How would you handle this situation

[xcakid]

Fellow instructor constantly call females, "honey" "sweetheart". I know it is not meant in a derogatory way, however, it is not very professional

I talked to him about this a months back, he just discounted it and said if they don't like, they can come to me directly. Or something of that nature. I forgot exactly what he said.

I was also attending one of his classes which he ran late. When I informed him I need to teach a private lesson and asked to be excused. He flat out said, "so, they can wait" These were pre-teens and need to be home for homework. I ended up apologizing profusely to their mom for running them late. :mad:

Yesterday when I was talking to a few students regarding some kung fu history, he asks' me where I got my information from. I said from my previous sifu's. He said, "so you got it from hearsay" It took all the control I had to not deck him right then and there. I couldn't believe someone could disrespect my previous sifu's like that to my face. If not for respect of my current sifu, I really would've decked him.

And on a personal opinion/observation; I believe he is somewhat uncomfortable that even though he out ranks me in this system, I have more experience than him overall in the CMA arena. He also likes correcting my private lesson students when they attend his group classes (again this may only be a biased observation on my part).

I would really like going up to my sifu about this and just handle it myself.

Thought about bringing this up to Sifu, but do not feel like being a cry baby.

[taai gihk yahn]

Fellow instructor constantly call females, "honey" "sweetheart". I know it is not meant in a derogatory way, however, it is not very professional
it's not; it's actually very condescending, and I would never do it to another adult; in fact, I have this one little 6 y/o first grader I do PT with at one school I work at; for the first month or so, I kept calling her "sweetie" (well, she IS a sweetie, so sue me, LOL) until one day she looks at me dead in the face, and sternly says "don't call me sweetie!"; I apologized, I never did again, and in fact stopped doing it with all my kids...


I talked to him about this a months back, he just discounted it and said if they don't like, they can come to me directly. Or something of that nature. I forgot exactly what he said.
if he doesn't realize it on his own, you saying so won't change his perception...also, it's really not your place to do so - that's between him and your sifu, and only if someone complains about it;


I was also attending one of his classes which he ran late. When I informed him I need to teach a private lesson and asked to be excused. He flat out said, "so, they can wait" These were pre-teens and need to be home for homework. I ended up apologizing profusely to their mom for running them late. :mad:
that was BS on his part - total lack of consideration for the students you were supposed to teach and to you as well;


Yesterday when I was talking to a few students regarding some kung fu history, he asks' me where I got my information from. I said from my previous sifu's. He said, "so you got it from hearsay" It took all the control I had to not deck him right then and there. I couldn't believe someone could disrespect my previous sifu's like that to my face. If not for respect of my current sifu, I really would've decked him.
dude, relax - he's not dissing your ex-sifu - and so what if he did? that guy is nothing to him; what he saw was someone coming into his school and dropping info that may not jive w/their version of things;


And on a personal opinion/observation; I believe he is somewhat uncomfortable that even though he out ranks me in this system, I have more experience than him overall in the CMA arena. He also likes correcting my private lesson students when they attend his group classes (again this may only be a biased observation on my part).
it sounds like to some degree it's a territorial thing; but as you correctly point out, you are the newb here; might want to think about giving the guy a little deference, from a strategic standpoint, of course;



Thought about bringing this up to Sifu, but do not feel like being a cry baby.
look, he's obviously insecure on some level: but remember, he's been in this school working hard to establish his position, and you come in w/a different background and I'm guessing that he has nothing to say to you, in the sense that he can't find anything to correct you personally on; so he does his passive aggressive powerplay thing with you to mark his turf

what I suggest:

1) keep a low profile on and off the mat: no more extemporaneous "unofficial" history lessons to other students; you are the new kid on the block - don't shine your light too brightly...

2) keep it all under your hat for now w/the exception of this: explain to your sifu the situation w/the class you were in running late but don't do a blame game on the other guy: just state that you asked to be excused and that he required you to stay until the end, no need to quote his exact words; then, ask your sifu what to do if that happens again: like that, your sifu will be aware of the situation, and will tell you what to do; probably, he will tell you that you have permission to excuse yourself - so when it does happen again, you can tell the other guy "excuse me, I have to teach a private, and sifu said I should just excuse myself if your class runs late"; this depersonalizes the situation - your sifu is there as the authority figure - use that to your advantage

3) if he corrects your private students publicly, that's fine - just let it go; if the student comes back to you and complains that they don't know which way is correct, then you can - you guessed it - ask your sifu; just make sure that you remain very emotionally neutral whenever you do anything like that - it's about the technique, not about you and the other guy, right?

4) remember, if things do become publicly acrimonious, in all likelihood you will be the one shown the door...you may be better than this guy - the question is, are you projecting that you know this?

[unyma]

Couple of things, first his treatment of you is unprofessional and unfriendly but it also sounds as if he's that way across the board. You'll have to decide on your level of tolerance for that behavior towards you on a personal level.

Second, though, his treatment of students and parents of students is disrespectful and unless your sifu condones and accepts that attitude then he's probably hurting the school. Certainly he'd be hurting the school's reputation, and be default your sifus, if he has no qualms about making people wait and calling them terms that in this day and age many folks don't like. That probably drives people away.

If it was bad enough, and it sounds like it may be, and you have a decent relationship with your sifu then I think you have a duty to bring his behavior to the attention of your sifu. Not to solve your personal problem with the guy but to address his behavior as it impacts the school.

My 2 cents

[TenTigers]

People like that are a cancer, and need to be cut out! Ah yes, the strawberries! That's where I had them....

[David Jamieson]

Guy's just being a little ***** because he is threatened by you.

Plain and simple.

Blow him off, check yourself and I would say that tgy's advice is pretty good.

[lkfmdc]

back in college we used to all call Taai Gihk Yaan "sweetie" but I digress......

[RonH]

Fellow instructor constantly call females, "honey" "sweetheart". I know it is not meant in a derogatory way, however, it is not very professional

I talked to him about this a months back, he just discounted it and said if they don't like, they can come to me directly. Or something of that nature. I forgot exactly what he said.

Lots of women talk this way, too. It's more a person-by-person kind of thing.


I was also attending one of his classes which he ran late. When I informed him I need to teach a private lesson and asked to be excused. He flat out said, "so, they can wait" These were pre-teens and need to be home for homework. I ended up apologizing profusely to their mom for running them late. :mad:

You should have left, if he said 'no, you couldn't go'. If that meant you weren't gonna be in his class anymore, fu@k him. If he does it again, assuming you go into one his classes again, tell him he can go to hell.


Yesterday when I was talking to a few students regarding some kung fu history, he asks' me where I got my information from. I said from my previous sifu's. He said, "so you got it from hearsay" It took all the control I had to not deck him right then and there. I couldn't believe someone could disrespect my previous sifu's like that to my face. If not for respect of my current sifu, I really would've decked him.

I cam across one of those, militant cult leader types. He was an ex-drill instructor and acted like the only thing that could ever work is only the stuff the military teaches, but when it came to the history of martial arts, he didn't know anything. I watched his class and it was a joke. He even gave me his business card, if I wanted to take classes.


I would really like going up to my sifu about this and just handle it myself.

Thought about bringing this up to Sifu, but do not feel like being a cry baby.

If you feel that strongly, do it.

[KC Elbows]

People like that are a cancer, and need to be cut out!

This is the TenTigers traditional greeting, like wassup, or "have you eaten" in Chinese.:D I picture him in class going full Nietzsche on the students, bushy mustache and all.

As to the situation, frankly, I would have honored the obligation made for the private lesson, if he has a problem with that, he can discuss it with the teacher: after all, it sounds like both classes were obligations of your teachers that he entrusted to you, if this guy habitually does this, he'll dig his own hole or mellow in the long run.

[taai gihk yahn]

This is the TenTigers traditional greeting, like wassup, or "have you eaten" in Chinese.:D
my personal MA-specific favorite: "do you eat jyuk late at night?"


I picture him in class going full Nietzsche on the students, bushy mustache and all.
TT is more of a Kantian at heart ("THIS is the categorical imperative!", he is oft quoted as saying while brandishing a sei fong gihk), with just a touch of Wittgenstein ("whereof one cannot speak, thereof must one run off non-stop at the mouth until everyone has left, fallen asleep or committed suicide", or something like that); although I do believe that I saw a copy of Foucault's "Discline and Punish" lying around his school somewhere...

[xcakid]

what I suggest:

1) keep a low profile on and off the mat: no more extemporaneous "unofficial" history lessons to other students; you are the new kid on the block - don't shine your light too brightly...

Good advice and I for the most part do this. Sometime when I am teaching a private lesson and giving my student a bit of history and concepts/applications, I get other students coming up to me asking question since they were watching. As was the case yesterday.




2) keep it all under your hat for now w/the exception of this: explain to your sifu the situation w/the class you were in running late but don't do a blame game on the other guy: just state that you asked to be excused and that he required you to stay until the end, no need to quote his exact words; then, ask your sifu what to do if that happens again: like that, your sifu will be aware of the situation, and will tell you what to do; probably, he will tell you that you have permission to excuse yourself - so when it does happen again, you can tell the other guy "excuse me, I have to teach a private, and sifu said I should just excuse myself if your class runs late"; this depersonalizes the situation - your sifu is there as the authority figure - use that to your advantage



I have kept that incident under my hat. And came to a decision, since I have a private lesson to teach right after that class, not to attend that class anymore. I have the luxury of being able to attend any group class 6 days a week, so its not a big deal.



3) if he corrects your private students publicly, that's fine - just let it go; if the student comes back to you and complains that they don't know which way is correct, then you can - you guessed it - ask your sifu; just make sure that you remain very emotionally neutral whenever you do anything like that - it's about the technique, not about you and the other guy, right?


Does tend to undermine my teaching though. As most know there are a variety of applications within the same movement of a form. I tend to emphasize a different application to a form in comparison to about 50% of the other instructors(we have a dozen not including Sifu) I also compete in forms so my movements tend to be more flowery and exaggerated.

Good idea on getting my sifu input on the matter when it comes to that. He is always walking around watching us teach our private lesson when he is not teaching himself.




4) remember, if things do become publicly acrimonious, in all likelihood you will be the one shown the door...you may be better than this guy - the question is, are you projecting that you know this?

I wouldn't say I am better than him. Just more seasoned. Therefore, I believe I project a more confident teaching style than he does. But point taken, I like my current kwoon.

Good advice. Thank you!!

[TenTigers]

This senior student, who in his place in the school acts as captain, should thereby be blindfolded, tied to the mast, and shot in the head on his own ship, as an encouragement to the others.
In this case, simply tying him to the jong and caning would suffice.

[lkfmdc]

tentigers is on teh wacky tabacky again

[TenTigers]

xcakid, I read your sig fast and thought it said, "preferably blondes or retarded," which in some cases, is the same thing.:p

[taai gihk yahn]

Good advice and I for the most part do this. Sometime when I am teaching a private lesson and giving my student a bit of history and concepts/applications, I get other students coming up to me asking question since they were watching. As was the case yesterday.
in all likelyhood, the way you explain things is based on a wider and deeper understanding of TCMA than what your "senior", with his more limited experience, is able to say; I wouldn't be surprised if the bit you explained the other day was something he had been asked before and had no idea how to answer...


I have kept that incident under my hat. And came to a decision, since I have a private lesson to teach right after that class, not to attend that class anymore. I have the luxury of being able to attend any group class 6 days a week, so its not a big deal.
fair enough; although, it would seem a shame that you feel inhibited from attending the class just because of this - I mean, if you don't like the class because of the guy who teaches it, that's one thing, but not attending it because he interferes w/your ability to do your job correctly is another; just sayin'...


Does tend to undermine my teaching though.
of course it does; and because he knows that you are conscientious and care about the students, he's using this as a supposed weakness in a way that invites public confrontation; which is what he wants, because you know he's gonna try to rake you over the coals for being an upstart if you do confront him; classic ploy; the problem is that he does it at the student's expense, dragging them into it, using them as bait; which is unethical; he's an aszhole for doing that (if he really cared, he'd take you aside privately, and ask you about what you showed them and discussed with you why it was "wrong", or whatever, and resolve it in a way that wouldn't create conflict);
the "solution" is to practice non-attachment: it's not "your" teaching, it's just "teaching"; they are not your students anyway, ultimately not your responsibility, they are your sifu's - and it's is job to make sure that his instructors do not behave in a way that causes disharmony in the school


As most know there are a variety of applications within the same movement of a form. I tend to emphasize a different application to a form in comparison to about 50% of the other instructors(we have a dozen not including Sifu) I also compete in forms so my movements tend to be more flowery and exaggerated.
again, you may be doing something apps-wise that he looks at and goes "dayum, wish I'd thought of that..." and so he gets all sore; ego...


Good idea on getting my sifu input on the matter when it comes to that. He is always walking around watching us teach our private lesson when he is not teaching himself.
let him be the "fall guy", it's what he gets paid for...


I wouldn't say I am better than him. Just more seasoned. Therefore, I believe I project a more confident teaching style than he does.
probably a more confident everything; your attitude is that, while he is your senior, you don't "need" anything from him; he probably also sees that your sifu has more of a collegial relationship with you than with him because of your background and that irks him


But point taken, I like my current kwoon.
exactly - despite his personal feelings, your sifu will, if he's smart, stick with the guys who have been with him longer...


Good advice. Thank you!!
I am just channeling what my sifu would probably say in this sort of a situation, as he has been a great guide for me in these sorts of matters; but thank you and you are welcome; good luck, hope it works out

[KC Elbows]

This senior student, who in his place in the school acts as captain, should thereby be blindfolded, tied to the mast, and shot in the head on his own ship, as an encouragement to the others.


I won't even bother with a school if they don't have a mast.

[KC Elbows]

Taai gihk yahn is spot on.

Sometimes, coworkers suck. Sometimes, they get better, sometimes, they get fired. If you spend your work time always dealing with their garbage, instead of what you need to be doing, they win.

[taai gihk yahn]

This senior student, who in his place in the school acts as captain, should thereby be blindfolded, tied to the mast, and shot in the head on his own ship, as an encouragement to the others.
In this case, simply tying him to the jong and caning would suffice.


I won't even bother with a school if they don't have a mast.

that's it: I'm opening a school, calling it Bounty Martial Arts, and having students rotate weekly in the rolls of Bligh and Fletcher...

[xcakid]

xcakid, i read your sig fast and thought it said, "preferably blondes or retarded," which in some cases, is the same thing.:p

lol :d lol :d

[BoulderDawg]

Sounds to me that it's a personal problem between you two guys. It happens all the time. Most people are mature enough to handle it but if you feel that the school is not big enough for both you guys you might want to consider another school.

I had a situation at my school with a guy that, for the most part, everybody groans when they see him coming!:D In any case sometimes during practice hour I would go in to help lower belts. While I'm in the middle of working with someone this guy comes up to correct minute little details, "No, you're doing it wrong! That fist should be at the waist line instead of an inch below." After about the third time of interupting me while I was training I simply told the guy to F off. He did and since then everything has been fine.

Does the other guy know how you feel?

[KC Elbows]

that's it: I'm opening a school, calling it Bounty Martial Arts, and having students rotate weekly in the rolls of Bligh and Fletcher...

LOL.:D

I've known a couple of people who learned their gun defenses from the Grapes of Wrath Martial Academy for the Mentally Challenged. They were really nice folk, good people. Haven't run into them since they finished their form, though.

[Taryn P.]

Decide if you're willing to live with the status quo or not. If not: I usually prefer just cutting the crap and sitting the guy down privately for a serious and frank talk. I really think that's the most evolved and practical way to go... it's not fun, but it works a surprising percentage of the time (even when I really don't think it's going to work). Either you will work it out, or you will realize that it is not going to be possible to work it out; in which latter case it will be time to consider other options. I never go over someone's head unless I have tried to handle the matter betwixt the two of us first, and failed.

[GLW]

I would suggest informing the Head Instructor at your school.

There are several problems here:

(1) Sexism and potential harassment issues. While the person may NOT intend for his comments like “Honey” or “Sweetheart” to be offensive, he is making a hostile environment for women in the class. Some may take it as a come on, others as condescending, and others may shrug it off (but inwardly think him an a$$). In any event, his behavior will more than likely drive away female students and affect the reputation and bottom line of the school.
(2) From your description, it is hard to know if there is a habit of either starting or ending classes late. However, if you have classes and private sessions using the same area and running back to back, being unable to adhere to the posted schedule will again cost the school students and money.
(3) There is virtually no time where one staff member of a school (Assistant Instructor) should feel free to argue or show disrespect to another staff member of a school. In fact, there is really no time it is acceptable for anyone in a school to disrespect anyone else in the school. So, there needs to be an attitude adjustment somewhere. Not everyone will like everyone else. However, it is possible for everyone to tolerate and be professional with just about anyone. To NOT do this will again cause the school to lose students and money.

Students notice when there is tension in a school. Indiscriminate correction of students in the way described tends to undermine all of the instructors in a school. It is basically that person saying that one instructor is bad so, there may be others that are as well. And finally, since the head instructor appointed those “bad” instructors, the head instructor is now in question.

I would take it up with the head instructor privately…it is not your problem to solve…it is his.

[BoulderDawg]

I would suggest informing the Head Instructor at your school.

There are several problems here:

(1) Sexism and potential harassment issues. While the person may NOT intend for his comments like “Honey” or “Sweetheart” to be offensive, he is making a hostile environment for women in the class. Some may take it as a come on, others as condescending, and others may shrug it off (but inwardly think him an a$$). In any event, his behavior will more than likely drive away female students and affect the reputation and bottom line of the school.
(2) From your description, it is hard to know if there is a habit of either starting or ending classes late. However, if you have classes and private sessions using the same area and running back to back, being unable to adhere to the posted schedule will again cost the school students and money.
(3) There is virtually no time where one staff member of a school (Assistant Instructor) should feel free to argue or show disrespect to another staff member of a school. In fact, there is really no time it is acceptable for anyone in a school to disrespect anyone else in the school. So, there needs to be an attitude adjustment somewhere. Not everyone will like everyone else. However, it is possible for everyone to tolerate and be professional with just about anyone. To NOT do this will again cause the school to lose students and money.

Students notice when there is tension in a school. Indiscriminate correction of students in the way described tends to undermine all of the instructors in a school. It is basically that person saying that one instructor is bad so, there may be others that are as well. And finally, since the head instructor appointed those “bad” instructors, the head instructor is now in question.

I would take it up with the head instructor privately…it is not your problem to solve…it is his.

This is a problem between two students...or in today's vocabulary "Drama". I wish I could say that it don't happen in my school but it does.

Unless his Sifu is a complete lettuce head he knows his top students and their personality trails. He would be crazy to take this up with his sifu. It would make him look like a snitch. This is a private problem.

[GLW]

Sorry, but the key words there were INSTRUCTORS

They MAY be students but they are also teaching paying students...and as such they have an impact on the schools bottom line.

In a professional setting, using the terms "Honey" and "Sweetheart" referring to a female coworker or subordinate could get you fired since it is a form of sexual harassment.

In a school situation with kids, such behavior would get you reprimanded and possibly fired....and would make most parents uneasy with your motives (sexaul predators and such).

In a University setting, you could get away with it if you had tenure - until the lawsuit for sexual harassment.

In regards to being disrespectful of other instructors, this is like being disrespectful or condescending to co-workers in a paid job. Again, this can lead to being fired.

Now, I am NOT saying to whine. I am saying to let the Head Instructor know because it can and will affect his revenue stream for his school.

There is a big difference between saying "He was MEAN to ME" and saying "He speaks down to women in the school, does not relinquish the training areas on time when there are students with school schedules paying for time, and he confuses students with contradicting instructions on things other instructors have taught...and all of these things can and will cause a school to lose students"

[taai gihk yahn]

I would suggest informing the Head Instructor at your school.

There are several problems here:

(1) Sexism and potential harassment issues. While the person may NOT intend for his comments like “Honey” or “Sweetheart” to be offensive, he is making a hostile environment for women in the class. Some may take it as a come on, others as condescending, and others may shrug it off (but inwardly think him an a$$). In any event, his behavior will more than likely drive away female students and affect the reputation and bottom line of the school.
(2) From your description, it is hard to know if there is a habit of either starting or ending classes late. However, if you have classes and private sessions using the same area and running back to back, being unable to adhere to the posted schedule will again cost the school students and money.
(3) There is virtually no time where one staff member of a school (Assistant Instructor) should feel free to argue or show disrespect to another staff member of a school. In fact, there is really no time it is acceptable for anyone in a school to disrespect anyone else in the school. So, there needs to be an attitude adjustment somewhere. Not everyone will like everyone else. However, it is possible for everyone to tolerate and be professional with just about anyone. To NOT do this will again cause the school to lose students and money.

Students notice when there is tension in a school. Indiscriminate correction of students in the way described tends to undermine all of the instructors in a school. It is basically that person saying that one instructor is bad so, there may be others that are as well. And finally, since the head instructor appointed those “bad” instructors, the head instructor is now in question.

I would take it up with the head instructor privately…it is not your problem to solve…it is his.
spot on;



He would be crazy to take this up with his sifu. It would make him look like a snitch. This is a private problem.
no it's not - it is a very public one, because other students are already involved; the worst thing he can do is try resolve it "man to man", because the capacity for things to flair up is too great and it seems as if the other guy will not have the capacity to be level-headed - as it is, xca already been very forthright as to having to do his best to not punch the guy in the face already, and that was in front of other students - if he was alone w/the guy, he may not feel so inhibited - at any rate, it's too volatile and the best way to resolve this is to depersonalize it, which he can do by simply stating the impact that is being had on other students vis-a-vis the late start time, the contradictory instruction and the inappropriate names; the best thing to do is to treat it like any other professional situation and involve the person in charge; to call his sifu a "lettuce head" for not being clairvoyant is also silly - the man is running a business, but he can't be everywhere at once - he relies on his instructors to be his eyes and ears as well;

[BoulderDawg]

You've heard one side of the story from someone who obviously dislikes the other person.

As I said, unless the sifu had the IQ of a turnip then he knows what's going on in his school. He doen't need to be told.

[taai gihk yahn]

You've heard one side of the story from someone who obviously dislikes the other person.
so have you; and we have both come to different conclusions based on the same information, which means we both have decided to take him at his word; why you are bringing this up now?
and quite frankly, although it is clear that xca dislikes the other person, the tenor of his post is one where he is trying to function professionally despite his personal issues; that, to me, gives his "side" of the story more credibility than not;



As I said, unless the sifu had the IQ of a turnip then he knows what's going on in his school. He doen't need to be told.
you have no way of knowing that - it's a heck of an assumption; have you ever run a school? spent time working closely with people who do? believe me, this is exactly the sort of thing that any instructor with half a brain would want to have brought up to him, and would not want it to escalate

[BoulderDawg]

no it's not - it is a very public one, because other students are already involved; the worst thing he can do is try resolve it "man to man", because the capacity for things to flair up is too great and it seems as if the other guy will not have the capacity to be level-headed - as it is, xca already been very forthright as to having to do his best to not punch the guy in the face already, and that was in front of other students - if he was alone w/the guy, he may not feel so inhibited - at any rate, it's too volatile and the best way to resolve this is to depersonalize it, which he can do by simply stating the impact that is being had on other students vis-a-vis the late start time, the contradictory instruction and the inappropriate names; the best thing to do is to treat it like any other professional situation and involve the person in charge; to call his sifu a "lettuce head" for not being clairvoyant is also silly - the man is running a business, but he can't be everywhere at once - he relies on his instructors to be his eyes and ears as well;

All I can tell you is what I would do as sifu. If a top male student came in and started charging another top male student with things like sex harassment I'm just going to say "Stop right there" then I'm going to get the student he is speaking about and have him make the charges to his face. Then I'm going to watch the reaction between the student and decide what to do next. That might include asking one or both of them to leave the school.

[BoulderDawg]

the tenor of his post is one where he is trying to function professionally despite his personal issues; that, to me, gives his "side" of the story more credibility than not

Saying that he can barely stop himself from punching the other person in the face is NOT acting professionally.

So, let's say he goes to his Sifu. Sifu listens and says "You're crazy. Joe's a great guy and does a good job." You've kinda backed yourself into a corner with nowhere to go.

[taai gihk yahn]

All I can tell you is what I would do as sifu. If a top male student came in and started charging another top male student with things like sex harassment I'm just going to say "Stop right there" then I'm going to get the student he is speaking about and have him make the charges to his face. Then I'm going to watch the reaction between the student and decide what to do next. That might include asking one or both of them to leave the school.

not necessary: if he tells his instructor this guy uses terms of that nature, then the instructor can either just watch him teach and catch him in the act, or better yet, make a GENERAl announcement to all of his staff that it has been brought to his attention that these terms are being used and must not be; problem solved, drama avoided;

similarly, with the late class start time - the sifu just reminds his staff that classes need to start / end on time, and that if they are participating in a class that is running over and have a private waiting, that they excuse themselves to teach the class;

with correcting a student differently between 2 instructors: this is more difficult and a quality control issue: it should really be addressed proactively at weekly staff meetings, where things are reviewed and refined; now, in this case, I agree that xca could approach the other instructor and point out the discrepancy, provided he does so professionally, and try to resolve the disparity - it might even be a good way to mend some bridges, provided they can both drop the ego - it could generate some productive discussion; of course, they can do it with their sifu present, simply by showing him the two different ways, not mentioning who did what, and ask him which was the correct way;

[bawang]

hi
i think ur making a big deal out of nothing, hes a dousshbag maybe but no big deal get over it
all the things u say i just think "so what?"

i think if its from his point of view, maybe he wil say because you are beter skiled than him you look down on him and doesnt respect him

[taai gihk yahn]

Saying that he can barely stop himself from punching the other person in the face is NOT acting professionally.
no - it is; the important thing is that he DIDN'T act inappropriately, even though he wanted to do so - that, in fact, is the definition of professional: holding your emotions in check even though you want to kill the other person; furthermore, he admits it, which suggests that he wants to figure out a way to resolve it without getting to that point again


So, let's say he goes to his Sifu. Sifu listens and says "You're crazy. Joe's a great guy and does a good job." You've kinda backed yourself into a corner with nowhere to go.
it all depends on how he presents himself and the situation - if he comes in all accusatory and confrontational, sure; if he comes in say "you know, Joe and I seem to be having some issues which I think is impacting my ability to do my job according to how I understand I am supposed to be doing it; maybe it's just me, but at the same time, I would appreciate the opportunity to clear this up in a way that doesn't create problems in the school" (or something like that)

also, if the teacher does take Joe's side no matter what, then that tells him something as well - as in maybe this ain't the place for him to work after all

[KC Elbows]

If I owned such a business, and could lose my business over some of these issues, I'd want to know what was going on. I'll judge whether someone is a tattle tale or merely being productive, but that's my decision.

[GLW]

Exactly...

First, hit the point of sexist and condescending talk. That WILL drive off students.

Provide examples of when and how it was used. This is factual and not a "Look at how bad...he is and so mean" drama.

Now, if the person in question does the unprofessional behavior to others, then provide those as examples "I have seen this and this happen...and it leads to losing students..."

I have seen instances where the instructor was NOT a lettuce head but was unaware of how one of his assistants was sexist and condescending to all women in the school. Said assistant had been the cause of at least 5 female students leaving - much to the puzzlement of the head instructor. When the assistant's behavior was pointed out, the head instructor was surprised, watched...and then took action to fix things.

The fix can be as simple as having a staff meeting and setting down the rules about :

No sexist references, keep your schedule, if you have to run over, let the following person know and end things as quickly as possible. Correct students this way and not this one...and then have teaching meetings to put out the way things should be taught.

In these meetings, no one is called out...and no one is embarrassed or made the issue...and then, once it has been made the rule...if ANYONE breaks the rule, they are dealt with one on one...

The CONVERSATION in managing people is virtually never fun...but is almost always necessary.

Approaching another student who you have a problem with CAN resolve things... and can also end up with a bigger problem.

Not sure what other people do, but in my teacher's school, two students getting into it meant BOTH were out....

[bawang]

all i read from him are this guy does tiny things that he find rally annoying and offensive, i think hes being too sensitive

i really dont see the big deal with calling someone honey and aking u stay in class late
isnt xcakid a shaolin do guy?

[TenTigers]

if yuo can, you might want to bring it up casually with another student to see if this is an issue that others are experiencing. Be careful though, as this may blow up in your face if this student goes to that person and rats on you.
I like TGY's advice.
Also-the senior students are the eyes and ears of the school. Sometimes the Sifu is the last to know, and the seniors need to inform him of situations that arise in the school, so he can nip it in the bud.




AND THEN CUT IT OUT, LIKE A CANCER!

[KC Elbows]

Chemo is too good for cancer.

[Yum Cha]

First thing I would do is talk to all the female students and ask them if they would like an alternative instructor to teach them, with the respect and focus that they deserve as individuals, not stereotypes. :D

[BoulderDawg]

First thing I would do is talk to all the female students and ask them if they would like an alternative instructor to teach them, with the respect and focus that they deserve as individuals, not stereotypes. :D

Just FYI: If I'm Sifu and you went over my head and pulled some kind of stunt like that you would not be at the school the next day. If wouldn't matter how much validity was in your claim.

[TenTigers]

I did that. I placed a suggestion box in the bathroom. It's totally anonymous, and private. No names. try that.

[xcakid]

isnt xcakid a shaolin do guy?

oh heck no!!!

[xcakid]

I like TGY's advice.



Yeah, I do too. Make sense.

Every school does have drama, (there is some on this thread already :D ). Rising above it is the key. The whole talking to the guy directly may be my next step. Every now and again instructors go out to eat or drinks after class. That may be a good opportunity. Its away from the school environment and may be more relaxed.

[Oso]

does he spar?

[xcakid]

does he spar?

I've thought about that. :D

[Oso]

doesn't have to be ugly...if you are good enough he'll get it without anyone else getting it.

if that doesn't humble him some, then beat the crap out of him. :D


if you are not crossing lines and are just being yourself and doing what your teacher expects of you then he is the one with the problem.


otherwise, TGY has the right of it.

[RonH]

Just FYI: If I'm Sifu and you went over my head and pulled some kind of stunt like that you would not be at the school the next day. If wouldn't matter how much validity was in your claim.

This would be an option I'd do, if my skill was actually better than what the other instructor is teaching. If you're better and you don't want it to be a big deal, subtly suggest something like it and let it spread on its own throughout the students themselves. Show why it's better the way you teach it in real situations because you do have the better practical experience. Say it to a couple students casually. Let them come to the decision on their own. You are an instructor and are within your rights to offer how 'you' would do it differently. If he starts to cause trouble that would be detrimental for the school in terms of student treatments (being too harsh on them, for example) or something else, go higher than him and state the situation. He's needlessly coming down on the students or whatever and it started after more went to your class than his. That you feel that if this is the case, it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

This is completely machiavelian and underhanded and that's the point.

[BoulderDawg]

This would be an option I'd do, if my skill was actually better than what the other instructor is teaching. If you're better and you don't want it to be a big deal, subtly suggest something like it and let it spread on its own throughout the students themselves. Show why it's better the way you teach it in real situations because you do have the better practical experience. Say it to a couple students casually. Let them come to the decision on their own. You are an instructor and are within your rights to offer how 'you' would do it differently. If he starts to cause trouble that would be detrimental for the school in terms of student treatments (being too harsh on them, for example) or something else, go higher than him and state the situation. He's needlessly coming down on the students or whatever and it started after more went to your class than his. That you feel that if this is the case, it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

This is completely machiavelian and underhanded and that's the point.

Do you understand english?

What does one instructor being better than another have to do with this?

[Yum Cha]

Just FYI: If I'm Sifu and you went over my head and pulled some kind of stunt like that you would not be at the school the next day. If wouldn't matter how much validity was in your claim.

Isn't this Kobra Kai guy just another instructor?

[bawang]

does anyone want to buy my vagi-scrub 3000 its the ultimate techonology in vagina sand removal

[RonH]

Undermining his current credibility and 'stealing' away students to give them better learning environments. It is about the students, not the instructors. Fake, perceived slights can seem like they're real to the one it's being done to.