The Quote of the Week Thread

[Hebrew Hammer]

I thought this would be fun place to post your most entertaining, insulting, humorous, and or outrageous quotes on KFM Forum. You can post them on this thread with a hyperlink or PM them to me for nominations and I'll post a winner every Monday.

I used to have a call center sales job and would write down all the outrageous **** the sales reps would say over the phone on Fridays and make people guess who said it. Its usually good fun. Here's a couple I found:

"When you grasp zen, you see the Asian and the absence of Asian. There is no distinction."-Gene Ching

"Maybe Hendrik is an Immortal"-Graham H

And my personal favorite:

"Just replace Paleo Diet with Dysentery."-Wenshu

[wenshu]

Thread is pointless, everybody knows bawang wins every week. He's like the Kendrick Lamar (https://twitter.com/PUSHA_T/status/367129570471706624) of the KungFuMagazine forum game.


an ancient technique to overcome retarded pattycake hand grabbing is the maneuver called "jab-cross". legend says it came from boddhidarma after he turned his curly indian pubes into tea leaves.

jab combine with cross, under heaven no enemy. cross combine with jab, even iron general will fall. ponder upon this deeply, my son.

[GeneChing]

You should cite the quotes by hyperlinking them to the source, as the context often makes them even funnier.

[Hebrew Hammer]

Thread is pointless, everybody knows bawang wins every week. He's like the Kendrick Lamar (https://twitter.com/PUSHA_T/status/367129570471706624) of the KungFuMagazine forum game.

Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor??!!!! Nooo! Come on Wenshu, his command of the English Language is much like his skill in being able to fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Sad and marginal...step up your game son.

[Hebrew Hammer]

You should cite the quotes by hyperlinking them to the source, as the context often makes them even funnier.

Consider it done.

[GeneChing]

sucking laowai ****s out of the dengfeng bubble

...and we'll cite the quote source. Not that it provides that much context in this particular case, but the hyperlink is provided.

[wenshu]

http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/78/23/5408fd1c65094df0a3a489de8d6c3df2-micdrop10.gif

[Hebrew Hammer]

I'm not sure but I think that's a double negative....

"The only thing that explains why you had to jump in is your troubling predilection for preternatural codependency with younger gentleman."-Wenshu

http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61187&page=47

[GeneChing]

Maybe the should have gotten Matt to do Batman instead of ASSfleck.
:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Of course, it's only Monday. The week is young. There's plenty of opportunity for someone else to capture quote of the week this week.

[GeneChing]

It's a qi string! Can't you see it? I see it:D You have to follow the link to get it...

...or not. :rolleyes:

[GeneChing]

...coming in just under the wire on Friday!


Its like in Bloodsport - two ways to go out, blow the farker off the run way or knock-out.



While I'm sure I'm sexy as hell when draped in cheese, I'd have a hard time with the ninjette part.

I can't decide which of the three above I like most. :confused:

[Lucas]

"I really enjoyed it. So did my wife."
~Gene Ching

[GeneChing]

I just love calling 'foul' on ya, Lucas. I don't know why that is. :confused:

You gotta cite the quote (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1247637#post1247637).

[Lucas]

:eek:


I really enjoyed it. So did my wife.

context means nothing!

[GeneChing]

Its cuz im a foul guy! Almost worthy of a quote of the week, but not quite. It's out of context.

[Lucas]

I like your quote. Left to the imagination, there are so many directions that could be taken.

[Lucas]

Okay, I thought this one was funny. Plus i didn't take this one out of context, its a complete quote.


Bawang s helicopter doesn't land. The earth rises to meet it.

[wenshu]

Bawang s helicopter doesn't land. The earth rises to meet it.

wow, that's a good one.

[Kellen Bassette]

I don't want to live in a world where Bawang is given the same reverence as Chuck Norris. :(

[GeneChing]

And posted on this thread no less. Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

[bawang]

I don't want to live in a world where Bawang is given the same reverence as Chuck Norris. :(

it will be great. what are you afraid of?

https://twimg0-a.akamaihd.net/profile_images/1135698250/private_pyle.jpg

[David Jamieson]

I have no reverence for Chuck.

So, the world isn't that bad yet. lol

[Kellen Bassette]

By far the best quote I've seen this week, by Youknowwho.


This thread just remind me a Taiji thread in another forum. In that thread, someone said,

- "according to Taiji principle, you should always keep your head vertical up".
- "your center of gravity should not shift over your leading leg knee."

If you drop a $100 bill on the ground, you can make any Taiji master to violate that principle.

[-N-]

In the 36 chambers of the KFM forum, bawang is only the 2nd chamber.

I actually lol'd at this one :)

[Lucas]

I actually lol'd at this one :)

i didnt see that one but i lold too i vote for this one even tho its only monday.


hai guyz i quit my job i am free man

congratulatate me plz

[bawang]

hai guyz i quit my job i am free man

congratulatate me plz

is u for realz

[Lucas]

Ya bro. I am.teh real

[Kellen Bassette]

Don't mess it up by getting another one....

[bawang]

Ya bro. I am.teh real

go on welfare and train kung fu all day err day

[Kellen Bassette]

go on welfare and train kung fu all day err day

Living the dream,,,,

[Syn7]

Living the dream,,,,

Hell yeah. Food stamps and knock off Feyues. What else would you need?

[Hebrew Hammer]

Shonah Tovah my gentile brethren.

My favorite is Gene's Bawang is only in the second chamber...:D

Gene is generous.

Lucas welcome to unemployment, been there done that...just more time for Diablo 3.

[Lucas]

well im leaving a hostile work environment and with my salary, my unemployment will be pretty sweet. im going to take a few months off and focus on training. and change up my diet it needs some work. plus my roommate and i are going to start a small knife business soon, so we are going to spend the next however many months at the hammer.

plus hebrewhammer gta5 just came out. :eek:

[Jimbo]

my roommate and i are going to start a small knife business soon

Sounds cool. What brands of knives will you be selling?

[GeneChing]

Sounds cool. What brands of knives will you be selling? Small ones. Lucas likes 'em small.

[Lucas]

well our ultimate goal is to do custom work by request only, however thats years down the road for us, to start out we are going in stages. to get off the ground our initial run will be targeted to a large culture in the city we live in, using special material that will be appealing to that group, all obtained and manufactured in this city, even including a cool little card that talks about the process, the city, and this cultures impact on the city we live in. this place is so trendy these things will sell themselves. the next stage will begin by focusing on primarily utility, hunting and survival. we're thinking about combat, but those knives are mostly for collectors compared to a purpose knife that will sell based on the service it can provide.

above all else we want to provide high quality blades that will last a lifetime. down the road we'll do any type of blade anyone wants. sword, spear, knife, etc.

hes the blacksmith, i'll just be his apprentice until i gain the skills through him, but i can handle the business side of things...ive talked to him about making practice martial arts blades as well.

we would like to offer practice blades that are real blades but unsharpened so that at any point an edge can be but on the blade and bring it live.

for every style of blade we make, we'll make a video showing stages of the creation process, and then the completed blade and edge, the blade in action performing what it was created to do, then another shot of the edge.

he's still got a full time gig so we're going to take the next 6 months or so and get some crafted and do a market test in the early spring here in town. i'll make sure and post in the other related arts section probably when we get our first run completed.

[Lucas]

small ones. Lucas likes 'em small.

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jimbo]

Wishing you the best on that. Top custom knife makers can make a good living at it. Will be looking forward to those pics!

[Syn7]

I've made a few blades. I would like to put more time into that. I really enjoy putting time into the bevel and making nice handles. I dunno why, I just do. I started experimenting with micarta. You can make some nice stuff with very little resources. It's fun and I always enjoy making anything with a high level of precision. At least it's supposed to, but doesn't always turn out how you thought. Live and learn, right. I started with a forge made out of a coffee tin lined with gypsum plaster and sand(bout 50/50) powered by propane. It worked "ok". Not very efficient, but it was a good one to start on.

[GeneChing]

But back on topic, while I hope I win the week with my -N- nominated quote (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1248453#post1248453), I must nominate Jimbo's recent contribution.


How many people have done a drive-by nunchuking??

[Syn7]

its hella fun beotch. when online comes out you should get it so i can find you and mug you and steal your car and then shoot you in the knee. it'll be cool


that one made me laugh.

[GeneChing]

This isn't the funniest or the wittiest comment by any means, but it certainly feels like the one that's the most real.


My family is friends of the victim.

[Syn7]

This is why I only go to Wal Mart if I need ammo or am low on my quota of desperation.
That one made me laugh too.

[GeneChing]

...it's been all about facebook this week (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63878&page=3). :rolleyes:


A boxing match doesnt usually involve bricks, blades, guns, or lava.

[GeneChing]

Wong Fei Hong, I think not, we role with Tupac here in Oakland... Maybe this is only funny to people in the five-one-oh. :p

[GeneChing]

If so, gotta give it up for mickey.


Stickgrappler, please keep a glass jar available for the following because there are a lot of hacking weapons and I do not want you to wet yourself

[Kellen Bassette]

I think it will be tough to top this....from Bawang in the SD thread....


you are welcome, my son. I know it must be so tough for your people, struggling day after day to salvage the precious crystals. im sure one day your people will finally unlock its secrets, and rebuild civilization. perhaps you will find a female to capture and mate today, to help repopulate the radioactive wastelands of Kentucky. may kernel sanders watch over you, always. always.

No context necessary.

[GeneChing]

Speaking of KFC and bawang, I posted this just for him this morning (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1251955#post1251955).

[Blacktiger]

That is hilarious!

GOAT right there!!

[-N-]

listen, you're free to post stupid stuff, and we're free to say it's stupid

How forums work.

[lkfmdc]

How forums work.

and yet in mickey's little mind he thinks that will get me banned :rolleyes:

[GeneChing]

and yet in mickey's little mind he thinks that will get me banned :rolleyes: And posted on this thread even. Gotta give lkfmdc extra points for such fab forum fu. ;)

[GoldenBrain]

Words of wisdom from Lucas.



Yin/Yang bro. You cannot remove the darkness. Avoid it, enjoy it, fight it, what ever your choice just keep in mind that without down, there is no up.

[GeneChing]

Get those last entries in for this week.


I'm hoping that shot goes on the cover. This only only works in context of the thread. Click the >
;)

[lkfmdc]

Get those last entries in for this week.

This only only works in context of the thread. Click the >
;)

one pic that embodies the true essence of the KFO forum membership

[sanjuro_ronin]

All I can say to this is:
http://coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/slo-mo-bouncing-boobs-gif-10.gif

[GeneChing]

one pic that embodies the true essence of the KFO forum membership So which one is you and which one is me? :p

[lkfmdc]

So which one is you and which one is me? :p

you don't want to know ;)

[GeneChing]

Um...sorry...what were we talkin' 'bout?

:confused:

[ShaolinDan]

I like this one. :):D



Is it alright with you if just don't engage this? All I really want from you is total acceptance that I know a great deal more than you. Then actual, useful knowledge can be promoted. Nothing personal. Mate.

http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66764&page=4

[Miqi]

I like this one. :):D




http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66764&page=4

I mean.. really... is it too much to ask?

[Hebrew Hammer]

Although the pic of Gene dressed an African American Tranny, is enticing...this is a quote of the week thread, not an 'i' team investigative journalism. Hang in there Gene....

The Weiner: Lucas--Yin/Yang bro. You cannot remove the darkness. Avoid it, enjoy it, fight it, what ever your choice just keep in mind that without down, there is no up.

[GeneChing]

It would have been better if she was a tranny. If you want a real taste of her, check out the new vid we just posted on that event - KFM covers the Shaolin Temple Cultural Festival (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhAMErEA5-U) - she appears at 5:34. :eek:


Meanwhile, back OT (and this one is totally context dependent).


No more fortune cookies for you sir.

[lkfmdc]

I have a new entry




u don't pay cash to get jerked off. u pay cash to have the privilege of jerking them off.

remarkably, I didn't manipulate that quote in any way

[Hebrew Hammer]

Kellen Bassette: I immediately reassess any view point I have that does not line up with Bawang's world view. I am currently considering undergoing a negroplasty.

[GeneChing]

I know I shouldn't encourage him, but this one struck me as funny too:

Oh come on, by now you have to be used to hot women running away from you in terror :D

[lkfmdc]

I know I shouldn't encourage him, but



if only the forum realized how many fun days on the forum began with that thought :D

[GeneChing]

You will undoubtedly follow me around until someone notices because I hurt your wittle feelings. Why do you need so much attention? Someone hug him please.

The real question here for our admin crew today is "lock threads or pop more popcorn?" :rolleyes:

[lkfmdc]

The real question here for our admin crew today is "lock threads or pop more popcorn?" :rolleyes:

Well, we know a few things

1. Popcorn doesn't really go with nacho cheese

2. Jamieson will alays try to lock a thread to make it look like I was wrong

3. "Spiked" will announce he is done with a thread only to continue posting for hours

4. strange angry people that hover around me like moths

but if we ask really nicely, Sanjuro will post some hot pics (NOT OF HIMSELF)

[GeneChing]

1. Popcorn doesn't really go with nacho cheese
The hell it doesn't. Been to a movie theater lately? Nachos and popcorn are standard fare there. Even Betty Crocker approves:


Nacho Popcorn (http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/nacho-popcorn/a03fc93a-15b9-4110-9aba-5801cfd912e6)
Regular popcorn will never taste the same after you’ve tried this spicy spin on a movie theater classic.
Prep Time 15 min
Total Time 15 min
Servings 8

Ingredients
2 bags (3.5 oz each) microwave popcorn (butter or natural flavor), popped
Chili powder
1/2 cup well-drained sliced ripe olives
1/4 cup well drained Old El Paso® chopped green chiles
2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese (8 oz)

1 Remove and discard unpopped kernels from popped popcorn. Divide popcorn among four 10-inch microwavable dinner plates. Sprinkle each with desired amount of chili powder and equal amounts of olives, chilies and cheese.
2 Microwave 1 plate at a time uncovered on High about 1 minute or until cheese is melted. (If cheese melts unevenly, rotate plate 1/2 turn after 30 seconds.) Serve warm.



2. Jamieson will alays try to lock a thread to make it look like I was wrong

That's one of the many reasons we keep DJ around here. :D

3. "Spiked" will announce he is done with a thread only to continue posting for hours

Indeed, well, when he posts the "I'm quitting the forum and you all are gonna miss me" thread, it's popcorn nachos for everyone!

4. strange angry people that hover around me like moths

I think those are flies actually. :p

[lkfmdc]

I just love that 99% of Gene's last post was dedicated to nacho cheese :D

[GeneChing]

Trust me. I did the math.

[David Jamieson]

Trust me. I did the math.

Math?

Not even once!

[lkfmdc]

we have a late entry!


Be like **** in elevator, grasshopper.

[wenshu]

we have a late entry!

Gene gets partial credit for that one - he ripped something wickedly malodorous in a packed elevator at the LA Convention center during the Shaolin Cultural Festival.

I'd never seen a Shaolin monk cry before.

Truth be told, we were discussing forum rejoinder tactics over cognac and fine cigars when he formulated this aphorism.

[GeneChing]

What happens at STCF (http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showthread.php?t=65650), stays at STCF (unless of course, you watch our videos and fb photo albums).

Anyway, that being said, I must salute your fine quote, sir. It's a winner.

Zumba is more effective on the street than Krav Maga.

[Hebrew Hammer]

LMAO...that's going to be hard to top, especially with Carnival fast approaching. Perhaps quite true as well. Bows to Master Wenshu.

[Kellen Bassette]

You made me watch the Monkey Beak Master. I will never forgive you that.


We all know who the Monkey Beak Master is. Thankfully I didn't get tricked into watching...

[lkfmdc]

competiton is tight


He could also give himself one hell of an enema while making cool monkey sounds.

[GeneChing]

"Son, if you need a baseball bat to beat me up, you've got real problems." I'll have to remember that one for future use.

[-N-]

I can assure you, I am not Gene. Let me explain this using a story related to my love of fencing...

Too funny.

[GeneChing]

Actually, it is pretty funny. I gotta give it up for FN.


NSFW does not apply in Gene's office. Tru dat. I mean, we manage this clown show forum from here. If u only knew... :eek:

[Faux Newbie]

So, where's my **** prize?:mad:

[GoldenBrain]

I vote SoCo for quote of the week.


This is thermonuclear grade stupid.

The man has a way with words. :D

[Syn7]

I vote SoCo for quote of the week.



The man has a way with words. :D

Word. Make it 2 votes. I heard it as "weapons grade stupid". In reference to Sarah Palin, I think. I like his better.

[GeneChing]

How about this?


it would be the site of burning crap, tons of incense and piles of pork.

I know, I know, I edited it to make it more evocative. Other than this, I got nothing this week. :o

[Kellen Bassette]

Lucas came through for us...


If you practice TCMA, you will go to hell. It doesn't matter what religion you belong to.

[lkfmdc]

I think my response to Lucas would also be in contention for quote of the week, maybe the month, maybe even the decade! ;)

[Kellen Bassette]

I think my response to Lucas would also be in contention for quote of the week, maybe the month, maybe even the decade! ;)

We're all practicing for the future.

[Scott R. Brown]

Quote of the weak......

"The meek shall inherit the earth!"

[lkfmdc]

http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1257598&postcount=10



there is nothing here but two guys standing face to face wacking at eachother



I'd direct link it but it's a closed thread now :D

[GeneChing]

I think my response to Lucas would also be in contention for quote of the week, maybe the month, maybe even the decade! ;)
...only an eogtist would do that. :p

[lkfmdc]

...only an eogtist would do that. :p

back to burning stuff and piles of pork

[GeneChing]

I came to talk about Gong Fu, I stayed for the Bawang...
Spoken like a true KFM forum member.

[GeneChing]

Painfully? Anyone on this board who can provide clarification to this topic needs to be K-pop'd upside the head. :p This only really works in context of the thread. In that context, it works really well. :p

[ShaolinDan]

I nominate this one. :)


RIP Run Run.
I owned more of your movies than I should ever admit.

[GeneChing]

But I'm tossing this one in for good measure as it could be applied to many threads here.

You must apply Kobayashi Maru.

[Syn7]

I'm not sure what I have more trouble admitting to... having a ton of SB flicks or knowing what Kobayashi Maru is w/o a google search. :o

[GeneChing]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6Gp2Ir7n9M
Ahh, Kirstie. She was hottest when she was vulcan. :p

[GoldenBrain]

I'm not sure if a moderator can participate in this contest, but I vote the gem below for quote of the week.


"Pain is the greatest teacher in martial arts, but no one wants to go to his class" ~ David Jamieson

[Kellen Bassette]

I'm nominating Gene, this one is better without context.


I actually got stiffer when I went veg

[-N-]

I'm nominating Gene, this one is better without context.

You're making him sound like a PETA t-shirt salesman.

[GeneChing]

At my age, stiffness counts.

http://www.bittenandbound.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Pamela-Anderson-Save-The-Seals-T-Shirt-Ad.jpg

[Kellen Bassette]

Psshh baby seals are easy to get behind...start campaigning against killing rats or mosquitoes then I might believe you have integrity...maybe not much intelligence, but integrity...:cool:

[David Jamieson]

PETA is an emotional terrorist organization that hopes to stir your mind and get you into reaching into your pocket to give them money for them.
Does PETA fund a world wide network of no kill shelters? Do they actively take your money and buy up land and protect it from hunting? Do they use the donations to close abattoirs by buying them and shuttering them? They are a huge organization with hundreds of millions of dollars and the best they can do is print posters and get celebrities to go naked. A collection of idiots of the highest order.

[Kellen Bassette]

PETA is an emotional terrorist organization that hopes to stir your mind and get you into reaching into your pocket to give them money for them.
Does PETA fund a world wide network of no kill shelters? Do they actively take your money and buy up land and protect it from hunting? Do they use the donations to close abattoirs by buying them and shuttering them? They are a huge organization with hundreds of millions of dollars and the best the can do is print posters and get celebrities to go naked. A collection of idiots of the highest order.

I personally blame you for the Canadian baby seal bashing. For no other reason then your Canadian and we need a face for the bad guy. You seem like you could be a seal clubber. ;)

But seriously, I think the Nature Conservancy is far and wide the best environmental protection group out there. Some people don't like them because they got a lot of money and influence, and they are too pragmatic and accommodating for extreme ideologues, but hey, they get things done.

They've done a lot of work in my home area, and they go out of their way to make sure villages and hamlets can grow without being harmed, they protect the logging jobs that sustain some of these towns, they work with the hunters and snowmobile clubs to not marginalize anyone that uses the forests, they preserve the areas that need it, keep the woods intact in less sensitive areas, protect the endangered plants and animals, while allowing the harvesting of the plentiful fauna.

They do an excellent job of uniting all the stakeholders, whereas animal rights groups like Peta and many wilderness preservation groups do more to alienate the public than anything. It's really just good planning and common sense, but so many folks want to force their ideology on everyone, they don't get near as much accomplished.

Sorry for the tangent, I think of that whenever a group like Peta gets mentioned...

[GeneChing]

It's a Canadian term, eh? ;)


the best they can do is print posters and get celebrities to go naked. You sir, underestimate the value of a nekkid celebrity.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f9/Pamela_Anderson_2.jpg

[wenshu]

Shimb poy needs another snitch visa, or filthy 老外 gets sent back to Middle Kingdom.

****ing inspirational.

[bawang]

I will support peta when their dancing pristitue come my house real sex.

[GeneChing]

So I missed this 'quote of the week' gem:

Boys!

Boys!

BOYS!

Take it outside! :rolleyes:
:D

[David Jamieson]

Sadly...Pam Anderson is Canadian too...

Also, she doesn't look anything like that anymore.
More like a precariously shaped sack of silicon waiting for gravity to hit a little harder....

[bawang]

palema Andyson look like waterbaloon covered in fermenting wheat flour

[GeneChing]

It was unfortunate.
It's all about the context for this one

[Kellen Bassette]

that particular horse has bolted, sired several generations and has died and afterwards been flogged mercilessly. A little late to suggest shutting the gate now.

Pretty much sums it all up.

[wenshu]

you remind me of science fiction novel soul eater. a bounty hunter is hunting this giant star beast. he shoot laser into it but at the end of the book he realize the laser give the star beast pleasure.

you are like the bounty hunter and david ross is the star beast. after 5+ years of hunting david ross, it seems like an erotic obsession. maybe you subconsciously view his rotound abdomen with sexual desire and wish to be absorbed. you fantasize about an erotic final showdown where you and him fight and end in his warm hairy embrace.

sci fi bestiality porn fan fiction with allusions to no less than a dozen unrelated forum threads

[wenshu]

But... it's China.

honorable mention

[GoldenBrain]

last year i touch the bismillah of a syrian refugee. get on my level, spock.


It's hard to beat the one wenshu posted but I'll offer this one up just for sh!tz and giggles.