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View Full Version : Bob, the Traditional American Kung Fu Man!



KC Elbows
08-19-2010, 02:48 PM
Let me relate the story of Bob(and not just to prove how not Bobist I am!)

Bob studies traditional kung fu.

He started as a boy, when his uncle introduced him to some techniques. Bob worked his stances and strengthened his body. He stretched. It was good, it kept his mind off of missing his mother while she worked in the rice fields, and the death of his father for being implicated in a minor row with the local magistrate.

After some years, Bob was strong, and had worked some spear techniques as well. At the time, the Emperor wanted to invade Ontario for not showing proper tribute, so Bob and his Uncle were off to war! In battle, Bob managed to use his spear techniques, and, as the fray ensued and all formation was lost, he luckily pulled off a bit of footwork that he hadn't quite grasped the importance of before, and it saved his live. In the end, the Emperor forgave Ontario after a larger tribute was secured, and Bob and his Uncle returned from the war.

Upon his return, Bob began working the fields as well. His body toughened as he grew older. His gongfu improved as well: the moves he had experience in using were solid, and others became more apparent to him.

He trained hard when he could, when farming did not keep him busy, and even sometimes as he farmed.

Then, the Mexicans suddenly, without warning, were invading Arizona. Bob and his uncle were called back to battle by the Emperor. This time, the battle was fiercer, and Bob's uncle was cleaved in half by a chariot wheel. Bob and his men retrieved the upper half of his uncle's body and swore to build a kwoon in honor of the great man. Bob killed many men in revenge(thus satisfying the principle wude of Saint Bawang), with both spear and baojian.

Upon his return, the people went to Bob and said "The Emperor always sends us to war, the foodstores are empty, and Missouri is flooded!"

Bob tried to calm them, saying "Missouri is always flooded!"

But they were not dissuaded, and they convinced Bob that it was time for a new Emperor, so Bob joined up with a local warlord, and went to war, but first, he trained and slept with enormous amounts of women, while conserving his jing through secret taoist methods he had learned from an albino monk he met on a bridge.

Most here know the rest of the story. In the end, facing the Emperor(traditionally known as the chairman of the fed), Bob and his forces finally vanquished him, though, of all of Bob's gongfu brothers, only he survived. He swore that the traditional training would be maintained exactly as it had been before, without omission, and so, that is how we have the pure traditional gongfu of today, exactly as it was for Bob, so it is for us.

Let us now give some thought for our brothers who have had their feet cut off over minor infractions against the Emperor's favorite concubine.

Lucas
08-19-2010, 03:26 PM
finally!!!!!!!!!

Yum Cha
08-19-2010, 05:55 PM
I hear that's why, to this day, you still see full sized rubber idols of Bob in many traditional training facilities, in memory of his cloven uncle.

Students worship by smacking the boogers out of the armless, leg less symbol of endurance.

Apparently, there is a bit of dispute as to exactly what his ethnicity is, however...

taai gihk yahn
08-19-2010, 06:34 PM
I hear that's why, to this day, you still see full sized rubber idols of Bob in many traditional training facilities, in memory of his cloven uncle.
His uncle was a goat?!?!?
or was he a satire?

David Jamieson
08-19-2010, 07:33 PM
No, no no.

Bob's YOUR uncle.

Northwind
08-19-2010, 11:15 PM
No, no no.

Bob's YOUR uncle.

lol nicely done! :P

Yum Cha
08-19-2010, 11:30 PM
No, no no.

Bob's YOUR uncle.


Champion! And Fanny's your Aunt..

Northwind
08-19-2010, 11:35 PM
Does she have a cabin? I think I may have been there before.

sanjuro_ronin
08-20-2010, 05:28 AM
It's ROBERT to all you practitioners of NON-Authentic (tm) TCMA !!

Yum Cha
08-20-2010, 02:32 PM
Send money to St Bawang's charity for homeless girls with moral weakness in tribute.

Northwind
08-20-2010, 03:12 PM
Send money to St Bawang's charity for homeless girls with moral weakness in tribute.
Sent. Please ensure moniez go good girl.

Yum Cha
08-20-2010, 03:58 PM
Sent. Please ensure moniez go good girl.

I believe they survive on the proceeds of Bawang's Nuts...

David Jamieson
08-25-2010, 07:14 PM
It's ROBERT to all you practitioners of NON-Authentic (tm) TCMA !!

Yes, "Robert™" is for glorified knucklehead kickboxers.

...and guys named Kip or Napoleon. :p

Northwind
08-25-2010, 11:40 PM
And, so being named, Kip Napoleon, and having a not-so-pleasant homelife, the man named Northwind took stand for stones.

Dragonzbane76
08-26-2010, 03:24 AM
Send money to St Bawang's charity for homeless girls with moral weakness in tribute.

So he can smack them and take all there monies... right?

Yum Cha
08-26-2010, 04:32 AM
So he can smack them and take all there monies... right?

Actually, I think smack them, then take your money, but its really semantic..

Dragonzbane76
08-26-2010, 05:02 AM
Actually, I think smack them, then take your money, but its really semantic..

knew it was something along those lines... just had the order wrong. ;)