One for the married

[Ray Pina]

I often hear spouses as a reason why men can't train as much as they'd like, etc., etc.

I understand the cliche of the nagging wife but I don't understand this in practice. From my experience, the harder you train the better shape you'll be in. Women like abbs, no?

What's more, you'd probably return mellow, empty minded and content.

And lastly, as much as no one wants to admit it, women respect a man that will tell them to fu(k off, and do what they want to do, what they feel is right and necessary for themselves to be a content man.

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.

[Mr Punch]

We're very very equal in my marriage. Except that she's got a traditional Japanese thing going on of wanting to cook for me etc (well, it's not just Japanese I know, but there are far fewer western women who'll be so 'domesticated' these days)...

But anyway, I would let her follow her hobbies if she had any to speak of, and she lets me follow mine. She draws the line at a high possibility of my getting injured, as she's had to shoulder my workload (taking out the rubbish, carrying the shopping/babycar/baby etc) as well as in some cases help me out physically due to a couple of very serious bouts of various spinal damage in the last four years. Since my high risk activities then cause her problems (which sometimes impact on her health too) that's a fair enough restriction I think.

[MightyB]

One day somebody asked my Sifu what was the most powerful type of kung fu. Without even blinking he replied "Woman Kung Fu". When asked what this meant- he said, "you see, it goes like this... Honey, I'm going to kung fu tonight to work out with the guys..." her reply "NO YOU'RE NOT!!!!"... your response is "ok, guess I'll stay home with you and the kids..."

----

The moral of the story- stay single if you want to do good kung fu. As Charlie Sheen would say "You don't pay the hooker for sex, you pay her to LEAVE."

[Ray Pina]

Can't argue with that.

I met a really cool young women last year in NYC, a young white girl with a tea room. Turns out her dad's Buddhist and studied in Japan with a tea master. She's very hip for her age (22) and has a little gangster in her from growing up in DC. She's visiting me for a few days in Oct.

We're going to go to the beach every day, but while she's here (4 days) I will invite her to come to BJJ but I'm not missing. I'm willing to skip the one boxing class I'd have during her time here.

My philosophy is one of, this is who I am, this is essential to me. But maybe that's why I'm still single:)

She wants me to teach her to surf. And I'd love it if she not only watched the BJJ training but took part. She's got a nice little body but if she surfed and did BJJ and I'd be looking at a killer body for some time. Priorities.

[Egg fu young]

I often hear spouses as a reason why men can't train as much as they'd like, etc., etc.

I understand the cliche of the nagging wife but I don't understand this in practice. From my experience, the harder you train the better shape you'll be in. Women like abbs, no?

What's more, you'd probably return mellow, empty minded and content.

And lastly, as much as no one wants to admit it, women respect a man that will tell them to fu(k off, and do what they want to do, what they feel is right and necessary for themselves to be a content man.

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.


Wow! I can only imagine what would happen if I told my wife to fu(k off. You may want to consider a prenup. Women and men put on their best faces when their dating it's not until you marry that the real people come out (trust me on this). My wife totally changed after I said "I do" but because of my never quit personality I'll continue eating spoonful after spoonful of sh#t until deaths sweet release.

P.S. I train when she's not home so I dont get in trouble.

[MightyB]

A man marries a woman hoping that she'll never change...
but they always do.

A woman marries a man hoping to change him...
but they never do.

[MightyB]

The biggest hindrance to me becomming a super bad mutha f@cka has been the fact that I dated seriously as a teen and married young.

I'm not saying that being married is all bad- but, if you are serious about martial arts- you can't get married and you can't even have too deep of a relationship. Goes for your career too.

Women are naturally jealous of anything that takes your attention away from them- including training.

[SimonM]

I often hear spouses as a reason why men can't train as much as they'd like, etc., etc.

My wife nags me when I don't train enough!

[MasterKiller]

Getting married isn't that big of a detriment, especially if you marry a woman that has her own hobbies or interests.

Mostly, kids and yard work eat away all my free time.

Before we had kids or a house, I trained 5 or 6 days a week and she never complained. Now, I'm lucky to get three 1.5 hour classes a week, but not because she complains. I just have too many other things to do.

However, limiting my time has actually forced me to focus more, which has been beneficial to my actual fighting skills. Just don't ask me to do a form right now. :o

[MightyB]

Now that you're in your 30's, it isn't a bad idea to get married- but, I would never suggest that it's a good idea to get married before 30. Don't do it! There's so much out there to see and do- getting married young is a big NO NO.
---
My wife's not bad- not at all- but- even she would agree that marriage and kids are major life changers--- so, if there's something that you're hoping to do or to accomplish for yourself- do it before you even think about getting married.

[unkokusai]

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.



........... :rolleyes:


You wuss

[TenTigers]

let them know, from day one, that this is who you are, and this is what you do.

That being said, every woman has always had the issue about being second fiddle to MA. Even women that did Kung-Fu. Go figure.

You also need to learn about compromise.
Here's some examples:

I wanted to get the tanks and fenders painted on my chop. Black with candy deep red flames over gold metallic, with the gold outlining the red-cool.
She wanted to carpet the livingroom.
-so we compromised.
we carpeted the livingroom.

I wanted this sweet Remington 700 sniper Rifle, McMillan stock,Leopold Variax III scope, Harris bipod, one minute of angle out of the box (1/4"drop at 100 yds)....
She wanted a new wall unit..for the livingroom,..that we carpeted..
-so we compromised
we got the wall unit

are you beginning to see a pattern yet?

Ahhhh, but wait. It gets better:
I wanted this Craftsman compresser. Y'know, so I can get all these cool air tools, and spray gun, and work on the chop. I've been collecting quite a few odd motors,frames, fron ends,and I have a partially built Triumph chopper, waiting to become a great project...

She bought me the compressor for my birthday!!!
did'ja hear that? SHE BOUGHT ME THE COMPRESSOR!!!!!!

so now I can spray paint the livingroom walls to go with the carpet and the new wall unit....

oh, did I mention that with this new compressor I can powerwash the patio, and the siding?
Oh Joy!


I am now single, with my compressor and my dog to keep me company.
I also have the Remington, and have my eyes on a matched pair of Kimbar 1911's

[Ray Pina]

TenTigers, your cool meter just went through the roof! I didn't know you were so bad a$$ with bikes and what not. Right on.

[Ray Pina]

Here's my thing though:

Don't you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn't ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won't admit it to you.

[MasterKiller]

Here's my thing though:

Don't you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn't ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won't admit it to you.

You just have to balance it, bro. Otherwise, what's the point of being married?

[Egg fu young]

Here's my thing though:

Don't you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn't ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won't admit it to you.


Dude.....you are going to be so disappointed.

[jdhowland]

A few years into marriage my wife told me that she used to be jealous of the time i spent away from her while training, but she had learned that it was part of what made me the man she fell in love with. She also stated that it gave me the society of friends who were the most honorable men she had ever known. I still think that's the best compliment she ever gave me.

A license to train whenever i wish!

Of course, i abuse her trust terribly and sometimes don't come home until nigh midnight. But i have few other vices. I don't have television and have no interest in gambling, partying or sports so there is still plenty of family time.

My advice: choose a partner who trusts your judgment and life will be good.

Be well.

jd

[masherdong]

I have been blessed that my wife understands that my training is important to me and she knows that I would like to start up a school in the future. She understands this and now she is training along side with me! :)

She is now training and enjoys it sooo much now. I think she now knows why I love this stuff so much!

[iron_leg_dave]

If you kow tow to a women, they will leave. It's in built. First they will push you down as far as they can, then they will hit the road.

Just remember that you can't think like a woman, so don't start pretending that you understand her, she isn't a man, and while you may think that you get it, you don't.

If you do that you'll be fine.

If she leaves anyway, atleast she won't leave you with a concept of self that is so emotionally abused that your a complete self loathing *****.

I think we are all old enough to understand the reality of the matter is that she is no different from the next one. There are higher, lower and same grades all around you.

Also, it is wise to keep your options open while you have a woman.

[unkokusai]

Here's my thing though:

Don't you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn't ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won't admit it to you.




............................ :rolleyes:

[TenTigers]

as my Dad used to say,

"Son, there are two secrets to understanding women."

"..and nobody knows either of'em!";)

[Ray Pina]

I don't have television and have no interest in gambling, partying or sports so there is still plenty of family time.


My TV was getting repaired for two weeks and I was instantly reminded that the last time I had to TV I wrote a book. I spent those two weeks editing the book and playing my guitar when I wasn't out surfing or training.

Got the TV back on Fri.... I'd say I already spent 8 to 10 hours waisted in front of it. Actually looking for something to waist my time.

I'm giving it to my friend tonight.

[WinterPalm]

My TV was getting repaired for two weeks and I was instantly reminded that the last time I had to TV I wrote a book. I spent those two weeks editing the book and playing my guitar when I wasn't out surfing or training.

Got the TV back on Fri.... I'd say I already spent 8 to 10 hours waisted in front of it. Actually looking for something to waist my time.

I'm giving it to my friend tonight.

You're a better man for getting rid of that thing. TV is the a great invention with much potential, but is filled with utter garbage.

[Ray Pina]

My last comment on a subject I have no experience in... I lived with a chick for four years. We were so sick of each other even in that time. I would think time away from each other throughout the day and week would only intensify the time together. And when she sees that you don't compromise your time, she'll feel the time with her is genuine. And then make that time fantastic.

Thanks for all the feedback though.

[Egg fu young]

Ray,

I just watched your youtube videos. Excellent !!!!

[MasterKiller]

My last comment on a subject I have no experience in... I lived with a chick for four years. We were so sick of each other even in that time. I would think time away from each other throughout the day and week would only intensify the time together. And when she sees that you don't compromise your time, she'll feel the time with her is genuine. And then make that time fantastic.

Thanks for all the feedback though.

Most women just are not secure enough to see the world that way.

[SimonM]

We have a TV but no cable.

We watch DVDs, video tapes and I play console games.

About a month ago we went to my parent's house to dog-sit while my parents visited my sister. They have satellite.

We watched TV a bit.

Then, around the second day, we realized that all there was on TV was garbage and schlock.

TV remained off the rest of the time except for occasional news, coverage of the DNC mostly.

Pam and I have been married for about a year and a half and have been living together for about two years. We are talking about kids but not rushing it because we both are more concerned with improving our employment and/or education. We share some common interests (camping being a big one) and that is good. There are other interests we don't share, she doesn't like the smell of the kwoon and I think she choses terribly drab, miserable and depressing movies to watch when she gets DVDs from the library. We respect each other's interests and boundaries and both make compromises on occasion. As a result we remain in domestic bliss.

And she, in stereotypically Chinese fashion is frugal and, as I insist on paying $90 a month for Kung Fu classes, she expects me to go as often as possible. :p

[MightyB]

Here's my thing though:

Don't you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn't ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won't admit it to you.

I take it back Ray,

You should just get married- Do it, DO IT NOW! Your kung fu will go through the roof. What are you waiting for? Marriage is sooooo awesome. Your girlfriend's personality actually gets better. Get Married NOW! Seriously- do it. It's frigg'n awesome!!!





















Why should you go through life happy?

[SimonM]

Marriage and happiness can co-exist Mighty B.

They require work though. :D

[Ray Pina]

Right now I am happy living and being alone most of the time. But I think it would be nice to literally live in a household based on love.

Appreciate it. Otherwise you could be coming home from work, cooking and eating by yourself and being tempted to go out late in the pursuit of sex/companionship which usually leads to some sort of substance abuse and drainage of energy... not to mention STDs.

[Lucas]

I got into this trend where I was training 6 days a week for 3-6 hours a day, for about 4 1/2 years. I was single during that time, which made training easy. My only concern was myself.

But it also killed any kind of social life I had. I put all my time into training. Now that I dont train as often as I used to, I find myself too withdrawn to do anything about it. So what do I do? I stay home and train instead of going out.

ive never been a partier, or a club goer, or a drinker. now 6 years later, im still single and stuck in this self imposed seclusion. it doesnt help that im somewhat anti social i guess...

but im in great shape!

when i got really serious about training i stopped skateboarding. eating sh!t on the concrete and slowing my training was a risk i didnt want to take....maybe I should pick skating back up...

[Xiao3 Meng4]

If training at current intensities and frequencies is a must...

It's rare to find a woman who does MMA, but it's not uncommon to find women in more traditional arts, such as Kickboxing, Judo, Tae Kwon Do, Aikido, even Karate and Kung Fu. Maybe if you joined a local club with a high female enrollment...?

There's always the internet dating services, too. You could optimize your chances of finding a compatible woman this way...

Then again, there are these words of Wisdom from a famous Wing Chun instructor:
"When you're married to your Kung Fu [MMA,] you don't have time for a wife. So you get yourself a B!tch instead." And yes, he walks his talk.

Yet another option is comprimise...

Good luck
CSP

[bodhitree]

I often hear spouses as a reason why men can't train as much as they'd like, etc., etc.

I understand the cliche of the nagging wife but I don't understand this in practice.

You have yet to understand the power of the nag and the way it can affect your life first hand young mantis.


From my experience, the harder you train the better shape you'll be in. Women like abbs, no?

Your abs will get in the way of your wife's self-esteem, remember, she's married now and can officiallyh let herself go, you can't possibly ruin that for her.


What's more, you'd probably return mellow, empty minded and content.

Until you get home, grab your mail and look at the bank statement.


And lastly, as much as no one wants to admit it, women respect a man that will tell them to fu(k off, and do what they want to do, what they feel is right and necessary for themselves to be a content man.

Oh my god, you are about to make your life REALLY bad. What's worse is, she's your wife, she knows your mother, everyone who loves you will turn on you. That attitude may be okay for a girlfriend, but your game is now over pal.


Am I completely off base?

YES!


I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings


They all show potential BEFORE you marry them. Run AWAY from the alter. You probably wont listen, I didn't. But someday when you're married, you'll be thinking "****, they were all right", which is what I now think....

[bodhitree]

You have yet to understand the power of the nag and the way it can affect your life first hand young mantis.



Your abs will get in the way of your wife's self-esteem, remember, she's married now and can officiallyh let herself go, you can't possibly ruin that for her.



Until you get home, grab your mail and look at the bank statement.



Oh my god, you are about to make your life REALLY bad. What's worse is, she's your wife, she knows your mother, everyone who loves you will turn on you. That attitude may be okay for a girlfriend, but your game is now over pal.


YES!




They all show potential BEFORE you marry them. Run AWAY from the alter. You probably wont listen, I didn't. But someday when you're married, you'll be thinking "****, they were all right", which is what I now think....


Just kidding!:D

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i agree with ray and i can talk from experieince. girls don't want you to be nice all the time . . . i could sugar coat it and say they like for you to show them you have a back bone from time to time, but its more than that. if you want to keep your woman happy be a bit of a d1ck from time to time. put the b1tch in her place. ignore her a little. if you kiss her ass all the time she'll get bored . . . giving her some contrast makes her appreciate it when you do fawn over her.

i also dont understand domestication as an excuse for not training. suzi and i arent married, but weve been togeather since we were 15 . . . it'll be 13 years this december. we had our daughter when we were 19, she's 9 now. currently i'm going to school full time, i work about 44 hours a week, and i still make time to train without ignoring my family. i take about 2 hours including driving to lift 3 nights a week, go for very short bike rides on other nights, and sometimes do a 4th lifting session at home while im technically working on saturdays. i've also seen every single episode of "secret life of an american teenager."

i do have to admit that suzi is a really cool girl in a lot of aspects though. cant ****ing cook or clean to save her life, but talking with guys at work allways makes me appreciate that she doesnt fit a lot of crazy b1tch stereotypes. she's very trusting and doesn't get hung up on stupid ****. she also doesn't expect me to be up her ass 24/7 even if i wasn't so busy. in fact, ignoring her a little is almost always a sure way of getting lucky.

[TenTigers]

you need to be able to retreat to a neutral corner. You each need your own hobbies, and alone time. If you are joined at the hip, you will eventually be at each other's throats.
My parents have been married fifty years. Why? Because Dad had his boat, where on wednesday nights, he would tinker, on weekends, he was fishing with the boys. He had his workshop downstairs, and Mom hung out in the kitchen doing her Mom thing, or her bridge club. They enjoyed meals together, late night snacks, went out to dinner, movies etc ,and went to bed together. In the summers, they would go on cruises on their boat with the boating club.

You each need your personal space and alone time.

As far as the treating of the GF or wife-always be courting. Always be on your best behavior, as if you are dating. Make her always feel special (without being the wimp)Don't take each other for granted. That means that when you go out, and she's dressed to the nines, when you come home, she shouldn't take off her make-up,put on face cream, curlers, and an old stained sweatshirt and expect you to be turned on and "perform."
Likewise you shouldn't go to the bathroom with the door open, bomb the house, and leave without cracking the window! Because once the honeymoon is over, it's all downhill.

I agree with not kissing up to her and being at her beck and call. A woman still wants her man to be a man. It's in our DNA, you need to be the hunter, protector, provider. She needs to feel that you are. Once she controls you, then you are no longer desirable. Your genetics will not produce strong offspring. She will look elsewhere.
This is why it's so danged confusing. She will tell you she wants one thing, but she really wants another. She wants a "Bad Boy," but not a thug. She wants a "Good Man" but not a wimp.
It's like juggling. You have to be tender, strong, hard, loving,romantic,ready willing and able, but not weak and controlled. Forceful, yet not overbearing.
(sigh) My Dad was right.

[rogue]

Hell Ten, one of the tricks wimmins use is letting you think you're in control. :D

Been with Mrs. Rogue 25+ wonderful years and being nice and being respectful are easy if you're not selfish. I still get my time to go and train, shoot stuff and do my manly stuff, but I make plenty of time to be with her.

The real killer are kids, but that's all part of growing up.

FWIW, Mrs Rogue is still kick ass hot!:cool:

[TenTigers]

Hell Ten, one of the tricks wimmins use is letting you think you're in control. :D

That's what I tell all my women! "You can manipulate me all you want-just so long as you make me thing I'm in control."

"I make all the big decisions, she makes all the little decisions.
The funny thing is, there are no big decisions, just alot of little ones!"

[unkokusai]

girls don't want you to be nice all the time . . . i could sugar coat it and say they like for you to show them you have a back bone from time to time, but its more than that. if you want to keep your woman happy be a bit of a d1ck from time to time. put the b1tch in her place. ignore her a little.



You are a stone cold moron.

[Ray Pina]

There's always the internet dating services, too. You could optimize your chances of finding a compatible woman this way...

I've been blessed in that attracting women has never been a problem. It's just now I'm getting to that age, am starting to see things I've worked on come to fruition and thinking it would be nice to have a family to call my own.

The only problem I was having is that I like them young. And in NYC girls below 30 think they're Paris Hilton. But like I said, I found two good ones and the most recent one is showing real potential. I'm flying her down for a long weekend Oct. 8th.

Thanks for all the advice though. Appreciate it.

[TenTigers]

three? What are you, a Mormon?

then again, some of us who have been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it might say,

"three? What are you, a moron?"

jes joking. I would want three also, but they would all have to be Stepford Wives.

Ray, pushing your limits of how much physical abuse and pain you can endure as a fighter is one thing,
but pushing your limits of how much mental and emotional abuse and pain you can endure is quite another!

[TenTigers]

Marraige is an institution.
And that's exactly where you belong.

[TenTigers]

I admit, I may be a bit commitment-shy.
If I could find a woman who didn't want a commitment,
I'd marry her in a heartbeat!

[MasterKiller]

The problem is really, fundamentally, that you quickly become your woman's hobby.

When you were a kid, you wanted to do things, be things, and right now you work hard to achieve personal goals. 90% women grow up thinking of nothing else except who they are going to marry and how many kids they will have. So, while you work to accomplish things outside the house, she worked her whole life to get you in the house.

Getting married is like their title bout.

[JGTevo]

You are a stone cold moron.

It really depends on the girl.
Good girls generally work like that.

Girls who don't respect you will leave you. Which is your gain anyway.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

You are a stone cold moron.

good point.

[kal]

Good thread!

I see a lot of discussion about complaints re: the time spent in training.

But how about another isssue? How about the fact that you are training in something involving fighting? Do you ever get any grief about the fact that "fighting is bad" or that "violence is wrong"?

I know several women that don't want their husbands to know how to fight because they disagree with violence (even as self defense).

One friend of mine protected his wife from a bunch of scumbags intent on robbing her (or worse) only to have her scream at HIM afterwards because she didn't like seeing him hurt people.

[unkokusai]

It really depends on the girl.
Good girls generally work like that.

Girls who don't respect you will leave you. Which is your gain anyway.







Some of y'all are truly weak and pathetic.

[unkokusai]

good point.



Thank you very much.

[Vash]

I refuse to ever get married . . . karma is a *****.

So, I'll stick to my karate six days a week, the occasional sparring with a local MMA gym, and the very rare opportunities my gimp-ass back allows for jiu jitsu.

And casual relationships rock. I'm too self-absorbed to really benefit a woman seeking emotional connection.

[Vash]

Good thread!

I see a lot of discussion about complaints re: the time spent in training.

But how about another isssue? How about the fact that you are training in something involving fighting? Do you ever get any grief about the fact that "fighting is bad" or that "violence is wrong"?

I know several women that don't want their husbands to know how to fight because they disagree with violence (even as self defense).

One friend of mine protected his wife from a bunch of scumbags intent on robbing her (or worse) only to have her scream at HIM afterwards because she didn't like seeing him hurt people.

**** her and leave. A woman tries to trim the balls off her mate is a double-X chromosome which does not need to be duplicated.

[TaichiMantis]

Getting married isn't that big of a detriment, especially if you marry a woman that has her own hobbies or interests.

Mostly, kids and yard work eat away all my free time.

Before we had kids or a house, I trained 5 or 6 days a week and she never complained. Now, I'm lucky to get three 1.5 hour classes a week, but not because she complains. I just have too many other things to do.

However, limiting my time has actually forced me to focus more, which has been beneficial to my actual fighting skills. Just don't ask me to do a form right now. :o

Yep, it's the kids, full time jobs, domestic responsibilities....However, I've noticed the best sifus and fighters don't seem to be very well rounded in their personal lives.:rolleyes:

It seems you are one of the few that can do it all.:cool:

[Blacktiger]

I cant complain - my wife trains with me 5 times a week and is up for every crazy seminar that pops up. I love it!!!:)

[Egg fu young]

Good thread!

I see a lot of discussion about complaints re: the time spent in training.

But how about another isssue? How about the fact that you are training in something involving fighting? Do you ever get any grief about the fact that "fighting is bad" or that "violence is wrong"?

I know several women that don't want their husbands to know how to fight because they disagree with violence (even as self defense).

One friend of mine protected his wife from a bunch of scumbags intent on robbing her (or worse) only to have her scream at HIM afterwards because she didn't like seeing him hurt people.

My wife was mad (say it aint so) when I fought Toughman contests. The easiest fights were in the ring.

[SimonM]

But how about another isssue? How about the fact that you are training in something involving fighting? Do you ever get any grief about the fact that "fighting is bad" or that "violence is wrong"?



Nope. :D :D

[iron_leg_dave]

Good thread!

I see a lot of discussion about complaints re: the time spent in training.

But how about another isssue? How about the fact that you are training in something involving fighting? Do you ever get any grief about the fact that "fighting is bad" or that "violence is wrong"?

I know several women that don't want their husbands to know how to fight because they disagree with violence (even as self defense).

One friend of mine protected his wife from a bunch of scumbags intent on robbing her (or worse) only to have her scream at HIM afterwards because she didn't like seeing him hurt people.

That woman needs her head checked.

Even if violence is wrong, it's still a reality. Once you leave reality, the only place to go is delusion.

If your delusional, have at pacifism.

[TenTigers]

Y'know, as I get on in years, (I'm past the half-century mark) I have developed much deep wiz-dumb. Here's some more pearls:

I only date ugly chicks.
They are more grateful, and easy to please.
You never have to worry about other guys checking her out, or hitting on her.
-and if she leaves you, so what? She's ugly!

[Ray Pina]

Dude, you are too much. A whole other side of you comin' out this week.

I'll pass on the ugly chicks though. So many hotties. Let them come and go. And down here, believe it or not, I've only dated college girls so far. Maybe it helps that 18 is the drinking age.

[cjurakpt]

If your delusional, have at pacifism.
I'm the first to pass-a-fist across someone's face...

on the wif topic: as my sifu once said "marry late"; I took his advice, sorta (I was 31, not too old); but I think that it boils down to commonality of vision;

now my wife is a bit of an anomaly: for one, she's super-smart (5 language last count, started med school at 15, currently OB/GYN and will rattle off stuff about medical practice like she's reading a textbook but isn't); she's also Russian, so that is it's own thing (for those who know of what I speak, they know; for those who don't, let's say that drama takes on a whole new meaning); now, as far as the stereotypical female aversion to violence bit, well, if someone came into the house, let's say I'd be more worried if she got to them first (did I mention she did Sambo as a teen, used to go out into the woods back "home" w/her Caucasion gangsta friends and fire off automatic weapons, and once kicked a guy in the groin so hard he passed out when he got in her face while she was trying to resusitate someone as an EMT?)

of course w/her, in a way, a lot of the "rules" vis-a-vis American women don't apply, so a lot of it is a learning curve, even still 8 years in this past week; but we have a great kid, almost 4, and despite her crazy schedule, we manage to make it work (ok, admittedly I do a bit more domestic chore-work then the average bear, but whatever, I get to spend a lot of time w/my son, it's priceless); given a choice, I wouldn't change anything

again, I think that the "secret" is a commonality in terms of the way you see the world: that you can have a conversation and just be on the same page from the get-go; this, IMPE w/American women, I never had - but my folks are European and the school I went to as a kid was based on Euro-ed model, so I guess it's not that big of a surprise;

all in all, it's never going to be perfect, you will inevitably have conflict, you need to know when to put your ego in check and also when to draw the line - there is no cook-book recipe; as i said, we have a common vision, and from the ground of commonality, everything else gets worked out one way or another

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

if this were the 50s we wouldn't even be having this discussion.

[TaichiMantis]

if this were the 50s we wouldn't even be having this discussion.


If this were the fifties, we'd still have time to keep your parents from procreating :rolleyes:

[SimonM]

of course w/her, in a way, a lot of the "rules" vis-a-vis American women don't apply, so a lot of it is a learning curve, even still 8 years in this past week; but we have a great kid, almost 4, and despite her crazy schedule, we manage to make it work (ok, admittedly I do a bit more domestic chore-work then the average bear, but whatever, I get to spend a lot of time w/my son, it's priceless); given a choice, I wouldn't change anything


My wife is Chinese so, likewise, there are a few reactions that are different between her and north american women. One of those is that she is not opposed to having a husband able to serve violence in defense of himself or others. Her only request is that I limit myself to ONE sword until such time as we can afford more. :p

About the only thing I can say with certainty she will never object to spending money on is martial arts... provided I haul my ass to class regularly.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

If this were the fifties, we'd still have time to keep your parents from procreating :rolleyes:

i would have been vomited out of some womans vagina somewhere. it was my destiny.

[rogue]

GDA is an example of why you should never re-use an old, leaky condom that you found behind the dollar store. You just never know what's left in the tip that you'll have to live with. ;)

[cjurakpt]

GDA shows why you should never re-use an old, leaky condom that you found behind the dollar store. ;)

and here I was thinking all along that it was secret government experimentation gone horribly wrong...

[rogue]

No government is that cruel. None. Even Joe Stalin would have passed on that experiment.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

No government is that cruel. None. Even Joe Stalin would have passed on that experiment.

rouge . . . you just brought a tear to my eye good buddy.

[SteveLau]

This has been an unusal good thread, but its quality of discussion has dropped a bit lately. The initial topic can be stated as the mix of personal life and married life in general. I agree with most of the points made by other members. There is a kind of marriage that I would like others to comment on. See if you have personally aware of such marriage existence. There is couple who stays together with no more than one month in a year. And they feel alright with such a marriage. It is often said the quality of a relationship does not depend on how much time the parties spend together. I sure agree to it. But as a marriage, I would say such marriage is not worth to have - it is not much meaningful.

There are questions to answer in making various decisions in the course of our life. First, can we do it? If our answer is affirmative, then we can answer to the second question - is it worth to do? It is asking about give and take. What benefit will our action bring, and what we need to give in carry it out? If we can go ahead and get married, able to handle the marriage, so what then? If it does not make us better off than before, I would definitely say no to such endeavour.



Regards,

KC
Hong Kong

[TenTigers]

As far as long distance relationships-I don't get it. To me, the reason you get married, or committed(to a relationship) is that you want to be with that person.
I think that may be taking my neutral corner theory to an extreme.
But-we are all individuals. Everyone is different. Who knows? It may be perfect for some.

[Ray Pina]

The person I love most in this world is a pretty mid-20 year old surfer from Venezuela. She's hear every winter for a month or so. My time spent with her is the best times of my life. I love her so much.

With that said, she has a girlfriend, and once she's gone I don't hear from her. I respect the way she moves about this planet and wish her nothing but love and happiness, wherever it comes from.

With that said, I have learned that this love causes me more, not pain or something like that, but I wish I didn't think of her and I've controlled my mind to do so less.

Helping the matter is that I met another special, pretty girl, that, as much as I hate to admit it, just might be perfect for me. The other one is more like me. The one that's coming to visit in Oct. balances and calms me. And she's a good, amazing young women.

My father said something to me a year ago: "Son, marriage isn't easy when you love each other. Make sure the girl is crazy about you."

This was good advice. Though I don't want crazy love. I want grounded, trusting, supporting, kinky love.

[rogue]

Avoid the crazy love and be darn careful with romantic love. One wears you down and the other can wear out. Don't know what that leaves but my wife and have had it for 25 years.

BTW Kinky love is great until the first slipped disc or someone forgets where the keys to the handcuffs are.

[SteveLau]

Yep, love apart is no more love. If it is a temporary arrangement that a couple will see each other little for two to three years, then may be the marriage will be still OK. These couples are often professional. Each has his career to manage. But if the marriage remains remote for a decade and more with no plan to change in this regard, then divorce is a better recourse IMHO. Perhaps it should never begin. One's personal life and married life will unlikely conflict with each other for such remotely maintained marriage, but again it is not much meaningful either.



Regards,

KC
Hong Kong

[Water Dragon]

What's funny is you can totally figure out what everyone's relationship is like from reading their posts.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

What's funny is you can totally figure out what everyone's relationship is like from reading their posts.

not always man.

i don't want to leave everyone with the impression that i want to beat suzi all the time. only when she asks for it.

[Ray Pina]

I'm taking my friend to Jiu-Jitsu when she comes to visit in a couple weeks. She already mentioned she wants to learn to surf maybe she'll want to participate in class. But she will be a sweaty, exhausted mess for sure.

[rogue]

not always man.

i don't want to leave everyone with the impression that i want to beat suzi all the time. only when she asks for it.

I think we were more worried with Suzi beating on you all the time. Sooner or later you have to go to sleep. :p

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

I think we were more worried with Suzi beating on you all the time. Sooner or later you have to pass out drunk. :p

*fixed

the 10 character limit will be sure to cause domestic violence in the atrocity household.

[TaichiMantis]

You guys don't get it. Love isn't a feeling, it's hard work and commitment...kung fu.;)

[MightyB]

I'm taking my friend to Jiu-Jitsu when she comes to visit in a couple weeks. She already mentioned she wants to learn to surf maybe she'll want to participate in class. But she will be a sweaty, exhausted mess for sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpceOOk2zog