyone has ever called me a troll.

Anyway, you people are avoiding the fact that I have mentioned that one becomes state property after joining the military and that you are trained to take orders without questioning them. I think we all know that this is true. There is nothing good about those two things.

You'd like to believe in that lofty goal of "serving one's country", but when a war comes around, you are nothing more than the government's pawn. Worth little and expendable. Stupid enough to join the military and intelligent enough to take orders.

"So close to God, there is talk of a Holy Quadrant."

huff
09-04-2001, 08:04 PM
Its not so bad, especially when you make that choice on your own, there is no draft anymore. So what I did and 175,000 other Marines did they did on there own free will. This is something we have because of what I did and Millions of Soldiers,Airmen,Seamen and Marines have done thou out the past of This Nation. It is these people who let you sit behind your computer and make comment or vioce your opinion It is also these people that Make you feel safe in stating you Opinion because we fought and many died to give you that right, Maybe you should think about that before you run off at the mouth.

Every one here Talks about how awsome their style is and say its the best. WELL I ASK ALL MA OUT THERE TO REMEMBER THE FREEDOMS THEY HAVE TODAY AND REMEMBER TWO ACRONYMS THAT MEAN ALOT TO ME AND ALL OTHER SERVICE MEMBER OUT IN THE WORLD.


POW-MIA

FEW RETURNED,MANY WERE LOST, BUT ALL ARE REMEMBERED.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

tnwingtsun
09-05-2001, 08:46 AM
HOOOOOOAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Water Oxx!!!!


And SEMPERFI!! to you,I can say that because my ole man was away in Nam when I was a boy.

What that bucket of Celestial Amiboshi does not realize is that he's state property also.
He wants to be a MA but doesn't understand the brotherhood that keeps him safe in his little
dream world that MA's is about hugging trees
and being one with nature.
Nature and trees are good,granted,but without
people that put their butts on the line he would have no freedom,besides,he's too dumb
to fight for his country not knowing that its
not about country,its about the brotherhood.
Something he'll never know,he's too close minded
hiding behind the false notion that he's a free man at the expense of others.

Feel safe Celestial Amiboshi and sleep well
knowing its the state owned people that sweat
blood so you can enjoy your freedom.

BTW,to the non-Vets that are behind us,you're the rock behind the brotherhood!

MANCHUS!!!

KEEP UP THE FIRE!!

huff
09-05-2001, 05:55 PM
Outstanding reply Tnwingtsun, Next time you get a chance thank you father for me and the country he served, And I respectfully submit to a man of his caliber.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

huff
09-05-2001, 06:02 PM
This is just one and ill post more later.


I got a little girly with a rubber head

I blow her up every night before I go to be

Reach around the back and turn the batteries on

Im a huffin and a puffin all night long

I keep on going till the batteries run dead

Then I rip her a$$ apart and I start on her head.

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.

Nexus
09-05-2001, 07:54 PM
twingstun. Being one with the world and harmonizing has nothing to do with personal freedom, as the freedom of thought cannot be imprisoned, only the freedoms in which we exercise that thought into action. That is why as you may have forgotten, that most of those ideas of oneness and such come from the East, where freedom is often lacking in many aspects which Americans have no clue of. In fact, most Americans have this odd impression that the rest of the world actually functions the way we do, with the same freedoms and culture as us. And then when they travel they come back talking up a storm about how different it is.

But as that is off the topic, the point being that I greatly respect the armed services and the people who participate in them. Two of my greatest friends while growing up are in the Army, All 4 (although not all alive anymore) of my grandparents served in Marines and Services and including my deceased grandfather whom I was very close to. I agree that personal freedoms have much to do with those who put it all on the line for us every day, in which we hear about 1/100th of the truth and much of the crap they put up with.

Salute!

- Nexus

<font size="1">"Time, space, the whole universe - just an illusion! Often said, philosophically verifiable, even scientifically explainable. It's the <font color="blue">'just'</font> which makes the honest mind go crazy and the <font color="blue">ego</font> go berserk." - Hans Taeger</font>

shaolinboxer
09-05-2001, 11:18 PM
It's nice to be able to voice you opinion in an open public forum, isn't it?

My grandfather serves in the navy (WWII, on the LST 912), my stepfather in the marines (Vietnam).

We are all indebted to our brave soldiers. Ignore this ungrateful child who takes his freedom for granted.

huff
09-06-2001, 03:54 AM
OOOORRRAAAAHHHH

A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.