Monkey Steals the Peaches

[TaichiMantis]

The old grab-and-squeeze works again!


PORTLAND, Ore. - The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing. Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair.That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

McRedmond said a county code enforcement officer who heard the police call on his radio spotted a car near the woman's house and passed on the license information to authorities.

Troutdale police arrested a 46-year-old man. He has been jailed on accusations of burglary, harassment and private indecency. Bail was set at $110,000.

;)

[TenTigers]

yeppers, my Aunt Hikella (yiddish for Helen) who stands, 4' nuthin, went to the dentist's office.
He sat her down in the chair and befor he got started, she reaches up and grabs a hold of his testicles and says in her little yiddish accent,
"Ve're not gonna hurt each other, are we?"
::D

[TaichiMantis]

Here is the video interview (http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2008/12/31/or.naked.intruder.kptv). The intruder's name is Michael D!ck!:D

[TenTigers]

how old was the intruder?
ewwww!:eek:

[TenTigers]

Micheal D1ck!
LOL! Is that a nickname?
From now on he should be called, "Micheal Ballz!":D

[TaichiMantis]

Or Michael D!ckless...;)

[GeneChing]

I heard this story last week and have resisted posting it here, but I finally had to give in as it made SNL's Weekend Update last Saturday.


Jilted wife 'chopped off husband's ***** TWICE with scissors after catching him cheating' (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/jilted-wife-chopped-husbands-*****-4969780)

Jan 13, 2015 09:56
By Paul ****erton

On the second occasion, the woman is said to have thrown her husband's member out of a window, but it hasn't been found, and doctors fear an animal took it

http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4969750.ece/alternates/s615/PAY-Wife-chops-off-husbands-manhood.jpg
Gruesome: It's alleged that Fan Lung's ***** was chopped off by his wife twice

A jilted wife has been arrested amid reports she chopped off her cheating husband's ***** twice.

According to reports in China, two-timing dad-of-five Fan Lung, 32, used his wife's phone to send lover Zhang Hung, 21, a saucy email from his marital home in Shangqiu.

But he forgot to log out of his account and his stunned wife, Feng, 30, came across the message along with several others, which sent her flying into a rage.

Furious, she's said to have grabbed a pair of scissors and stormed into their bedroom, where he was sleeping, and snipped off his manhood.

Fan was rushed to hospital, where the organ was sewn back on.

http://i3.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4969751.ece/alternates/s615b/PAY-Wife-chops-off-husbands-manhood.jpg
Bloody: Fan fought with his wife outside the hospital after his ***** was chopped off

However, Feng is then reported to have sneaked back into her husband's hospital room and cut off his ***** for a second time, this time throwing it out of a window.

A hospital spokesman said: "The first we were aware of what happened was when someone came into the reception area to say a naked man was beating up a woman outside the hospital.

"Staff rushed out to see what was happening and found the patient with blood streaming down his legs hitting the woman.

"He was stopped and the woman was taken in for treatment, and then we discovered she had chopped his ***** off again."

Doctors and police officers combed the area outside but failed to find the man’s missing member. They believed it may have been taken by a stray dog or cat.

http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4969752.ece/alternates/s615b/PAY-Wife-chops-off-husbands-manhood.jpg
Vow: Fan's lover says she still plans to marry him despite him losing his manhood

The hospital spokesman added: "The man had lost a lot of blood and was taken in for emergency surgery.

"He is now in a stable condition but is extremely emotionally distraught."

Fan’s lover who arrived at the hospital said she planned to marry him as soon as she could.

She said: "It doesn’t matter that he’s lost his fertility, he has five children already."

Fan’s wife Feng was discharged and is now under arrest for grievous bodily harm.

[David Jamieson]

not to be all judgy... but both of those people are not right in the head.

[GeneChing]

Man whose ***** was chopped off twice asked to star in porno (http://shanghaiist.com/2015/02/06/man-whose-*****-cut-off-twice-asked-to-star-porno.php)

http://shanghaiist.com/attachments/katienelson/man-wife-*****.jpg

The man in Henan province who had his ***** cut off not once, but two times by his jilted wife has now been asked to star in a porno. Why, you ask? Because the world is a strange, sick place.

For those of you who don't recall, 32-year-old Fan Lung was caught cheating on his (hopefully former) wife, who took her revenge by chopping off his manhood. As soon as doctors reattached it, the wife stormed into his hospital room and cut it off again before throwing it out the window. His member was never found, and it's speculated that a stray animal ran off with it.

The sad, sad case of Fan was reported worldwide and apparently sparked the interest of some adult filmmakers, who reached out to the man to see if he and his mistress wanted to star in a porno. Fan rejected the offer, however, and questioned how he was supposed to, um, perform in the film without a *****.

Also, this concept for an adult video sounds even more traumatizing than that execution-inspired fetish porn.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@shanghaiist.com with further questions, comments or tips.
By Katie Nelson in News on Feb 6, 2015 5:30 PM There's a vid if you follow the link.

[xiao yao]

When I first saw the title of this thread, I thought it was about my website :D

I remember reading about a similar story in the UK... a daized man was found sat the side of the road covered in blood. Police helped him look for his **** which had been chopped off and thrown out the car window.

This world is a weird place we live in