Kung Fu Magazine Thread Topics from the 1980s

[MasterKiller]

"Xerox Polaroids of yourself!"

"What Karate did to Kung Fu"

[KC Elbows]

Mail order porn will never die.

How to refine your chops so that it only takes five pounds of pressure to break the human neck, not seven.

USSD suffers massive, unprecedented organizational split!

Ask Masterkiller: "MK, I do karate, but I find my parachute pants restrict my 360 kicks, I've tried switching to another dojo at the mall accross the street, but I'm having the same problem. Respectfully, High Karate." "MK: High Karate, I can't help but notice the source of the problem from your attached polaroid. Try watching my video tapes(on VHS and Beta), hint: it's a matter of counterbalance. until you're sporting something asw weighty as my Tom Selleck moustache, you cannot expect to ever do what I can do. This is not to say that simply doing the kicks in your forms is enough. As regular readers are well aware, you simply can't expect to develop functional skills without a real winning point sparring competition record."

[Iron_Eagle_76]

Was on my way to the Dojo this evening when I ran into a friend of mine coming home from the gym. I teased him as I usually do about how all that muscle slows you down and make you unflexible, but did comment on his totally sweet BUM Equipment muscle shirt, awesome jams, and bleached blonde mullet.

I showed him my super high tornado kicks while wearing my skin tight Bugle Boy jeans, pegged at the bottom, while he held my boombox I carry with me everywhere.

[KC Elbows]

Why I'm leaving, by Sanjuro-Ronin: Sorry guys, but the time I spend cutting pics out of girlie mags and sending them to you all, it's really cutting into time I can spend watching Galactica 1980. This show is gonna be even better than the original!

[MasterKiller]

I don't think you two understood the assignment.

[MasterKiller]

"Where to register my hands as deadly weapons?"

[mooyingmantis]

Been training for 20 years now and teaching for 10, but my instructor STILL wont teach me the super secret chi gung stuff. :confused:

He says if I continue on as a paying student for five more years there is a possibility he will give me one of his lower level super secret jow recipes. The herbs are actually picked by Shaolin monks who are defying the Communists and send herbs directly to my teacher. :eek:

He also said I only have about 60 more forms to learn to complete the system and then I will be a gnarly bada-s-s fighter like he was when he fought in secret death matches in China. :) So glad he assured me we didn't have to waste any time sparring to develop fighting skill. What a waste of time!

I wonder if he knows any of those Ninja moves I keep reading about in BB and IKF magazines? :cool:

Well, better go. I gotta take my totally awesome girl to see an AC/DC concert.

[KC Elbows]

Future of MA: Patches?

[David Jamieson]

Hard to see your gwa sao with the flock of seagulls haircut?

Anybody heard of "steroids"?

Bruce Lee, The King and God of Kung Fu, now and forever Amen.

Why karate is a eunich comparably speaking.

Wing Chun, who has the real deal?

Hung Gar!!!!!

David Lee Roth of Van Halen is a martial arse expert!


================================================== ===

[KC Elbows]

Just turned sixty-five!

Can you guys still do your kata? I can! Suckers!!!

Knifefighter

[EarthDragon]

Just bougt a new pair of these pants called "Zubas", these comfortable pants allow me to kick really high with no restriction and you can wear them just about anywhere, because they come in different prints.

[lkfmdc]

"the new american flag gi? is it against tradition?"

"musical kata, the future of martial arts"

"the most powerful technique in martial arts, the ax kick"

"acid wash, is it right for you?"

[TenTigers]

"Is Ninjutsu the New Kung-Fu?"
"Is Escrima the New Ninjutsu?"
"Chin-Na-China's Secret Weapon"
"Ginseng-the new "Superfood"
"Iron Palm-does it exist?"

[KC Elbows]

What is the name of the martial art in gymkata?

[EarthDragon]

famous hair designer Paul mitchell is forming a competition karate team, should I join?

[taai gihk yahn]

"Olympic Tae Kwon Do - the Final Evolution of Full-Contact Fighting"

"New Tournament Competition Bo Staffs Only Weigh Five Pounds: Traditionalists Cry Foul"

"Karate Straight Line Techniques vs. Kung Fu Circular Movements"

"Ninjitsu: The Ultimate Martial Art"

[MightyB]

"They call him Ashida Kim. A rare interview with a Renegade Ninja Master."

[mickey]

Greetings,

"JiuJitsu, the least reality based Martial Art"

"Learn Kung Fu by Watching the Movies: A Blind Man Speaks Out!!"

"Make Your Opponent Dizzy and Pass Out, The Circling art of Pakk Kwahh"

"Will Tom Toy Survive?"

"The Best Kung Fu Shoe to Fight With"

Advertisment:

Bring out the power of your Kung Fu Kicks. These Heavy canvas pants will add the sound of thunder to every kick. For enhanced thunder (aka Sub Level 7) just wet them with tap water and kick away!!

Just 15.95 for POWER that is out of this world!!!!


Develop the Secret Chinese art of the Iron Pom. Comes a bag full of lead shot. Devastate you enemies with a Pom of Death!!! Just 10.00 Protect your family and loved ones with the Iron Pom !!!!



mickey

[SPJ]

Old time of rock 'n roll, 1980

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsSVcRYh8dE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkFNdmbPKCI&feature=watch_response

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIMgfI3OPPE&feature=related

:)

[Dragonzbane76]

"Van dam, to play frank dukes in bloodsport" Dukes the only man to kill 100s of people in hong kong kumite.

"ninja outfit, white or black? which is you?"


"forms training the future of how you should fight"

"New fighting venue, UFC, totally unrealistic by many masters opinions."

[brothernumber9]

"OMG Jhoon Rhee got beat at a gas station!"
"Just got my Chuck Norris elastic crotch jeans."
"Where can I buy some numchucks?"
"Point sparring applications for the street"

[TenTigers]

"Martial Arts keeps kids clean and off the streets." -by Jay T. Will

[MightyB]

Benny the Jet challenges Sugar Ray Leonard. We're almost sure it's going to happen this time.

[MightyB]

Introducing Muay Thai, Thailand's Unbeaten Art.

[TenTigers]

"Mu-Tau - Greece's answer to JKD"

[sanjuro_ronin]

An ACTUAL ONE:

LETHAL WEAPON !!
GRACIE JUJUTSU AND MEL GIBSON IN LETHAL WEAPON !!

[Faruq]

"I just got this awesome Panther VHS series called 18 Taoist Palms with this scary looking Grandmaster named James Lacy who teaches you how to break coconuts (skulls) with your hands! That guy's scary!"

[David Jamieson]

"I just got this awesome Panther VHS series called 18 Taoist Palms with this scary looking Grandmaster named James Lacy who teaches you how to break coconuts (skulls) with your hands! That guy's scary!"

yeah, he is the real bad santa.

[yutyeesam]

A real life Karate Kid!

Catch-A-Fly-With-Chopsticks Kit!

Bruce Lee's Secret 1 inch Punch in 3 easy steps!

Chuck Norris Returning to his Martial Arts Roots in "Firewalker"!

Muscles? In 7 Days!

Conflux shoes - Fred Villari does it again!

[Shaolinlueb]

Mail order porn will never die.


in high school one of my friends turned 18 so he would go to the porn store and find the deals in back of magazines that were like 20 videos for 10 bucks or something. they were horrible videos, but he would sell them in school. he made a killing selling it to the underclassmen.

[BM2]

"Where to register my hands as deadly weapons?"

Don't do that. You will have to take concealed weapons class to have a license to put your hands in your pockets.

[pazman]

"Revealed for the first time: the secret Taiji 24 posture form!"

"REAL Shaolin, right here in Lexington, Kentucky!"

"Should I take gungfu or kungfu?"

"Met a Chinese man on the bus today....Is he a kung fu master?"

[X_plosion]

New sanctioning body for kickboxing inaugurated

Ten year old gets black belt!

[MightyB]

Kung Fu Magazine hires new editor. At the spry age of 48, he still practices kung fu. He credits his martial prowess to a steady diet of nacho cheese washed down with Tab. Meet Gene Ching.

[MasterKiller]

Kung Fu Magazine hires new editor. At the spry age of 48, he still practices kung fu. He credits his martial prowess to a steady diet of nacho cheese washed down with Tab. Meet Gene Ching.

I don't think Gene was 48 in the 1980s.

More like "San Bernadino High School Nacho Bandit Dressed As Bruce Leroy Strikes Again!

[bawang]

hung gar
hung gar
wing chun
clf
clf
wingchun
hung gar
clf wing chun

[Shaolin]

I don't think Gene was 48 in the 1980s.

I don't know; those Asians age pretty well. I suspect he's in his 80's.

[GeneChing]

I wish I was 48 now....:o

True about the nacho cheese, but not the tab. Never drank that stuff. I had a buddy who was addicted to it back in...well, back in the 80s. Now he's obese and diabetic.

[Jimbo]

Wing Chun seminar brawl caught on video! Will this result in lineage wars involving butterfly knives???

Comparative styles: 4 masters vs. the straight punch.

How to kick the Superfoot way!

Battle of Atlanta:
Point circuit top competitors - Keith Vitali, Ray McCallum, Steve "Nasty" Anderson, Billy Blanks, Mike Genova, John Longstreet, etc.

Full-contact karate: The bugaboo of traditional martial arts.

[MightyB]

Is the "Muscles from Brussels" Hollywood's new Bruce Lee?

Exclusive report: Gene Ching, "My Secret Addiction... Pearl Cream".

[MightyB]

Hit song from the 80's

"Kama kama kama kama Chameleon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw)"

http://drodspecials1.com/ebaytemp/Images/AshWoodKama.jpg

[GeneChing]

Exclusive report: Gene Ching, "My Secret Addiction... Pearl Cream". I thought we promised to never speak of the pearl cream incident. :mad:


"Kama kama kama kama Chameleon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw)"
Ouch. Now I'm gonna be humming that all day. :mad::mad:

No worries. I already kicked your ass today down in our usual dueling field, MightyB (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1232315#post1232315). :p

[Jimbo]

Send your letters to ABC to save Sidekicks, starring Ernie Reyes Jr.!

'Ohara', starring Pat Morita, canceled after 4-month run.

'Jump' by Van Halen inspired by Benny Urquidez.

[Kymus]

"Tae Bo: the secret street-lethal applications!"

[herb ox]

My second training hall had a big sign out front that read:

Kung Fu-Karate

aka "Bok Fu"

Me and my friend were looking for some real kung fu after watching too many episodes of "Kung Fu" with David Carradine... thought we found it!

It wasn't until I saw my future Sifu Wing Lam demonstrating Hung Ga sparring with Dai Si-hing Owen Chiu on late night Kung Fu Theatre hosted by Sifu Tat Mao Wong... that's when I started to wonder why Bok Fu looked more like Kempo or Tae Kwon Do :D

... oh wait, was this thread for fantasy 80's recollections? Well, some of us were actually there watching Tae Bo on VHS.

[X_plosion]

Stretch machine helps you attain full splits

Kickboxer says martial arts helped him save kidnapped child in South America

Is wearing leg warmers to class acceptable?

New rebreakable boards in three levels of difficulty

Martial arts school insurance now available!

[yutyeesam]

I thought Tae Bo was a product of the 90's?

This is G80's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxBdgfvlYIg

[herb ox]

"Forget training the square horse... Prancercise will unleash your inner stallion!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-50GjySwew

[MightyB]

The fiercest fighting styles have a look to match. Unleash your inner warrior with the power of the Mullet!

[David Jamieson]

This man can hit you 1000 times before you hit the ground - Speed hitting secrets with the master of speed hitting. - 9.95

Be Just Like Bruce Lee and have the deadliest hands in the world.

This man trained the Navy Seals in EVERYTHING they know.

Conceal your shurikens in this handy belt pouch.

Glo-Chuks ™ get some!

Foam-Chuks™ Get none! All the twirling speed fury with none of the self injury!

Is your mullet affecting your form? Try the new onyx dragon kung fu pony tail hair tie. Seconds as a garotte!

Acid wash Gi's! At last!

Should Gi's have shoulder pads too?

Wen-Do! Empower yourself... (at least until reality strikes)

[Jimbo]

New American system of eclectic kung fu - Han Foo Wa (a.k.a., Hand-Foot Way).

[MightyB]

This man says he can kick your @ss and he's offering up an open challenge to prove it! Meet Rorion Gracie.

[mickey]

Greetings,

"Wearing Hammer Pants Improved My Kung Fu"

"Won Ten Consecutive Full Contact Tournaments With Hammer Pants"

"Scored Three Pairs of Legs Wearing Hammer Pants"

"Hammer Pants, The New Khaki"

"Hammer Pants: Kung Fu Diaper -- Yeah!!!"

"Jesus Knew Kung Fu and Wore Hammer Pants"

"Hammer Pants and a Mullet: Unbeatable Kung Fu"

"Rowdy Roddy Piper Converts to Jesus and Hammer Pants"


mickey

[Kymus]

I thought Tae Bo was a product of the 90's?

This is G80's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxBdgfvlYIg

That's what they want you to think! :rolleyes:

I know the original, sercret origins! :eek:

[X_plosion]

New dipped foam sparring gear gives you more freedom of movement!

Karate uniforms in new improved material: 50% Cotton 50% Polyester

China now allows more foreigners in! What will martial artists find?

The Balisong knife is a ninja weapon

[Eric Olson]

"How to Scale Walls with Your Cat Claws and Grappling Hook"

[Yum Cha]

Secret internal Tae Kwon Do forms, anybody have the videos?

[Eric Olson]

"How Finish Any Fight With a Spinning Back Kick"

[west]

Ninjitsu was actually made for peace... Not ruthless assassination like in every ninja movie.

What a strange historical rewrite! "We were just playing in the sand and catching fish in the mountains when these pesky samurai came along and threatened our ancestral temple. So we learned camouflage and fighting to protect ourselves."

The actual history is probably more like, "we trained cool crazy stuff all day so the shogun could hire us. One day he became threatened by his need for us and how good we were which made him hunt is down. The my future white American cousin Stephen K. Hayes became the father of American ninjitsu and grid to mad me look like the good guy."

[IronFist]

Well guys I just paid $50 for my belt promotion test: three stripes on my yellow belt.

I passed and got a cool certificate to frame.

[west]

I thought Tae Bo was a product of the 90's?

This is G80's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxBdgfvlYIg

So many people went into tae Bo and came out thinking they were badass. I looked at them and said that it is cardio kickboxing with a befuddled look on my face.

[Kymus]

So many people went into tae Bo and came out thinking they were badass. I looked at them and said that it is cardio kickboxing with a befuddled look on my face.

No lie: I read a snippet from some story and this old dude did Tae Bo and mentioned how a young guy cut in front of him at McD's and he mentioned how he wanted to teach him a lesson but decided to let it slide. :rolleyes:

[brothernumber9]

"Fu Jow Pai to hold first all kung open fu full contact tournament in America."

"Shoes in the Kung Fu dojo?"

"Anyone know any krotty places that also teach Kong FOo?"

[Kymus]

"Now available: the "Got Chi?" fanny pack! First 10 orders will receive a collapsable Tai Chi sword and accompanying self defense pocket manual!!"

[houstonwriter.c]

For Sale: Wang Chung wooden dummy, complete with feathered bangs.

The Zen of Rubik's Cube

Alfonzo Ribeiro's Breakin' and Poppin' Chin Na

C. Thomas Howell Learning Systema for Movie About Wolverines?

Hollywood Fight Choreographers Teach Orangutans to Give Finger