att: sharky, ryu, abadit, scotty1, centerline, buby, and jwt.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i really didn't want to resurect the weed thread but there were some things you guys posted that i haven't gotten a chance to respond to yet, so i figured this was better. i have had a couple beers in me, and you guys really did have some cool **** to say, so this will likely be the tameist post i have ever written.

cv, abandit, scotty1, sharky, anyone else who offered to catch me a buzz ...

thanks. if we ever meet i'll definatley be sure to buy the beer and match you on the herb. it would be awesome to get all of us togeather in a place like my basement (it's fu cking huge with a 12 ft cealing .. i have had up to 13 people training comfortably in it) and train for a couple hours and relax with some beers and a couple joints while bs'ing about martial arts afterwards.

sharkey . ..

thanks man. i don't know if i have ever seen you give someone a thumbs up on this forum so i appreciate it. i think it means more coming from one sick fu ck a$ to the next . .. seriously.

it really sucks that you failed your java exam, but did you at least pass that class? more importantly did you manage to come up with the cash you need to stay in school?

you're right about how many kids get ****.ed on an education because of a lack of money. my friend april finally decided to stop fu cking around with her life and go to school about two years ago. she's a really smart girl but never did worth a **** in high school so i didn't really expect much. suprisingly she got full tuition for one year at a really decent shcool paid through grants and loans made **** near straight a's the entire year. unfortunatley they didn't offer her the same help the following year and (i can't remember exactly why but) they said she had to pay about 4 grand before she could get any more grants or loans to continue going to school. she was going to school to be a layer, but she's a stripper now.

bubby . . .

i wish i were in ny man. i really feel bad for what you guys had to deal with recently, my situation is nothing in comparrison, but i would have already walked out if i lived in an area where i could get another job in the same/similar field. i live in a ****hole town and the only other options i have are fast food, telemarketing, and manual labor. i wouldn't mind the manual labor so much but i want to start building experience in a field that i wont mind doing when i'm not young anymore.


jwt . ..

i know that you are right, but i can't accept that yet. i have too much indignation for my current situation. then again you have pictures of you shaking hands with govoners and sh!t while i'm still a phone jocky complaining about all the bullsh!t.

ryu . . .

i have actually had a couple beers now, but only because i don't associate with my girlfriend's side of the family and her and my daughter are at her aunts doing the thanksgiving thing.

thanks for the support man. your suggestions are good but don't completely apply as you guessed. i'd never let drinking or smoking take away from time with my daughter ... ever.

look at her... i couldn't let anything take away from my time with her.

http://users.1st.net/abaddon/ad.jpg


i was only drinking and smoking on friday and saturday nights for several months (i actually posted on here about it when i made the decision to quit doing it every night), but since all this sh!t started i have been going back to my nightly routine. i never drink or smoke during the day, but every night is still too much. like i said, i'd never let partying take any time away from my daughter, but i usually start drinking about an hour before she goes to bed and smoke as soon as she's asleep. my house is divided into an upstairs and downstairs apartment and we are really good friends with the our neighbors who happen to smoke all day long every day. we have a monitor that stays up there and when adora's asleep going up to jen's is just like going upstairs in your house. it's just too easy to go upstairs and cloud my hate and rage in a haze of temporary peace. i know there are better ways to go about it, but none are as easy or convenient. even trainining until complete exauhstion leaves a coal of anger burning in my stomach.

my body is finally telling me it's time to quit though, so i'm sure i'll be back to weekend usage before too long. i gave my self an ulcer with nightly drinking a while back when doctors convinced me i was dying of cancer and just after two weeks it's started acting up again. i have been extremely nausiated for the first 4 hours of every day for the past 3 or 4 days and it's getting hard to eat again. that's my cue to quit the routine regardless of how ****ed off i am.

i admit it's weak to drown my troubles with beer and pot, but i don't blame myself for it. i figure it's better to abuse my body at night for a couple weeks until i can suck up the complete bullsh!t i deal with in the day than it would be to eliminate the only source of income my family has right now. i know i could get another job, but in this area i would have to be a telemarketer again just to make half of what im making now. i just need to keep my mouth shut and try to find a job out of the area that wouldn't make it impossible to keep going to class. i feel really lucky to have found my teacher and plan to be with him for at least another 5 years.

my empithy goes out to anyone who has had to deal with this sh!t. i have never wanted to hurt someone so bad in my entire life. and when it comes down to it he, like many others, are being allowed to get away with it. and they will continue to do so regardless of whether someone breaks them in half or not. hell, id get fired (and lose the only decent job refference i could put on my next application) and he would get a paid vacation. i really hope you are right about the karma thing man. i really hope you are right. if it keeps going at this rate there will only be dick sucking management left and no workers. a couple people already quit recently because of all this sh!t and it actually turned the worker to management ratio in favor of management . .. no sh!t . .. there are actually more "bosses" than employees by four. 12 bosses and 8 employees. we have lost about 12 people since i started a year and a half ago and i had no idea why until recently.

sorry for rambeling again but your god ****ed compassionate attitude towards people makes you spill your guts. fu cking nice guys . .. i tell ya ... one day you'll end up living with a woman though. i bet that'll turn ya mean

where's my beer?

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

me and adora.

yeah i know i'm playing wilson, but it's the only pic i had of us on my home pc.

http://users.1st.net/abaddon/adoranme2.bmp

where's my beer?

[diego]

hell, id get fired (and lose the only decent job refference i could put on my next application)
just happened last year now i have to do this job until christmas then they do inventory cut back the hours and i have a resume.
my last job the manager would ask me if i could get him snowwhite and im all nah,dont mess around with that OTHER ish.the crew started slacking on the job and i didnt except when sick one day it all crashed and i had nothing to do with it but the manager blamed it on me im like wtf and hes all who are you never met you=im like dude you asked me to buy you white if i was slacking wich i wasnt you should have warned me before the gm came down on him,hes all yah but when it comes to my job,im like dude thats fake you need manager skills i dont care about the job but for future referances watch how you treat your employies hes all okay we'll put you on for shortage of work but the gm wont give you a resume im all wtf why.hes all if you keep bugging us we'll charge for harrassment im like dude your harsh what you just said is illegal isnt it,then i said dude ive been recording this whole convo cuz i new you'd fuq around,hes all uh uh uh

im all just kidding i dont care about the job but you are harsh you should check yourself its rude"hes all timid :y'ah
we said buy and thats that.he was younger then me and only on for two months but he was the gms sidekick funny ish.

ya so peace

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

at this point i have had one to many beers to try and decipher that deigo.

but i'll definately read it when im more apt to figure out what you are saying.

the drunk-ish is but a bit too on to be understood as the all the convey you were.

where's my beer?

[diego]

on to be understood as the all the convey you were.

[diego]

on to be understood as the all the convey you were.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

haha

where's my beer?

[joedoe]

Man, I sincerely hope your life gets better. I don't frown on people who drink and/or smoke - it is your body and you can do what you want with it. However, I do hope for your peace of mind and for your long term health that things get better for you at work.

Keep your chin up man. Things have got to get better.

cxxx[]:::::::::::>
You're fu(king up my chi

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

that's true.

i just need to plot revenge.

for a start my buddy suggested printing out tons of gay porn from his machine and leaving it at the printer.

where's my beer?

[brucelee2]

GDA

Upon reflecting on your posts, I am struck with several thoughts. First of all, you say you are enduring all this for your child. Do you think you are doing your child a favor having her live with somebody as unhappy and rageful as you say you are? (not to mention suicidal). Kids are very intuitive. they pick up on things. don't be fooled. My advice is that if you can't correct the situation at work or find another job in town then you should move to another city. I think, also, that when your resume/references are out of state often employers won't bother to check them. I think you'd be doing yourself and your daughter a favor. I believe there's always a way out. Before you move, however, you may want to try to 'fix' your job situation. Based on what you said, it sounds to me like they 'need' you at that job, at least a little bit- sounds like you're the only one doing all the work there. You might try applying some of that leverage- demanding a raise, etc.. It seems to me from what you said they'd start missing you pretty quick if you left. If it doesn't work you can always move. good luck

Go forward, my son, and
be like unto a torch
upon the darkness. Thou
are stripped now, of all
that was before. Look
not to thy fellow men
for guidance or
countenance- they canst
advise you no longer.
Thou shalt be as dust
now, and dust shall be
upon the tongues of thy
enemy. Verily, thou
shalt herald the coming
of the new age upon
man."

[Silumkid]

Anybody still have that link that shouts out "Hey everybody, I'm looking at gay porn!" that GDA can pull up on that guy's computer?

Revenge can be sweet!

"I'll use my bare hands...against any weapon!"

We are trained in wushu. We must defend the Temple!

[Kristoffer]

so what will u do when your child is a teenager? I know that she probebly wont go to bed at evenings, she'll be up late. When will u drink and smoke then? Im sorry, but there are not any good excuses here, either u stop it completly, or u dont. Dont fool ureself, your daughter will start drinking and smoking **** if u do it. Thats just the facts man, I wish u good luck for your daughters sake.

~K~
"maybe not in combat.. but think of the chicks man, the chicks!" -- someone on the subject of back-flips in combat --

[Ryu]

GDA, your daughter is beautiful. I personally do not think I could be unhappy, or even think of leaving this world if she was my child. You're a lucky man. Hope you see it.

While I agree with the thought that drinking and pot smoking is not the greatest setting for children (even if you think they don't see it), I do think you are starting to think that way as well. I think that cutting down the way you are doing is a good thing. Soon, I think you may reach the point where you realize you don't need the stuff anymore. If you want to quit (not just for your daughter's sake, but for your own health too) I'd say to quit little by little just like you're doing. An insentive for me would be to imagine what my child would think if she walked in on me when I was "high". Anyway, again, I'm not telling you what to do, I'm simply saying that it sounds like you kind of want to quit anyway. At least a little at a time. And that's good.

I can tell you really care about your daughter. Like I said, she's beautiful. Take good care of her, and let her take that stress away as much as she can. :)

Good luck man,
Keep your faith up, take hold of your own "destiny" so to speak, and do what you gotta do. Pretty soon, you'll find the way to change the crap around you. And then you'll probably be more able to appreciate the good more than others.

Take care,
Ryu

PS, I have lived with a woman :D
I did get mean! LOL

You should see me when I'm being nice... hahaha

Ryu

http://home.vobis.net/user/roy/anime/images/streetfighter15.jpg


"One who takes pride in shallow knowledge or understanding is like a monkey who delights in adorning itself with garbage."

[brucelee2]

I have another suggestion for you. I went through a period similar in some ways to what you're going through now. One thing that helped me go on was reading the books of Charles Bukowski (not necessarily his poetry). He's basically a writer who traveled around the country working sh1t jobs, drinking, screwing, fighting. His books are very funny and can bring another perspective to your situation. However, don't fall into the trap of romanticizing/indulging your situation after reading these books (as I did). Some good ones to start with are 'Ham on Rye', Hot Water Music, Factotum.... Your library may have some of them.

Go forward, my son, and
be like unto a torch
upon the darkness. Thou
are stripped now, of all
that was before. Look
not to thy fellow men
for guidance or
countenance- they canst
advise you no longer.
Thou shalt be as dust
now, and dust shall be
upon the tongues of thy
enemy. Verily, thou
shalt herald the coming
of the new age upon
man."

[scotty1]

Things always get better man.
Only you can figure out a solution to your problem. Its all very well us saying to move to a different city, but its easier said than done. And while I do the things you do myself, I have almost no responsibilities, unlike you. So while I would never tell you what to do I would say to remember that smoke clouds your brain like nothing else. Smoking (I've found) turns an uncomfortable rut into a comfortable one. Take away the smoke and you're left with nothing to do but take action to improve your situation.
Sorry man, I've never been in a situation like yours before and I probably don't know or understand the half of it.
Anyway, that's my 2 pence.
Stay cool, look to your family for inspiration. :) As we all know you do.

I'll shut up now. :D :p

[scotty1]

And I think there's probably truth in what Kristoffer says. Kids pick up on vibes really well.

[Chang Style Novice]

"Smoking (I've found) turns an uncomfortable rut into a comfortable one. Take away the smoke and you're left with nothing to do but take action to improve your situation."

This sounds totally on the mark to me. I'm not is a sticky a spot as you are GDA - I have no dependents who need my care, and as a student I have some (but not much) money coming my way that I don't yet have to earn; when I graduate and my student loans come due that's gonna be a different story of course.

But I sooooooo feel you pain on the ****ty job situation. I'm a phone-jock myself, nights and weekends. Surveys, no sales.

"Hi! My name is Austin, and I'm calling with Evil Fraud Research. I promise I'm not selling anything, I just want to ask you a few quick questions about your favorite feminine hygiene products, nothing personal. Do you have a few minutes to help me out with this? Hello? Hellooooooo?"

It kills the soul as badly as fast-food service or retail, as near as I can tell. But, the management is pretty slack and hours are flexible. You sound like you have an excellent work ethic and plenty of good skills. I don't know where you are, but those are two traits that employers love. In good times, employers will hire people like you with zero experience, just to have someone they can rely on on staff. Times aren't so good right now, as we all know, but it won't last forever. Also, it may be possible to job-hunt on the internet away from the watchful eye of your current (undeserving) employer. I don't know offhand how you'd be able to manage getting a good reference that way, but it is possible that if you let prospective employers know the reason you want to change jobs is because you are being treated like crap, they'll use a references to check your story, not your boss' story. Then, they'll also know that you'll be very thankful to them for getting you out of a situation you hate. Stranger things have happened.

Good luck, man, you deserve it.

_______________________
I am the Grand Ultimate Silk Pyjama

[Buby]

GDA - God bless your little girl. She's beautiful! I have a lil. rug rat of my own and I'm also going through the ****s right now, so I can imagine what you are going through.

When **** hits the fan I try my best to stay strong for my lil. man. Find strength in those things that mean the most in your life. Trust, i know first hand that it's easier said then done, but we're hombres so we have to handle ours accordingly.

Anyway buddy, I hope all turns well....And remember to keep that head up.

Bub

Yo Dogs ya bes chill
Cause I flip like sifu Gary and his Yau Kung Mun click, wit two kicks and three pheonix fists
Trust dukes
your gonna split from the ging running through the wrist.

[Aramus]

Recently I've put a mirror upto myself. This is nothing really new. I've done it in the past. However, this time I had my best friends help me. It was/is brutal. I have to change; I made a lot of mistakes...Long story....Back to this message

To you I would ask that you may want to try the following exercise. You sound a lot like some friends of mine or a composite of a few people.
1. Write down who you are on paper or word file (writing is important, you can change it in your mind, once it is on paper you can see it).
2. Write down who you would like to be.
3. Write down your problems, stressors, anything that is not just you.
4. Write down your faults/character flaws, additions, etc.
Done yet...
..........
.........
If so please continue (I know you may just keep reading, this will decrease the effect...sorry)
Take the list to your best friend or friends. Ask them to add to everything, NO HOLDS BARRED. This will be hard if you have honest to goodness friends that know you well. You take the list to a few people who know you well because a person has a tendancy to think somethings are OK or not even make a connection with something they are doing. In other words, you can hide from yourself. Regardless, it is never to late to change or redefine yourself.

Alcohol, smoking, etc. are all ways of getting away from problems. Listening to loud music to drown out the rest in a car, headphones, etc. is another way (used to be my preferred way). All of these do nothing to help you solve the problem (sorry again). I couldn't solve your problems, live your life, or help you significantly. This is always upto you.
Pot has a STRONG smell; I'm always amazed at how many people forget that. When I tell a worker about how they smell in the most PC way possible with out saying you smell like pot, they always act surprised and embarrassed. I don't mean to hurt their feelings, it just happens to be a fact of life. If you don't smoke and you walk into the house of smoker (especially pot), the non-smoker knows it now. Does your daughter know if you smoke/drink? If not now, she will. I feel you on loving your daughter so much, I have one too and would die for her if need be with no thought.
Some people talked about moving. I caution you on this. I don't think this help as much as it could. I think if you dig within yourself first, it may help in the future. I guess I've come off as against pot and drinking. Let me clarify, I'm against it as an escape from dealing with something, that is all. Every now and then we all need release or that feeling of being whole/complete and have trouble finding it else where. Moving is bad because it may just change the weather/scenery. I had a friend that moved away in college back home for two years. Most of this was about his issues and his girlfriend. He moved back, got married. A few years later and many bouts with depression, anger, and unhappiness, he got divorced. He is now just starting to live and is contemplating leaving again. I hope I can help him.

I'm just trying to give you something more to work with besides pot and drinking. I don't really judge you, your style or life. Good luck. The best is yet to come.

PS, if you need help with creating a resume, e-mail me what you've done, I'll do it for you. I don't mind and it doesn't take me that long.

"I can show you the door, you have to walk through it" And it is never easy.

[qeySuS]

OMG! Ok i just read the weed thread, i was ****ed at my job because they always call me at the last minute because some ***** decided to get drunk the day before and party until 9AM and not show up for work. I am the substitute tech support kid.

But god ****, having to deal with customers is bad enough, you alone serving 20.000 customers! That's crazy! We always have 8 man shifts handling ONLY internet accounts here, then there's the T1's and such that's a whole other department, then there's teh ADSL line, another department, and i found that stressfull. All i gotta say is i got the outmost respect for you for keeping your cool (by "keeping your cool" i mean not killing that jim *****), talking to customers all day builds up enough tension add to that a stupid boss and it's bad.

Cheers mate and i'd love to have a Tuborg with you some day (i'll skip the joint though).

Free thinkers are dangerous!

[kungfuyou]

I just read the "weed" thread as well and got to hand it to you GDA, your holding strong in a tough position. I kind of went/going through something similar myself. I got laid off from my last job about 8 months ago, I'm newly married with 3 kids(2 from her first marriage 4 and 2 years old, and we just had our first 2 months). I have 2 school loans, 2 car payments, many bills, rent, DAY CARE, which is a joke, my wife doesn't make sh!t, neither do I. I'm now working 2 jobs to stay afloat. Now I'm not going to say "Your an a$$ for smokin and drinkin". I know its' hard to deal with everyday stress, especially in your situation. I use my family, the love of my wife, children and god to get me through each day at work.
I work tech support as well, they have me at a entry level position, the only job I seem to be able to get, even though I could do the Network Admins job, and used to with my last job.
I hope that you can find your way through things. I know it's hard. I feel ya. We all do what we need to do to get us through hard times. I prefer not to smoke and drink. That's my thing, obviously not yours. But you are your childs role model. She does look up to you. What kind of example are you setting for later in life? Please don't feel that I'm knocking you for doing what your doing! That's not my intent. Just trying to help out a fellow MA brother.

As for your lil sh!t boss, can you go above him to his superiors and let them know what's going on? They may not know what's going on. Give them documented proof, and see if Bryan is willing to go with you to testify to what Jim is doing!

Good luck! :D ;)

[Aramus]

Finally finished all of the Weed thread...wow (man).

Office politics suck. JWT is right, we all tend to exist to make our boss look good to some degree. Of course, if the company doesn't make money, it won't exist long. I to work in a call center. I made my boss look good so I moved up in the company. She moved up because she made her boss look good. I also endured a lot of stupid stuff and took on a boat load of responsiblities. However, it sounds like you are WAY to busy to take on anything more. This will keep you in your position unless someone from higher up notices you. In my company, I'm lucky, my boss is great and my team of sales reps (which would be you and peers) are great as well. I listen to them, coach them so they earn more money/bonus, work with them, do contests, help them with emotional, social, and just plain other stuff (side note: this can get a manager into serious trouble). I have helped a few reps (people just like you) get promoted. A good boss likes to surround himself with people that want to get work done and do it well. Maybe even some people he/she can promote. Your boss is an insecure person because he can't do the job and doesn't want anyone to find out. I'm guessing he has lots of problems as well.

How do you change this? Ideas...
1. Talk to his boss in a calm cool manner with as much documentation for yourself or on your boss as possible.
2. Talk to him in a different way, get on his good side so you can destroy him or get rid of him.(Sun Tzu tactics, etc.).
3. Invite him out to drink with you and take him to a bar and defend his life (use friends to choregraph a great fight...one friend gets to beat on him).
4. Same as above, but just disappear until after the fight.
5. Do so well he gets promoted and out of your department.
6. OK, maybe leaving isn't such a bad idea after getting a job somewhere else. Do you have vacation available?
7. Type up real incriminating evidence and send it anonymous to the CEO, Directors, VPs etc. Don't do this at your computer at work.
8. Type up incriminating evidence that is false with some truths to it and send it to the above people. This could just be fun.

I've never done any of these things, but I have been in your position before (a few times). Normally I end up quitting and moving on. I didn't do the right thing in one case(I'm being kind to myself). I just got mad and angry with my boss. He ultimately did every thing he could to get me fired and eventually succeeded. Side Note: I got two weeks paid and my vacation time. A few months later, he got canned with nothing. Karma?

Man, I write too much.
Good luck.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

thanks guys. i feel like a pu ssy saying this but the sh!t you guys have said has actually helped me feel a little better going in there. i still hate it of course, but i'm finding ways to deal with it. may sound stupid but one of the things that helps the most is reminding myself that this little puss only confronts me in front of people above us both. he knows i can hurt him and has seen the desperation to do so in my eyes. i like the bar fight thing . .. that's something to think about. honestly though, it wouldn't even have to be physical .. . i just think people like him need a taste of the injustice they dish out to others.

allot of you brought up some good points, but i disagree a little with what kristopher and some others had to say. i definatley agree that i'm not doing her a favor by being ****ed off all the time, but when you don't have the funds to just pick up and leave the area (and the only family you have for free daycare when i'm at work and suzi's at school) it's allot easier said than done. infact, unless i went alone and set us up with something before moving them to the new location, i would say it's next to impossible. at least the thought of my daughter going without is too much for me to consider risking it. i have been too poor to afford enough food as a child and i could never risk putting my kids through half of that.

i also agree that the nightly sh!t has to stop. actually, this is the first post i have wrote sober in a couple weeks. i definately don't want her looking up to her old man and thinking that it's ok to get obliterated every single night. on the other hand, i don't think i'd be doing her a diservice by partying occasionally. i know lots of parents that never party that aren't half the parent i am. do i want her to drink and smoke? no ... especially not drink, but i got to wonder how old kristopher is that he doesn't remember the only things parents dont know about are the things teenagers do behind their backs. i know allot of you think that a parents habits can dictate their kid's but i dont think it always works that way if you teach your children to think for themselves. i know one family with five kids. neither parent smoked cigerettes yet all five sibllings are smokers. my other friend and his brother watched both their parents and stepfather chain smoke all their lives and neither of them smoke. i'd rather her not be partying when she's a teenager, but if she is i would rather know about it. and to tell you the truth, when it comes down to it, id much rather her be token on a j than drinking. smoking too much isn't going to get you pregenent or killed in a car crash. anyone who thinks smoking destroys your inhibitions the way drinking does isn't a smoker.

all and all i see where you are coming from, but just don't agree with what you are saying to such a degree.

ryu's right though. i had almost quit completely, and am heading in that direction again starting tonight. but if and when i give up partying all togeather it will be for my own reasons. i'd give up the world (or a nyphomanic supermodel) if i thought it was hurting my daughter (which is why i know i need to cut my path to becoming an alchoholic short), but i don't see occasional driking or smoking to be of any threat to her well being . . .at all. i also agree with ryu that it's best to do something like this little by little. i also remember something kung lek said about quitting anything. he said to expect fall backs (like the one i just had) and don't beat yourself up about it too much cause you'll never get anywhere with it if you do. (i think it was kung lek that said that anyway).

i'll probably toke a little tonight, but i'm not going to drink. i'm much more worried about the drinking. it aint nothin to give up pot, but the first night i go without beer after drinking nightly like this i can't stop thinking about it.

tell you what though, i'm suprised as hell that this got all the feedback it did. i was expecting it to die with the weed post and then when i saw some of the replys on there i figured this one would die in just a couple posts. ****it . . im supposed to be one of the top offencive a$ around here and it feels odd as hell to make these kind of posts, but it seriously has helped . . . and thanks

where's my beer?

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

all started with one simple sentence too . ..

"how is everything"

where's my beer?

[Ryu]

:)

I'll keep asking from time to time.

Take care, GDA

Ryu

http://home.vobis.net/user/roy/anime/images/streetfighter15.jpg


"One who takes pride in shallow knowledge or understanding is like a monkey who delights in adorning itself with garbage."